₦airaland Forum

Seun:
I will try to say something. Have you attended the SureHome Seminar?

So you don turn marketer for you pops and momsi

Op my advice will be wicked. Get a ......... Outside

Efuaye:
Ladies avoid sex in marriage for many reasons. In her case, could it be that she doesn’t want to get pregnant especially if she hasn’t found the right contraceptive for herself
Since you already know about her many mood swings, try not to play the victim but show a lot of understanding by positioning yourself as a therapist to assist her get it out what her concerns really are.

Are you a lady please

Tokskob2008:
Since you have asked all the necessary questions and all her response showed that you ain't at fault just free her abeg. Your unnecessary attachment might be repulsing her so just let her be, when she nitice you hardly even look her side she will be the one to come over and ask you what's up that's if she hasn't been doing something extra outside.

Easier said than done, when she has managed to get into his head

polite2:
This is so deep. But the truth is she has long gone. Yeah emotionally and all that she ever had for you. I won't advise divorce...but bro detache yourself from her as far as possible and ve ur peace

HOW??
That's the question he asked!

Acidosis:
One of the greatest gift you can give yourself as a man is to marry a woman that is m a d l y and hopelessly in love with you.

Little effort >>>>> massive result. Never settle for less.

Not true, unless you at least like her. You can marry someone who loves you, but the mere sight of her pisses u off. Of course the love will gradually disappear and you'd have been better off marrying someone YOU love!

DaddyCoool:
Not true, unless you at least like her. You can marry someone who loves you, but the mere sight of her pisses u off. Of course the love will gradually disappear and you'd have been better off marrying someone YOU love!

The fact that she was showing the red flags even before they got married... some men will never learn.

DaddyCoool:
Not true, unless you at least like her. You can marry someone who loves you, but the mere sight of her pisses u off. Of course the love will gradually disappear and you'd have been better off marrying someone YOU love!

What if the person you love doesn’t love you back? It’s the same situation. When I say marry someone who is m a d l y in love with you, I’m not suggesting you marry someone you don’t love. Of course, you should love her too.

Acidosis:
What if the person you love doesn’t love you back? It’s the same situation. When I say marry someone who is m a d l y in love with you, I’m not suggesting you marry someone you don’t love. Of course, you should love her too.

Well, that's perfection of course - loving someone who loves you back. There's even a popular song about how profound that is.
Problem is, that RARELY happens. People usually fall 4 someone who doesn't love them. So the question is: is it better for a man to marry someone he loves or someone he doesn't love, bearing in mind that as time passes and with childbearing, a woman loses some "value" and would love a man just for being there for her.

DaddyCoool:
Well, that's perfection of course - loving someone who loves you back. There's even a popular song about how profound that is.
Problem is, that RARELY happens. People usually fall 4 someone who doesn't love them. So the question is: is it better for a man to marry someone he loves or someone he doesn't love, bearing in mind that as time passes and with childbearing, a woman loses some "value" and would love a man just for being there for her.

marrying someone that you love (and that loves you) is not perfection, thats the essence of marriage, aka finding someone with whom you want to spend the rest of your natural life, til death do you part in sickness and in health, whether poor or rich. sadly too many people today are marrying for the wrong reasons, and thereafter want to blame the marriage for it..

if a person doesnt love you (or you dont love them), you shodnt even consider them a serious BF/GF, let alone marrying them. nobody should ever go ahead of marrying someone who either A) doesnt love them or B) who they dont love. thats just a recipe for disaster. although marriage is a desperate move for many, thats certainly NOT the essence of marriage. too many people today are getting married due to RELIGIOUS/FAMILY/SOCIAL/PEER pressure and thereafter blame "the marriage" when it fails. the marriage was already doomed from the get go.

MrBrownJay1:
marrying someone that you love (and that loves you) is not perfection, thats the essence of marriage, aka finding someone with whom you want to spend the rest of your natural life, til death do you part in sickness and in health, whether poor or rich. sadly too many people today are marrying for the wrong reasons, and thereafter want to blame the marriage for it..

if a person doesnt love you (or you dont love them), you shodnt even consider them a serious BF/GF, let alone marrying them. nobody should ever go ahead of marrying someone who either A) doesnt love them or B) who they dont love. thats just a recipe for disaster. although marriage is a desperate move for many, thats certainly NOT the essence of marriage. too many people today are getting married due to RELIGIOUS/FAMILY/SOCIAL/PEER pressure and thereafter blame "the marriage" when it fails. the marriage was already doomed from the get go.

