₦airaland Forum

1Sharon:
Don't you think your wife is stressed because you both have a new baby?

Isn't it reasonable that she'd be more comfortable around her own mother over yours?

When you went away was there any other person to help her care for the baby? What is wrong in her wanting her mother to be by her side in that situation?,

This is no reason to be nasty to her husband's family.

In some cultures, both mothers share the omugwo; they both own the grandkid. Some, it is either mothers and others it is the mother from a specific side.

I have seen this play out over and over and the end result is a husband weary of his wife and leaning towards his family which is the natural human response.

bukatyne:
This is no reason to be nasty to her husband's family.

In some cultures, both mothers share the omugwo; they both own the grandkid. Some, it is either mothers and others it is the mother from a specific side.

I have seen this play out over and over and the end result is a husband weary of his wife and leaning towards his family which is the natural human response.

I agree. But sometimes inlaws can be nasty and compound a new mothers problem. Sometimes they give all kinds of unsolicited advice and demand all sorts instead of helping out with the baby. New mothers are stressed as it is.

1Sharon:
I agree. But sometimes inlaws can be nasty and compound a new mothers problem. Sometimes they give all kinds of unsolicited advice and demand all sorts instead of helping out with the baby. New mothers are stressed as it is.

It could be better handled with wisdom as the husband (OP) doesn't seem unreasonable.

Right now, the husband's take out is that his wife doesn't want his family around.

1Sharon:
Don't you think your wife is stressed because you both have a new baby?

Isn't it reasonable that she'd be more comfortable around her own mother over yours?

When you went away was there any other person to help her care for the baby? What is wrong in her wanting her mother to be by her side in that situation?,

Is this a justification for the wife to be hostile to her inlaws

Lamasta:
Is this a justification for the wife to be hostile to her inlaws

No. But how were they treating her? Did they help with the baby?

1Sharon:
No. But how were they treating her? Did they help with the baby?

Why not ask the OP these questions to be sure.
It’s unreasonable to direct it to another person.

OP said his wife is not respectful of his family and you want to assume it has to do with how they were treating her and not helping with the baby.

It seems you are basing your experience with your in-laws to assume these questions.

So, what has your ex got to do in all of these?
Or is she the woman you married?

Edo women are the worst.
Only they and their men are fit for themselves.

Carcholce:
Wahala.


How we go solve this one?

OP, is your wife by any chance an ibo woman? Precisely from Anambra, Imo, and the neighboring states. Those women are the most ungrateful human alien of all time.

The moment they notice you are not bending to their selfish whims and demands, they’ll run away from you. I have been with a few to notice this. Infact it feels like I have a magnet that draws them to me. The first one I started with approached me by herself. The Second one nearly use complains finish my life. Nothing was ever working for her. Then I saw a picture of her parents, her mother is very robust and glowing while her father is like dried fish. Meaning She inherited the complains and nagging from her mother, for the father to be looking that way.


Even when She ran to another relationship, She continued slandering her man despite all his efforts to make her happy because the guy housed her, feeding her and taking good care of her but the complains still persisted and even tried packing her bags and running back to me.

The third one is another story. But I hold da one for neck because I became familiar with their tactics. The only thing I like about them is if you really understand the nature of things, you’ll see their behavior as a means to really focus 97 percent of your time and resources on your job and yourself. While you dedicate the remaining 3 percent to to making them happy. Otherwise, you’ll dry up trying to understand a creation God created.


That being said, from your write up, it seems you already know what women/your wife is capable of. I don’t know why you are still ranting.

The day you accept her just the way She is, and jokingly bring to her notice your efforts and her ungrateful behavior, you will begin to see changes. Also refrain from family visits. Na their all the problems deh come from.

It is not okay to be selfish/self-centered.

1Sharon:
Don't you think your wife is stressed because you both have a new baby?

Isn't it reasonable that she'd be more comfortable around her own mother over yours?

