₦airaland Forum

tomi4life:
Not sure if this is the right forum, but I am unhappy, as I type this message, I think it is usually too late to cry when the head is cut off, but i will cry anyways.

I have been married for 6 years now and brethren it has not been easy, I think I married a wrong person, am not a perfect neither is she, i just think we are not compatible. There is is no love between us. Our values are different. Me and my wife dont get along, well.

We have just been tolerating each other. I only realize what i am missing because i recent caught feelings for this colleague of mine. So there is this colleague of mine, we have worked together for almost 2 years now but more related to work. I have started catching feelings for this girl o and it all started in a party we attend together. I know she too has feeling for me. I see it in her eyes. She comes to sit with me, and we talk about alot of private stuff. She tells me all that is happening in her life, i also do same. she knows I am married with kids but i am sure if i make a move she will agree. I never could imagine I will find myself in a situation, tempted to commit adultery. When i have a wife at home, this opened my eyes and push me to want resolved the relationship issue with my wife. I approached her some days ago to voice my concern that the marriage is not working, we dont communicate, there is no love, what can we do to resolve the matter. My wife said she is used to our situation. I asked what can we do differently and she says we shd go see a marriage counselor. I said fine but can we even discuss and she tells me she is tired she wants to sleep and then stops responding to me.

My wife prefers to sleep alone, despite me telling her we shd sleep together as a couple. if she is in the room and I come to the room she will immediately goes to the parlor, we rarely have body contact. The few times we have sex she never kisses even when i try, she puts her mouth away. Even in the car we can be on a drive for 1 hr, without mentioning a word to each other. Most times it is either the car radio or my kids that break the silence. What surprises me is she is very comfortable with it, you just see her on her phone. The only saving grace is I have a source of income and provide for the home that why she listens sometimes.

Reflecting back on if i had to opportunity i wont have married her, she has caused me alot of pain. she doesnt play that supportive role expected of a wife, she has this feminist tendency. She also has this ego issue and find it difficult to take feedback, whenever i raise an issue, she just get very upset and in many times it turns into a fight. There are days I fall sick, my wife no send o. Even cooking for me is like stress. She goes out without telling me, does things without getting my consent or even carrying me along. When she brings people to the house, she wont even introduce them to me as her husband. she doesnt send respect or regards me. I tell you an example of something that happened last year, we were travelling November last year to the UK on holidays with the children, because of our luggages we took two uber vehicles, I sat in one with my daughter, my wife sat in the other with my son. While on the way to the airport, do you know my wife asked the driver to take a detour to shoprite that she wants to give someone the left over stew and food items we had. Shoprite is not on the way to the airport, we had less than 2 hours to go for an intentional flight. It was me that noticed their car going a different direction, I had to call the uber driver to tell him to turn back immediately. When the uber guy came he told me he had asked my wife to mention it to me, but she said no need, I dont need to be told. We got to the airport while offloading the luggage from the car, my wife suddenly disappeared. I had 8 boxes , 2 children to move with. Thank God for those people that help with the luggage at the airport. I passed through customs and NDLEA and began to clear with the airline before she showed up. I was so mad, even a custom lady was yelling at her, how can you just disappear leaving your husband with all the loads and children. My wife didnt even apologize, she said she went to drop the food items with the person she asked to come to the airport, after i asked the uber driver to reroute to the airport. That is how disunited we are.


The good side is not cheating, and she is spiritual, she can go to church 10 times a week, currently serves in 2 units and hold leadership roles in those unit. I have told her if she give 20 percent of the time in church to our relationship and family we would be happier. The major complain she mentioned from my side is we shd go out together more often, she wants me to organize morning devotions, that we shd pray more with the children, this was something I believe her dad did when they were growing up, the experience is different for me. I have told her I will try. She also mentioned I like to complain, which is not true.

This whole thing is hitting me hard cos I dont want to cheat with my colleague and i just experienced a glimpse of what we shd be enjoying. I also have the chance of relocating to the Australia but i knw if we do, I will enter one chance.

