₦airaland Forum

Karleb:
Don't forgive.

Why such advice?

olaztek:
The most painful experience for a child is to be physically and emotionally abused by the very people who are meant to protect him or her. It would be very difficult to let go and move on.
But the op needs to understand that some parents have done more evil than his own mother. Some mothers
1. threw away their new born child in the toilet or gutter/canal for pigs to devour.
2. used their children for money ritual.
3. Sold their Children for peanut
4. Some set up their daughters for prostitution and so many more.
I believed all these are greater evil compared to your experience. So you should be grateful that you are still alive and hopeful for a better tomorrow .

Please throw away this mentality towards the suffering of others you have here. OP's pain and hurts are genuine. He should not need to measure it against the pain of others to determine whether he should be hurt or not. Again, please stop going around giving people this insensitive advice.

Caseless:
I don't know the level of wickedness that would get a mother cursing her own child. [b]What did you do to her? They just don't go to that extreme just like that, except triggered. Forgive her. You both should forgive each others as I believe something led to that strained relationship.[/b]

So, there exists some sort of valid reason for why a parent should emotionally abuse their child? What is wrong with you people?

Coolgent:
■ My short advice..."She regrets" forgive her and treat her well

So, OP is merely to shake off the fact that he was assaulted mentally by his mother throughout his childhood, a fact that has greatly impacted his adult life as well? OP should just shake that off, abi? 🤔

ycat:
■ So what is the rage telling you to do? You have no choice, you must forgive her, especially when she's not an active threat to you. The spirit of unforgiveness will hold you back from your blessings. You can forgive and not have a full relationship with her if you fear a repeat of what she did.
■ Maybe she did her best the way she knew how. Don't ever say something bad to her, still show her respect if it means seeing her just once a year and if you can, care for her. You need to release everything now that she's still alive, so you don't start the second round of the anger of blaming yourself on how you should have handled things differently.

Spirit of unforgiveness? 🙄

2. She did not know she was emotionally abusing her child by rendering curses on him. She should be respected for being older even though she criminally assaulted her child and contributed to damaging even his future by it. WOW!! you folks ehn!

MasterTeeUSA:
I teach students that have gone through emotional trauma. Understanding the reason and the roots of the abuse comes from understanding the person. If your Mom had gone through some measure of abuse herself, then you will see her as a victim and not a predator. Some people were not matured enough to be parents, some fell on hard times and some just continued what they learned from others. You will need to speak to her to understand how she grew up, what she went through, and get to the bottom on it...It is in finding the truth that the truth will set you free. Nothing else will...and I can assure you, she has kept her own upbringing away from you, but you need to get her to speak on it. Then reach back to me, and let me know what you discovered. Have a blessed evening.

How in the world does having a bad upbringing mean it is then OK for one to raise one's own kids to experience the same? Where are these kids that you teach these things to? Which country for Pete's sake?

chinchum:
■ Forgive her without her consent. It heals you. No one went to school of parenting, if you are not careful, it will affect you as a parent. You will either overcompensate in behaviour with your kids, or act similarly like your mom.

Please stop telling this lie! The fact that no one went to school of parenting is all the more reason why individuals should weigh well if they are mentally competent to raise kids or not. There is absolutely no excuse for terrible parenting, none whatsoever! Nature leaves the choice of having kids up to the individual so it is a choice to ruin the life of a child by way of bad parenting. His mother made that choice and OP is having to live still by that choice his mother made. That is EVIL.

You cannot give what you do not have. That is why you do not understand what I typed up. How can parents exposed to poor parenting know how to parent well? Have you ever seen animals behaving differently than how they ought to act by being in different environments...check on YouTube. We domesticate dangerous animals...so yes ...upbringing affects how animals and people behave. Read up on Sociology and Social Psychology

Kobojunkie:
How in the world does having a bad upbringing mean it is then OK for one to raise one's own kids to experience the same? Where are these kids that you teach these things to? Which country for Pete's sake?

pansophist:
Why such advice?

It's so unfair that people get to hurt you over and over again, when they are in their right mind and later when you turn out good and are important, this only happens when you are somebody in life or better than them, they suddenly realize that what they did is wrong and want you to just forgive and let it go. Just like that?

How fair is that?

I won't hurt anybody back but I sure won't accept any apology if I were in his/her case.

I might consider letting it go but never becoming friends with such person only if a form of reparation was paid.