When you went away was there any other person to help her care for the baby? What is wrong in her wanting her mother to be by her side in that situation?,

Myrrhis:
So, what has your ex got to do in all of these?
Or is she the woman you married?

Maybe he is playing R.Kelly's 'if I could turn back the hands of time'.

1Sharon:
No. But how were they treating her? Did they help with the baby?

Did you read anywhere in the writeup where the man complained about his family maltreating the wife

Foolish man, divorce that bastard you call your wife

LandMann:
If you can, find another lady who's more closer to your family and plan how to make her your wife or concubine incase this present one feels she now has the remote control to your life.

Stop being a SIMP

which kind nonsense advice is this

Are u trying to add more problem for him

Did u forget, he said his wife just put to bed, meaning there marraige is still fresh.

U are now advicing him to get another woman, is obvious u want the OP to die quick

Nawa O

Firstly, your wife is forgetful and sometimes ungrateful. It’s childish to make generalisations. Secondly, your only choice is one of three: leave your marriage, take control of your marriage by communicating your feelings and boundaries, or take it as it is and stay in your marriage.

You have these complaints and your wife has just as many. If you don’t know how to communicate effectively then try getting a mediator to help you out. The only solution is to talk, set up some boundaries and come to a common understanding.

At the moment, you are going from two extremes; doing everything for her, and becoming resentful because she’s not seeing your sacrifices. Stop doing everything she wants, only do what you can do without discomforting yourself. Stop going above and beyond for someone who won’t do the basic things like respecting your family!

Where una dey ses all these kind of women sef? All that glitters is not gold o. Your choice in a woman to marry shows how sound your judgement is and bro, you are lagging far behind. Better start to curb those her excesses before she sends you to an early grave.

I'm really sorry to hear about all the tough times you're going through. It sounds like you’ve been dealing with a lot of stress and challenges in your marriage and family life. Here are some thoughts and suggestions that might help:

First, it's understandable to feel overwhelmed with the financial pressure and the debts your wife has brought into the marriage. Money problems can really strain a relationship, especially when it affects both of you and your families. It’s good that you were able to clear some of the debts, but maybe you can work together to create a plan to manage the remaining ones. Communication is key here – try to talk openly with your wife about the finances and find ways to support each other.

The issues with your wife not treating your family members well must be really hurtful. Family is important, and it’s tough when there’s tension between your spouse and your relatives. It might help to have a calm and honest conversation with your wife about how her actions are affecting your relationship with your family. Maybe you can find a way to set some boundaries or find compromises that make everyone feel respected and valued.

It’s also really hard when your efforts to make things better, like buying her a new phone or helping your sister, aren’t appreciated or lead to more conflicts. It shows that you’re trying to take care of your family, but sometimes it feels like it’s not enough. It might help to seek counseling, either together or individually, to work through these feelings and find better ways to handle the conflicts.

Feeling like love is lost and being called names is very painful. It’s important to take care of your own mental health during this time. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or a professional counselor about how you’re feeling. They can offer support and help you find ways to cope with the emotions you’re experiencing.

You mentioned that you’re struggling to find satisfaction in your marriage and feeling like you’re not getting what you need from your wife. It might be helpful to sit down with her and discuss what each of you needs to feel happy and fulfilled in the relationship. Sometimes, couples therapy can provide a safe space to talk about these issues and work towards solutions together.

Remember, it’s okay to seek help and take time for yourself to heal and figure things out. You deserve to feel happy and supported in your marriage and family life. Don’t hesitate to reach out to professionals or trusted people in your life who can help you navigate through these tough times.

Stay strong and take it one step at a time. You’re not alone, and there are people who care and want to help you.

alaind:
I'm really sorry to hear about all the tough times you're going through. It sounds like you’ve been dealing with a lot of stress and challenges in your marriage and family life. Here are some thoughts and suggestions that might help:

First, it's understandable to feel overwhelmed with the financial pressure and the debts your wife has brought into the marriage. Money problems can really strain a relationship, especially when it affects both of you and your families. It’s good that you were able to clear some of the debts, but maybe you can work together to create a plan to manage the remaining ones. Communication is key here – try to talk openly with your wife about the finances and find ways to support each other.

