₦airaland Forum

oz4real83:
This is exactly what most married men go through, they carry all family responsibilities, whether the women are working or not, and yet they don't threaten to leave the marriage all because the wives are not making financial contributions to the marriage. . A woman is doing what most men have always done, she complains and wants to leave the marriage . May God bless our men.

May God bless you too for this nugget.

SouthAmericalif:
I can’t keep quiet anymore,i lost my mum sister to abusive marriage because she was left to struggle and care for her children alone while her husband was doing fine boy all along and carrying woman even till now this february making 6years of her demise. she begged to live but high blood pressure and liver damage no be your mate.

I have started developing hbp too because i need to stay in marriage. got married at 26+ with out courtship never knew i was marrying a lazy man.
i was doing well when he met me, so i taught i could wage any challenge but trying to fix him up i was going down and he is 7years older.

Firstly i bought keke napep after much training for months he still couldn’t handle it na so so accident call i dey receive it was so tiring so we decide to give it out,the story long but to cut it short

Your husband is very different from you. You should not marry someone different from you. You should marry someone hardworking like you. These are the consequences.

I hope this be of help to you while you patiently wait on God to intervene and make things right in your marriage. I hope this message speaks to all as well. Amen

How to have Peace in Chaos

Peace is the absence of fear. There are two types of peace, peace of the world and peace of God.
We don’t know what tomorrow brings, we hear and see chaos everywhere including in our lives, these bring fear of the known and unknown. People try to escape and to distract their mind from the feeling of fear and create false happiness, they daydream everything like nothing unpleasant is not going to happen at all, some can’t bear it and they commit suicide, some try to escape with pleasure, they get drunk, use drugs, partying, involve in sexual immoralities and many other vices. This is the temporary virtual peace you get from the world, and it’s soon over and you find yourself battling with finding rest and peace for your soul again. That’s why people go back continuously into all these vices until addiction sets in because we all crave for peace. To have peace in this chaotic world, your hope must be placed outside the world

How do you have the true permanent peace?
Firstly, Peace with God : Romans 5:1 ‘Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ’ we must first be justified of all our sins. Being ‘justified’ means Jesus forgives you and erases your past as if you never committed any sin before. 2cor5:17 ‘Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.’ You need to have peace with God first, you need to repent from your sinful life, receive Jesus Christ by faith into your life and be willing to obey His commandments. There’s no other way to have peace with God except through Jesus Christ: John 3:16 ‘For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.’
You have peace with God when you know you have everlasting life after this chaotic life is over. How shall we escape if we neglect so great a salvation
Secondly, peace from God: After you have peace with God, He gives you His peace that is above the chaos of this world. Jesus says in John 14:27 ‘Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.’

Remember Paul and Silas in the Bible, these two were beaten mercilessly in the marketplace, thrown bound into the worst prison without any treatment of their wounds despite the fact that they did no bad thing, out of these chaos, they prayed and sang praises to God because they had peace towards God and peace of God. This is beyond human understanding, it can only be peace of God. We all need Jesus, He is the only source of life because without peace, we are only existing and not living either we are free or bound. Psalm 34:8 ‘O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.’
You can have peace right now, it doesn’t take a whole lot of process or application, it’s a free gift. Get on your knees and pray to your maker to forgive you, He loves you, He will welcome you, justify you and give you his peace. Amen!

chatinent:
Dump his arse.


This advice is cost a grand.

if you be judge, na so you go handle the matter without hearing the other party?

illicit:
Call me

So that you will continue with your laziness in her life from where that other man stopped?

You have failed.

That's why we always advocate know your purpose before marrying.

Nobody is useless, the only problem is many are yet to discover themselves.

SouthAmericalif:
thank you sir for your candid advice
i have reported my neighbors to the landlord because he doesn’t stay in same compound and after warning them dey stay clear from me for 3days and started last night, they doing this so we can pack out and then give the house to another person and eat agent fees
the car keke and machine after been packed for years i sold it then for small money.
it was last december i started studying rigidly online and found out ways to invest by myself for myself january i started tbills and mutual funds and ok with it than wasting money for 8years i can no longer partner again we did okrika business it failed where buying from togo.

