MejiLoyon:

I just see my guy deji just start to run. Just like that he start to run. Wetin dey worry this one? Before you know I don dey sweat.

I just lost it here!
My stomach oo!!

chai

MejiLoyon:
When you tell someone safe journey no be only by motor accidents. So many factors dey including this shit factor.

At least you see bank enter

My own worse
And it happened to Mejiloyon when I was in 200 level. Mom has always warned me from eating outside because I react to seasonings especially those white ones like Vedan and Ajinomoto. One Saturday near exam period owu don blow men we go chow party chow. I won't say the meal so I won't seem tribalistic. But on our way back na that time I know say khaki no be leather. My belle first do tiiiiiuuuuunnnnn with one small mess . I overlook am. I just see my guy deji just start to run. Just like that he start to run. Wetin dey worry this one? Before you know I don dey sweat. All my body sweat full am. God so good I don pass great Hall. The way I take enter bush. You think I'm relieved Abi. Nah. You see the anus has a way of loosening when you don dey near toilet. Before I say make I loose belt shit don pour. All my legs all my boxers everywhere shit. Time was 3 pm.
Fellow Nigerians. I clean my body ,throway the jeans come turn Tarzan. I didn't leave that bush till 12 or 1 am. Yes I trekked butt naked to the hostel. It was my guy wande that left a three quarter for me at the carpark. Wande if you're here you know who I am finally. 9 hours in the bush. Dodging people,doing nothing,got bitten by insects and stuffs. It was horrible. Na so we shit am..I mean see am

Dude I dunno who you are but I surely laughed with tears in my eyes
We have all had one or two episode of bowel disturbances in public. Would probably share mine some day.

Carlyscales:


I just lost it here!
My stomach oo!!

Not only you! Some hilarious sh!t

What could Blise have put in the food bikonu

JidennaJason:


I feel same way too, but I remember how my Israeli boss do complain of his chef (Umoh) undying love for Roots and refined strong gin

They call it Ufofop!

Gandollaar:
They call it Ufofop!

Lol, you're from Akwa Ibom?

Ishilove is a queen!!!

captainking:

hala madrid..
hala madrid...

no sergio ramos, no varane....liverpool will still fail to beat us,,...and your motivation will be vanquished.

Smiles...mind you, l don't mean football In my typings its a paradigm

JidennaJason:
Lol, you're from Akwa Ibom?

Lol... I'm from Owerri.

MejiLoyon:
When you tell someone safe journey no be only by motor accidents. So many factors dey including this shit factor.

At least you see bank enter

My own worse
And it happened to Mejiloyon when I was in 200 level. Mom has always warned me from eating outside because I react to seasonings especially those white ones like Vedan and Ajinomoto. One Saturday near exam period owu don blow men we go chow party chow. I won't say the meal so I won't seem tribalistic. But on our way back na that time I know say khaki no be leather. My belle first do tiiiiiuuuuunnnnn with one small mess . I overlook am. I just see my guy deji just start to run. Just like that he start to run. Wetin dey worry this one? Before you know I don dey sweat. All my body sweat full am. God so good I don pass great Hall. The way I take enter bush. You think I'm relieved Abi. Nah. You see the anus has a way of loosening when you don dey near toilet. Before I say make I loose belt shit don pour. All my legs all my boxers everywhere shit. Time was 3 pm.
Fellow Nigerians. I clean my body ,throway the jeans come turn Tarzan. I didn't leave that bush till 12 or 1 am. Yes I trekked butt naked to the hostel. It was my guy wande that left a three quarter for me at the carpark. Wande if you're here you know who I am finally. 9 hours in the bush. Dodging people,doing nothing,got bitten by insects and stuffs. It was horrible. Na so we shit am..I mean see am

If I die now na this your post kill me with laughter lmaoooo aswear I've been laughing and crying close to 30mins now before I manage quote u. The Tarzan part killed me cus I just dey imagine am

OlawaleBammie:



But its injurious to ur health cus Madrid dont always lose

13 champions league title
34 laliga titles
19 copa del rey titles
4 club world cup
Unfigurable copa de espana and many more

.
Don't take it personal...l never talk about football. I only used it to narrate my view on the trends. Its a paradigm. And l used it largely.

Gandollaar:
Lol... I'm from Owerri.

How come you know the local name for that had gin? Abi dem dey supply you some shots?

pocohantas:


Una think say una wise ba?

Except your MD wants someone that would be cooking afang, edikan ikong or ekpang for him, he should look beyond AkwaIbomites and employ a professional CHEF. If this CHEF is from Akwa Ibom, fine.

