₦airaland Forum

Mysteriousworld:
➜People like you will destroy good marriages.
➜A man should love his wife, and the wife should submit to her husband. Simple as ABC... CETFINI....

The obvious problem from this very discourse has been your idea of good.

2. A man who does not regard his wife in the same light as he regards himself does not love his wife but is rather in the relationship solely for his own benefit. Such a man is not a good man and such a marriage cannot be construed as a good marriage but rather a mere contract . It can only be regarded as a good marriage when both partners in the marriage benefit equally from the union/contract.

My neighbours marriage just fell apart and she has a 9 month old baby! I asked her why she would subject herself to raising 2 children under 3 years old on her own?! She replied that she's already raising them on her own with the added stress of her relationship. She chose herself and her children.

Most men can't afford to raise a family on their income alone so their wives are forced to work outside the house to make ends meet. When they come home they are left with a man child who needs his needs met. He won't cook, he won't clean, he won't hold his children and give his wife a break.


A beautiful 28 year old lady now looks 40 years old in just 4 years of marriage! He aged her! She has a loving family, supportive friends and a good job so she'll be okay for sure. The painful part is that he has washed his hands off and never looked back. I advised her to put him on child support so he doesn't do this to other women. Life is hard for everybody.

Brandiebird:
➜My neighbours marriage just fell apart and she has a 9 month old baby! I asked her why she would subject herself to raising 2 children under 3 years old on her own?! She replied that she's already raising them on her own with the added stress of her relationship. She chose herself and her children.
➜ Most men can't afford to raise a family on their income alone so their wives are forced to work outside the house to make ends meet. When they come home they are left with a man child who needs his needs met. He won't cook, he won't clean, he won't hold his children and give his wife a break.
➜ A beautiful 28 year old lady now looks 40 years old in just 4 years of marriage! He aged her! She has a loving family, supportive friends and a good job so she'll be okay for sure. The painful part is that he has washed his hands off and never looked back. I advised her to put him on child support so he doesn't do this to other women. Life is hard for everybody.

Your neighbour finally woke up to what has probably been her reality from the beginning of the relationship. Had she chosen herself from the beginning, she would probably not have ended up with 3 babies and a life of so much stress at that.

2. Yet women keep marrying such men as though to reward them for being stewpid.

3. Easy to put all of the blame on him, don't you think? It wasn't like she was forced into the marriage or did not have the opportunity to develop herself before choosing that particular man.

Kobojunkie:
Your neighbour finally woke up to what has probably been her reality from the beginning of the relationship. Had she chosen herself from the beginning, she would probably not have ended up with 3 babies and a life of so much stress at that.

2. Yet women keep marrying such men as though to reward them for being stewpid.

3. Easy to put all of the blame on him, don't you think? It wasn't like she was forced into the marriage or did not have the opportunity to develop herself before choosing that particular man.

She is a graduate and a professional so I believe she did develop herself. She obviously wanted a family and the next step in life and that's why she chose to get married and have children.

Their first child is autistic and none verbal so life through them a curve ball that they could not control. Most men are raised to think that marriage is about bringing home money and being looked after by their wife as their mother looked after them.

I think the issue is that the modern world is changing faster than we can evolve. She probably didn't want to be a sahw and to budget the meagre income her husband brought home. She didn't want herself development to end once she got married. But he was incapable of parenting! Most men know how to be husbands and some know how to be fathers but very few know how to be both!

Brandiebird:
➜She is a graduate and a professional so I believe she did develop herself. She obviously wanted a family and the next step in life and that's why she chose to get married and have children.
➜ Their first child is autistic and none verbal so life through them a curve ball that they could not control. Most men are raised to think that marriage is about bringing home money and being looked after by their wife as their mother looked after them.
➜ I think the issue is that the modern world is changing faster than we can evolve. She probably didn't want to be a sahw and to budget the meagre income her husband brought home. She didn't want herself development to end once she got married. But he was incapable of parenting! Most men know how to be husbands and some know how to be fathers but very few know how to be both!

1. Developing oneself is not simply about having a number of degrees in hand. It has more to do with emotional and social intelligence. If she had properly developed herself mentally and emotionally, she would not have ended up carrying 3 babies below age 3 and a man-baby on her head in marriage.