Does anyone knw a good marriage counselor, that can be recommended, I saw one done by one of this popular pastor they are asking for $150 for a 1hour session, I also dont want to involve my family or her family.

I am tempted to just leave the house for 2 weeks and go stay in an hotel, but how will that help it will only make matters worse.

tomi4life:
Not sure if this is the right forum, but I am unhappy, as I type this message, I think it is usually too late to cry when the head is cut off, but i will cry anyways.

I have been married for 6 years now and brethren it has not been easy, I think I married a wrong person, am not a perfect neither is she, i just think we are not compatible. There is is no love between us. Our values are different. Me and my wife dont get along, well.

We have just been tolerating each other. I only realize what i am missing because i recent caught feelings for this colleague of mine. So there is this colleague of mine, we have worked together for almost 2 years now but more related to work. I have started catching feelings for this girl o and it all started in a party we attend together. I know she too has feeling for me. I see it in her eyes. She comes to sit with me, and we talk about alot of private stuff. She tells me all that is happening in her life, i also do same. she knows I am married with kids but i am sure if i make a move she will agree. I never could imagine I will find myself in a situation, tempted to commit adultery. When i have a wife at home, this opened my eyes and push me to want resolved the relationship issue with my wife. I approached her some days ago to voice my concern that the marriage is not working, we dont communicate, there is no love, what can we do to resolve the matter. My wife said she is used to our situation. I asked what can we do differently and she says we shd go see a marriage counselor. I said fine but can we even discuss and she tells me she is tired she wants to sleep and then stops responding to me.

My wife prefers to sleep alone, despite me telling her we shd sleep together as a couple. if she is in the room and I come to the room she will immediately goes to the parlor, we rarely have body contact. The few times we have sex she never kisses even when i try, she puts her mouth away. Even in the car we can be on a drive for 1 hr, without mentioning a word to each other. Most times it is either the car radio or my kids that break the silence. What surprises me is she is very comfortable with it, you just see her on her phone. The only saving grace is I have a source of income and provide for the home that why she listens sometimes.

Reflecting back on if i had to opportunity i wont have married her, she has caused me alot of pain. she doesnt play that supportive role expected of a wife, she has this feminist tendency. She also has this ego issue and find it difficult to take feedback, whenever i raise an issue, she just get very upset and in many times it turns into a fight. There are days I fall sick, my wife no send o. Even cooking for me is like stress. She goes out without telling me, does things without getting my consent or even carrying me along. When she brings people to the house, she wont even introduce them to me as her husband. she doesnt send respect or regards me. I tell you an example of something that happened last year, we were travelling November last year to the UK on holidays with the children, because of our luggages we took two uber vehicles, I sat in one with my daughter, my wife sat in the other with my son. While on the way to the airport, do you know my wife asked the driver to take a detour to shoprite that she wants to give someone the left over stew and food items we had. Shoprite is not on the way to the airport, we had less than 2 hours to go for an intentional flight. It was me that noticed their car going a different direction, I had to call the uber driver to tell him to turn back immediately. When the uber guy came he told me he had asked my wife to mention it to me, but she said no need, I dont need to be told. We got to the airport while offloading the luggage from the car, my wife suddenly disappeared. I had 8 boxes , 2 children to move with. Thank God for those people that help with the luggage at the airport. I passed through customs and NDLEA and began to clear with the airline before she showed up. I was so mad, even a custom lady was yelling at her, how can you just disappear leaving your husband with all the loads and children. My wife didnt even apologize, she said she went to drop the food items with the person she asked to come to the airport, after i asked the uber driver to reroute to the airport. That is how disunited we are.


The good side is not cheating, and she is spiritual, she can go to church 10 times a week, currently serves in 2 units and hold leadership roles in those unit. I have told her if she give 20 percent of the time in church to our relationship and family we would be happier. The major complain she mentioned from my side is we shd go out together more often, she wants me to organize morning devotions, that we shd pray more with the children, this was something I believe her dad did when they were growing up, the experience is different for me. I have told her I will try. She also mentioned I like to complain, which is not true.

