₦airaland Forum

TrustTheProcess:
You may be wondering what madness drove me to this but it isn't madness but a deep rooted depression that built up for over 15 years.

I'm 31 going on 32. A lot went wrong for me in my life. Some were mistakes of my doing while others were largely financial constraints for my family. I attended a primary school and secondary schools that would be the envy of many parents. I first realised something was wrong when I was sent home from school for inability to pay school fees. I was 16 and in SS3 in a full boarding school. My fees in 2008 was about 600k+ a term. My father rallied and got it paid so I could graduate. Parents tend to shield their children when there are financial problems so I was oblivious of it. I saw that whenever I brought brochures of schools abroad to my father, he'd ignore them. I had anticipated like many of my mates in school to further our education in the US, UK or Canada. It was when i came back to school to get my WAEC results that my dad informed the principal that I'd be applying to Yaba College of Technology. I was devastated but not deterred. I believed I could still achieve a lot there because I was bright and had a super result. I didn't write SAT or IGCSE but I thought I might write either a year after or do A levels.
That year, I wrote Poly JAMB before it was merged with regular university JAMB. I passed my Poly JAMB and was admitted into Yaba College of Technology. This is where my problems started. My now late p
maternal uncle was a student there back then and was told to monitor when the list of admitted students were posted. For some reason, he said my name didn't come out in the first, second, third and supplementary admission lists. After much probing, it was found out that my name was in the first list and the time it was discovered was well into the 1st semester so the admission was forfeited. I tried again the next year for UNILAG but I didn't get admitted for whatever reason UNILAG knows because I passed JAMB and Post JAMB. By this time, we could barely pay our rent and were barely getting by. I grew up a butter kid so I didn't have that hustle spirit. I just felt things would get better but I got a job at a business centre as a typist. Years passed doing one odd job to the other. School wasn't an option for me at this point mabecause we simply couldn't afford it and my siblings were still in secondary school. It was private but affordable. I desperately needed to up my game and I honestly believed it was up to me to uplift my family again.
I got so depressed because I wasn't heading anywhere. I owed more than half my salary before it was paid so saving was never really an option. I was just getting by. By this time, I was working at a petrol station as a fuel attendant. I strived not to cheat people and this made me the most hated amongst my colleagues. We were from vastly different backgrounds and upbringing and it showed. I couldn't hide it even if I tried. If I took a break, someone would sell from my pump to ensure I got shortages. My shortages piled up to about 50k and I cried bitterly. I later got admitted into a maritime school but couldn't complete my studies because of finances. I took up shift jobs and all my dreams and aspirations disappeared at this point cos all I wanted was to survive. I begun smoking cannabis which at the time seemed a great help to me at the time as it helped me accept my life condition. I was introduced to Yahoo but I despised the idea of scamming people. I just wasn't brought up like that. I instead took up selling cannabis as it seemed like an honest hustle even though I was aware of its illegality. This also didn't work for me because I just wasn't cut out for that kind of life.
At 29, with only WASSCE to my name. I wasn't getting any reasonable job offers. I hated my self and my life. In all of this, things didn't get better for my family either. We were a shadow of ourselves. Friends and family who would literally mob us daily were no where to be found. This was worse because both my parents were kind of breadwinners in their respective families. I would usually see my former schoolmates on social media living the dream, my dream. 90% of my mates were abroad and working. Some had married oyinbo and started cute families. The ones that didn't school there went to private unis here in Naija and are doing well. They travel whenever they please. I've seen two of my mates making front page on Nairaland for being outstanding in their respective fields. It made me bitter and want to die.
I've been harbouring this suicidal thought for about 3 years now. Why I hadn't tried was because I knew my family can't afford a funeral and it would literally kill my mom whose health had deteriorated. What triggered me was this past Christmas/New year. We barely had anything to eat. I am currently unemployed and live with my parents in a one bedroom apartment. You can imagine the drama that comes along with that. I always wonder when I see other youth doing well and ask myself if I'm being punished for something. This year is worse because of the inflation. I barely eat even though you can hardly tell by my physique.
Long story short, I found half a bottle of sniper at a public toilet and stole it. I mixed it with a bowl of okra soup and drank it. I didn't die. I guess God still has a plan for me. I've literally been waiting to die but today, I figured I'm not going to die just yet because the effect of sniper is almost instant. I decided to do it because I reached out to one of my mates abroad and he totally bullshited me. I felt I had nothing going on for me anymore. I can go for months and nobody would call my line except the occasional wrong number and immediate family. I never felt so alone in my life. My circle is literally made up of only my family members. Family is great but I still felt terribly empty. I figured people would rather donate to help bury a person rather than help when the person is alive so the burden of my funeral wouldn't weigh on my family. Two days after drinking the sniper I looked at my mother and cried bitterly. She wondered why but I told her not to worry. She said things would get better. I can only imagine the hurt I would have caused her even though I ensured nobody knew how I died because I disposed the Sniper bottle well. I currently don't feel any discomfort. I have passed urine and poo multiple times since I drank it. I guess I'm not dying soon, at least not by killing myself.

