₦airaland Forum

Obingene:
Just negodu..... Look at young people playing ping pong with their lives.

You are just 21. I'm 27, staying alone and.... Never mind.

Wish you d best.

I'm not 21!! I was when I had a son.
I'm 25

UDUJ:
Good. Take it as lessons learned. You are wiser now. Cheers

Thanks

HedwigesMaduro:
She misbehaved for the exact reasons you typed up there. You were too caring. The thing about women is that there is a difference between what a woman NEEDS and what she WANTS. A woman needs a loving, caring man, but she usually wants and prefers a man that'll use her and boss her. Probably brutalise her to boot.

I really can't describe all tho but I wasn't too caring. I fact, I drew the line and she knows!! She knows I can decide to leave her if I want and that was why she even had to tell her mum to beg me, even my mum is doing same but I'm still indifferent.

themaestro08:
Wait, you mean everyone in your family (including her family) knows your gf cheated on you? The way some people live their life is beyond me

Whatever happened between me and my gf is our business to solve, however heated it may be maybe one or two friends will know(even at that its unlikely because I know myself), but I doubt.

She decided to let them know herself cause I stood my ground. She told them with the hope of them begging me cause all she did/said and all her apologies didn't make me change my mind.

Odoogu:
all said and done then bro.
I wish you the best and hope you find a woman worth your affections and all that you are. your Crown.
and pls for the sake of posterity, do not repeat your mistakes when you finally find her!
stay safe

Thanks so much bro, God bless.

Odoogu:
about taking her back... is not a bad thing, you both have been through thick and thin.
but do you personally trust her enough?
let's overlook the pressure from highly esteemed persons on the issue.
if your answer is of the affirmative on the trust. please do and make great again.

I don't think I can trust her anymore. The level of transparency we had, the details we let out, so many married people can't do such. Funniest thing is that she told me about a guy asking her out, which she told him about me and my kid. I didn't even know she was already fucking him by then. She also schools in far away north while I'm in SW hustling to make life better.
I can't trust her anymore. Even if I would, it can never be like before.

Odoogu:
in all sincerity as regards to this post...
you handled the situation maturely. that's a plus one to every guy who wants to know the truth and not simp away!!

Sincerely!! I'm one person who would rather die single than being a simp. I see taking her back as a sign of weakness but looking at the fact that people I hold in high esteem(my parents, her mum) are trying to talk me back. I don't want a situation where I'm being too stubborn or taking things too far.

I sensed the lies cause what she said wasn't feasible, I decided to also hear from him so as not to hold him for the crime he never committed!! The future is pregnant.

I've no issue with him

Please!! I still need more views/advice. My parents are already trying to talk me in and make me consider my son. I do not if I should stand my ground or succumb.

SweetCunt97:
It was probably the devil or she was just too naive. Forgive and give her a second chance. Remember God said we should give as he forgives us our trespasses

That isn't applicable here, I have forgiven her and I've also moved on. I hold no grudge against her and even told her to call on me if she needs help and I'll assist if I'm capable.

I just can't trust her. If I'm going to consider her back, it's going to be cause of my son.

ogboro1:
bro I know its very hard to build that trust again..but bro can u really sacrifice and not get married again n live to take care of d only child u have....have thoughts come to ur mind...thoughts like" is it just one child I plan on having in this life...what will happen to child maybe if incapable..will I be happy living such life...am not saying you just accept her back just like that...but she was there too from the start and you both experience the hardship together.... or do you think its easy to be pregnant at that age...am not justifying what she did...am just saying you should forgive her and take her back for your son's sake...and set rules DAT once they were broken that's the end and that's final...and with time you will forget this phase..and have a blessed union with lots of kids

Thanks for the advice, I know some of you are married, some are way older with lots of experience about life. I'll look into all you guys said and take the best decision for me and my son. My mum is already telling me not to call her anymore if I can't take her advise!! I'm not moved about that tho

Homeboiy:
If you cheat on me, I will never take u back.

God will not let my wife try it cos that ends the marriage.
Nothing can make me change my mind. Even if my kid is a day old, she's going.