2. A developed woman would know to avoid most men. Other men out there have disabled children, but know how to be involved in the care and raising of that child. You said her very first child is autistic, and without probably ensuring she and her husband were in the best place to handle and address that one, she decided to have two more almost right after?

3. According to you, she is 28. She was born in the modern world, so it is not the world's fault at all. IF we are to assume she failed to see the red flags in the beginning, his approach to parenting her first child should have given her all she would have needed to realize the man's worth. Going on to have two more with him, he is not to take all of the blame from what I see.

Now that she is out of it, let's hope that she gets support from him, even if financially, and she does not end up trapped in similar or worse.

Gerrard59:
Actually, it is a global phenomenon. Once educated women with thriving careers and/or businesses have max one or two children, they lock up and are open to divorce especially in secular societies. But the aspect of "Locking up" is universal across cultures and religions for educated women. She believes her biological assignment has been completed. Up next is companionship, if it makes sense, she stays. If not, she comot.

At exactly 2 children! I've seen this play out so many times! Hmmm, I never looked at it like that. It's the options we have in life that determine how we move.

An educated, financially independent, and attractive woman has more options than a woman who lacks any one, or more of those qualities; You are wise 🍷

Kobojunkie:
1. Developing oneself is not simply about having a number of degrees in hand. It has more to do with emotional and social intelligence. If she had properly developed herself mentally and emotionally, she would not have ended up carrying 3 babies below age 3 and a man-baby on her head in marriage.

2. A developed woman would know to avoid most men. Other men out there have disabled children, but know how to be involved in the care and raising of that child. You said her very first child is autistic, and without probably ensuring she and her husband were in the best place to handle and address that one, she decided to have two more almost right after?

3. According to you, she is 28. She was born in the modern world, so it is not the world's fault at all. IF we are to assume she failed to see the red flags in the beginning, his approach to parenting her first child should have given her all she would have needed to realize the man's worth. Going on to have two more with him, he is not to take all of the blame from what I see.

Now that she is out of it, let's hope that she gets support from him, even if financially, and she does not end up trapped in similar or worse.

I agree and in hindsight she would probably agree. But you know we are all products of our environment so you have to take into consideration that. As an African woman by the time she graduated, her family pushed her to find a man and marry. You know the game plan! A Woman is never complete until she finds a man!

BTW she only has 2 children not 3. The autistic child and the new born. For someone so educated I was shocked how much in denial she was about her child. She honestly refused to consider that her child had developmental challenges. I think the pregnancy and Birth of the second child woke her up to her situation.

I'm not painting her as some victim because she made all her choices but I could see where life played her too. Its just life.

Brandiebird:
➜I agree and in hindsight she would probably agree. But you know we are all products of our environment so you have to take into consideration that. As an African woman by the time she graduated, her family pushed her to find a man and marry. You know the game plan! A Woman is never complete until she finds a man!
BTW she only has 2 children not 3. The autistic child and the new born. For someone so educated I was shocked how much in denial she was about her child. She honestly refused to consider that her child had developmental challenges. I think the pregnancy and Birth of the second child woke her up to her situation.
➜I'm not painting her as some victim because she made all her choices but I could see where life played her too. Its just life.

My mistake! I thought she had 3 kids.

Yeah, "A woman is never complete until she finds a man!" ... one of the worst lies ever told to woman kind since the beginning. Many a female life has been ruined by that one lie. 🙄🙄🙄🙄

2. She is definitely not a victim at all, and I hope this is the wake-up call she has needed, at least for the sake of the kids. Otherwise, this might just be a slight curve in the rollercoaster ride to follow if she does not take care. 🙄🙄🙄

Being a wife AND a mother is not for the faint of hearts! Most people could be 1 or the other and very few could be both.

Kobojunkie:
My mistake! I thought she had 3 kids.