A CHEF won’t drink ogogoro at work or abscond from duty to sell air-fresheners in Lagos traffic. Cooking is his own work experience and he needs quality reference from past employers, so he has to be of good behaviour.



But why would your MD test Blaise with the life of all his staff? Scientist dey first use animals for test, then few humans. E get why.


Culprit is most likely seasoning. Too much seasoning or white seasoning (ajinomoto and co). Egusi soup is delicate, I would never eat egusi outside.

Wahala for Chef
MD dey test Chef first ever meal after employment.
E con invite all workers and even neighbor.
All enjoy,all suffer .
White Maggi - The major suspect
Sugar- Secondary Suspect
Too much seasoning - Well maybe in the name of adding finishing touches.
Added too much seasoning.
Perioddddd.
SuccessfulJefferson has spoken

You see what you caused ishii...making people look at me akwardly reading your post..what the fuk..well am a rather great cook too if you are still hiring..

mayberry1:
Mine happened in my 400l. I ate egusi soup that was prepared the previous night by a friend before going for 7am lecture the next day, I didn't know that was the beginning of the end for me.
Midway into the lecture, my tummy started rumbling, I sat with my click of friends I had to inform them my tummy was about messing with me and they all urged me to endure cause the lecturer was very strict. My tummy didn't give up, it kept tormenting me that I was forced to use my face to control my tummy and buttocks, whenever my tummy wants to release farts I'd squeeze my face so hard and tighten my anus little did I know the lecturer was taking note of my facial reaction. He walked up to my seat and asked with a loud voice " young lady, I've been noticing your facial reaction and all don't seem to be well" I told him "yes Sir, I'm having severe migraine " my friends burst into laughter. He beckoned on me to stand up and go to the pharmacy but I couldn't cause that would be the end of me(the poo would drop all over). I told him I'd be fine Sir, let me manage it.
I kept telling God that if he let's me stand up and get to the park, I don't mind defecating inside the taxi I'd glorify his name.
Just after the lecture, I held onto one of my friends like I was paralysed and she started leading me slowly out of the lecture hall unfortunately it got worst I couldn't bear it no longer, the poo was already dropping with every step I took and there was no bush or restroom close, I was forced to defecate in an open space. It wasn't long few of my course mates started passing there and was shocked to see me defecating in the open. I used leafs to clean my buttocks. I died 5 times that day.

Touching

I am trying so hard not to burst out laughing before people think I have gone loco.

Wondering what Blaise must have put in the food. Awoof dey run belle true true.

I've not laughed this loud since buhari became the president @Isilove, @mayberry

JidennaJason:
How come you know the local name for that had gin? Abi dem dey supply you some shots?

Na wa for you ooo..

You see baby wey dey worry for politics section without any shaking, you think I'm a softie??

We all had loads of fun during the reign of the uncommon guy.

Pharaoh4rin:
I've not laughed this loud since buhari became the president @Isilove, @mayberry

Buhari was a Killjoy, is a Killjoy and would remain a Killjoy forever.

Imagine I heard Chelsea was doing well until buhari entered London.

Gandollaar:
Na wa for you ooo..

You see baby wey dey worry for politics section without any shaking, you think I'm a softie??

We all had loads of fun during the reign of the uncommon guy.

You are really a big tormentor to those zombies...

Good looking out to you.

pocohantas:


Una think say una wise ba?


But why would your MD test Blaise with the life of all his staff? Scientist dey first use animals for test, then few humans. E get why.


Culprit is most likely seasoning. Too much seasoning or white seasoning (ajinomoto and co). Egusi soup is delicate, I would never eat egusi outside.

Someone suggested the half done semo as the culprit

blazebaba:
You see what you caused ishii...making people look at me akwardly reading your post..what the fuk..well am a rather great cook too if you are still hiring..

The subject will put your offer into advisement

UyaiIncomparabl:
I feel highly insulted and attacked for having to drag my honourable people of Akwa Ibom into this.

I won't forgive you.

