₦airaland Forum

Good evening, pls I need help on something
I don't even know how to put it well, but I will try my best to explain a little..and I seek sincere advice from matured and experienced ppl on the forum.

I am a type that when I love ppl, I love them wholeheartedly..to the extent that I will give in all my best to them.. be it family members or non. When I tell you I gat your back, then I truly mean it. But the problem now is, when these ppl hurt me. I don't know how to handle it, I don't even know if I will call it unforgiving spirit or maybe cause I remember things alot, I will surely not forget.

It's not as if I won't forgive them o, I will but, to make that relationship between me and that person smooth back.. it's not possible.. the distance will always be there.. tho before I get angry or pick offence it takes long, but once it happens like this! I know I have lost relationship with that soul.

Some of my relatives (extended fam) offended me, and since about 3 yrs now, these ppl have been sending different ppl just to beg me and talk to me etc.. in order to make things back, but it's just not working!. Cuz I know myself.

And I am a type that, once I vex, I don't look back..even if the person has done a lot of things etc.. I have tried my best but it's just not working. And I understand the fact that there is no how there won't be argument among humans, it's not possible.

My greatest fear now is, what if I marry, is this how It will be towards my husband, someone I claim I love? Pls how do I tackle this problem before I reach that stage, pls I need sincere word of wisdom from elders, else why I come to a faceless forum to pour out my mind.

Hello please, anyone ?

Hello,

Thanks for sharing. I found a lot of interesting information here. Dunkin Runs on You

Thanks

Shay you no get any word of advice ni, you
only came to tap abi ... Okkk thanks for appreciating

Andrea0574:
Thanks for sharing. I found a lot of interesting information here.

Hello, anyone?? Pls cc: Lalasticlala, Mynd44 can you help me move to front page, maybe it will draw elders attention.

Oga o, no body?

? Anyone??

It's okay to forgive people but keep some distance to avoid a repetition. The real issue is if you are still bitter about what happened.
So the question you need to answer is why you are keeping the distance or cutting off from people who had hurt you. Is it fear of getting hurt again or just an egoistic character you have gotten used to over the years?
Of course any character you have now will not change overnight when you get married. So you must really ask yourself these questions.
Why do you think divorce rates are all time high? Cause people marry because of what they want for themselves and when the expectations are unmet, the distancing and fights start

Anuoluwa12345:
Good evening, pls I need help on something
I don't even know how to put it well, but I will try my best to explain a little..and I seek sincere advice from matured and experienced ppl on the forum.

I am a type that when I love ppl, I love them wholeheartedly..to the extent that I will give in all my best to them.. be it family members or non. When I tell you I gat your back, then I truly mean it. But the problem now is, when these ppl hurt me. I don't know how to handle it, I don't even know if I will call it unforgiving spirit or maybe cause I remember things alot, I will surely not forget.

It's not as if I won't forgive them o, I will but, to make that relationship between me and that person smooth back.. it's not possible.. the distance will always be there.. tho before I get angry or pick offence it takes long, but once it happens like this! I know I have lost relationship with that soul.

Some of my relatives(extended fam) offended me, and since about 3 yrs now, these ppl have been sending different ppl just to beg me and talk to me etc.. in order to make things back, but it's just not working!. Cuz I know myself.
And I am a type that, once I vex, I don't look back..even if the person has done a lot of things etc.. I have tried my best but it's just not working. And I understand the fact that there is no how there won't be argument among humans, it's not possible.

My greatest fear now is, what if I marry, is this how It will be towards my husband, someone I claim I love? Pls how do I tackle this problem before I reach that stage, pls I need sincere word of wisdom from elders, else why I come to a faceless forum to pour out my mind.

I am the same way but I compromise because no one is perfect (especially me).

I usually rate the 'offence' and decide which one I can live with or not because me sef dey offend people ( abi you no dey offend people by actions or inactions?)
Let me give you an example
Recently my girlfriend told me that my guy(not friend)was trying to woo her by saying nasty things about me. You think say I go get anything to do with that kind person? Never.