I left out quite a lot in this story trying to be as brief as possible. Suicide is never the answer. If you kill yourself life will not stop for you. Thanks for reading.

My brother this is a great opportunity to turn to God, I know a lot of people will say everything is not prayer but turn to him because he has the final solution but please go to hospital and do proper check up because your intestine may be decaying slowly, but please don't kill yourself.

Draslo:
You're the worst kind of human. Make your point without sounding like a dipshit

To a dying man, nothing really matter, if the condition of the parent doesn’t move his ass that he attempted suicide not contemplated suicide. It is his life though. He is heartless forget it.

tollyboy5:
God bless you bro.
You most of us faced the problem of lack of planning from our parents. Whether poor or rich planning is required. Though we're only two but my parent did not plan at all.
They were just living.
I have been a natural realistic person from my childhood so my common sense already told me the reality of things.
When my secondary school had to change to a more affordable sch I still do my best.

The op parent acted foolishly to build a false impression in his head and wasting money to put him in a better School.
The Op parent could not call him to order so he'll know the present situation of the family and work towards building a stronger family.
The op refused to know that he's now on his own and the world is not a deligent market were you have to be honest.
The best math student before my Seth in secondary school, when I was doing my IT I saw him working as a conductor.
Parent should be sincere to their children to reduce the shock of disappointment from unrealistic expectations.

Now the op life is in his hand. I have friends that train themselves to school.

If your parents see you up to the end of secondary school, they've already done a bit for you in terms of planning. By 18 your life is in your hands.

TrustTheProcess:
You may be wondering what madness drove me to this but it isn't madness but a deep rooted depression that built up for over 15 years.