No vex

mayberry1:
Mine happened in my 400l. I ate egusi soup that was prepared the previous night by a friend before going for 7am lecture the next day, I didn't know that was the beginning of the end for me.
Midway into the lecture, my tummy started rumbling, I sat with my click of friends I had to inform them my tummy was about messing with me and they all urged me to endure cause the lecturer was very strict. My tummy didn't give up, it kept tormenting me that I was forced to use my face to control my tummy and buttocks, whenever my tummy wants to release farts I'd squeeze my face so hard and tighten my anus little did I know the lecturer was taking note of my facial reaction. He walked up to my seat and asked with a loud voice " young lady, I've been noticing your facial reaction and all don't seem to be well" I told him "yes Sir, I'm having severe migraine " my friends burst into laughter. He beckoned on me to stand up and go to the pharmacy but I couldn't cause that would be the end of me(the poo would drop all over). I told him I'd be fine Sir, let me manage it.
I kept telling God that if he let's me stand up and get to the park, I don't mind defecating inside the taxi I'd glorify his name.
Just after the lecture, I held onto one of my friends like I was paralysed and she started leading me slowly out of the lecture hall unfortunately it got worst I couldn't bear it no longer, the poo was already dropping with every step I took and there was no bush or restroom close, I was forced to defecate in an open space. It wasn't long few of my course mates started passing there and was shocked to see me defecating in the open. I used leafs to clean my buttocks. I died 5 times that day.

Omo, this ur experience rugged o

Ishilove:

Someone suggested the half done semo as the culprit

But what made it taste sugary?

Very funny piece though.

Ishilove:
The subject will put your offer into advisement

okay m'am

Gandollaar:
Buhari was a Killjoy, is a Killjoy and would remain a Killjoy forever.

Imagine I heard Chelsea was doing well until buhari entered London.

Hahahahahah... Pls I'm having a rib pain from the laugh I had from those stories. Don't increase the pain again abeg!

You mean Chelsea started performing badly as soon as buhari steps London.....
Aasweh you guys are damn funny

Downey:
Smiles...mind you, l don't mean football In my typings its a paradigm

It's all right...
Hala madrid

Some years ago when traveling by road with 'Luxurious Buses' was the popular, I boarded one of the buses (won't say the name of the transport company), I managed to secure a seat beside the window. A pretty lady climbed aboard the bus and sat next to me. As the bus was preparing to hit the road, we were busy with buying snacks, bottles of water and soft drinks e.t.c

The lady asked that I buy a bottle of soft drink with some snacks for her, she paid, all I did was to collect the items from the vendor and passed on the money to them. Some hours into the journey (night journey), the lady became uneasy and whispered to me that she was pressed and needed to free up her bowels. I informed the Driver to pull up as someone is pressed, I got ignored. Had to inform him again, got same feedback. At this time, she was restless and crying. The Driver completely ignored me and told the passengers sitting close to him that I had plans to rob them by suggesting that he pulls up at the dead of night. I had to lock up.

After about an hour, the lady could not hold it anymore, had to do her thing right inside the bus. The smell greeted everyone in the bus. At this point, the Driver started to insult the passenger who defecated inside his bus and had to pull over. The lady rushed down the bus to the untared road to do her thing. Being a gentle man, I stepped out of the bus to offer her the bottle of water I had on me and some tissue paper which a woman in the bus offered.

I reminded the Driver that it was the same reason I asked him to pull over earlier. He apologized and reaffirmed his fears. The lady, full of shame boarded the bus when she was done. Throughout the trip, she pretended to be asleep till I arrived my destination. She begged to accompany me to my crib so she could 'freshen up'. I had no issues with her request. She spent two nights at my place and later left to her base.

Ishilove:
The staff were looking forward to enjoying a sumptuous meal of swallow on a hot weekday afternoon. It also meant we would save our lunch money as things, as we all know, have become very expensive.

Blaise brought the warmers to the admin office and everyone swooped on the food. The first thing I noticed was the semo was very soft and a bit sugary. The egusi also tasted...funny...

Wetin concern us? We forged on and finished the meal with finger licking relish. Our neighbour who sold provisions in the next office asked for a share and was able to arm twist the receptionist into bringing her a large portion.

About two hours later, I felt pressed and wanted to urinate but I found the toilet occupied. I waited 20 minutes and went back, only to meet the toilet occupied again by another member of the staff. I was forced to cross to another section of the complex to use the public toilet.

As the day progressed and I noticed that the usually ebullient staff members were becoming increasingly subdued. Around 5pm (the office closes by 6pm) my stomach began to rumble, and to my chagrin, a watery fart escaped my genteel anus. I thought about visiting the toilet briefly and found it still occupied so I decided to hold my bowels until I got home. "At least I will be able to sit comfortably and do monitoring spirit on my Facebook and Whatsapp contacts," I mused.

By the time I left the office on my way back home, my stomach was very calm, but I was halfway into the journey when I had the first discomfiting signs of trouble.

**********

"Be calm, be calm", I urged my stomach, but it growled in response and my anus trembled in anticipation.