Another example na person wey dey my house,as e dey go ,e steal something. I vex but I no throwey am, we still dey jam and hook up outside but never in my house...


As far as the husband thing wey you talk, you must be loyal and understand your husband or else abeg just stay single o....Broken home for Naija dey pain woman pass Pluss the societal stigma...



Get help from a therapist

Hmm. This is serious issue that many people are faced with. This thread should grace the front page

Anuoluwa12345:
Hello, anyone?? Pls cc: Lalasticlala, Mynd44 can you help me move to front page, maybe it will draw elders attention.

You forgot to mention nlfpmod and seun

Sp33i:
Hmm. This is serious issue that many people are faced with. This thread should grace the front page

Abi

Madam, it's better you don't get married ooo.

Even God forgives your sins; who are you then not to forgive others?

Imagine you bragging that people beg you for more than three years, yet you refuse to forgive them.

I pray God gives you the grace to forgive others, else you will remain single for life.

Anuoluwa12345:
Good evening, pls I need help on something
I don't even know how to put it well, but I will try my best to explain a little..and I seek sincere advice from matured and experienced ppl on the forum.

I am a type that when I love ppl, I love them wholeheartedly..to the extent that I will give in all my best to them.. be it family members or non. When I tell you I gat your back, then I truly mean it. But the problem now is, when these ppl hurt me. I don't know how to handle it, I don't even know if I will call it unforgiving spirit or maybe cause I remember things alot, I will surely not forget.

It's not as if I won't forgive them o, I will but, to make that relationship between me and that person smooth back.. it's not possible.. the distance will always be there.. tho before I get angry or pick offence it takes long, but once it happens like this! I know I have lost relationship with that soul.

Some of my relatives (extended fam) offended me, and since about 3 yrs now, these ppl have been sending different ppl just to beg me and talk to me etc.. in order to make things back, but it's just not working!. Cuz I know myself.

And I am a type that, once I vex, I don't look back..even if the person has done a lot of things etc.. I have tried my best but it's just not working. And I understand the fact that there is no how there won't be argument among humans, it's not possible.

My greatest fear now is, what if I marry, is this how It will be towards my husband, someone I claim I love? Pls how do I tackle this problem before I reach that stage, pls I need sincere word of wisdom from elders, else why I come to a faceless forum to pour out my mind.

don't worry! Once you reach age 35-40 with no preek to called your own!
All those your angry and unforgiving mentality will change to God fearing woman

Your elder newspapers female are here parading up and down. You should learn one or two things from them!

Anuoluwa12345:
Good evening, pls I need help on something
I don't even know how to put it well, but I will try my best to explain a little..and I seek sincere advice from matured and experienced ppl on the forum.

I am a type that when I love ppl, I love them wholeheartedly..to the extent that I will give in all my best to them.. be it family members or non. When I tell you I gat your back, then I truly mean it. But the problem now is, when these ppl hurt me. I don't know how to handle it, I don't even know if I will call it unforgiving spirit or maybe cause I remember things alot, I will surely not forget.

It's not as if I won't forgive them o, I will but, to make that relationship between me and that person smooth back.. it's not possible.. the distance will always be there.. tho before I get angry or pick offence it takes long, but once it happens like this! I know I have lost relationship with that soul.

Some of my relatives (extended fam) offended me, and since about 3 yrs now, these ppl have been sending different ppl just to beg me and talk to me etc.. in order to make things back, but it's just not working!. Cuz I know myself.

And I am a type that, once I vex, I don't look back..even if the person has done a lot of things etc.. I have tried my best but it's just not working. And I understand the fact that there is no how there won't be argument among humans, it's not possible.

My greatest fear now is, what if I marry, is this how It will be towards my husband, someone I claim I love? Pls how do I tackle this problem before I reach that stage, pls I need sincere word of wisdom from elders, else why I come to a faceless forum to pour out my mind.