I'm 31 going on 32. A lot went wrong for me in my life. Some were mistakes of my doing while others were largely financial constraints for my family. I attended a primary school and secondary schools that would be the envy of many parents. I first realised something was wrong when I was sent home from school for inability to pay school fees. I was 16 and in SS3 in a full boarding school. My fees in 2008 was about 600k+ a term. My father rallied and got it paid so I could graduate. Parents tend to shield their children when there are financial problems so I was oblivious of it. I saw that whenever I brought brochures of schools abroad to my father, he'd ignore them. I had anticipated like many of my mates in school to further our education in the US, UK or Canada. It was when i came back to school to get my WAEC results that my dad informed the principal that I'd be applying to Yaba College of Technology. I was devastated but not deterred. I believed I could still achieve a lot there because I was bright and had a super result. I didn't write SAT or IGCSE but I thought I might write either a year after or do A levels.
That year, I wrote Poly JAMB before it was merged with regular university JAMB. I passed my Poly JAMB and was admitted into Yaba College of Technology. This is where my problems started. My now late p
maternal uncle was a student there back then and was told to monitor when the list of admitted students were posted. For some reason, he said my name didn't come out in the first, second, third and supplementary admission lists. After much probing, it was found out that my name was in the first list and the time it was discovered was well into the 1st semester so the admission was forfeited. I tried again the next year for UNILAG but I didn't get admitted for whatever reason UNILAG knows because I passed JAMB and Post JAMB. By this time, we could barely pay our rent and were barely getting by. I grew up a butter kid so I didn't have that hustle spirit. I just felt things would get better but I got a job at a business centre as a typist. Years passed doing one odd job to the other. School wasn't an option for me at this point mabecause we simply couldn't afford it and my siblings were still in secondary school. It was private but affordable. I desperately needed to up my game and I honestly believed it was up to me to uplift my family again.
I got so depressed because I wasn't heading anywhere. I owed more than half my salary before it was paid so saving was never really an option. I was just getting by. By this time, I was working at a petrol station as a fuel attendant. I strived not to cheat people and this made me the most hated amongst my colleagues. We were from vastly different backgrounds and upbringing and it showed. I couldn't hide it even if I tried. If I took a break, someone would sell from my pump to ensure I got shortages. My shortages piled up to about 50k and I cried bitterly. I later got admitted into a maritime school but couldn't complete my studies because of finances. I took up shift jobs and all my dreams and aspirations disappeared at this point cos all I wanted was to survive. I begun smoking cannabis which at the time seemed a great help to me at the time as it helped me accept my life condition. I was introduced to Yahoo but I despised the idea of scamming people. I just wasn't brought up like that. I instead took up selling cannabis as it seemed like an honest hustle even though I was aware of its illegality. This also didn't work for me because I just wasn't cut out for that kind of life.
At 29, with only WASSCE to my name. I wasn't getting any reasonable job offers. I hated my self and my life. In all of this, things didn't get better for my family either. We were a shadow of ourselves. Friends and family who would literally mob us daily were no where to be found. This was worse because both my parents were kind of breadwinners in their respective families. I would usually see my former schoolmates on social media living the dream, my dream. 90% of my mates were abroad and working. Some had married oyinbo and started cute families. The ones that didn't school there went to private unis here in Naija and are doing well. They travel whenever they please. I've seen two of my mates making front page on Nairaland for being outstanding in their respective fields. It made me bitter and want to die.
I've been harbouring this suicidal thought for about 3 years now. Why I hadn't tried was because I knew my family can't afford a funeral and it would literally kill my mom whose health had deteriorated. What triggered me was this past Christmas/New year. We barely had anything to eat. I am currently unemployed and live with my parents in a one bedroom apartment. You can imagine the drama that comes along with that. I always wonder when I see other youth doing well and ask myself if I'm being punished for something. This year is worse because of the inflation. I barely eat even though you can hardly tell by my physique.
Long story short, I found half a bottle of sniper at a public toilet and stole it. I mixed it with a bowl of okra soup and drank it. I didn't die. I guess God still has a plan for me. I've literally been waiting to die but today, I figured I'm not going to die just yet because the effect of sniper is almost instant. I decided to do it because I reached out to one of my mates abroad and he totally bullshited me. I felt I had nothing going on for me anymore. I can go for months and nobody would call my line except the occasional wrong number and immediate family. I never felt so alone in my life. My circle is literally made up of only my family members. Family is great but I still felt terribly empty. I figured people would rather donate to help bury a person rather than help when the person is alive so the burden of my funeral wouldn't weigh on my family. Two days after drinking the sniper I looked at my mother and cried bitterly. She wondered why but I told her not to worry. She said things would get better. I can only imagine the hurt I would have caused her even though I ensured nobody knew how I died because I disposed the Sniper bottle well. I currently don't feel any discomfort. I have passed urine and poo multiple times since I drank it. I guess I'm not dying soon, at least not by killing myself.