Yeah, "A woman is never complete until she finds a man!" ... one of the worst lies ever told to woman kind since the beginning. Many a female life has been ruined by that one lie. 🙄🙄🙄🙄

2. She is definitely not a victim at all, and I hope this is the wake-up call she has needed, at least for the sake of the kids. Otherwise, this might just be a slight curve in the rollercoaster ride to follow if she does not take care. 🙄🙄🙄

I hope we're able to debunk the lie *A woman's worth being tied to having a man*

I talk to my nieces about whether they want to be a mother and never if they want to be wives. I try to remind the older one that time isn't on our side so she needs to reflect and decide what she wants out of life.


Yeah, to each their own! I'm just glad I missed that freight train! Child free and happy over here! Being single has its own issues but I still believe that for ME it is the lesser of 2 evils.

Brandiebird:
➜I hope we're able to debunk the lie *A woman's worth being tied to having a man*
I talk to my nieces about whether they want to be a mother and never if they want to be wives. I try to remind the older one that time isn't on our side so she needs to reflect and decide what she wants out of life.
➜ Yeah, to each their own! I'm just glad I missed that freight train! Child free and happy over here! Being single has its own issues but I still believe that for ME it is the lesser of 2 evils.

1. Why do you tell her that time isn't on her side? Where is she rushing to?

2. We were all born single from our mother's wombs — both males and females — and we will all invariably die alone in the end. Marriage, like every relationship, eventually comes to an end, either before the grave or in the grave. So, what could be an issue with being single?

Kobojunkie:
1. Why do you tell her that time isn't on her side? Where is she rushing to?

2. We were all born single from our mother's wombs — both males and females — and we will all invariably die alone in the end. Marriage, like every relationship, eventually comes to an end, either before the grave or in the grave. So, what could be an issue with being single?

Because the female biology is subject to time. I want to save her the discomfort of realising that and the feelings that come along with it. If she can figure out what she wants now then she can work towards it rather than time making the decision for her.

We sure are born alone and we'll die alone but we are social creatures and the RIGHT companionship is good for us. Being single like everything else in life comes with its challenges. I feel it the most when I'm unwell or when I have a shi day at work and walk through my door. The rest of the time I love it 😂.

Brandiebird:
➜Because the female biology is subject to time. I want to save her the discomfort of realising that and the feelings that come along with it. If she can figure out what she wants now then she can work towards it rather than time making the decision for her.
➜ We sure are born alone and we'll die alone but we are social creatures and the RIGHT companionship is good for us. Being single like everything else in life comes with its challenges.
➜ I feel it the most when I'm unwell or when I have a shi day at work and walk through my door. The rest of the time I love it 😂.

1. We live in an age where technology has pretty much removed the need for such worries — freezing of eggs, surrogacy, adoption, etc. —so why burden her mind with such unnecessary anxieties?

2. Companionship can take different forms, marriage being only one of them. So, why does being the way you were born have to be considered challenging?

3. I take it you have never seen where even those who are married are abandoned to care for themselves in such situations, right? It pays to be realistic when comparing these things.

Kobojunkie:
1. We live in an age where technology has pretty much removed the need for such worries — freezing of eggs, surrogacy, adoption, etc. —so why burden her mind with such unnecessary anxieties?

2. Companionship can take different forms, marriage being only one of them. So, why does being the way you were born have to be considered challenging?

3. I take it you have never seen where even those who are married are abandoned to care for themselves in such situations, right? It pays to be realistic when comparing these things.

I agree with all of this but number 1. Having children isn't just about giving birth. Having children before 40 means your body is strong enough to take on the challenge of motherhood. The late nights, sleepless nights, physical demands of chasing a toddler around. Most importantly living long enough to see your children grow up are all subject to time. If your body is able and capable why bother with all those alternatives. Like I said to each their own but its nice to be reminded. I don't pressure her in anyway but I do try to encourage her to think about it. She's enjoying her money right now and time just flies.

It was nice chatting to you though! I'm logging out now so I wish you peaceful times ahead. ✌

Holycity:
I may leave mine soon

Leave abeg. The man deserves peace and fresh younger babe

Seunomobo:
I've already left this one in my mind, e remain make i evict myself...
E go shock the werey.

Please leave am. Make e shock am. Abeg leave

spiceadole:
Me too.
I'm thoroughly tired of the whole arrangement

Have you left? If no wetin you dey wait for? Leave na please leave make the man get peace