If you don't change, you will gradually isolate yourself from everyone until loneliness comes in and perhaps depression.

Person should develop his/her mind in other to withstand minor offences, because it will keep on coming till the end.

If you start fighting everyone, who will now be your friend?

Besides, this type of your behavior, can be link to inflated ego and a perfectionist personality. (Believing I cannot offend people, but it's only people that can offend me).

You're not yet ready for marriage

To whom much is given much is expected...


I can relate with everything you said!

Save yourself and future children the trouble if you are not going to change. Be a single mother.

Smiles ....

You need to pick the right person that will not tip you over the edge.

If I get you well, you give 100% love and trust at the beginning of a relationship. Every betrayal reduces this percentage along the way. When it gets to zero, it is hard to get it back up to a significant number.

This is you, you can't really change it. This means you need someone that won't take it to zero. Provided it is not at zero, you are fine. 80% is fine, you can overlook the offence over time , forgive and rebuild love and trust back to 100%. But if the offence looks like an attack and not a mistake, it pushes everything to zero.

So get someone that will not push everything to zero.

The vengeance people find it hard to forgive even though they might be horrible than others

I have to call myself to order make dem no chike my wife

Now I address issue as it comes

If u cannot forgive
Just stay single

You don't need to talk or do anything with dem if you choose to.

But put your effort in doing important/serious stuff with dem. Things that can affect life, livelihood and other general things, but be cautious with dem.

...Na so check my signatures

If your husband understands you, he will manage this till you outgrow it. Trust me , you will. Cos eventually, you will have kids and they will hurt you and you will learn to get along regardless.

Ehhh, wey u ! Please if u don't know how to forgive marriage is not for u. Don't carry ur wahala and come mess the sacrament further more.

Let me drop pièces of advice based on my experience with you women, including the one under my roof, my girl.

Naturally,the way you're wired,all women do forgive(when they truly want to) but one thing is certain....they never forget. Once a little disagreement ensues, she'd start spewing all you've done to her, despite telling you she's forgiven you and thats a fact. Whereas, over a good meal, a man you offended will forget after already forgiving you and would never talk about it again. I'd advise you try as much as you can, to learn how to forgive and forget. I'm sorry I'd digress into religion. Do you know how many times we offend God in a day? He'll still forgive and forget else, you and I may not be alive till today with our level of iniquities.

Forgiveness is the hardest thing to do but once you remember God's Forgiveness, you would want to forgive and forget. Lastly pray to God for the spirit of Forgiveness and He'll do just that for you. Good luck.

A Forgotten 2022 Thread discussion brought to Front Page. That's nice from the Admin.
My own take is that for you to successfully navigate the nuisances of a Marriage Relationship, forgiveness must be an integral element. That's the only way to have Peace and a Blissful Union

I think you can still have a good marriage, while I think you should try to see if therapy can help (obviously e no dey Nigeria) you will soon learn that you too offend others and will hope that they can forgive you wholeheartedly too.

Anuoluwa12345:
Hello please, anyone ?

Anuoluwapo, forgiving people is for your own good not theirs. You can forgive and just move on. Only guard yourself and your heart that the same thing doesn't happen again.
As long as you are alive on earth people will always hurt you. Just forgive and move ahead and surely don't leave room for the same to repeat itself that's it.

It's human to feel hurt and pull away.
It's actually good to keep people at an arms length when they torment you.

But When it comes to relationships, you have to be patient and chose the ones compatible to your behavioral patterns. So that the person will be clingy and over look your actions easily

You should try to distance yourself from people expect business partners. You're a good person with a good heart. Do not give to people and expert anything in return. The man you gonna get married to should know about your mindset how you feel when you're being hurt. Not everyone deserves access to you no matter how familiar they're to you. Try to always say no to avoid unnecessary character. I believe with time you will be free from there hurt just keep flowing with life

Una go dey under that one roof until person forgive the other. Una two buy market. Enjoy am.