I left out quite a lot in this story trying to be as brief as possible. Suicide is never the answer. If you kill yourself life will not stop for you. Thanks for reading.

as a father, I have learned something from your parents mistake. Currently I am the bread winner of my family like yours. Everyone live as if their life depends on me. I receive many calls daily from parants and many friends that pretend to love me. I think it is time for me to rethink and focus on my children knowing that no one cares

It was a very wrong move attempting suicide ,you would have ended up putting your whole family in disarray knowing fully well you are the senior among your siblings.
That part of your admission to yaba tech ,how come u didn't double check instead relying on your uncle report,that's careless and an act of ignorance on your part.Know what you passing through right now many will still go through and many have surpassed the stage you are right now .it is how you choose to face your battles that determines how ready you are to succumb.
Embrace life ,yes it has smitten and stabbed you badly you can emerge victorious depending on how you choose to play the game.always remember YOU, Many ,and myself likewise are going through same and DEATH (not even suicide) is an option.
Improve your faith life ,that way you are able to encourage yourself and feel determinable about your goals.

TrustTheProcess:
You may be wondering what madness drove me to this but it isn't madness but a deep rooted depression that built up for over 15 years.

I'm 31 going on 32. A lot went wrong for me in my life. Some were mistakes of my doing while others were largely financial constraints for my family. I attended a primary school and secondary schools that would be the envy of many parents. I first realised something was wrong when I was sent home from school for inability to pay school fees. I was 16 and in SS3 in a full boarding school. My fees in 2008 was about 600k+ a term. My father rallied and got it paid so I could graduate. Parents tend to shield their children when there are financial problems so I was oblivious of it. I saw that whenever I brought brochures of schools abroad to my father, he'd ignore them. I had anticipated like many of my mates in school to further our education in the US, UK or Canada. It was when i came back to school to get my WAEC results that my dad informed the principal that I'd be applying to Yaba College of Technology. I was devastated but not deterred. I believed I could still achieve a lot there because I was bright and had a super result. I didn't write SAT or IGCSE but I thought I might write either a year after or do A levels.
That year, I wrote Poly JAMB before it was merged with regular university JAMB. I passed my Poly JAMB and was admitted into Yaba College of Technology. This is where my problems started. My now late p
maternal uncle was a student there back then and was told to monitor when the list of admitted students were posted. For some reason, he said my name didn't come out in the first, second, third and supplementary admission lists. After much probing, it was found out that my name was in the first list and the time it was discovered was well into the 1st semester so the admission was forfeited. I tried again the next year for UNILAG but I didn't get admitted for whatever reason UNILAG knows because I passed JAMB and Post JAMB. By this time, we could barely pay our rent and were barely getting by. I grew up a butter kid so I didn't have that hustle spirit. I just felt things would get better but I got a job at a business centre as a typist. Years passed doing one odd job to the other. School wasn't an option for me at this point mabecause we simply couldn't afford it and my siblings were still in secondary school. It was private but affordable. I desperately needed to up my game and I honestly believed it was up to me to uplift my family again.
I got so depressed because I wasn't heading anywhere. I owed more than half my salary before it was paid so saving was never really an option. I was just getting by. By this time, I was working at a petrol station as a fuel attendant. I strived not to cheat people and this made me the most hated amongst my colleagues. We were from vastly different backgrounds and upbringing and it showed. I couldn't hide it even if I tried. If I took a break, someone would sell from my pump to ensure I got shortages. My shortages piled up to about 50k and I cried bitterly. I later got admitted into a maritime school but couldn't complete my studies because of finances. I took up shift jobs and all my dreams and aspirations disappeared at this point cos all I wanted was to survive. I begun smoking cannabis which at the time seemed a great help to me at the time as it helped me accept my life condition. I was introduced to Yahoo but I despised the idea of scamming people. I just wasn't brought up like that. I instead took up selling cannabis as it seemed like an honest hustle even though I was aware of its illegality. This also didn't work for me because I just wasn't cut out for that kind of life.
At 29, with only WASSCE to my name. I wasn't getting any reasonable job offers. I hated my self and my life. In all of this, things didn't get better for my family either. We were a shadow of ourselves. Friends and family who would literally mob us daily were no where to be found. This was worse because both my parents were kind of breadwinners in their respective families. I would usually see my former schoolmates on social media living the dream, my dream. 90% of my mates were abroad and working. Some had married oyinbo and started cute families. The ones that didn't school there went to private unis here in Naija and are doing well. They travel whenever they please. I've seen two of my mates making front page on Nairaland for being outstanding in their respective fields. It made me bitter and want to die.
I've been harbouring this suicidal thought for about 3 years now. Why I hadn't tried was because I knew my family can't afford a funeral and it would literally kill my mom whose health had deteriorated. What triggered me was this past Christmas/New year. We barely had anything to eat. I am currently unemployed and live with my parents in a one bedroom apartment. You can imagine the drama that comes along with that. I always wonder when I see other youth doing well and ask myself if I'm being punished for something. This year is worse because of the inflation. I barely eat even though you can hardly tell by my physique.
Long story short, I found half a bottle of sniper at a public toilet and stole it. I mixed it with a bowl of okra soup and drank it. I didn't die. I guess God still has a plan for me. I've literally been waiting to die but today, I figured I'm not going to die just yet because the effect of sniper is almost instant. I decided to do it because I reached out to one of my mates abroad and he totally bullshited me. I felt I had nothing going on for me anymore. I can go for months and nobody would call my line except the occasional wrong number and immediate family. I never felt so alone in my life. My circle is literally made up of only my family members. Family is great but I still felt terribly empty. I figured people would rather donate to help bury a person rather than help when the person is alive so the burden of my funeral wouldn't weigh on my family. Two days after drinking the sniper I looked at my mother and cried bitterly. She wondered why but I told her not to worry. She said things would get better. I can only imagine the hurt I would have caused her even though I ensured nobody knew how I died because I disposed the Sniper bottle well. I currently don't feel any discomfort. I have passed urine and poo multiple times since I drank it. I guess I'm not dying soon, at least not by killing myself.