My friend stop living in lala land and enter the real world. MOST (if not all) people get married due to some measure of RELIGIOUS/FAMILY/SOCIAL/PEER pressure.
Otherwise WHY would a naturally polygamous young man (as almost all men are) want to tie himself down to one woman for life?? Can you answer that for us? Once you hit a certain age unbelievable pressure is directly and indirectly put on you to get married and you have to be really strong to resist such. And remember, in our traditional society no such thing as love. You meet the young lady's parents to ask for her and it was a major breach to meet the young lady b4 that!

DaddyCoool:
My friend stop living in lala land and enter the real world. MOST (if not all) people get married due to some measure of RELIGIOUS/FAMILY/SOCIAL/PEER pressure.

... and here is where the problem lies. if you decide to marry someone for anything else than because you genuinely want to spend the rest of your life with this person, then no wonder this marriage will fail. if you marry someone because your church says he/she is the one (and not you) OR you parents chose someone for you (and not you) OR you marry someone because yu are attracted to his money/wealth (and not who he truly is) etc...then how can you genuinely think that this marriage will work?!? just because a few people manage to hang on to these yeye marriages doesnt not make these marriages right.

Otherwise WHY would a naturally polygamous young man (as almost all men are) want to tie himself down to one woman for life?? Can you answer that for us?

naturally polygamous is one issue, naturally looking for peace in ones life is another. having multiple wives aint PEACEFUL and as much as some men like living in chaotic surroundings, others dont.
also, there is a very SIMPLE and LOGICAL answer to that... the same reason why i could eat a whole cow in one night but i wont. its called SELF CONTROL!!! and sadly, a lot of people dont have self control. as a single man i can enjoy all the toto in the world from women of one night or two (even 10 different per day) but when i am in a r/ship where i am content/fulfilled with what my woman is bringing to my life, then why would i need more? thats the same as GLUTONERY... just because i can fukc 10 different girls a day doesnt mean i have to (even though some men do need it).
FURTHERMORE...any smart person knows that dealing with one wife is a handful therefore imagine dealing with 3/4 wives at the same time (to each their own). many foolish men dont understand that having money CAN cater financially for multiple wives but such money wont satisfy these women SEXUALLY/EMOTIONALLY. it takes a whole man to satisfy a woman sexually/financially/emotionally...the minute you cant give your whole to one woman because you have many other women to satisfy, then thats when your other women would be lacking (thus why many women in polygamous marriages go outside the marriage to seek satisfaction)

Once you hit a certain age unbelievable pressure is directly and indirectly put on you to get married and you have to be really strong to resist such. And remember, in our traditional society no such thing as love. You meet the young lady's parents to ask for her and it was a major breach to meet the young lady b4 that!

once you use these pressures to marry the 1st donkey that comes your way, then your union will fail, unless you continue being desperate to stay married due to these same pressures.

MrBrownJay1:
... and here is where the problem lies. if you decide to marry someone for anything else than because you genuinely want to spend the rest of your life with this person, then no wonder this marriage will fail. if you marry someone because your church says he/she is the one (and not you) OR you parents chose someone for you (and not you) OR you marry someone because yu are attracted to his money/wealth (and not who he truly is) etc...then how can you genuinely think that this marriage will work?!? just because a few people manage to hang on to these yeye marriages doesnt not make these marriages right.



naturally polygamous is one issue, naturally looking for peace in ones life is another. having multiple wives aint PEACEFUL and as much as some men like living in chaotic surroundings, others dont.
also, there is a very SIMPLE and LOGICAL answer to that... the same reason why i could eat a whole cow in one night but i wont. its called SELF CONTROL!!! and sadly, a lot of people dont have self control. as a single man i can enjoy all the toto in the world from women of one night or two (even 10 different per day) but when i am in a r/ship where i am content/fulfilled with what my woman is bringing to my life, then why would i need more? thats the same as GLUTONERY... just because i can fukc 10 different girls a day doesnt mean i have to (even though some men do need it).
FURTHERMORE...any smart person knows that dealing with one wife is a handful therefore imagine dealing with 3/4 wives at the same time (to each their own). many foolish men dont understand that having money CAN cater financially for multiple wives but such money wont satisfy these women SEXUALLY/EMOTIONALLY. it takes a whole man to satisfy a woman sexually/financially/emotionally...the minute you cant give your whole to one woman because you have many other women to satisfy, then thats when your other women would be lacking (thus why many women in polygamous marriages go outside the marriage to seek satisfaction)



once you use these pressures to marry the 1st donkey that comes your way, then your union will fail, unless you continue being desperate to stay married due to these same pressures.