I was hemmed in between two men inside keke marwa, somewhere along Oniwaya road when i started feeling really shitty. Literally. I initially ignored it, but the urge to rip off my granny pants and let it really rip was getting stronger and stronger.

We were still crawling along on that perennially busy road when I knew there and then I would not make it without a bike. I MUST GET A BIKE, I thought wildly.

When I got down at Dopemu, I frantically searched for a bike but could not find any. It seems Taskforce had been abroad earlier in the day so all the bikes were keeping away for the time being.

It dawned on me then that I was headed for a very embarrassing 'accident'. I could feel the watery and hot waste products teasing the entrance of my anus as my stomach could no longer obey commands from my brain. I decided to walk gingerly to the Akowonjo bridge where I was certain to get a bike. By 'gingerly', I mean catwalk. Hold your breath, squeeze your ass tight and roll your hips. And walk.

I was gently catwalking to the bridge and praying to God when a congress of swaggering youngmen passed me. One of them, muscular and with a 16 pack abdomen turned and whistled. "Sweet mama, I like your style o", he leered.

Frustrated by my inability to get a bike, the shit threatening to embarrass my enemy not me, the lack of fast food restaurants in the vicinity (I would have dashed there to use their toilets) and by the general state of the nation, I turned in anger and snarled with more aggression than necessary "shut up your dirty mouth, you this small boy. You don't know your mate!"

Taken aback, the muscular dude slinked away in mortification.

Unfortunately for me, the energy I used in transferring my aggression to the boy loosened my bowels and I felt the first droplets of shit blooming over the back my pink granny pants.

"Oh nooooooooo, oh nooooooooooo!!!," I wailed. Abandoning all pretence at decorum, I dashed to the bank closest to me.

"Please sir, I need to use your toilet," I begged the security man.

"Madam the bank is closed," was the nonchalant reply.

"Please sir, this thing will disgrace me. Please I am begging you," I shamelessly pleaded, all the while feeling the hot shit flowing faster and faster. IT MUST NOT FLOW DOWN MY LEGS, i thought frantically.

"Please I am using God to beg you!" I wailed, and jacked up the man by his shirt, knocking his cap askew.

That was when the man knew I meant business. He extricated himself from my vice-like grip and gave me the toilet key.

I ran pell mell to the toilet, dropped my bag on the WC and let rip. The sound of my exploding ejections must have been heard at Alausa. By the time my spirit was calm and my eyes open to survey the extent of the damage, the toilet, bathroom mirror inclusive had been liberally anointed....

I kuku off the pant, rinsed it in the wash hand basin and spent 20 minutes scrubbing the toilet stall (I have home training ). After cleaning, i packaged the now battered pant inside a black nylon and dropped inside the waste bin. Yep, I had to go commando the rest of the way home.

Suffice it to say, Blaise was sacked the next day. I heard the MD was screaming for his head from his scented, air conditioned toilet. Our greedy neighbour who does not see food and look away, branched two fast food restaurants before she got to her home in Illupeju. The rest of the staff all had their own tales of woe, but mine was just too humiliating to talk about.

We have gone back to Akwa Ibom.

******
Disclaimer:

This narration is 100% factual but did not happen to Ishilove.

I refused to be deceived by that last sentence. IT HAPPENED TO ISHILOVE.

No wonder so na una shitt dey disturb us for Akindeko that year. Lol

MejiLoyon:
When you tell someone safe journey no be only by motor accidents. So many factors dey including this shit factor.

At least you see bank enter

My own worse
And it happened to Mejiloyon when I was in 200 level. Mom has always warned me from eating outside because I react to seasonings especially those white ones like Vedan and Ajinomoto. One Saturday near exam period owu don blow men we go chow party chow. I won't say the meal so I won't seem tribalistic. But on our way back na that time I know say khaki no be leather. My belle first do tiiiiiuuuuunnnnn with one small mess . I overlook am. I just see my guy deji just start to run. Just like that he start to run. Wetin dey worry this one? Before you know I don dey sweat. All my body sweat full am. God so good I don pass great Hall. The way I take enter bush. You think I'm relieved Abi. Nah. You see the anus has a way of loosening when you don dey near toilet. Before I say make I loose belt shit don pour. All my legs all my boxers everywhere shit. Time was 3 pm.
Fellow Nigerians. I clean my body ,throway the jeans come turn Tarzan. I didn't leave that bush till 12 or 1 am. Yes I trekked butt naked to the hostel. It was my guy wande that left a three quarter for me at the carpark. Wande if you're here you know who I am finally. 9 hours in the bush. Dodging people,doing nothing,got bitten by insects and stuffs. It was horrible. Na so we shit am..I mean see am