I left out quite a lot in this story trying to be as brief as possible. Suicide is never the answer. If you kill yourself life will not stop for you. Thanks for reading.

I am pushed to respond to you in my spirit. Let me point out a few things.

1. You lack hope. You are not investing your effort in any thing with the potential to become successfully rewarding.

2. You are putting too much emphasis on formal education and getting formal employment. That boat sailed from Nigeria a long time ago. You could have gone to univlag and graduate and still be jobless.

3. You parents lost their livelihood and are still struggling to live in Lagos. They should have moved to a more affordable environment, instead of relying on your odd jobs.

4. You think nothing can work, but all you have been doing are odd jobs. This is same reason I tell people never relocate abroad just for odd jobs, they can never meet your needs.



Answers.
No matter who you are there is always something in your hands.

1. Did you know you can study parttime, or distance learning, or through the open university and get properly educated. 32 is sufficiently young to achieve whatever you want. But a certificate may not get you a job.

2.Rather than thinking of certificates. Think if utilitarian Education. Software and Tech, oil and gas welding, Art and Music. Get yourself these by looking for people to volunteer to, so you do not pay fees. Yes, you need to leave home and head to where your desired opportunity lies. You need to think of your future, not just helping your parents. Look for oil and gas welding companies and volunteer eg. Oilserve, Ennikom.

3. If you are not keen on formal sector, the informal sector is there. That's where Igbos survived the war. What does your parents have? A piece of land in rural setting is great. Head there start a poultry farm, start small with very little and work to expand it. Or farm vegetables or rear fish or goat. Any form of farming is better than working as a fuel attendant cause you have the potential to grow and expand. Sit down and think about what you have in your hands and start something with it.

4. Stop living other peoples life or dreaming of it, we all have our paths and challenges. You are very lucky but you are not aware. You have good health, there are people with so much resources, but cannot even eat a single meal without pains. The only thing wrong is that you are not investing your efforts well. Your are investing in short term solutions -odd jobs

nabiz:
as a father, I have learned something from your parents mistake. Currently I am the bread winner of my family like yours. Everyone live as if their life depends on me. I receive many calls daily from parants and many friends that pretend to love me. I think it is time for me to rethink and focus on my children knowing that no one cares

Plan for the future from the present.