My dear sister you don try, please take care of yourself. i have similar experience i don't even have up to your resources but i quickly advised myself and Oga read the handwriting on the wall clearly, the only thing you hear him say is but this is not the person I married but i no send no quarrel no fight but unnecessary wastage na lie. Part of the decision i took is any contract i handle the finances myself. one of my experiences was that i got a loan of 600k plus interest total of 750k budgeted for mini bus in 2020 but he never bring the bus nor the money but i cannot explain such to bank so I have to pay

tundebasic:
You mean you did all these for your man, yet he no work?
1. Bought a tricycle
2. Bought a Camry
3. Bought nylon making machine
4. You even pay rent, feeding, and sch fees

You are hardworking, and I respect you for that.

1. Well, if I may suggest, except you bought the Camry for Uber, you can sell it and buy a car for taxi instead. Let him drive while you manage (if you have a brother you trust, he can manage this).
2. Have a discuss with him, find out what he loves to do naturally, what he enjoys doing and can push without limits. That's his strength, invest in that.
3. Have a list of businesses, let him choose the one he likes to do. Then, navigate how to invest in it together.
4. Anything you decide to do don't contribute the 100%. Let him also have an input. Tell him to contribute 50% while you add the remaining 50%. He can get a loan for his part.

As for your neighbours, you can:
1. Report them to the landlord, let him take action.
2. Get a restraining order from the court or police (a lawyer will guide you on this).
3. Meet a lawyer on how to issue them a warning letter (if it exists) to let them know you will sue them for libel/slander if they don't desist.

This woman will have no time to do all these. She's already carrying enough family burden meant to be bore by both. She can't be thinking for the NFA guy.

cr7lomo:
I don't think they forced her .... I think she made the decision, maybe due to desperation...afterall she was the sponsor and pretty young as well ... maybe she had her personal reasons

She said "got married at 26+ with out courtship."

Instead of communicating with him you prefer the online attention, na lack of communication dey cause this thing mostly, plus your kids are grown up, and you have the means to japa, you can japa without dissolving the marriage na, take some time apart so you can miss each other and rekindle the spark, you complain too much.

Where are those that want to be earning money from home? You can earn 10k to 20k every 10 days with your idle linkedin account for more than one year. 😁. Chat me now. Joy is coming

tundebasic:
You mean you did all these for your man, yet he no work?
1. Bought a tricycle
2. Bought a Camry
3. Bought nylon making machine
4. You even pay rent, feeding, and sch fees

You are hardworking, and I respect you for that.

1. Well, if I may suggest, except you bought the Camry for Uber, you can sell it and buy a car for taxi instead. Let him drive while you manage (if you have a brother you trust, he can manage this).
2. Have a discuss with him, find out what he loves to do naturally, what he enjoys doing and can push without limits. That's his strength, invest in that.
3. Have a list of businesses, let him choose the one he likes to do. Then, navigate how to invest in it together.
4. Anything you decide to do don't contribute the 100%. Let him also have an input. Tell him to contribute 50% while you add the remaining 50%. He can get a loan for his part.

As for your neighbours, you can:
1. Report them to the landlord, let him take action.
2. Get a restraining order from the court or police (a lawyer will guide you on this).
3. Meet a lawyer on how to issue them a warning letter (if it exists) to let them know you will sue them for libel/slander if they don't desist.

I know both male and female folks who are a replica of the man she described. Give them $1 trillion, they will still amount to nothing. People like that apart from being lazy are wasteful and pleasure loving. Divorce is the key

oz4real83:
This is exactly what most married men go through, they carry all family responsibilities, whether the women are working or not, and yet they don't threaten to leave the marriage all because the wives are not making financial contributions to the marriage. . A woman is doing what most men have always done, she complains and wants to leave the marriage . May God bless our men.

I don’t support weak and lazy men, a man is supposed to take care of responsibilities. My elder sister got married to a lazy man like this also. Until your sister is in such a situation you will not see anything wrong in it. My sister takes care of 95% of the house responsibilities, she recently completed her house this shameful man still moved in with her even though there are many works to be done in the house also . Men should be men.

tundebasic:
This was what came to my mind too when I first read what she posted. But, a woman will always be a woman. Moreover, this woman played her part. Let the man play his part too.

