My married friend is in need of an advise, I trust I can get one from here,matured folks pls advise.

The tales goes like this
My friend married with pregnancy, u know all this pregnancy marriage with belle,they have been married for 5 year with a girl child expecting another one,her happiness level in the marriage in a scale of 100% for the past 5 years,she has been happy only 10%,her husband don't give her monthly allowance,he send her money when she wants to buy anything like foods stuff ,children school fees ,house rent,she cant boast of a wrapper for herself as a married woman,as at last year his total earning a month was 450k mwhere he is working though they cut down the salary to 150k,pending when things kick in d company,,she doesn't know how much he has
he is not open with that info,the man's family doesn't like her and anytime he goes to the family house and come back ,his attitude changes towards her, money for herself no way,their communication level is zero ,this his character towards her has made him unattractive to her,like when he wants to make love to her she detest it,most of the time he doesn't talk to her in the house,when she tries to raise discussion he doesn't answer her,he comes back late at night,and does not discuss his future plans or plan of the family with her,he once called her a prostitute in public one evening in a bar around their place when she went to call him home(his family members doesn't come to his house,she suspecting he says bad things about her to people cos he's this person that paints himself good outside while inside is nothing to write home about,she a graduate no work, she is learning fashion designing with the hope to set up a tailoring shop,though her mother gave her some money to set up herself ,she pregnant for the second child but she don't know if she should shift from this man for her sanity sake or remain ,or report him but to whom?pls help ,what should she do?

My dear, it is best for the young lady to first consult with her spiritual leader. Let her hear what he has to say on the matter.

Pregnancy outside wedlock is very dangerous. Marriage is only good when u marry at ur own free will without pressure from any party... This one no be apc or pdp thing oo if u know u know. Thats why we see divorce flying everywhere like glo simcard. It doesn't dictate love oo.. Make she carry her cross oo... Or better still go find something to do... U can't be totally dependent on a man... Atimes if one keeps giving every time, it will get to a point where he will be tired of giving when there isn't any improvement from the other side...make I stop here

Blame the Nigerian factor.... Bad economy... Love is worst and at the lowest low at this time .

I suggest the lady try and get herself a job or continue her tailoring so as to get her own money and reduce fustration

Hashabiah:
My dear, it is best for the young lady to first consult with her spiritual leader. Let her hear what he has to say on the matter.

he is a Christian but doesn't go to church

Amazinggirl95:
he is a Christian but doesn't go to church

That has made things more complicated.

She’s unhappy yet she’s pregnant with her second child with him. She should manage her husband like that please. Let’s even assume she wanted to plan her way out of the marriage, is it by giving birth to another child where she’ll feel even more trapped? The man is barely giving her money now and she thinks it will get better with a second child? That man is stuck in his ways and she doesn’t have the support of his family. It’s only prayer that can solve this, I’m so sorry. Sometimes we need to be smart as women, if you know you’re not happy with your husband with one child, save your womb the stress and do not have any more children until you are sure you want to remain in the marriage. It’s easier to leave a man with one child than 3. Especially in Nigeria where there’s absolutely no support for single mothers, and your friend relying on her husband for monthly upkeep. She should be realistic and ask herself if she can survive on her own with two kids.
If the answer is no, then she should please focus on gaining financial independence more than anything, and ignore her husband for now. Financial freedom will then give her the liberty to do whatever she wants in the future. When one is idle, the mind focuses on things that will only deteriorate mental stability.

Amazinggirl95:
he is a Christian but doesn't go to church

Then your friend should carry her cross and stop disturbing us on Nairaland. Since d**k is all that matters in her marriage, she should go and pay a mainstream counselor to convince her husband to treat her right. Some of them charge around 250k in Lagos, and that's for a week or two week session.


Good luck.

Acidosis:


Then your friend should carry her cross and stop disturbing us on Nairaland. Since d**k is all that matters in her marriage, she should go and pay a mainstream counselor to convince her husband to treat her right. Some of them charge around 250k in Lagos,and that's for a week or two week session.