Onye nkem etele ejo egwu memu ekirileye .

I wouldn't also. She has being begging for 3months now, her mum spoke to me but I stood on my ground, my mum has also being calling and letting me see reason why I have to consider my son as well as being mindful and careful with her.

dayleke:
And where's your boy?
Who has custody?

He's with them, I'm responsible for him, I go visit, I engage in video call at least thrice a week. I do all I can.
I'm on good terms with them

Auladimeji:
I felt your pain through the writeup

Omo bro, I fell out with my dad!! When my mum first heard about the act, she reminded me about my sacrifice, all I did.
There are many things I can't even say out.

EAhumble:
please do or you will end up raising another beast

Never gonna let that happen

dayleke:
Why be with someone you can't trust or find hard to trust?

That's the main reason why I've stood my ground for over 3months.

dayleke:
Maybe it was never meant to be.
You can not force what was never meant to happen.
I love your spirit tho.
Like you too said that you have moved on. That is the best thing you can do. You gave it your best and you know it too.
Some never knew the value of what they have/ had until it is lost.
You got your whole life ahead of you.
From your comment, I can safely deduce that you have custody of your son. Raise him the best that you can. Give him your all in all. It will not be easy but try and do it.
This life no balance at all.
I wish you the best bro.
Hang in there and stay safe.
More blessings bro.

I did move on, but the pressure is so much, her mum called to appeal(I hold her in high esteem), my mum is also doing same, I haven't told my dad. Everyone close to me wants me to consider my son. It's been 3months but I just can't let go of the hurt.

Davoneskay:
Mtola8, don't because a lady gives birth for you automatically makes her the right person to marry. That u deflowered a lady won't make her 100% faithful. If a lady becomes pregnant for me out of wedlock, I'll just take up responsibility (after DNA test proves positive as mine) as a good father.
Again, OP, be strong. Don't allow anyone coerce or blackmail u into marrying a perpetual cheat and a liar.

I understand you and I hold such mindset too. I just so much love my son and I won't want to regret my decisions if things end up bad and he's affected. My mum has advised me, I grew up with my dad after my mum left in 2004, my dad never re-married, he sacrificed his all just to raise me. All he did was for me and my sis cause he doesn't want someone to maltreat us all in the name of being a wife. I'll do same for my son if need be.
I'm deciding for him and not myself

EAhumble:
Take that lady back if she is really remorseful of her actions but warn her that you are a goner if she cheats again.. I was raised by dad only and it wasn't a pleasant experience especially when it comes to loving women.. Don't deprive that little man her mother's care because you regret it in the future

Thanks so much, I just have to sacrifice that for him. I so much love him and wouldn't want my decisions to affect him.

nexta007:
Some people on here have really lifted me up, I've lived my life for years without having anyone to open to, I laugh and play a lot but no one knows what I carry inside of me. I've been through and I'm happy to say God has helped me a lot, I've sinned but he still cares. Thanks to everyone
Don't be a lone ranger. You need friends. Ask God for valuable friends that can help watch your back. It's a blessing to have them. Your heart is a delicate organ. Too much thoughts and issues laid in it can cause heart problems. I could be your friend online atleast...

Thanks so much, I had a lot of friends before but the kind of life I was living then and the kind of people I attracted isn't what I want anymore.
I'm more secretive cause so many people just want to know and aren't willing to help, I hardly trust people, I don't want to be influenced back into what I left!! I've met a few people in church, so many aren't what they portrayed themselves to be. Thanks so much for your offer, I'll be glad to have you as one.

nexta007:
Don't zero her out. If she's making moves to come back, I think it's a good thing. Your mind needs help. I also advise you seek God and His help. I'm sure you wouldn't want to be in the list of divorcees later on.