You guys forget that the man will not do anything in the house, no shores, no cooking, no baby care or pregnancy to carry... the woman will be the sole worker and everything in the house while he relaxes and want to be served inspite of all the stress of work the woman goes through.
But a man providing for his family his wife will be home doing wifely duties but in this situation this woman does both wifely and husband duties that's why most women that provides complain, they are left to do virtually everything in the home.

essyiyk:
My dear sister you don try, please take care of yourself. i have similar experience i don't even have up to your resources but i quickly advised myself and Oga read the handwriting on the wall clearly, the only thing you hear him say is but this is not the person I married but i no send no quarrel no fight but unnecessary wastage na lie. Part of the decision i took is any contract i handle the finances myself. one of my experiences was that i got a loan of 600k plus interest total of 750k budgeted for mini bus in 2020 but he never bring the bus nor the money but i cannot explain such to bank so I have to pay

I know men and women who are useless physically and mentally like the men you guys are describing. I am beginning to think it's aental health issue and the society needs to segregate irresponsible people so that they don't keep sleeping with responsible people and spreading the gene of irresponsibility

Stay away for now while you expect him to improve and take good care of yourself and your kids. A man should be smart and proactive .

musicwriter:
If you're doing well for yourself as a young lady; why did you even get married? On top of that you got married without courtship, meaning that someone forced you into marriage.

If what you wrote here is to be believed, you'll certainly be better off without marriage.

WARNING: You don't need to travel outside Nigeria. You'll do better in Nigeria.

So marriage is now an escape from route from poverty for female gender. These one is also on line adviser.

You are having issues with your neighbors, and you want your husband to fight them too.

Because he chose peace, you are angry.

Your neighbors probably had a sound sleep like your husband, you didn't. Because you neighbors are not so good.


Take a break and fix yourself.

You need to love yourself first. You can only give what you have.

Your husband might have probably warned about your neighbors and look away. No, you want war. But you prefer that he fights. My dia, let that man breathe.


You need to breathe too.

oz4real83:
This is exactly what most married men go through, they carry all family responsibilities, whether the women are working or not, and yet they don't threaten to leave the marriage all because the wives are not making financial contributions to the marriage. . A woman is doing what most men have always done, she complains and wants to leave the marriage . May God bless our men.

One crate of Big Stout for you my brother.

If I narrate half of my story here, ya'll would think that I'm Jesus.

SouthAmericalif:
i am still here updating because i need to speak out and learn from others by picking out the positive comments to encourage my self and not to think much while adjusting to a new life
Finally arrive my mum place,woke up my daughter early gave her few of my stuff to take to my mum before my neighbor woke up
while she was away my hubby woke up and i confronted him for peace talk and told why i am angry and he slept with out considering me
he got up and walk away with out saying a word.clean up make sure my daughter eat then i came out freely not knowing my neighbors where waiting for me to come, after a year today this girl greeted me the mother followed me outside that the landlord is very angry with them begged me to call the landlord that we have settled i told her ok and left.she is settling with me after causing my marriage.

Your husband is probably an introvert who lacks motivation because people probably his parents are the ones forcing him to be motivated including marriage. Now parents are not around, he cannot be motivated to Man up. I don't know if my analogy is true but am speaking from experience with someone.
You said you you discussed with your man and he walked out without saying anything. The same applies to the individual I am talking about. His wife eventually walked out of the marriage and dude did not bother to chase after the wife. It was his parents forcing him to go and bring the wife home.
Trust me until you leave your husband he will see no reason to change.

Kobojunkie:
Wait a second.... so, na your neighbor dey cause you to dey tired of your marriage? You are not truly tired of existing as a slave for someone else? If the neighbor is all that is bothering you then give her an eviction letter and avoid her for as long as it will take for her to leave. Case closed!

Classic Kobojunkie. I was concerned for her chief worry too. But I know this type of things don't fall through your plate

franchasng:
Don't let anyone deceive you, there is predestined life but you still have the opportunity to fight it out if you can fight the spiritual battle.


All humans have a predestined life but you still have a chance to fight it out and change your destiny if you have the fighting spirit to do so.


Even the Bible recorded this when God said; "I will bless whom I will bless".


Also, go and read about Jabez in the Bible.

Let me stop here for now

You're talking about juju and at the same time making references to the Bible.