MasterTeeUSA:
■ You cannot give what you do not have. That is why you do not understand what I typed up.
■ How can parents exposed to poor parenting know how to parent well?
■ Have you ever seen animals behaving differently than how they ought to act by being in different environments...check on YouTube.
■ We domesticate dangerous animals...so yes ...upbringing affects how animals and people behave. Read up on Sociology and Social Psychology

1. I can't accept what you said because it makes no sense at all where humans are concerned. We are not animals who are incapable of learning from our experiences; we are humans because we are capable of learning and making different choices as a result.

2. I was exposed to poor parenting choices. I experienced the pain of it and made choices to make certain I do not extend the same to my own children.

3. Again, humans are not animals who are incapable of learning from their experiences. Even dolphins, dogs, Baboons, and Gorillas, have been shown to exhibit the ability to learn and make different choices. You should maybe change the source of the content you consume so you begin to process things more intelligently.

4. We domesticate dangerous animals. Are you sheeting me?

ednut1:
Curse no dey work

Huh you really think so ?
This egbon no believe anything juju lol 😂

femi4:
True forgiveness forgive n forget. If it's truly done, you won't bring it to NL

Humans cannot forget and rightly should not forget so they do not end up inflicting the same pain on others. Those who forget are those who are so good at repeating the same mistakes of their pasts... they in turn hurt others the same way they were once hurt by others. Basically, those are evil people.

Again you are shaped by your experience...some of students grow up in communities where that is the norm...did you have to join gangs to stay safe? Did you have to walk in groups just to stay alive? You have no clue which is why you should talk to your parents...your own shift wasn't the same environment they grew in. Live and Learn

Kobojunkie:
1. I can't accept what you said because it makes no sense at all where humans are concerned. We are not animals who are incapable of learning from our experiences; we are humans because we are capable of learning and making different choices as a result.

2. I was exposed to poor parenting choices. I experienced the pain of it and made choices to make certain I do not extend the same to my own children.

3. Again, humans are not animals who are incapable of learning from their experiences. Even dolphins, dogs, Baboons, and Gorillas, have been shown to exhibit the ability to learn and make different choices. You should maybe change the source of the content you consume so you begin to process things more intelligently.

4. We domesticate dangerous animals. Are you sheeting me?

elevated2:
■ Incase you did not read it read a part again and see the bold.
She's trying to be kind to me now and I've forgiven her or so I thought. [/b]My life didn't turn out well the way I wanted because of her curse and evil mind towards me.
[b]She regrets everything now and I have moved on but the memories fail to leave me. I've tried as much as possible to forget those things but I can't and each time I remember them I feel this rage inside of me.

Well, to forgive others you first need to forgive yourself. Forgive her for every time she inflicted pain on you but note that she does not become a good person as a result of you forgiving her deeds. And then you will be able to move forward. She remains that same person who did all that evil against you, always.

MasterTeeUSA:
■ Again you are shaped by your experience...some of students grow up in communities where that is the norm...did you have to join gangs to stay safe?
■ Did you have to walk in groups just to stay alive? You have no clue which is why you should talk to your parents...your own shift wasn't the same environment they grew in. Live and Learn

1. I grew up in Nigeria where it was considered the norm for a man to torture his wife because she is his wife. I have never tortured a human being in the same way because my experience got me to realize how evil that act of inflicting pain on another human being really is.

I didn't join gangs even though many did back in my day because I experienced how terrible gang life can be from watching all of those around me either drop dead or have their lives maimed by it. I am a human being capable of learning from my mistakes and that of others. That is how my experiences have shaped me. There is no excuse of reason why a person should turn to crime or commit evil acts against others merely because it was what he experienced. Such people are not humans but animals that should be put down.

2. Stop rambling abeg!

gabmanuel:
The fastest way to heal from emotional/psychological pain is to practice penance.
Each time you get angry about your Mom, just pray "our father who art in heaven ... Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who treaspassed against us" ten times. By the time you do it for 2 weeks, you will surely get tired of being angry with (or not forgiving) anyone.
Again, for the setbacks you have, try to move on, see it as being in the past and work towards a brighter future. Loving your family completely brings more progress.
NB: Alot of people that were never cursed by anybody still get setbacks in life, so, it's not just only you, while alot of people that were cursed(even by their family) still progressed.
If curse dey work like that, alot of people, especially Naija politicians, for don dey suffer nah.

