₦airaland Forum

Some people really get phd for mumuness in this life o.
Young man wey just dey start life wan carry another person baggage for him head. Him mama wey get genuine love for am still dey advise am say na express him dey go but the pussy no gree let am see road.

Wittyglam:
This is going to be a 5mins read I hope so.

A friend of mine (Daniel) has been going through a tough time with his mom and girl friend (wife to be).

Wahala started when Daniel informed is mom about his intention to get married. Only for the mom to find out the woman he wants to marry is a single mom of two(kids). All hell broke loose.

Daniel’s mom has begged him to quit the relationship and kill the idea of marrying her but Daniel has refused and told is mom how much he has struggled with relationships, this is the only one that has made him happy and given him peace of mind. Daniel’s mom is more concern about the issue the kids can cause later in life, Daniel already told the mom how they have tried to reach out to the father of these kids but he wants nothing to do with them, since he already has a family.

The kids are bearing the name of their mother’s dad and once they get married the kids are taking his name. Daniel becomes their biological father automatically.

Daniel’s mom doesn’t want this union. She’s already threatening to commit Suicidal and it’s getting to Daniel as he is not willing to loose is mom and he is also not ready to let go of the love of is life.

The girlfriend has asked him to end the relationship but he’s not ready to. I don’t know what to tell him.

I need your help.

With respect to the bolded. Isn't it psychological blackmailing ?

Acidosis:
You mean women?

Berem, would you support your son if he decides to take the same step?

Note, I am not against the relationship but more often than not, people love to speak against victimisation only when they're the victim.

If it’s my son’s choice then why not? At least I am sure she can have kids for my son. Whatever makes my son happy makes me happy

Suicide indeed.

The man is in love. He should make proper findings before settling down with her and be aware of the consequences that may arise in the future.

But u re the girlfriend na

Helpout12345:
Daniel needs to understand the person that can love him the most in this world is his mother. The mother is looking out for him and advising him from experience.

I know single mother deserves to be loved oo, but is Daniel ready for all issues that can spring up later?

He needs to sit down with his mother and understand all the mother's concerns. Take all of them and investigate the single mother, her ex husband or baby daddy, etc before he jumps into fire.

And by the way, Daniel can never become the children's biological father by marriage to their mother.

He should reason with his head and not with his third leg.

You truly understand the mother's concern, she is not necessarily dramatic because of the lady having children, can't say in totality though as that could be hidden in between other reasons she is making obvious but her looking into the future and the troubles that will emanate from the father of those children or even his family coming back to his/their senses to come and reclaim their children and the legal battle that will come after amongst other issues.

My take is that if he insist he should have it at the back of his mind that anything can come up in future and should prepare himself for such outcome.

cayorday89:
1. You truly understand the mother's concern, she is not necessarily dramatic because of the lady having children, can't say in totality though as that could be hidden in between other reasons she is making obvious but her looking into the future and the troubles that will emanate from the father of those children or even his family coming back to his/their senses to come and reclaim their children and the legal battle that will come after amongst other issues.

2. My take is that if he insist he should have it at the back of his mind that anything can come up in future and should prepare himself for such outcome.

1. According to the story, the father of the kids does not care to be in the picture at all and this has supposedly been confirmed. So her concerns...aren't really focused on the children but her son hence the reason she goes as far as to threaten suicide.

2. No be the same way the average man go prepare wey this one too go take prepare? Na the same marriage all of them be.

obinna58:
Man wants to father two kids while single no kids women plenty, soon the woman go use am care for her kids and dump his sorry ass, the man go die of severe heart pain las las
I pity the mother sha

Very bitter point of view. Heal.

Klass99:
She is dramatic and her concern is that why would Daniel a single and unencumbered man with no kids, marry an encumbered woman with kids already. She hoped he would bring home a girl with a similar life or background to his.

Her concern is not about any sort of futuristic look into the future where problems may arise from the father of the kids. Will Daniel not have children of his own in the marriage? If the father later returns for his kids, the wise thing to do is to let the man have his kids and face your own na.

