₦airaland Forum

Chukwudiwonder:
Not everyone enjoys the single life.

Perhaps you feel as if life would be perfect if only you had a partner.

The extra time and energy you don’t spend in a relationship — and that you could direct towards building a productive and fulfilling life — you waste feeling sorry for yourself and dreading a future where you’re alone forever.

You’re not thriving, and it seems that being single is the only reason why.

If that’s you, don’t despair.

You don’t have to love being single to learn how to make the most of it. You don’t have to give up pursuing a relationship to enjoy a happy, fulfilling life on your own.

Here’s how to get started:

Mind the narrative

There’s a pervasive narrative in society that places romantic relationships at the peak of personal success. If you’re coupled, you’re better off than anyone who isn’t. If you’re coupled, you’re winning at life.

If you’re single, there must be something wrong with you. You must be so broken in some way or another, that nobody out there wants to be with you.

If you follow the narrative, being single will make you feel like a loser, and you will seek a relationship to feel validated as a person.

But the narrative is narrow-minded, and it leads you to a false perception of what life is really like, and what’s really important.

In reality, we all have our struggles, coupled or single. We all go through periods of darkness that no romantic relationship alone can make up for.

And the idea that a soulmate will complete you? That’s not true either. You are a complete person all on your own. Being in a healthy relationship is great, but it’s not the One Secret to a perfect life.

You’re a full human by yourself. Perhaps a romantic partner can complement and add value to your life, but you don’t need a romantic partner to make you whole.

Loneliness is part of life

Here’s a secret no one talks about: people in a relationship feel lonely from time to time.

A relationship isn’t an impenetrable shield against loneliness, and dealing with loneliness inside the context of a relationship is a particular challenge in itself.

Being lonely doesn’t make you any different from anyone else, and a relationship might not be the cure for loneliness that you think it is.

When you’re single, you might idealize being in a relationship. You might fantasize about what it means and what it will bring into your life, and that’s dangerous.

That kind of fantasizing can make you hate your current circumstances even more, not to mention make you miserable once you’re finally in a relationship and realize it’s not everything you thought it would be.

If you’re lonely, there are ways to deal with it that don’t involve you desperately looking for a relationship or increasing your misery by feeling sorry for yourself.

Therapy can give you tools to better handle loneliness without feeling like you have to be in a relationship to do it.

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Focus on your own goals and self-development

No, having a partner is not (necessarily) a burden, but being single allows you to set your own rules and live by your own personal code.

There’s a good side to being able to come and go without having to check in with anyone, to change your mind and not have to get anyone else on board, to be a little selfish for a change.

You are a complete human just as you are. You can take advantage of your single status to reconnect with your childhood dreams and projects and invest in them, they can reveal your true identity in ways you will never forget.

Focus on living in the present — and build a better future on your own

So many of us want a relationship because we don’t want to grow old alone, but just like a relationship isn’t the only answer to loneliness, it’s also not the only way to build a happy life as you age.

Studies have found that single women without children “are the ones who have invested in their social circles, so typically, they are not alone [as they get older].”

The situation isn’t as optimistic for men, who are known to rely on wives or girlfriends to maintain a social network.

Married men, in general, are healthier than men who have never married, but if you’re a single man, don’t let the data scare you. On the contrary, use it to motivate you to adopt the behaviors that keep married men healthy.

You don’t need a wife or girlfriend nagging you into taking better care of yourself — you can do it out of self-love.

Instead of fearing a future without a family or social connections, start building your own network right now. It’s in the present that you strengthen the relationships with the people that will be there for you in the future.

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