Wow, so many fallacies in just one post. Didn't
almost all our traditional marriages last for life? Wasn't marriage viewed as families joining rather than two individuals. Isn't rampant divorces a modern phenomenon that came in with "love"?

You say you can eat a whole cow in one night. You can't. Also, left to himself a young man wants more than anything else FREEDOM, including freedom to pursue a woman he finds particularly attractive. Only outside pressure will make him agree to be tied down to one woman. Also you're confusing being free to explore (polygamous nature) to marrying many women (polygamy).

You say "true nature". Is it possible to ascertain true nature of a person? Plus, people change.

Anyway, your thesis is wrong - proved wrong by centuries of marriages that lasted for life!

DaddyCoool:
Wow, so many fallacies in just one post. Didn't
almost all our traditional marriages last for life? Wasn't marriage viewed as families joining rather than two individuals.

you cant possibly compare the marriages of the past 100yrs with marriages of today.... back in the days, there was marriages of families and convenience... back in the days , women had to shut the fukc up and accept who their family sold them to... back in the days, women brought nothing but a hot coochie and cooking and cleaning skills to marriage... you cant possibly expect people today to be like (or do) what our ancestors did. thats in the past, stop living in the past and instead LIVE IN THE PRESENT!

Isn't rampant divorces a modern phenomenon that came in with "love"?

the reason why there are so many divorces today is because of a few reasons:
A) because women are not invisible and voiceless any longer and they dont have to be stuck in loveless marriages like in the past.
B) because infidelity today is rampant and people rather divorce than be stuck with the wrong spouse
C) because women/men dont have to endure domestic violence any longer (like in the past)
D) because more and more people today dont care about what is written in holybooks (aka divorce is a sin)

You say you can eat a whole cow in one night. You can't. Also, left to himself a young man wants more than anything else FREEDOM, including freedom to pursue a woman he finds particularly attractive. Only outside pressure will make him agree to be tied down to one woman. Also you're confusing being free to explore (polygamous nature) to marrying many women (polygamy).

EVERYBODY wants freedom, it all depends what freedom is to each and every individual. you think your "possible" future wife doesnt want the freedom to go fukc all the men she finds more desirable than you (and your now pot belly)? freedom goes both ways brotha.

You say "true nature". Is it possible to ascertain true nature of a person? Plus, people change.

where did i say "true nature"?

Anyway, your thesis is wrong - proved wrong by centuries of marriages that lasted for life!

for centuries we've been abusing children under the guise of "punishment"
for centuries we've been misdiagnosing mental illness
for centuries women have been viewed as 2nd class citizen
for centuries we've been cutting trees and getting rid of forest
for centuries we've been producing greenhouse gases
for centuries we've been throwing plastic and garbage in the sea
for centuries we've been treating/understanding many medical issues the wrong way
... are you now claiming that because something was done a certain way for centuries, we shouldnt change today (even if it is better)?!

furthermore, times are changing... are you claiming that we should remain stuck in the past and not advance with time? in the past, couples didnt grow and evolve together; they didnt interact the right way; they didnt communicate the right way; they didnt function the right way; they didnt raise children the right way; they didnt view sex/intimacy/satisfaction the right way; etc... should we continue in these failed ways, simply because our forefathers managed it? what you are saying is a crazy as saying that because people use to have great lives without phones and internet in the past, we shouldnt use phones and internet today.... BWAAAAAAH!

pansophist:
How?

@source of strength for 4 women at a time haba...