I would never wish to get divorced, I'm presently not married to her and as such can decide to leave. I'll look into your advise and try to heal. She has been begging for 3months, her mum called but I still insisted on my previous stand. My mum called today and she's trying to make me consider my son

nexta007:
Amen.
But I advise that you seek ways of reconciling with his mother for love's and your son's sake. If she declines, then move on. It's MANLY to seek forgiveness and make amends. Frankly, I hate raising my kids by another woman other than my wife... God will help u out bro

I understand bro, I never thought about my son being raised by another for once, it never crossed my mind. I'm planning and I never hid anything from her, not even finance. The issue is that I can't just trust her anymore, I'll feel disgust when she does some things, I also hate the fact she'll be at my call and beckon, I hate the fact she'll want to do all it takes to please me and want me to take her back. I'll see all her moves as a motive. It's well tho

God will help

Some people on here have really lifted me up, I've lived my life for years without having anyone to open to, I laugh and play a lot but no one knows what I carry inside of me. I've been through and I'm happy to say God has helped me a lot, I've sinned but he still cares. Thanks to everyone

nexta007:
Bro, it's well. You started the whole saga which has led you and her astray. No be every fire person suppose play with. You ignited a fire and passion that couldn't be quenched easily and u are concluding the matter in a way as though she was taking advantage of you. You are the alpha and omega of the problems. I just hope the baby born to you won't suffer the effects of your irresponsibility

Thanks bro.
By Gods grace, he won't. I would give anything it takes, even my life. That's my only source of joy.

Starz825:
I love ya courage bro.
Impregnating a lady at that age of URS can be challenging, swears!
But then our body is so deceptive, sometimes you can't just tell what's next.
See I don't blame you for moving on, it's your choice and how you feel about the whole situation, definitely only you can tell, no one else can because you experienced it yourself....
However, I feel sorry for your girl or may be ex-girl because she just lost a strong man(yeah you became a man @21 .
Nevertheless, I also don't blame her too (permit me to say that!). she must have gone through a lot after the birth of her child, not being able to hold her body must have been a problem for her.
I would have loved to advice you take her back because you loved her from the start, but you have decided to move, so who am I to stop you.
Give your child the best and don't deny his mother access to him, be a gentleman bro.
I love you!!

Thanks so much bro, I understand your unbiased view. There is pressure from my mum asking me to consider my kid, never take her serious, play the game with her, be careful with her and watch if she really changed. It's just hard as I'll never trust her again. No one gave me a chance to be this responsible, even my dad once told her then to look for someone better. They all didn't understand me, the never saw my soft heart, my good side!!

They only saw me as a stubborn child, everyone (including her,her mum and siblings) thought I was going to mess up. I was always the one the one they all suspected would be the villian. She was always scared I'll cheat if she goes to school!! She once brought up the idea of "no sex relationship". I failed God!!

I sacrificed a lot, I fell out with my dad when he later found out I had a son years after(got to know from someone), he was devastated, I am his only son, I let him down. Till now, my dad and I are just communicating and trying to get back.

hashtagged:
Why do girls always use rape, its a serious crime and should not be joked with. Anytime i hear rape from a lady i just know its a lie without investigating

Some people are truly victims but so many have taken advantage of such scenerio to get back at people, not be accountable for their actions, manipulation, victim card. Let's investigate well

dayleke:
It is well.....

One can sense you really loved her....

I really did, she had a son for me when I was 21. I was so young yet I acted strong, I wanted her to be safe, what I went through was beyond me and my age, no one from my family helped.

Even the nurse in the hospital she gave birth called me and praised me, when she got to know i was still in school then. She told me to be strong and prayed for me, I was treated different from other fathers, I was allowed to enter where other men couldn't, I slept in the hospital for some days so she doesn't feel lonely. I was writing exams then, I read in the waiting room and went to exam Hall from there. I was selfless. I've moved on tho and I'm just gonna try to make things better for me and my son. He's my all

Olochee:
What a sad story.

Dear OP, you gotta move on as a wiser man now.

I have, my parents and everyone wants me to consider my kid. Even if I do, I've moved on and would never give 100% for the relationship to work.