This whole thing is hitting me hard cos I dont want to cheat with my colleague and i just experienced a glimpse of what we shd be enjoying. I also have the chance of relocating to the Australia but i knw if we do, I will enter one chance.

Does anyone knw a good marriage counselor, that can be recommended, I saw one done by one of this popular pastor they are asking for $150 for a 1hour session, I also dont want to involve my family or her family.

I am tempted to just leave the house for 2 weeks and go stay in an hotel, but how will that help it will only make matters worse.

Dexy4yah:
Your husband is doing ok financially and doesn't cheat on you. He takes care of you and the kids but yet you are still giving him attitude for no reason.

Some women get problem aswear.


She is one of those women that worship their pastors but at home they disrespect their husbands.
Please don't joke with your peace of mind...if she's tired of the marriage...show her the exit door.
This life is too short for someone to be taking away your peace of mind.

Jeon:
Abeg divorce, and let's breathe. Moreover they said "Marriage is no benefit to them,
They don't need love,
Women don't have anything to offer" , yet they will be clingy and asking for help once they see the wife no send their popsi.

tomi4life:
Not sure if this is the right forum, but I am ke matters worse.

Jeon:
Abeg divorce, and let's breathe. Moreover they said "Marriage is no benefit to them,
They don't need love,
Women don't have anything to offer" , yet they will be clingy and asking for help once they see the wife no send their popsi.

tomi4life:
Not sure if this is the right forum, but I am unhappy, as I type this message, I think it is usually too late

I am tempted to just leave the house for 2 weeks and go stay in an hotel, but how will that help it will only make matters worse.

Mjshexy:
My simple question is, was there any atom of courtship before jumping into this ship or both of you dumped that important class and went ahead with marriage just like that?

MarketDispatch:
Your Solution is inside your wife's phone. Until you find out who she is chatting with about all the things going on in your marriage ...that is when you start having your freedom, solution and peace of mind.

Proserpina:
All this epistle on top spark you catch with your office girl

You will be alright

weslay:
For the sake of your kids, don't mess with that colleague of yours. Go through with the counseling and see how things progress.

As the leader of your household, what is your challenge with leading morning devotions?

EmperorCaesar:
Did u even go through his write-up?
Can u feel the pain in his heart via this message?
After all that, is this the best u can fine up with?

U people no just get heart

Shame on men who still consider cohabiting with women in 2024

MrIcredible:
My only problem with you is your stupidity and nativity to thinking or believing that she's not CHEATING on you, just because "she can go to church 10 times in a week"....
Yet, your wife prefers to be on her phone than anything that concerns you.
What do you think she's doing on her phone? Playing candy crush?

Do you know the people she's talking to? What kind of communication she's having?
Do you have access to her phone?
Do you know her password?

You seem to know nothing about women...
It will surprise you that in that your 6 years marriage, there are other years of relationships with other men you know nothing about... Even the ones older than your relationship and marriage with her...

No woman feels comfortable in a toxic environment or marriage, unless she's having an affair with others outside and she's enjoying it.
It could be with her ex
Her pastor
Her church member
Or boss...


It's even possible you're not the father of one or both children you think you have together.

If you doubt me, try hacking her phone and seriously monitor her for just 3 months and you'll find all the answers you're looking for.
Life is already too complicated and you don't have to allow one winch of a wife to be stressing you more.
If you can't find peace with her, DUMP HER! Forget about the children, they'll be fine as long as you take care of them and take good responsibility for their care. You don't her to be with their mother to do that.

tomi4life:
Not sure if this is the right forum, but I am unhappy, as I type this message, I think it is usually too late to cry when the head is cut off, but i will cry anyways.

I have been married for 6 years now and brethren it has not been easy, I think I married a wrong person, am not a perfect neither is she, i just think we are not compatible. There is is no love between us. Our values are different. Me and my wife dont get along, well.