MrBrownJay1:
you cant possibly compare the marriages of the past 100yrs with marriages of today.... back in the days, there was marriages of families and convenience... back in the days , women had to shut the fukc up and accept who their family sold them to... back in the days, women brought nothing but a hot coochie and cooking and cleaning skills to marriage... you cant possibly expect people today to be like (or do) what our ancestors did. thats in the past, stop living in the past and instead LIVE IN THE PRESENT!



the reason why there are so many divorces today is because of a few reasons:
A) because women are not invisible and voiceless any longer and they dont have to be stuck in loveless marriages like in the past.
B) because infidelity today is rampant and people rather divorce than be stuck with the wrong spouse
C) because women/men dont have to endure domestic violence any longer (like in the past)
D) because more and more people today dont care about what is written in holybooks (aka divorce is a sin)



EVERYBODY wants freedom, it all depends what freedom is to each and every individual. you think your "possible" future wife doesnt want the freedom to go fukc all the men she finds more desirable than you (and your now pot belly)? freedom goes both ways brotha.



where did i say "true nature"?



for centuries we've been abusing children under the guise of "punishment"
for centuries we've been misdiagnosing mental illness
for centuries women have been viewed as 2nd class citizen
for centuries we've been cutting trees and getting rid of forest
for centuries we've been producing greenhouse gases
for centuries we've been throwing plastic and garbage in the sea
for centuries we've been treating/understanding many medical issues the wrong way
... are you now claiming that because something was done a certain way for centuries, we shouldnt change today (even if it is better)?!

furthermore, times are changing... are you claiming that we should remain stuck in the past and not advance with time? in the past, couples didnt grow and evolve together; they didnt interact the right way; they didnt communicate the right way; they didnt function the right way; they didnt raise children the right way; they didnt view sex/intimacy/satisfaction the right way; etc... should we continue in these failed ways, simply because our forefathers managed it? what you are saying is a crazy as saying that because people use to have great lives without phones and internet in the past, we shouldnt use phones and internet today.... BWAAAAAAH!

Even more fallacies. First of all here's where you said true nature:
OR you marry someone because yu are attracted to his money/wealth (and not who he truly is).

Here's your thesis verbatim (which has been proven wrong):if a person doesnt love you (or you dont love them), you shodnt even consider them a serious BF/GF, let alone marrying them. nobody should ever go ahead of marrying someone who either A) doesnt love them or B) who they dont love. thats just a recipe for disaster. Such a marriage cannot last.

Your analogies and examples are non sequitous and disjointed. It is one thing to say that cell phones are good (nobody denies that), but quite another to say that people who don't use cell phones will die.

Another thing, what exactly is the purpose of marriage? Our well-adjusted generations came from those marriages you describe as no good, While dysfunctional Western families came from those 'I love you' marriages.
Our forefathers' marriages were quite fulfilling, lasted a lifetime and produced healthy well-adjusted children. But you're stuck on a system that resulted in broken homes and dysfunctional families and individuals!

DaddyCoool:
Well, that's perfection of course - loving someone who loves you back. There's even a popular song about how profound that is.
Problem is, that RARELY happens. People usually fall 4 someone who doesn't love them. So the question is: is it better for a man to marry someone he loves or someone he doesn't love, bearing in mind that as time passes and with childbearing, a woman loses some "value" and would love a man just for being there for her.

Love can often be a conscious choice. If you find a woman who loves you deeply, give it time, and you may come to love her in return, even if it’s not to the same extent. No one is truly unlovable. When someone loves you deeply, they are willing to be whatever you need them to be. Too often, we fail to see the bigger picture and are easily influenced by material things and the arbitrary rules others create in their own world. Take, e.g., the irrational mindset some people have about short men, simply because society says unkind things. If we really think about it, apart from those senseless opinions, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being short.

That being said, it's often better for a man to be with a woman who loves him more. Considering the amount of attention women get from men, you'll be doing yourself a disservice by being with a woman you constantly need to convince or compete for against other suitors. This is the reality in the dating world. People wey dey date dey try. It is very easy to get a man to love you than have a woman love you hopelessly. Such women are rare. Rarity ALWAYS gives ultimate and more value.

BTW, I don't agree that a woman loses value due to childbearing. What does value in this context even mean?

When men say women shift their love and attention to the children, this usually only applies to women who were never deeply in love with their men. For a woman truly in love, her partner remains her priority. Any other thing, including children, are secondary.