I'll try to be short and brief.
I met my ex-fiancee when I was a student and she was seeking admission, I wasn't emotionally available then as I wasn't the type who goes into a relationship since I got all the sex I needed through FWB. I had a soft spot for her as she lost her virginity to me, is the church type, beautiful and has so many attributes.

She got pregnant few months after we met, I was an undergraduate and I didn't know what to do, we tried all we could to get it off but it didn't, she used different drugs, took injections and even went as far as going for D&C but the doctor stopped along the line that something is blocking her womb. I took it up on myself to stand by her since I loved her and also the paternity of the child isn't an issue.

She was scared and couldn't tell her brother, I also was scared and couldn't tell anyone at home, I travelled to Lagos so I can raise some money, my phone got spoilt during that period and I had to put my sim in my sisters phone, so I can communicate with her.

She passed out one day cause she wasn't going for antenatal neither was she receiving any treatment cause she was scared of letting her people know, she was also fond of breathing in so as not to let her stomach visible. They go to know when she was rushed to the hospital and I was called but my sister picked up and she told me everything.

I spoke to her mum and assured her I was going to show up as I wasn't around, though they were skeptical and didn't believe cause of the rumors they had about me been a bad boy and all sort( which wasn't true). I later showed up and saw and accepted everything. We rented an apartment for her so as to shield her from ridicule.

My sis, mum, step-brother and I decided to keep it away from dad cause of my school( Bad idea). They didn't help out and I was left to face it alone( only helped in rare situations) I stood by her and made sure thing didn't go south, made sure she wasn't thinking and she also felt loved. I was 21 then!! Her stomach is still a lil bit rough due to child birth, she had tears during delivery, she even aborted for me twice after and I decided just to be cool with her for all what she went through, I dedicated my all cause I didn't want her to cry or regret all she did.

To cut the long story short, after giving me a boy, she took care of him for a year then moved on with her life by seeking admission, I let go off my life style cause I didn't want her to feel bad, didn't want her to be ridiculed, didn't want all her effort to end in years, I stopped socializing and never had female friends so as not to find myself in tight situations.

She went to school and cheated in less than a month, she felt bad and told me, I felt bad, I thought she was infallible, untouchable. She was always in my plans and I did all I could to make her comfortable, I already took her for a wife but I was mistaken. She opened up to me but instead lied she was forced, abused and raped thrice (by one guy).

The story didn't add up and I decided to pester her but she insisted she was forced. I then did something stupid but it made the truth known, I logged in her Facebook and messaged the guy(she told me his name), I wanted to hear his part and not just take sides, I played on her psychologically and she fell for it. We were very open to eachother that we knew our Facebook passwords.

I messaged the guy telling him he abused and forced me because he knew I was helpless and had no choice, I even called him a beast. He then replied and I was surprised seeing my ex telling him he isn't a beast that the act was, she also confirmed she consented and wasn't forced in all three attempt. The guy was very confident and I could see the way he expressed himself, he was surprised she could come up with such accusation.

I'm happy it ended this way, I know deep down I gave my all and she might regret her decisions. I can take so many things but not a cheating partner!! I'm pained but just have to stand by my decision. She has being begging for months and even her mum contacted me, but I told her same.

I'm just using this medium to tell people not to act or react to allegations based on emotions, so many ladies are taking advantage of this fact when they mess up to exclude themselves off any fault. I would have had the mindset of that guy being a rapist and even use it against him in future if I didn't disguise to hear his side

I'm good and I've moved on.

Good day
I'm writing this just to ease myself off the emotional pain and stress.

I'm not writing this with any ulterior motive but just want it to be a call on to so many people out there.

It's very devastating and quite sad to see the level some ladies have played the rape/abuse card to the detriment of guys
even when what happened doesn't seem anyway near that. I'll take my time to put them down.
Please pardon any typo/error

I'm also not generalizing

philip0906:
They do have a point. You can't have only 1 female lawmaker and then still have her suspended. It would have made sense to know why she was suspended but considering the fact that the other male lawmakers are no saints or better than her, then it makes sense for everyone to be let off the leash.

Read the write up. She was suspended alongside two male lawmakers.