We have just been tolerating each other. I only realize what i am missing because i recent caught feelings for this colleague of mine. So there is this colleague of mine, we have worked together for almost 2 years now but more related to work. I have started catching feelings for this girl o and it all started in a party we attend together. I know she too has feeling for me. I see it in her eyes. She comes to sit with me, and we talk about alot of private stuff. She tells me all that is happening in her life, i also do same. she knows I am married with kids but i am sure if i make a move she will agree. I never could imagine I will find myself in a situation, tempted to commit adultery. When i have a wife at home, this opened my eyes and push me to want resolved the relationship issue with my wife. I approached her some days ago to voice my concern that the marriage is not working, we dont communicate, there is no love, what can we do to resolve the matter. My wife said she is used to our situation. I asked what can we do differently and she says we shd go see a marriage counselor. I said fine but can we even discuss and she tells me she is tired she wants to sleep and then stops responding to me.

My wife prefers to sleep alone, despite me telling her we shd sleep together as a couple. if she is in the room and I come to the room she will immediately goes to the parlor, we rarely have body contact. The few times we have sex she never kisses even when i try, she puts her mouth away. Even in the car we can be on a drive for 1 hr, without mentioning a word to each other. Most times it is either the car radio or my kids that break the silence. What surprises me is she is very comfortable with it, you just see her on her phone. The only saving grace is I have a source of income and provide for the home that why she listens sometimes.

Reflecting back on if i had to opportunity i wont have married her, she has caused me alot of pain. she doesnt play that supportive role expected of a wife, she has this feminist tendency. She also has this ego issue and find it difficult to take feedback, whenever i raise an issue, she just get very upset and in many times it turns into a fight. There are days I fall sick, my wife no send o. Even cooking for me is like stress. She goes out without telling me, does things without getting my consent or even carrying me along. When she brings people to the house, she wont even introduce them to me as her husband. she doesnt send respect or regards me. I tell you an example of something that happened last year, we were travelling November last year to the UK on holidays with the children, because of our luggages we took two uber vehicles, I sat in one with my daughter, my wife sat in the other with my son. While on the way to the airport, do you know my wife asked the driver to take a detour to shoprite that she wants to give someone the left over stew and food items we had. Shoprite is not on the way to the airport, we had less than 2 hours to go for an intentional flight. It was me that noticed their car going a different direction, I had to call the uber driver to tell him to turn back immediately. When the uber guy came he told me he had asked my wife to mention it to me, but she said no need, I dont need to be told. We got to the airport while offloading the luggage from the car, my wife suddenly disappeared. I had 8 boxes , 2 children to move with. Thank God for those people that help with the luggage at the airport. I passed through customs and NDLEA and began to clear with the airline before she showed up. I was so mad, even a custom lady was yelling at her, how can you just disappear leaving your husband with all the loads and children. My wife didnt even apologize, she said she went to drop the food items with the person she asked to come to the airport, after i asked the uber driver to reroute to the airport. That is how disunited we are.


The good side is not cheating, and she is spiritual, she can go to church 10 times a week, currently serves in 2 units and hold leadership roles in those unit. I have told her if she give 20 percent of the time in church to our relationship and family we would be happier. The major complain she mentioned from my side is we shd go out together more often, she wants me to organize morning devotions, that we shd pray more with the children, this was something I believe her dad did when they were growing up, the experience is different for me. I have told her I will try. She also mentioned I like to complain, which is not true.

This whole thing is hitting me hard cos I dont want to cheat with my colleague and i just experienced a glimpse of what we shd be enjoying. I also have the chance of relocating to the Australia but i knw if we do, I will enter one chance.

Does anyone knw a good marriage counselor, that can be recommended, I saw one done by one of this popular pastor they are asking for $150 for a 1hour session, I also dont want to involve my family or her family.

I am tempted to just leave the house for 2 weeks and go stay in an hotel, but how will that help it will only make matters worse.

tomi4life:
I just looked at her phone this night, both whatapp, sms and instagram there is nothing suspicious.
What i noticed she does is to drown herself with activities.