DaddyCoool:
Even more fallacies. First of all here's where you said true nature:
OR you marry someone because yu are attracted to his money/wealth (and not who he truly is).

again, i have never said the word true nature.... i said who someone truly is. thats a big difference. but to take up on what you therefore asked :" is it possible to ascertain true nature of a person?" then i will answer:"OF COURSE IT IS, it just takes time and interactions. sadly, as i said earlier, the majority of the people who get married today are doing so for the wrong reason thus why they cant figure out who their spouse truly is.... and if it changes after marriage then who cares? when they change then YOU change with it too.... and if you have to divorce them because you cant accept his/her changes, then so be it.

Here's your thesis verbatim (which has been proven wrong):

proven wrong by whom? you? or proven wrong by what was done in the past?

if a person doesnt love you (or you dont love them), you shoulddnt even consider them a serious BF/GF, let alone marrying them. nobody should ever go ahead of marrying someone who either A) doesnt love them or B) who they dont love. thats just a recipe for disaster. Such a marriage cannot last.

yes thats my stand on the issue that hasnt been proven wrong by anyone... all you people that believe that because some women endured their "yeye useless abusive and failed" marriages, is a right way to be married, are certainly living in the past (like you want us all to do), and sadly, the past is the past.

Your analogies and examples are non sequitous and disjointed. It is one thing to say that cell phones are good (nobody denies that), but quite another to say that people who don't use cell phones will die.

FAILED ANALOGY!!!
what i said exactly IS... just because people in the past could live a great life without cellphones and internet, does NOT mean we should do the same today.... of course nobody will die if they dont have a cellphone or internet today, but they will be living IN THE PAST (like you want us all to do today)!

Another thing, what exactly is the purpose of marriage? Our well-adjusted generations came from those marriages you describe as no good, While dysfunctional Western families came from those 'I love you" marriages.Our forefathers' marriages were quite fulfilling, lasted a lifetime and produced healthy well-adjusted children. But you're stuck on a system that resulted in broken homes and dysfunctional families and individuals!

A) western marriages of the past are exactly the same as african marriages. all the marriage rites upon which African are getting married today (aka religious marriages) have been brought to you by these same western ideologies
B) our generation is well adjusted to the PRESENT, not the past... thus why many are divorcing today (rather than stay married at any cost, like in the past)
C) western/African marriages of the past were also quite fulfilling... so long as women were used as tools rather than an equal spouse; so long as domestic/physical/emotional abuse was accepted as the norm; so long as men/women knew their place in marriage; so long as people would rather die in silence instead of accepting infidelity; so long people remained married for eternity (because their religion forbad divorces)
D) btw there was nothing "right" when our forefathers were physically/emotionally abusing our mothers of the past; there was nothing "right" when children were raised to believe that women could be treated that way and these same children continued the vicious circle;
there was nothing "right" when mother couldnt leave their marriages because they had no education and even if they did have one, nobody would hire them anyway;

the sad part of it all is that you dont even understand what i am saying... i am talking about people who get married together because they truly care for one another and want to spend the rest of their natural life together and raise a family under these same conditions (there shouldnt be any other reason for people to get married TODAY), and certainly not driven by some yeye outside forces who are not gonna hold your marriage's hand (aka religion/family/society/friends). many people in the past got married for convenience, not because of the love they had for their partners, and as much as it was cool, one of the spouse (if not both) were suffering in that marriage by being married to someone they didnt care about nor loved (no wonder so many children were not raised properly). but then again, women back then were a simple tool to expand the family, and certainly not someone you needed to care about nor love. a wife in the past was just a walking womb that you could abuse/beat or treat like a slave in return for a warm family home because women couldnt even get good job and take care of their own selves so they were slaves to their husband after marriage... so again, i understand why people in the past got married and stayed married (even when they were not happy together), but today thats not only UNREALISTIC, thats damn right foolish and CRIMINAL (unless of course you solely do so because of the religious/family/social/peer pressures i talked about)

Acidosis:
Love can often be a conscious choice. If you find a woman who loves you deeply, give it time, and you may come to love her in return, even if it’s not to the same extent. No one is truly unlovable. When someone loves you deeply, they are willing to be whatever you need them to be. Too often, we fail to see the bigger picture and are easily influenced by material things and the arbitrary rules others create in their own world. Take, e.g., the irrational mindset some people have about short men, simply because society says unkind things. If we really think about it, apart from those senseless opinions, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being short.

