₦airaland Forum

Lengthy post alert!

"My name is Brenda, I met the father of my child 3 years ago in the UK. We are both from Ghana but different tribes. I was a bit reluctant when he asked me out for a relationship based on the difference in tribe.

He was always particular about sex whenever he visited and it used to piss me off, I eventually gave in one time and didn't realize it would lead to pregnancy. He left even before I found out about it to be with a woman who is ready to give him sex according to him.

He suggested abortion after I told him about it but I declined because it wasn't something I could go ahead with.
Long story short, I got my Canadian visitor visa and told him I'll like to have the baby there which we both agreed to.

I had my baby in Canada and had to move to Ghana to get extra help with the baby since he has repeatedly told me he isn't interested in getting married to me, our child is 18 months now and his parents have not called me or my parents to acknowledge the child. He said there's nothing he can do because he has given his parents my mum's number, it's up to them to reach out or not.
The only thing he does is that he sends money for the child's upkeep.

Luckily I got my Canadian Permanent residence visa and plan to relocate soon, I've  been encouraging him to move to Canada with me so we can raise our child together, but he will say he cannot, why do I need to marry him to bring him to Canada when we already have a child together. The marriage is a trap etc

He got involved with a British woman who later reported him to police for kidnapping, it was around this time one of his brothers reached out to me for the first time.

I think this affected the outcome of his post study visa as he was denied and asked to leave, now he is saying God has answered my prayer of us being together to raise our baby. I am still in Ghana and he wants to come do the proper thing

Will I be wicked to say I don't want marriage with him anymore? There's no friendship between us, no romantic vibes, he talks harshly to me when angry. What kind of marriage am I going to have with him when I know we aren't compatible. Yet, he will either have to become illegal or be comdemed to Ghana if I tell him no.

I've always known about the incompatibility, I just sometimes think about the few good things he did and the fear of having kids for more than one man"

You need to be very careful because he only sees you as a means to his livelihood now. Love is not there and you may end up regretting your relationship with him. Smart up, kid is not enough to tie him down.

The foundation of the marriage will be faulty if you continue with it.
It is very evident he doesn't love you and you're just and end to a means. Once he regain his feet if eventually he follow you to Canada, history will repeat itself.
It's better to be single and happy than to be traumatized in marriage.
Your happiness should be paramount.

There is absolutely no love between you too... You are the only option to him and that's why he came back....I can assure you that you are going to regret this relationship cos the man didn't love you and only care cos of his child.

He is only attempting to close gap with you because his personal opportunities are down and wants to use you to stabilize and climb and probably later dump you again once his life stabilizes in the nearest future.

At present... You are not married to him and you should have keep quiet about your progress. The problem is that your talking to much got you into this fix. If he didn't know this much about your progress, he would have abandoned you a long time.

The people above me have said the truth but women don't like the truth. You will still listen to his lies and return here to cry when the chips are down!!

Man is an opportunitic parasite and you are his new ladder.
Now you're about to be used.
I could only hope you'll use your brain.

You know why they call females fish brains?

Anyways,you already knew all of the things written here but you still mulled the idea of marrying this guy. So go on, marry him but know that he will not only rinse and repeat what he's done before, he would do worse. Essentially, you will be back within the next few years to tell us how it went. Some people just can't help choosing the hard life. Cheers maami

sahab2325:
You need to be very careful because he only sees you as a means to his livelihood now. Love is not there and you may end up regretting your relationship with him. Smart up, kid is not enough to tie him down.

Ladies do this and everyone sees it as a normal thing, a man does it , now it's weird

Juliusdaughter:
➜I've always known about the incompatibility, I just sometimes think about the few good things he did and the fear of having kids for more than one man"

You know that you are both clearly not compatible— red flags are literally flying all over the relationship you have had with him thus far—, yet you are willing to consider marriage to him, why? What is it that you are really afraid of? And why do you think settling for someone who obviously does not give a flying f0ck about you will change of it?

Thanks to everyone for the response. I hope she's able to make the best choice for herself. It's funny how she's turned down 2 marriage proposals just because of the fantasy of being with this same guy

Juliusdaughter:
Thanks to everyone for the response. I hope she's able to make the best choice for herself. It's funny how she's turned down 2 marriage proposals just because of the fantasy of being with this same guy

She shouldn't have to settle for less than the best in marriage either.

Fake story. This one will surely hit front page. Children in this forum are bored.

Quoted for posterity.

Juliusdaughter:
Lengthy post alert!

"My name is Brenda, I met the father of my child 3 years ago in the UK. We are both from Ghana but different tribes. I was a bit reluctant when he asked me out for a relationship based on the difference in tribe.