Mama knows what she wants and what she prefers for her son and Daniel's girl is not it, short and simple. If Daniel brings another girl from a tribe she does not like she will still display.

Yeah, you are very right reason why I said she must have hidden it among many reasons she gave that is if she did not say it outrighlty. My own mum literally told me, I must not marry someone with big breast just because she does not like her own big breast.

In all, the individual involved should prepare for any outcome, because as the OP narrated he is already considering accepting them as his own kids and take full responsibility, if their father comes to his senses, will he let go easily, I guess that is where the mum is much more concerned amongst other reasons.

Kobojunkie:
1. According to the story, the father of the kids does not care to be in the picture at all and this has supposedly been confirmed. So her concerns...aren't really focused on the children but her son hence the reason she goes as far as to threaten suicide.

2. No be the same way the average man go prepare wey this one too go take prepare? Na the same marriage all of them be.

He fit go dey do strong head na, due to the amount he has spent to cater for them till that very moment. Anything apart from that, he can go on with his aim of marrying her, but he seems to still be bothered about his mum's stand, when he can go to registry and damn her threats.

Klass99:
ROTFLMAO . Like what the hell? Do you like babes with big boobs or not?

It is how they think they can dictate to their adult children or impose on them their personal desires that always baffles me.

I am indifferent, ladies I have been attracted to overtime has been more of value wise and that is after been friends with them, but the only constant is never a fair person. But she said as a baby, I never accepted all those baby food except breast milk, maybe her fears is also hidden in between that make them no use breast take her son away.

..

cayorday89:
He fit go dey do strong head na, due to the amount he has spent to cater for them till that very moment. Anything apart from that, he can go on with his aim of marrying her, but he seems to still be bothered about his mum's stand, when he can go to registry and damn her threats.

If him dey do strong head, na to threaten suicide go come am see sense?

His mother's response is very unreasonable. And we know as Africans that people place their parents on a pedestal so that could explain why he struggles with damning her treats.

Beremx:
Why would Daniel’s mother be threatening suicide because his son has found love? So what if he’s in love with a single mother? Our society isn’t fair to single mothers at all. They deserve to be loved

if she was a single mother of 1, it's understandable, but 2 haba, e no make sense., And they are boys

Kobojunkie:
If him dey do strong head, na to threaten suicide go come am see sense?

His mother's response is very unreasonable. And we know as Africans that people place their parents on a pedestal so that could explain why he struggles with damning her treats.

That strong head I am talking about has nothing to do with his mum but when the father of those kids comes calling for his kids, he might not want to let go easily considering the sacrifices he made for them, That is the only time I see him having issues as we can't rule out the reclaiming of the kids by their biological father after many years after.

As for his mum, left to me, I will take my decision regardless of the threat and face every consequences that follows.

Baronthecelebri:
if she was a single mother of 1, it's understandable, but 2 haba, e no make sense., And they are boys

It was two for a one time trial, is its not a double trial as the kids are twins. It's an understandable situation.

chybyke2:
The issue at hand is hydra-headed. @OP, you failed to tell us if the woman your friend wants to marry was legally betrothed to the father of her two children.

Your friend's mother is foreseeing looming danger but your friend is reasoning with his third leg. He should sit down with her mother and analyse the pros and cons involved in such a marriage.

Although, he is not going to live with her mother for the rest of his life, the unforeseen resultant effect might consume him if care is not taken.

Remember, those children belong to someone else and their father might come for them tomorrow when fortune smiles on him. At that time, your friend might have spent a lot of money training them.

My advise:
1. Tell your friend to have a round table discussion with his mum on this issue in other to x-ray the grey areas surrounding it if truly he loves the girl.
2. Find out why the lady separated from the ex.
3. If the answer he gets from 1&2 above are positive, he should involve the families of the girl and her ex concerning the children. If the family of the ex and the ex himself are not interested in the children, he should persuade them to sign agreements forfeiting those children.
My 2 cents though.