That being said, it's often better for a man to be with a woman who loves him more. Considering the amount of attention women get from men, you'll be doing yourself a disservice by being with a woman you constantly need to convince or compete for against other suitors. This is the reality in the dating world. People wey dey date dey try. It is very easy to get a man to love you than have a woman love you hopelessly. Such women are rare. Rarity ALWAYS gives ultimate and more value.

BTW, I don't agree that a woman loses value due to childbearing. What does value in this context even mean?

When men say women shift their love and attention to the children, this usually only applies to women who were never deeply in love with their men. For a woman truly in love, her partner remains her priority. Any other thing, including children, are secondary.

Good write-up. First of all by women "lose value" as time passes and with childbearing, I mean (past a certain age) the older a woman gets the less men are attracted to her until no man even looks at her anymore. A woman that didn't love you when she was single in her twenties could be madly in love with you in her forties and single. As for childbearing, it makes most women's bodies less attractive the more kids they have. Those are just facts.
Also, the more you release inside a woman and she has children for you, the more likely she'd fall for you.
Also, you're inspired to be a better person and achieve more by a woman you love than by a woman who loves you as a "failure"!

MrBrownJay1:
again, i have never said the word true nature.... i said who someone truly is. thats a big difference. but to take up on what you therefore asked :" is it possible to ascertain true nature of a person?" then i will answer:"OF COURSE IT IS, it just takes time and interactions. sadly, as i said earlier, the majority of the people who get married today are doing so for the wrong reason thus why they cant figure out who their spouse truly is.... and if it changes after marriage then who cares? when they change then YOU change with it too.... and if you have to divorce them because you cant accept his/her changes, then so be it.



proven wrong by whom? you? or proven wrong by what was done in the past?



yes thats my stand on the issue that hasnt been proven wrong by anyone... all you people that believe that because some women endured their "yeye useless abusive and failed" marriages, is a right way to be married, are certainly living in the past (like you want us all to do), and sadly, the past is the past.



FAILED ANALOGY!!!
what i said exactly IS... just because people in the past could live a great life without cellphones and internet, does NOT mean we should do the same today.... of course nobody will die if they dont have a cellphone or internet today, but they will be living IN THE PAST!



A) western marriages of the past are exactly the same as african marriages. all the marriage rites upon which African are getting married today (aka religious marriages) have been brought to you by these same western ideologies
B) our generation is well adjusted to the PRESENT, not the past... thus why many are divorcing today (rather than stay married at any cost, like in the past)
C) western/African marriages of the past were also quite fulfilling... so long as women were used as tools rather than an equal spouse; so long as domestic/physical/emotional abuse was accepted as the norm; so long as men/women knew their place in marriage; so long as people would rather die in silence instead of accepting infidelity; so long people remained married for eternity (because their religion forbad divorces)
D) btw there was nothing "right" when our forefathers were physically/emotionally abusing our mothers of the past; there was nothing "right" when children were raised to believe that women could be treated that way and these same children continued the vicious circle;
there was nothing "right" when mother couldnt leave their marriages because they had no education and even if they did have one, nobody would hire them anyway;

the sad part of it all is that you dont even understand what i am saying... i am talking about people who get married together because they truly care for one another and want to spend the rest of their natural life together and raise a family under these same conditions (there shouldnt be any other reason for people to get married TODAY), and certainly not driven by some yeye outside forces who are not gonna hold your marriage's hand (aka religion/family/society/friends). many people in the past got married for convenience, not because of the love they had for their partners, and as much as it was cool, one of the spouse (if not both) were suffering in that marriage by being married to someone they didnt care about nor loved (no wonder so many children were not raised properly). but then again, women back then were a simple tool to expand the family, and certainly not someone you needed to care about nor love. a wife in the past was just a walking womb that you could abuse/beat or treat like a slave in return for a warm family home because women couldnt even get good job and take care of their own selves so they were slaves to their husband after marriage... so again, i understand why people in the past got married and stayed married (even when they were not happy together), but today thats not only UNREALISTIC, thats damn right foolish (unless of course you solely do so because of the religious/family/social/peer pressures i talked about)

Wow, talk about someone living in lala land! I don't even know where to start.