He was always particular about sex whenever he visited and it used to piss me off, I eventually gave in one time and didn't realize it would lead to pregnancy. He left even before I found out about it to be with a woman who is ready to give him sex according to him.

He suggested abortion after I told him about it but I declined because it wasn't something I could go ahead with.
Long story short, I got my Canadian visitor visa and told him I'll like to have the baby there which we both agreed to.

I had my baby in Canada and had to move to Ghana to get extra help with the baby since he has repeatedly told me he isn't interested in getting married to me, our child is 18 months now and his parents have not called me or my parents to acknowledge the child. He said there's nothing he can do because he has given his parents my mum's number, it's up to them to reach out or not.
The only thing he does is that he sends money for the child's upkeep.

Luckily I got my Canadian Permanent residence visa and plan to relocate soon, I've  been encouraging him to move to Canada with me so we can raise our child together, but he will say he cannot, why do I need to marry him to bring him to Canada when we already have a child together. The marriage is a trap etc

He got involved with a British woman who later reported him to police for kidnapping, it was around this time one of his brothers reached out to me for the first time.

I think this affected the outcome of his post study visa as he was denied and asked to leave, now he is saying God has answered my prayer of us being together to raise our baby. I am still in Ghana and he wants to come do the proper thing

Will I be wicked to say I don't want marriage with him anymore? There's no friendship between us, no romantic vibes, he talks harshly to me when angry. What kind of marriage am I going to have with him when I know we aren't compatible. Yet, he will either have to become illegal or be comdemed to Ghana if I tell him no.

I've always known about the incompatibility, I just sometimes think about the few good things he did and the fear of having kids for more than one man"

Juliusdaughter:
Lengthy post alert!

"My name is Brenda, I met the father of my child 3 years ago in the UK. We are both from Ghana but different tribes. I was a bit reluctant when he asked me out for a relationship based on the difference in tribe.

He was always particular about sex whenever he visited and it used to piss me off, I eventually gave in one time and didn't realize it would lead to pregnancy. He left even before I found out about it to be with a woman who is ready to give him sex according to him.

He suggested abortion after I told him about it but I declined because it wasn't something I could go ahead with.
Long story short, I got my Canadian visitor visa and told him I'll like to have the baby there which we both agreed to.

I had my baby in Canada and had to move to Ghana to get extra help with the baby since he has repeatedly told me he isn't interested in getting married to me, our child is 18 months now and his parents have not called me or my parents to acknowledge the child. He said there's nothing he can do because he has given his parents my mum's number, it's up to them to reach out or not.
The only thing he does is that he sends money for the child's upkeep.

Luckily I got my Canadian Permanent residence visa and plan to relocate soon, I've  been encouraging him to move to Canada with me so we can raise our child together, but he will say he cannot, why do I need to marry him to bring him to Canada when we already have a child together. The marriage is a trap etc

He got involved with a British woman who later reported him to police for kidnapping, it was around this time one of his brothers reached out to me for the first time.

I think this affected the outcome of his post study visa as he was denied and asked to leave, now he is saying God has answered my prayer of us being together to raise our baby. I am still in Ghana and he wants to come do the proper thing

Will I be wicked to say I don't want marriage with him anymore? There's no friendship between us, no romantic vibes, he talks harshly to me when angry. What kind of marriage am I going to have with him when I know we aren't compatible. Yet, he will either have to become illegal or be comdemed to Ghana if I tell him no.

I've always known about the incompatibility, I just sometimes think about the few good things he did and the fear of having kids for more than one man"

I understand how you feel about these issues. You can speak more to someone at our Agency. One-on-One sessions with an experienced therapist @ AWNET ADVISORY AND COUNSELING AGENCY work better. We have by God's grace resolved same issue with other clients before now.

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There is no an element of love between you both. You DONT love him and he DOESN'T love you too.

I just pity the child in the mist of all these.

Both of you should continue your co-parenting from distance as it is.

This type of marriage you are considering CAN NEVER survive Canadian society.

The guy wants to use you to bounce back. Beware

Even you don’t except the marriage, you can use the live-in partnership to train the child maybe avoid having second kid, you’re a good woman, don’t get married but assist him as much as you can, if he becomes good to you, marriage can then happen

Juliusdaughter:
Lengthy post alert!

"My name is Brenda, I met the father of my child 3 years ago in the UK. We are both from Ghana but different tribes. I was a bit reluctant when he asked me out for a relationship based on the difference in tribe.

He was always particular about sex whenever he visited and it used to piss me off, I eventually gave in one time and didn't realize it would lead to pregnancy. He left even before I found out about it to be with a woman who is ready to give him sex according to him.

He suggested abortion after I told him about it but I declined because it wasn't something I could go ahead with.
Long story short, I got my Canadian visitor visa and told him I'll like to have the baby there which we both agreed to.