God bless you

cayorday89:
1. That strong head I am talking about has nothing to do with his mum but when the father of those kids comes calling for his kids, he might not want to let go easily considering the sacrifices he made for them, That is the only time I see him having issues as we can't rule out the reclaiming of the kids by their biological father after many years after.

2. As for his mum, left to me, I will take my decision regardless of the threat and face every consequences that follows.

1. Me sef wey dey here, If I adopt kids and then someone else shows up later on to collect them, I no go let go that easily. Thankfully, we no longer live in a world where children are treated as luggage one can reclaim after a while, so I would surely expect him to want to fight for them.

2. Same here..

Wittyglam:
but what if that is not what she wants to do? This is a real life sorry and we should not judge like that, don’t you think so?

we must judge,why didn't the baby daddy marry, single mother of two boys
God forbid bad thing

Wittyglam:
he has tried everything according to what he told me. He has even brought aunties and uncles to talk but she bluntly refused because she has kids.
She said he mind is mind up, they even set up a meeting between her and the girl’s family she refused. The kids are twins a boy and a girl.

he should accept the girl child and forsake the male child

Kobojunkie:
1. According to the story, the father of the kids does not care to be in the picture at all and this has supposedly been confirmed. So her concerns...aren't really focused on the children but her son hence the reason she goes as far as to threaten suicide.

2. No be the same way the average man go prepare wey this one too go take prepare? Na the same marriage all of them be.

my guy forget tomorrow the father of the children will come back or the children will go to their father, the best way is to get a lawyer to sign.
1 if the father becomes the president of Nigeria, the children must go back to their father, cause Nigeria and father's property na 5&6.
2 if the children becomes, like Davido the father will still come. For example the case of DELE ALI.

Baronthecelebri:
my guy forget tomorrow the father of the children will come back or the children will go to their father, the best way is to get a lawyer to sign.
1 if the father becomes the president of Nigeria, the children must go back to their father, cause Nigeria and father's property na 5&6.
2 if the children becomes, like Davido the father will still come. For example the case of DELE ALI.

so he should accept the girl child and forget the male child

cayorday89:
It was two for a one time trial, is its not a double trial as the kids are twins. It's an understandable situation.

even though

Baronthecelebri:
he should accept the girl child and forsake the male child

why if I may ask?

Klass99:
Sorry I couldn't reply this yesterday. Most people in a perfect relationship wait to do or finish marriage rites by tradition and by God, before proceeding to have 2 kids. Marriage is not bound to happen when dating UNTIL it actually happens!

That perfect relationship you described sounds like it was immoral cohabitation to me, which I don't like because of outcomes like these. The men don't bother buying the cow because the milk is free, they also milk the cow as much as they can and eventually walk away when the arrangement no longer suits them.

Who is going to hold them accountable, when village people never saw dowry, no church ever joined them in holy matrimony and his family members only know you as the long term live-in lover and not his wife? It just hurts!

No offence meant but if I am Daniel's friend or relative I'll ask him to keep it moving.

I don’t support cohabitation until marriage but she made the mistake and already learnt from it but she keeps getting judged for it.
To be honest I have met this person and she is wonderful.

TheCongo2:
With respect to the bolded. Isn't it psychological blackmailing ?

we don’t know if she is for real or faking it.

obinna58:
It's always not what they want to do until they do it, I only pity those who suffer the consequences of one's stupid decision like the mom.

I’m really confused.

Kobojunkie:
No well meaning parent would resort to such foolishness, let alone carrying out such threats. Unless his mother dey already wicked at heart, Daniel should focus on his happiness and allow his mother grow in this.

this should be it but I guess the emotional attachment is coming from the bond he shares with is mother.

ibechris:
Tell Daniel or u...that something would soon hit him that he would wish to restart his life again for not listening to his mum.

His mum us even begging him.

How do I tell him this?