No be sniper you drink,na salt water.if you drink sniper and you never die,it means life really mean you.if you jump inside lagoon self dem go rescue you.

Hmmm

GerogeI:
I am pushed to respond to you in my spirit. Let me point out a few things.

1. You lack hope. You are not investing your effort in any thing with the potential to become successfully rewarding.

2. You are putting too much emphasis on formal education and getting formal employment. That boat sailed from Nigeria a long time ago. You could have gone to univlag and graduate and still be jobless.

3. You parents lost their livelihood and are still struggling to live in Lagos. They should have moved to a more affordable environment, instead of relying on your odd jobs.

4. You think nothing can work, but all you have been doing are odd jobs. This is same reason I tell people never relocate abroad just for odd jobs, they can never meet your needs.



Answers.
No matter who you are there is always something in your hands.

1. Did you know you can study parttime, or distance learning, or through the open university and get properly educated. 32 is sufficiently young to achieve whatever you want. But a certificate may not get you a job.

2.Rather than thinking of certificates. Think if utilitarian Education. Software and Tech, oil and gas welding, Art and Music. Get yourself these by looking for people to volunteer to, so you do not pay fees. Yes, you need to leave home and head to where your desired opportunity lies. You need to think of your future, not just helping your parents. Look for oil and gas welding companies and volunteer eg. Oilserve, Ennikom.

3. If you are not keen on formal sector, the informal sector is there. That's where Igbos survived the war. What does your parents have? A piece of land in rural setting is great. Head there start a poultry farm, start small with very little and work to expand it. Or farm vegetables or rear fish or goat. Any form of farming is better than working as a fuel attendant cause you have the potential to grow and expand. Sit down and think about what you have in your hands and start something with it.

4. Stop living other peoples life or dreaming of it, we all have our paths and challenges. You are very lucky but you are not aware. You have good health, there are people with so much resources, but cannot even eat a single meal without pains. The only thing wrong is that you are not investing your efforts well. Your are investing in short term solutions -odd jobs

Thank you for your perspective. I live in Lagos. i have been thinking about applying to NOUN. I saw their application for the new year ends in May so I have some time to gather the application fee. I just fear I might not be able to afford the fees as it's over 100k. I forgot to add that I attended NIIT to get a diploma in Software engineering at some point but couldn't further because it became unaffordable even though they allowed fees to be paid in installments. I wasn't just able to meet up. As for the welding job, if you could link me up, it'd be great. I'm just about willing to do anything right now. My parents sold off their lands over the years. I really wished they hadn't. I've never been to my village. I don't even know what it looks like. Even if my father has land there he's probably forfeited it already because he's not been there since I was born either.
My dream would be to go to culinary school but It's way too expensive. I've realised my passion is in making food. Especially over the fire cooking (grilling, especially) .It's when I'm at my happiest. I must have watched over 2000 videos on YouTube on this subject. I figure at this stage in life, if I'm not doing what I love, more depression would set in unless the money's good.

You are isolated in the wrong way.

Go out daily to breath fresh air.

So you know superstars on newspaper but can't contact them not for charity or vice CEO position but just entry level position (so you get out of the house everyday).

When real depression knack you, you would forget about okor soup and down that snipper like a real suicidal man (real snipper would melt tin plastic so you can imagine what it does to your internal organ).

Lanretoye:
No be sniper you drink,na salt water.if you drink sniper and you never die,it means life really mean you.if you jump inside lagoon self dem go rescue you.

He probably went to buy the snipper looking depressed so they diluted it.

You never talk true

TrustTheProcess:
You may be wondering what madness drove me to this but it isn't madness but a deep rooted depression that built up for over 15 years.