Nonsense claim! The problem with most of you Christians is that you never in fact read through to properly digest what is written in the very Scriptures you quote from. Contrary to what you claim, the Lord's prayer clearly states that the God of Israel will only serve up forgiveness to those who have already forgiven others around them so it is essentially a useless prayer for OP who has yet to forgive His mother and has also not sought forgiveness from all others who hold grudges against him.

I suggest you go back through the context of Matthew 6 vs 6 - 15 as many times as you need to, to see for yourself how the prayer suggested in that passage DOES NOT work as a prayer for forgiveness or penance particularly in this case.

Kobojunkie:
Humans cannot forget and rightly should not forget so they do not end up inflicting the same pain on others. Those who forget are those who are so good at repeating the same mistakes of their pasts... they in turn hurt others the same way they were once hurt by others. Basically, those are evil people.

Wrong interpretation of the "forget" part of Forgive n Forget

To forget means to show of maturity, repaying good for evil

Love for hate

And care for hurts

That's where the true closure lies

Lol, you resort to insulting someone, and you think you are actually normal. You can have a civil conversation without insults. The problem with folks like you is that you think you have overcome all your vices and still have some of those. That is already reflected here in how you choose to engage with me. I will leave you now because I know you won't stop...a type of cyberbullying that is a reflection of a transfer of your upbringing. Talk to a therapist..you will learn a lot.

Kobojunkie:
1. I grew up in Nigeria where it was considered the norm for a man to torture his wife because she is his wife. I have never tortured a human being in the same way because my experience got me to realize how evil that act of inflicting pain on another human being really is.

I didn't join gangs even though many did back in my day because I experienced how terrible gang life can be from watching all of those around me either drop dead or have their lives maimed by it. I am a human being capable of learning from my mistakes and that of others. That is how my experiences have shaped me. There is no excuse of reason why a person should turn to crime or commit evil acts against others merely because it was what he experienced. Such people are not humans but animals that should be put down.

2. Stop rambling abeg!

femi4:
■ Wrong interpretation of the "forget" part of Forgive n Forget
To forget means to show of maturity, repaying good for evil Love for hate And care for hurts That's where the true closure lies

Define this love, care, maturity, etc. Also, are you essentially saying is that if one chooses to forgive and then basically cut that person off or treat this person like a stranger, that is unacceptable by this forgive n forget standard of yours? Basically, people who decide to cut off toxic family members are not practicing this forgive-and-forget idea of yours.

MasterTeeUSA:
Lol, you resort to insulting someone, and you think you are actually normal. You can have a civil conversation without insults. The problem with folks like you is that you think you have overcome all your vices and still have some of those. That is already reflected here in how you choose to engage with me. I will leave you now because I know you won't stop...a type of cyberbullying that is a reflection of a transfer of your upbringing. Talk to a therapist..you will learn a lot.

LOL.... it's always funny to see how people who reason like you are always first to accuse others of insulting them. 😂😂😂😂

But it's OK for you to freely insult the intelligence of others with the heap of bullsheet you spew, right? Nonsense!

Kobojunkie:
Define this love, care, maturity, etc. Also, are you essentially saying is that if one chooses to forgive and then basically cut that person off or treat this person like a stranger, that is unacceptable by this forgive n forget standard of yours? Basically, people who decide to cut off toxic family members are not practicing this forgive-and-forget idea of yours.

If they come to you, welcome them, feed them. Show them what love is by reacting differently. An eye for an eye makes the world go blind.


If the world go by your theory, we will all have reason to avoid one another based different strain of relationship in the line of our forefathers

femi4:
■ If they come to you, welcome them, feed them. Show them what love is by reacting differently. An eye for an eye makes the world go blind.
■ If the world go by your theory, we will all have reason to avoid one another based different strain of relationship in the line of our forefathers

1. So, OP would rather they not come near him anymore because of the toxicity he has had to endure from them, it is an eye for an eye in your book and that is unacceptable?

2. What is wrong with avoiding each other? Many lives have been saved by it, so why is it wrong?

Kobojunkie:
1. So, OP would rather they not come near him anymore because of the toxicity he has had to endure from them, it is an eye for an eye in your book and that is unacceptable?

2. What is wrong with avoiding each other? Many lives have been saved by it, so why is it wrong?

The more reason he brought it here, he didn't find closure by avoiding them. I never said its wrong in avoiding people, I am just showing you a better and more noble way

femi4:
■ The more reason he brought it here, he didn't find closure by avoiding them. I never said its wrong in avoiding people,
■ I am just showing you a better and more noble way

I don't recall OP saying or suggesting he has in fact tried avoiding her at all. From what I read, she seems to be very much in his life still and part of the reason for the rage that continues to plague him.