Good luck.

its well

olabrinks:
She’s unhappy yet she’s pregnant with her second child with him. She should manage her husband like that please. Let’s even assume she wanted to plan her way out of the marriage, is it by giving birth to another child where she’ll feel even more trapped? The man is barely giving her money now and she thinks it will get better with a second child? That man is stuck in his ways and she doesn’t have the support of his family. It’s only prayer that can solve this, I’m so sorry. Sometimes we need to be smart as women, if you know you’re not happy with your husband with one child, save your womb the stress and do not have any more children until you are sure you want to remain in the marriage. It’s easier to leave a man with one child than 3. Especially in Nigeria where there’s absolutely no support for single mothers, and your friend relying on her husband for monthly upkeep. She should be realistic and ask herself if she can survive on her own with two kids.

Aww it's well oo

Hashabiah:
That has made things more complicated.

he only listens to the owner of his company

Amazinggirl95:
its well

Yup..



Love, morality, and spirituality/religion have the strongest impact on family relationships/bonds. When the three die, the marriage dies COMPLETELY.

olabrinks:
She’s unhappy yet she’s pregnant with her second child with him. She should manage her husband like that please. Let’s even assume she wanted to plan her way out of the marriage, is it by giving birth to another child where she’ll feel even more trapped? The man is barely giving her money now and she thinks it will get better with a second child? That man is stuck in his ways and she doesn’t have the support of his family. It’s only prayer that can solve this, I’m so sorry. Sometimes we need to be smart as women, if you know you’re not happy with your husband with one child, save your womb the stress and do not have any more children until you are sure you want to remain in the marriage. It’s easier to leave a man with one child than 3. Especially in Nigeria where there’s absolutely no support for single mothers, and your friend relying on her husband for monthly upkeep. She should be realistic and ask herself if she can survive on her own with two kids.
If the answer is no, then she should please focus on gaining financial independence more than anything, and ignore her husband for now. Financial freedom will then give her the liberty to do whatever she wants in the future. When one is idle, the mind focuses on things that will only deteriorate mental stability.

true talk here

Acidosis:


Yup..



Love, morality, and spirituality/religion have the strongest impact on family relationships/bonds. When the three die, the marriage dies COMPLETELY.

true,the fact that he doesn't know how to treat a woman right, if he was going to church with her at least some of his character will change,though she feels he has thoughts implanted in him that makes his act those ways towards her..though she loves him but his attitude towards her is reducing the love,its well

Jerryherd:
Blame the Nigerian factor.... Bad economy... Love is worst and at the lowest low at this time .

I suggest the lady try and get herself a job or continue her tailoring so as to get her own money and reduce fustration

okay

Amazinggirl95:
true,the fact that he doesn't know how to treat a woman right, if he was going to church with her at least some of his character will change,though she feels he has thoughts implanted in him that makes his act those ways towards her..though she loves him but his attitude towards her is reducing the love,its well

He's probably one of those screaming "religion issa scam", "religion is bondage" on Nairaland. Well, freedom is good but not without a cost. Freedom to maltreat people, freedom to change brothels like diapers..

Acidosis:


He's probably one of those screaming "religion issa scam", "religion is bondage" on Nairaland. Well, freedom is good but not without a cost. Freedom to maltreat people, freedom to change brothels like diapers..

yes ,he believes pastors are enterprenuers,its well

Amazinggirl95:
yes ,he believes pastors are enterprenuers,its well

It is well. His wife (your friend) should invite NGOs or philanthropists

Acidosis:


It is well. His wife (your friend) should invite NGOs or philanthropists

any ngo can talk to him? Have any NGO in mind

First, he is not going to church is not the problem. I have found the irreligious people to be more tolerant, accommodating and direct without pretence.

Second, that directness is what he I s using now to send a plethora of message.

Here is the meat...

The man still loves you but like you know, love is never enough.

He feels he got hitched due to the pregnancy, the thought that he did not decide his marriage time himself is haunting him, but he is not fair to you because you both "tangled".

You are not working thus, the bulk of things are on him. The moment a man's head unlock and he sees you as a liability, he will start to detest you. You are like a drain to his watery money.

You guys need to talk, you need to tell him not just how you feel but how does he feel too. Ask him what he needs off you and you can achieve that.

Your man sees you but he feels you are not who he imagined again. In his head, you have lost yourself!

One more secret, a man honestly needs love but will never ask. Show him that. Make him feel like like a king and see the wonders that will unfold!