How can you know the true nature of woman or man who is in his/her best behavior to get you to marry them??

People grow to love one another! In the process of having and raising children and solving mutual problems organic love develops.
Our mothers were NOT subjugated as you've been saying. In many, many cases they were the dominant partners!

Our well-adjusted generations come from those marriages you describe as no good,and we are more well-adjusted than drug-addled children of 'I love you" Western marriages.

You totally missed what I said about analogy. I mean, saying a marriage cannot last without initial love (which is ideal), is like saying a person will die without cell phone (which is ideal)

** By the way women are not equally "plygamous" (polyandrous) as you said. A woman wants to have children and "trap" ONE man there to help her raise them. She has a shorter window of attractiveness than a man to do this.

DaddyCoool:
How can you know the true nature of woman or man who is in his/her best behavior to get you to marry them??

i already answered that question... TIME and plenty of INTERACTIONS will bring the natural character of most people. people can only fake who they are for so long until their true self comes out naturally.

People grow to love one another! In the process of having and raising children and solving mutual problems organic love develops.
Our mothers were NOT subjugated as you've been saying. In many, many cases they were the dominant partners!

so every married person grows to love their partners through raising children and solving mutual problems, abi?!

Our well-adjusted generations come from those marriages you describe as no good,and we are more well-adjusted than drug-addled children of 'I love you" Western marriages.

they are well adjusted in your own mind... the abuse our forefathers put upon our mothers; the way our mothers were treated as slaved; the abuse you received as a child (supposedly as punishment); the NO WAY OUT that our mothers endured in marriage; the NO WAY OUT that our mothers endured if they remotely thought of divorcing; the hopelessness and/or voiceless feeling of our mothers; yes on paper it feels like it was great times but the majority of these women were slaves to their conditions and we as children were properly ABUSED!

You totally missed what I said about analogy. I mean, saying a marriage cannot last without initial love (which is ideal), is like saying a person will die without cell phone (which is ideal)

many people today get married without love just like many people today dont have a cellphone... whats your point?
just because you see many women today staying married to their yeye abusive/cheating husband (out of desperation to be call "mrs" at any cost) doesnt mean they are happily married. same with women who marry for money/status or to fit with the Joneses. many gay men today get married to please their family and pretend they are straight, same with men who marry yeye donkey women just because she is a good cook/cleaner/homemaker with a clean womb.

DaddyCoool:
Good write-up. First of all by women "lose value" as time passes and with childbearing, I mean (past a certain age) the older a woman gets the less men are attracted to her until no man even looks at her anymore. A woman that didn't love you when she was single in her twenties could be madly in love with you in her forties and single. As for childbearing, it makes most women's bodies less attractive the more kids they have. Those are just facts.
Also, the more you release inside a woman and she has children for you, the more likely she'd fall for you.
Also, you're inspired to be a better person and achieve more by a woman you love than by a woman who loves you as a "failure"!

Getting people's attention in your twenties has nothing to do with value. The mistake we make is assuming that the world revolves around sex-starved men and attention-seeking women.

I can't speak for all men but attention should really be a major red flag. I mean, why would you want what every other person wants? That can't be value.

The value of a married woman in her 40s or 50s should be seen mainly by her husband. Why would she want to drag attention with social media teenagers who are yet to see or know LIFE?

You may be right about child bearing and how a woman's body becomes less attractive, but that really relates to personal care or hygiene issues. More so, attractiveness to people who have been married for years differ from an outsider's view. Some of the things that irritate you are things they've grown to love. You can't understand, but it is what it is.

Moreover, declining attractiveness in your context applies to men too. Don't be carried away by sugar daddies' moves. We all know why women move close to these men. It has never been about attractiveness, good hygiene, or bedmatics. With the right amount of money, a 70 year old woman with poor hygiene will get the same result.

Your last point? Well, I can agree.

Acidosis:
Getting people's attention in your twenties has nothing to do with value. The mistake we make is assuming that the world revolves around sex-starved men and attention-seeking women.

I can't speak for all men but attention should really be a major red flag. I mean, why would you want what every other person wants? That can't be value.

The value of a married woman in her 40s or 50s should be seen mainly by her husband. Why would she want to drag attention with social media teenagers who are yet to see or know LIFE?