Savedday2:
Oh! I pity this guy. You never know 9ja girls! They are very good in hiding under religion to commit great havock.

Trust me, you wife is seriously cook something for you. Divorce her now before she will serve you what she is cooking.

Don't go to any councilor, they will only make you tolerate your wife till she finishes what she is cooking for you. Infact, let me tell you the truth, those children aren't yours.

If you are a married man out there, go and divorce you wife now before is too late.

The bottom line is that all 9ja girls are not marriageable. They are all ashawo. Some do it codedly others do it openly. Even the church girls, if you know how them they jump from prick to prick , fear go catch you.

That you haven't caught you wife/girlfriend doing ashawo work doesn't mean she is not an ashawo.

When was the last time you check those hookup apps?

tochez24:
From ALL indications, your wife doesn't LOVE you⚠️⚠️⚠️

You MOST likely bought her over with money.... You see, with women it's not about money!! If a woman doesn't love she doesn't love you, she can still open her legs for you.. but she wouldn't show you that love and tender care women are naturally known for!!

I'm not even sure your kids are yours, and please forget about her praying life style (rev fathers still Bleep rev sisters everyday). If not for your money, your wife would have left long ago, is that the woman you wanna spend the rest of your life with

My advice:

1. Halt any holidays and family get togethers for now, stop showing your wife love, stop loving who doesn't love YOU, man up and start giving her the silent treatment she dishes out to you... Ignore her like she ignores you!!!

2. Take all your kids for DNA test asap, if any of them is not yours.... File for a divorce and get rid of her immediately.

3. Start seeing that your colleague if you truly feel a connection with her( your happiness matters )

🚶🏾‍♂️🚶🏾‍♂️🚶🏾‍♂️🚶🏾‍♂️

Jeon:
Abeg divorce, and let's breathe. Moreover they said "Marriage is no benefit to them,
They don't need love,
Women don't have anything to offer" , yet they will be clingy and asking for help once they see the wife no send their popsi.

tomi4life:


I just looked at her phone this night, both whatapp, sms and instagram there is nothing suspicious.
What i noticed she does is to drown herself with activities.

Observer23:
Hmmm. Don't weight the scales until you have heard both bells ring.

You noticed his initial statement 'I am not perfect either.' When people complain, they tend to focus more on the flaws and actions of others rather than their own.

You should hear from the wife first.

My wife prefers to sleep alone, despite me telling her we shd sleep together as a couple. if she is in the room and I come to the room she will immediately goes to the parlor, we rarely have body contact. The few times we have sex she never kisses even when i try, she puts her mouth away. Even in the car we can be on a drive for 1 hr, without mentioning a word to each other.

Jeon:
Abeg divorce, and let's breathe. Moreover they said "Marriage is no benefit to them,
They don't need love,
Women don't have anything to offer" , yet they will be clingy and asking for help once they see the wife no send their popsi.

MrIcredible:
My only problem with you is your stupidity and nativity to thinking or believing that she's not CHEATING on you, just because "she can go to church 10 times in a week"....
Yet, your wife prefers to be on her phone than anything that concerns you.
What do you think she's doing on her phone? Playing candy crush?

Do you know the people she's talking to? What kind of communication she's having?
Do you have access to her phone?
Do you know her password?

You seem to know nothing about women...
It will surprise you that in that your 6 years marriage, there are other years of relationships with other men you know nothing about... Even the ones older than your relationship and marriage with her...

No woman feels comfortable in a toxic environment or marriage, unless she's having an affair with others outside and she's enjoying it.
It could be with her ex
Her pastor
Her church member
Or boss...


It's even possible you're not the father of one or both children you think you have together.

If you doubt me, try hacking her phone and seriously monitor her for just 3 months and you'll find all the answers you're looking for.
Life is already too complicated and you don't have to allow one winch of a wife to be stressing you more.
If you can't find peace with her, DUMP HER! Forget about the children, they'll be fine as long as you take care of them and take good responsibility for their care. You don't her to be with their mother to do that.