2. A better and more noble way yet recorded as putting the lives of people at risk?

CodeTemplarr:
If the woman is the type with demonic powers to see into your future, it is on her to see and avoid what she wouldnt like in her old age too. No one owes such fellow forgiveness

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abba190:
just forgive her, you have no other option. just forget the things she did to u

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Lastmessenger2:
Have some,mental toughness bro. Nothing anybody ever,said will hold me,back

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ilovewater89:
Just move on. No need to forgive anyone

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israelmao:
Remember she carried you in her womb for nine months and labour pain she underwent.

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GreatVocalist:
Ask God to help you forgive her sir. It's His will for us to forgive others, so He will surely grant that request if it is genuine.

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iwaeda:
Forgive and forget. It is only God that rewards. Always remember this passage Matthew 18:21-35. To err is human, to forgive is Divine.

...

HeadNigga:
since you believe the cause of your problems is her evil mind towards you. Now that she is old and needs your forgiveness, tell her to have godly mind towards you henceforth and lift the curses

Where do you people come from abeg!

Kobojunkie:
I don't recall OP saying or suggesting he has in fact tried avoiding her at all. From what I read, she seems to be very much in his life still and part of the reason for the rage that continues to plague him.

2. A better and more noble way yet recorded as putting the lives of people at risk?

The OP gave more info than what you have there

femi4:
The OP gave more info than what you have there

Where?

Kobojunkie:
.......
.........
...
...Where do you people come from abeg!

Nigeria, by oluwa seun.

Kobojunkie:
Please stop telling this lie! The fact that no one went to school of parenting is all the more reason why individuals should weigh well if they are mentally competent to raise kids or not. There is absolutely no excuse for terrible parenting, none whatsoever! Nature leaves the choice of having kids up to the individual so it is a choice to ruin the life of a child by way of bad parenting. His mother made that choice and OP is having to live still by that choice his mother made. That is EVIL.

OP keeping hate in their heart is like drinking poison and hoping the mom suffers the poisonous effect.

It takes someone mentally okay to be self aware and check for their mental competence.

chinchum:
OP keeping hate in their heart is like drinking poison and hoping the mom suffers the poisonous effect. It takes someone mentally okay to be self aware and check for their mental competence.

So, clearly you admit then that OP Is NOT mentally OP even though he may be aware of the fact that he has to do something about the problem. Yet your suggestion to him is not that he seek help from a mental health professional? How come?

Kobojunkie:
So, clearly you admit then that OP Is NOT mentally OP even though he may be aware of the fact that he has to do something about the problem. Yet your suggestion to him is not that he seek help from a mental health professional? How come?

i am referring to Op' s mom. You asked prospective parents should make mental assessment and find out if they are ready to parent a child, but it takes a level of mindfulness, being self aware and in a good mental state to make such mental assessment.

Karleb:
It's so unfair that people get to hurt you over and over again, when they are in their right mind and later when you turn out good and are important, this only happens when you are somebody in life or better than them, they suddenly realize that what they did is wrong and want you to just forgive and let it go. Just like that?

How fair is that?

I won't hurt anybody back but I sure won't accept any apology if I were in his/her case.

I might consider letting it go but never becoming friends with such person only if a form of reparation was paid.

As you see me so, I am a faithful proponent of wotowoto. No gree for anybody.

BUT,

There are cases where it doenst apply, or can be fashioned. In areas where your wotowoto makes you suffer collateral damage, then its better to be smart about it.

Forgiving his mum is for his own peace and freedom. HE should forgive, but maybe just reduce contact or something non lethal to cope.

Sometimes I dont understand the theory of forgiveness. I have been studying about it, but there is one angle I still havent understood. It is the area of fairness.

So for example, if Hitler that killed over 20M million people asked God for forgiveness before he died, God will forgive him. Now what about the millions of people that he killed?

If Hitler bomb killed someone when he is busy nacking his prostitute in peace, and the person went to hell, why will Hitler go to heaven? You sef think am na

In the realms of humans, a bread thief will never get the same punishment as a murderer. But in the bible? all of you are sinners with same punishment.

Maybe the Christians here can answer it. How is it fair for all the parties involve? Even if God didnt forgive Hitler, which punishment will he received that is proportional (keyword here is proportional) to his crime?

If I thief bread and end up in hell, Hitler kill 20M people and ended up in the same hell, is the punishment fair and proportional?