You may be right about child bearing and how a woman's body becomes less attractive, but that really relates to personal care or hygiene issues. More so, attractiveness to people who have been married for years differ from an outsider's view. Some of the things that irritate you are things they've grown to love. You can't understand, but it is what it is.

Moreover, declining attractiveness in your context applies to men too. Don't be carried away by sugar daddies' moves. We all know why women move close to these men. It has never been about attractiveness, good hygiene, or bedmatics. With the right amount of money, a 70 year old woman with poor hygiene will get the same result.

Your last point? Well, I can agree.

You miss my point. Obviously by "value" I mean the amount of opposite sex desiring the person. In that sense a twenties woman has a higher value than a fifties woman, while a fifties man has a higher value than a twenties man. There is a saying about this - see it below.

LVStone:
Hello everyone,

I am married for five years now and I love my marriage.

I have an issue and I need your advice on how to detach myself from being emotionally connected to my wife.

She mostly have mood swing and I use to have issues attending to her emotions, I want to always at each time check what exactly as gone wrong and how I can fix.

Most often I apologize because I want peace(she picks fault easily and gets angry)

The worst is that we do have sex but we mostly don't make love;

My wife hates being romantic, I can't play with my wife's breasts or buttocks, 90% of the times I tried she says she doesn't want.

I do ask the following questions

1. Am I not attractive?
2. Don't you have emotional attachment to me?
3. Why did you marry me if 1&2 are yes?
4. Is there something I did wrong?
5. Are you thinking about something?
6. Is there something i need to do?

In all she will Only say she doesn't just want it.

It happened that this evening, she was on the couch and I tried touching her best in a romantic way, she immediately changed her mood and said I should leave her as usual.

I asked her why she did that and she said that doing that will turn her on and she doesn't want to be turned on. I then asked if it was a crime for a married woman to be turned on, she said she doesn't want to be turned on because she doesn't want it to lead to sex because she doesn't want sex.

Again I have still not understood how a married woman who claims not to be having any emotional/phycological issues and no offense from the husband will avoid being romantic or being sexual with her husband.

If I need sex she gives as a duty, but I need more than sex, I need a romantic contact mind you i dont have extramarital affairs.

I feel very stupid, I feel like a fool, I feel I am too emotionally connected to her.

How can I stop having feelings for her? As in including sexual feelings for her? I wish I can also give her sex as a duty any day or year she needs it too.

Please I need help on how to do this.

I will appreciate mature responses without insults.

Thanks

"Hmm, oh God, please help us on our marriage journey. Don’t let us reach this stage; allow our marriage to be happy.

LVStone:
Hello everyone,

I am married for five years now and I love my marriage.

I have an issue and I need your advice on how to detach myself from being emotionally connected to my wife.

She mostly have mood swing and I use to have issues attending to her emotions, I want to always at each time check what exactly as gone wrong and how I can fix.

Most often I apologize because I want peace(she picks fault easily and gets angry)

The worst is that we do have sex but we mostly don't make love

You talked about her having a very strong body odour that just developed. And she's withdrawn. She's moody. Lightning-fast emotional changes. Easily irritable.

Quick question: what state are you? And how old is she?

Because if you're in Lagos, here's what you should please do for me:

You're going to take her to General Hospital, Odan Lagos Island. You'll ask to be referred to the Psychology Dept for counselling. Based on what they see, they may refer you to other depts.

Because what you're describing about this lady sounds medical.

Now, I'm no Dr but I am surrounded by a lot of them and I hear things. Which is why I'm asking you to ignore every single post on this thread, save for mine. (Almost all of them are so bad every poster should be taken outside to the back of Mushin and shot).

I think she has a medical condition. Don't tell her you're going to Psychology, tell her you want to take her to General Practise (because of the odour, that you read something alarming and you're afraid she's very sick).

Both of you need counselling. Indivual and Marital counselling. GH can offer individual, get it done. Marital can come from a sensible church, like HOTR, Daystar etc.

Take things slow. Tell her you love her and she's your responsibility, so you need her to be her beautiful pinchomous self again.

But insist on this, because your needs are not being met. And I suspect that she switched off emotionally from you and that you also had something to do with this.

Don't cheat and don't divorce (grey or otherwise).

You can try and fix this.

HTH.