Quite confusing!

I recently came across this post that resonated deeply. I feel compelled to share my perspective, as I've experienced something similar. It seems many women risk losing good men due to their own behavior. They try to control their partners, and if the man isn't financially successful, they perceive him as weak and resort to silent treatment. While it's understandable to have financial security, using money to turn your husband into an errand boy diminishes him. You might even push him to the point where he withdraws, like when he refuses to fight your battles with neighbors, likely because he recognizes you're the source of the conflict.

The real issue isn't your husband; it's you. You need to focus on self-improvement and stop blaming him. He will likely be fine without you, but the same might not be true for you. If you find marriage to him stressful, imagine the alternative: living alone. Would that truly be better?

I can relate to this from the other side. My wife once labeled me lazy and unambitious. I knew my own worth and refused to conform to her expectations just to prove something. I wouldn't take just any job to validate my manhood. I felt like a failure, and she found me less attractive. We were on the verge of collapse when my fortunes changed dramatically. Now, things are completely different. My income far surpasses hers. My tithe alone is far more than her monthly income. Now she appreciates her husband.

Your husband is likely a good man who simply lacks motivation, perhaps because you control the finances and make all the decisions. Don't give up on him. Stay with him, respect him, and pray for him. He's not the root of your problems.

Valwezzy:
This one’s a mod, yet, caps shiiit and aimlessly.

Dude, how did you arrive at the conclusion that “Nigerian Men” are worse than the women?

Like you’re referring to all of them — Even the one you’re dating/married to, brother and your dad are worse too? — Learn how to choose your words and talk and stop yapping like a low-budget nnewi chimamanda cum ariaria market woman.

Shots fired! I repeat, shots fired!

Find a way of staying it will pay off .... Don't divorce you would reap it .....
Your children would be blessed with...
As long as it's not affecting your children...
Don't listen to feminist theory....So many women are facing worse than you think but will make you feel their better than you after divorce or without a husband....
It's not rosy out there, live social media hype of a happy life ...it's not always as smooth as we think

Gotocourt:
Desperation

May not be desperation. Some people live their life different from others, there is no script to living life. Some people marry with all the dating and still have this same complain. So rest

cr7lomo:
Madam...those ur friends u envy that are single will even seel their body parts if they can have to chance to be married to even ur husband ..... being single is the worst thing that can ever happen to a lady... dont allow social media deceive u .... if u call ur husband lazy cos he isn't providing.... if u leave him, u willnstill be the one providing for urself , nothing de street , u are 36 , only a very few men will pay u peanuts for 4k u and ghost u , the rest no go even send u ... ur single friends are just forming happy, but if u know what they are going thru deep down , go be like ur own wahala na paradise

LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE...

MrSly:
So marriage is now an escape from route from poverty for female gender. These one is also on line adviser.

When I heard that Tuface (a male) was divorced and wanted to get married to another lady, I asked the same question. Why does he want to get married again? What else does he want?

For me, I don't consider marriage as an achievement.

SouthAmericalif:
last week i told him since i have my passport let me just leave for cape verde and he said no that may be later then this people was calling my name for things i know nothing of, once i here there shouting sometimes i will just be shock in my heart, in my house out of tiredness from house chores cooking and business i sleep before every one but am pouring my heart here so i don’t commit suicide and i mean it

my sister suicide should not even come of thought.okay there is light at end of the tunnel. Give him break and go and stay with your mum. May be like three months

SouthAmericalif:
most of my childhood friends that seniors me are single and have started envying them from last night.
Everyone is complaining that i have lost so much weight from the last time they saw me before my marriage
several people have said it in his present and he is not saying anything about it

So people will look at you and complain that you have lost weight since you got married? Which kind of zero emotional intelligence people are those?

Mehn.. this write up is deep, OP just take a break from the marriage for a while, he needs to fend for himself alone.

oz4real83:
This is exactly what most married men go through, they carry all family responsibilities, whether the women are working or not, and yet they don't threaten to leave the marriage all because the wives are not making financial contributions to the marriage. . A woman is doing what most men have always done, she complains and wants to leave the marriage . May God bless our men.

And christened him lazy. They even call it an anomaly, yet, they say gender equality must be the norm. But what is food for the goose is not food for the gander. Double standards!