I'm 31 going on 32. A lot went wrong for me in my life. Some were mistakes of my doing while others were largely financial constraints for my family. I attended a primary school and secondary schools that would be the envy of many parents. I first realised something was wrong when I was sent home from school for inability to pay school fees. I was 16 and in SS3 in a full boarding school. My fees in 2008 was about 600k+ a term. My father rallied and got it paid so I could graduate. Parents tend to shield their children when there are financial problems so I was oblivious of it. I saw that whenever I brought brochures of schools abroad to my father, he'd ignore them. I had anticipated like many of my mates in school to further our education in the US, UK or Canada. It was when i came back to school to get my WAEC results that my dad informed the principal that I'd be applying to Yaba College of Technology. I was devastated but not deterred. I believed I could still achieve a lot there because I was bright and had a super result. I didn't write SAT or IGCSE but I thought I might write either a year after or do A levels.
That year, I wrote Poly JAMB before it was merged with regular university JAMB. I passed my Poly JAMB and was admitted into Yaba College of Technology. This is where my problems started. My now late p
maternal uncle was a student there back then and was told to monitor when the list of admitted students were posted. For some reason, he said my name didn't come out in the first, second, third and supplementary admission lists. After much probing, it was found out that my name was in the first list and the time it was discovered was well into the 1st semester so the admission was forfeited. I tried again the next year for UNILAG but I didn't get admitted for whatever reason UNILAG knows because I passed JAMB and Post JAMB. By this time, we could barely pay our rent and were barely getting by. I grew up a butter kid so I didn't have that hustle spirit. I just felt things would get better but I got a job at a business centre as a typist. Years passed doing one odd job to the other. School wasn't an option for me at this point mabecause we simply couldn't afford it and my siblings were still in secondary school. It was private but affordable. I desperately needed to up my game and I honestly believed it was up to me to uplift my family again.
I got so depressed because I wasn't heading anywhere. I owed more than half my salary before it was paid so saving was never really an option. I was just getting by. By this time, I was working at a petrol station as a fuel attendant. I strived not to cheat people and this made me the most hated amongst my colleagues. We were from vastly different backgrounds and upbringing and it showed. I couldn't hide it even if I tried. If I took a break, someone would sell from my pump to ensure I got shortages. My shortages piled up to about 50k and I cried bitterly. I later got admitted into a maritime school but couldn't complete my studies because of finances. I took up shift jobs and all my dreams and aspirations disappeared at this point cos all I wanted was to survive. I begun smoking cannabis which at the time seemed a great help to me at the time as it helped me accept my life condition. I was introduced to Yahoo but I despised the idea of scamming people. I just wasn't brought up like that. I instead took up selling cannabis as it seemed like an honest hustle even though I was aware of its illegality. This also didn't work for me because I just wasn't cut out for that kind of life.
At 29, with only WASSCE to my name. I wasn't getting any reasonable job offers. I hated my self and my life. In all of this, things didn't get better for my family either. We were a shadow of ourselves. Friends and family who would literally mob us daily were no where to be found. This was worse because both my parents were kind of breadwinners in their respective families. I would usually see my former schoolmates on social media living the dream, my dream. 90% of my mates were abroad and working. Some had married oyinbo and started cute families. The ones that didn't school there went to private unis here in Naija and are doing well. They travel whenever they please. I've seen two of my mates making front page on Nairaland for being outstanding in their respective fields. It made me bitter and want to die.
I've been harbouring this suicidal thought for about 3 years now. Why I hadn't tried was because I knew my family can't afford a funeral and it would literally kill my mom whose health had deteriorated. What triggered me was this past Christmas/New year. We barely had anything to eat. I am currently unemployed and live with my parents in a one bedroom apartment. You can imagine the drama that comes along with that. I always wonder when I see other youth doing well and ask myself if I'm being punished for something. This year is worse because of the inflation. I barely eat even though you can hardly tell by my physique.
Long story short, I found half a bottle of sniper at a public toilet and stole it. I mixed it with a bowl of okra soup and drank it. I didn't die. I guess God still has a plan for me. I've literally been waiting to die but today, I figured I'm not going to die just yet because the effect of sniper is almost instant. I decided to do it because I reached out to one of my mates abroad and he totally bullshited me. I felt I had nothing going on for me anymore. I can go for months and nobody would call my line except the occasional wrong number and immediate family. I never felt so alone in my life. My circle is literally made up of only my family members. Family is great but I still felt terribly empty. I figured people would rather donate to help bury a person rather than help when the person is alive so the burden of my funeral wouldn't weigh on my family. Two days after drinking the sniper I looked at my mother and cried bitterly. She wondered why but I told her not to worry. She said things would get better. I can only imagine the hurt I would have caused her even though I ensured nobody knew how I died because I disposed the Sniper bottle well. I currently don't feel any discomfort. I have passed urine and poo multiple times since I drank it. I guess I'm not dying soon, at least not by killing myself.