I had my baby in Canada and had to move to Ghana to get extra help with the baby since he has repeatedly told me he isn't interested in getting married to me, our child is 18 months now and his parents have not called me or my parents to acknowledge the child. He said there's nothing he can do because he has given his parents my mum's number, it's up to them to reach out or not.
The only thing he does is that he sends money for the child's upkeep.

Luckily I got my Canadian Permanent residence visa and plan to relocate soon, I've  been encouraging him to move to Canada with me so we can raise our child together, but he will say he cannot, why do I need to marry him to bring him to Canada when we already have a child together. The marriage is a trap etc

He got involved with a British woman who later reported him to police for kidnapping, it was around this time one of his brothers reached out to me for the first time.

I think this affected the outcome of his post study visa as he was denied and asked to leave, now he is saying God has answered my prayer of us being together to raise our baby. I am still in Ghana and he wants to come do the proper thing

Will I be wicked to say I don't want marriage with him anymore? There's no friendship between us, no romantic vibes, he talks harshly to me when angry. What kind of marriage am I going to have with him when I know we aren't compatible. Yet, he will either have to become illegal or be comdemed to Ghana if I tell him no.

I've always known about the incompatibility, I just sometimes think about the few good things he did and the fear of having kids for more than one man"

My sister in da Lord; be wise!!!

Do not ensnare yourself!!!

He doesn't love you. Don't consider him please

As a single mum, there is a 50% probability that you may never marry again.
This is an opportunity to have a marriage. Unfortunately, it might be a loveless marriage. If you are above 35, maybe consider the offer and just tolerate each other in the marriage. Goodluck

U know d red flag
U ve seen it
U felt it
U ve ur doubts and u are asking d word again n again
Why are women like dis
They wil see fire n stil want to ask if its cold wen dey touch it whilst dey know d gospel truth
Move on wit ur good life n stay away frm social media if u want ro take ur life decisions
There is no perfect advicer online
Run away frm him like a plague if u lv ur life
U wil regret it

kingthreat:
As a single mum, there is a 50% probability that you may never marry again.
This is an opportunity to have a marriage. Unfortunately, it might be a loveless marriage. If you are above 35, maybe consider the offer and just tolerate each other in the marriage. Goodluck

What is the probability of you rushing into a burning house, with the roofing already collapsing?

Juliusdaughter:
Lengthy post alert!

"My name is Brenda, I met the father of my child 3 years ago in the UK. We are both from Ghana but different tribes. I was a bit reluctant when he asked me out for a relationship based on the difference in tribe.

He was always particular about sex whenever he visited and it used to piss me off, I eventually gave in one time and didn't realize it would lead to pregnancy. He left even before I found out about it to be with a woman who is ready to give him sex according to him.

He suggested abortion after I told him about it but I declined because it wasn't something I could go ahead with.
Long story short, I got my Canadian visitor visa and told him I'll like to have the baby there which we both agreed to.

I had my baby in Canada and had to move to Ghana to get extra help with the baby since he has repeatedly told me he isn't interested in getting married to me, our child is 18 months now and his parents have not called me or my parents to acknowledge the child. He said there's nothing he can do because he has given his parents my mum's number, it's up to them to reach out or not.
The only thing he does is that he sends money for the child's upkeep.

Luckily I got my Canadian Permanent residence visa and plan to relocate soon, I've  been encouraging him to move to Canada with me so we can raise our child together, but he will say he cannot, why do I need to marry him to bring him to Canada when we already have a child together. The marriage is a trap etc

He got involved with a British woman who later reported him to police for kidnapping, it was around this time one of his brothers reached out to me for the first time.

I think this affected the outcome of his post study visa as he was denied and asked to leave, now he is saying God has answered my prayer of us being together to raise our baby. I am still in Ghana and he wants to come do the proper thing

Will I be wicked to say I don't want marriage with him anymore? There's no friendship between us, no romantic vibes, he talks harshly to me when angry. What kind of marriage am I going to have with him when I know we aren't compatible. Yet, he will either have to become illegal or be comdemed to Ghana if I tell him no.

I've always known about the incompatibility, I just sometimes think about the few good things he did and the fear of having kids for more than one man"

This is a clear picture of loveless relationship

He doesn't love you as you may not be his choice of woman

Only circumstances will make him propose to you, get married to you and will definitely break your heart when he gets his choice of woman

You on your own part, you don't even love him, you wanted marriage for your child not that the love is there

I think you should live your life and nurture your child till you get a man that will be willing to ask for your hand in marriage and even your heart will that you for it

But if you think being a single mother is about bringing shame and worries on you
Then go ahead, but don't come here to complain about his womanising attitude after you bring him to Canada