Prec1ous:
First, he is not going to church is not the problem. I have found the irreligious people to be more tolerant, accommodating and direct without pretence.

Second, that directness is what he I s using now to send a plethora of message.

Here is the meat...

The man still loves you but like you know, love is never enough.

He feels he got hitched due to the pregnancy, the thought that he did not decide his marriage time himself is haunting him, but he is not fair to you because you both "tangled".

You are not working thus, the bulk of things are on him. The moment a man's head unlock and he sees you as a liability, he will start to detest you. You are like a drain to his watery money.

You guys need to talk, you need to tell him not just how you feel but how does he feel too. Ask him what he needs off you and you can achieve that.

Your man sees you but he feels you are not who he imagined again. In his head, you have lost yourself!

One more secret, a man honestly needs love but will never ask. Show him that. Make him feel like like a king and see the wonders that will unfold!

you are right but she is pregnant now,and feeling unhappy is he not soppose to be talking to her n giving her money,things to make her happy,why are some men like this self,the little things are what makes a woman happy,but no they cannot,its well great advise I will surely share this with her

Prec1ous:
First, he is not going to church is not the problem. I have found the irreligious people to be more tolerant, accommodating and direct without pretence.

They're always direct without pretence until problems start. Only a problem makes the difference.

Amazinggirl95:
any ngo can talk to him? Have any NGO in mind

If God or a religious leader can't talk to him, then nobody can. Don't waste your time.

Acidosis:


If God or a religious leader can't talk to him, then nobody can. Don't waste your time.

the matter tie rapper

Amazinggirl95:
he only listens to the owner of his company

Look, tell him/her to seek for a God-fearing pastor. Why I say so is because this is a delicate matter that requires wisdom from God. For there are alot of foolish suggestions I am seeing here that may lead your friend into greater problems than she is currently facing.

Hashabiah:
Look, tell him/her to seek for a God-fearing pastor. Why I say so is because this is a delicate matter that requires wisdom from God. For there are alot of foolish suggestions I am seeing here that may lead your friend into greater problems than she is currently facing.

noted,tnxs

Acidosis:


If God or a religious leader can't talk to him, then nobody can. Don't waste your time.

its well

Prayer is the only key.

Acidosis:


They're always direct without pretence until problems start. Only a problem makes the difference.

i would always prefer a direct person any day. They give enough feedback to know when problem is starting and what can be the likeliest solution just from their complaints alone.

I do not fancy pretenders!

Amazinggirl95:
My married friend is in need of an advise, I trust I can get one from here,matured folks pls advise.

The tales goes like this
My friend married with pregnancy, u know all this pregnancy marriage with belle,they have been married for 5 year with a girl child expecting another one,her happiness level in the marriage in a scale of 100% for the past 5 years,she has been happy only 10%,her husband don't give her monthly allowance,he send her money when she wants to buy anything like foods stuff ,children school fees ,house rent,she cant boast of a wrapper for herself as a married woman,as at last year his total earning a month was 450k mwhere he is working though they cut down the salary to 150k,pending when things kick in d company,,she doesn't know how much he has
he is not open with that info,the man's family doesn't like her and anytime he goes to the family house and come back ,his attitude changes towards her, money for herself no way,their communication level is zero ,this his character towards her has made him unattractive to her,like when he wants to make love to her she detest it,most of the time he doesn't talk to her in the house,when she tries to raise discussion he doesn't answer her,he comes back late at night,and does not discuss his future plans or plan of the family with her,he once called her a prostitute in public one evening in a bar around their place when she went to call him home(his family members doesn't come to his house,she suspecting he says bad things about her to people cos he's this person that paints himself good outside while inside is nothing to write home about,she a graduate no work, she is learning fashion designing with the hope to set up a tailoring shop,though her mother gave her some money to set up herself ,she pregnant for the second child but she don't know if she should shift from this man for her sanity sake or remain ,or report him but to whom?pls help ,what should she do?

With what you wrote here, including there's tendency that he's being influenced on how he treats her, believe me it can only get worse.

Tell her to gradually withdraw her emotional investment on him then prepare her mind towards leaving the marriage. Since she's not financially independent, she should build herself up to be. Thank God she's already learning a trade.

But to be expecting baby number 2 in this type of toxic relationship, she messed up big time.