I left out quite a lot in this story trying to be as brief as possible. Suicide is never the answer. If you kill yourself life will not stop for you. Thanks for reading.

You get luck say you na fake sniper you drink,na fake full market now it's cheaper,if na original you for done ghost by now,or the sniper might have already been diluted by the origin owner,since you said stole the half bottle of sniper,you are indeed lucky

My advice for you is number one begin to read the Bible,strat praying,not shouting up and down oh,but humble prayer,pour out your heart to God,say father lord talk to him,nextly go out and begin to hustle if it 2k or 3k even 1500 daily begin to do it,if it's offloading work do it,I really feel for you because as just a young lady of 24 I've gone through all this things,born rich enjoying life suddenly my life turned upside down,I couldn't even get enrolled for jamb,i was a mess,just walking up and down, people were saying am wasting my life but i got a sales girl work, from their I began to battle it out,such things are actually sign of great destiny that the devil is trying to break oh,i was so depressed,i was drowning in sorrow intill i met my love,my precious light, thank God i be woman,in that aspect,my guy get up and move

EKONGKING:
Majority of Nigerian parents don't plan , whether they are rich or poor ,they produce kids like pigs or dogs .

They don't plan for unforseen circumstances especially in a country like Nigeria ,and produce kids to suffer along with them .

Had to log in just to like this comment. This is such a huge problem. But the average Nigerian is too much of an illiterate to see it.

I really feel for Op. Nigeria is such a horrible place to be born. You inherit the curse of poverty from your parents and have to fight your whole life to get rid of it, in a country where all the odds are against you. All that could have been avoided if someone just used a condom or birth control. Op, I really appreciate you for sticking to being a good person even after all the shit you go through. Nigeria doesn't favor good people, only selfishness. Please keep pushing OP. You write so great. Maybe you can share articles about some of your life experience on medium. I would definitely love to read.

Bro... You need to stop smoking anything that alters your perception of reality... Because if you continue, you will never be able to reach stable ground.... It will comfort you and give you great ideas but it is a thief of time... Secondly, what value can you provide society that will make them give you compensation for it? Do you have any skills? That is marketable? Because from your write up I get the feeling that you have not yet grown into your own man, and still have some expectations that was not fulfilled in your youth by your parents and because of that you have resentment and if you don't know, that resentment is the reason for your self sabotage... You need to let go of what could and embrace with all your heart what IS! And then start from where you are today, with no reference to your past, and no blame game... And then begin to build a life only into the future.... Get skills, look online for skills in demand, and learn passionately... This is the time for you to really determine... I was told warren buffet became wealthy in old age so it's never too late... Skills, become very good by practicing and constant learning, and then begin to provide value in a way that will be appreciated... You can start in a church or somewhere that you can really develop with real-world examples and then you can build a business around it.... Create and ideal life for yourself and then live your life in pursuit of it.... Once again forget your past.. It's dead weight. The tools to build your future is ALL within you all you need is ACTION!

May our sows ress in piese

Thanks for your advice everybody. I'm taking it one day at a time. God bless you