The issues with your wife not treating your family members well must be really hurtful. Family is important, and it’s tough when there’s tension between your spouse and your relatives. It might help to have a calm and honest conversation with your wife about how her actions are affecting your relationship with your family. Maybe you can find a way to set some boundaries or find compromises that make everyone feel respected and valued.

It’s also really hard when your efforts to make things better, like buying her a new phone or helping your sister, aren’t appreciated or lead to more conflicts. It shows that you’re trying to take care of your family, but sometimes it feels like it’s not enough. It might help to seek counseling, either together or individually, to work through these feelings and find better ways to handle the conflicts.

Feeling like love is lost and being called names is very painful. It’s important to take care of your own mental health during this time. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or a professional counselor about how you’re feeling. They can offer support and help you find ways to cope with the emotions you’re experiencing.

You mentioned that you’re struggling to find satisfaction in your marriage and feeling like you’re not getting what you need from your wife. It might be helpful to sit down with her and discuss what each of you needs to feel happy and fulfilled in the relationship. Sometimes, couples therapy can provide a safe space to talk about these issues and work towards solutions together.

Remember, it’s okay to seek help and take time for yourself to heal and figure things out. You deserve to feel happy and supported in your marriage and family life. Don’t hesitate to reach out to professionals or trusted people in your life who can help you navigate through these tough times.

Stay strong and take it one step at a time. You’re not alone, and there are people who care and want to help you.

Thank you for taking the time to put this together. Did some of the above today. Being called a name means I am not malleable as she thinks. I shrugged it off cause I felt it was said in an emotional state until I started doing self reflection.

Her cycle is tight, the only child of the mother as well, so the tendency to want me for herself and being close to her mother is high. I know I settled for a high-taste lady but I got to control some aspect especially when it comes to finance.

For those thinking why I married such woman, she sabi cook and hustle so I know my kids won't lack if I eventually leave this world early.

Thank you all for your contributions. Just needed somewhere to get it off my chest cause my words can be sharp and hurtful so I control it how I let it out.

Mom007:
Where una dey ses all these kind of women sef? All that glitters is not gold o. Your choice in a woman to marry shows how sound your judgement is and bro, you are lagging far behind. Better start to curb those her excesses before she sends you to an early grave.

Na food cause am o. And she petit, so easy for me to flip during play play. Thanks, point noted.

Double0h7:
Firstly, your wife is forgetful and sometimes ungrateful. It’s childish to make generalisations. Secondly, your only choice is one of three: leave your marriage, take control of your marriage by communicating your feelings and boundaries, or take it as it is and stay in your marriage.

You have these complaints and your wife has just as many. If you don’t know how to communicate effectively then try getting a mediator to help you out. The only solution is to talk, set up some boundaries and come to a common understanding.

At the moment, you are going from two extremes; doing everything for her, and becoming resentful because she’s not seeing your sacrifices. Stop doing everything she wants, only do what you can do without discomforting yourself. Stop going above and beyond for someone who won’t do the basic things like respecting your family!

In motion now.

bukatyne:
Maybe he is playing R.Kelly's 'if I could turn back the hands of time'.

Me way wan do babymama cause I no get time for women wahala.

Verydarkhearted:
First of all you didn’t spend 15m on a wedding
Secondly you didn’t buy any phone worth 2m
Infact your entire story is a lie..

Run along kiddo. Go watch tellytubbies. Been on Nairaland since 2008 so I know your type.

Mom007:
Where una dey ses all these kind of women sef? All that glitters is not gold o. Your choice in a woman to marry shows how sound your judgement is and bro, you are lagging far behind. Better start to curb those her excesses before she sends you to an early grave.

A virtuous woman has spoken