₦airaland Forum

MmGood day, Nairalanders, and greetings to all respected elders in the house.

Please help me share this on behalf of a close friend who is going through a deeply troubling situation. He’s been bottling this up for a while, and it’s really affecting him. He asked me to post it here to hear from people who might have experienced something similar or can offer wise counsel.

My friend has been in a serious relationship with his girlfriend since 2022. They fell in love and by early 2023, they moved in together. According to him, she’s a wonderful woman—beautiful, curvy, light-skinned, and with a genuinely kind heart. But sometimes, that kindness is her biggest weakness.

Her family has been slowly draining her emotionally and financially, and it’s now putting serious pressure on their relationship.

She’s the third child in her family, works at a top bank and earns about 300k monthly. But almost half of that goes to family requests. One week it’s 100k, the next it’s 150k. If not for my friend's financial support and guidance, she wouldn't even have savings.

It gets worse—she paid the rent for her elder brother (someone the same age as my friend), sponsored her two younger brothers up to HND level, bought phones for her mom, dad, and last born, and even gave her mom 400k to start a business. Despite all this, her family keeps asking for more. No pity, no limits.

Her dad recently asked them to “borrow” him 400k—while knowing fully well that my friend is currently investing in a major project. It broke him. He couldn’t believe his girlfriend even entertained the request.

He’s spoken to her many times, begging her to start setting boundaries. He’s told her it’s okay to say “No,” or “I don’t have.” He’s reminded her that if anything happens to her today, life will go on for her family. But she’s so used to being the one everyone leans on, she finds it hard to stop.

They were even planning marriage this year, but now everything is shaky. He loves her sincerely, and she loves him too. But he’s emotionally exhausted. He’s on good terms with her parents, especially her mom, but feels it’s not his place to confront them directly.

He’s at a breaking point and doesn't know how much longer he can hold on.

Please, Nairalanders, what advice do you have for someone in this kind of situation? Is there a way forward without destroying the relationship? How can she draw the line without feeling guilty? And how can my friend cope, or help her better?

Thanks for reading. Please share your thoughts.


Update: Now he wants to be in charge of her finances. He has opened a piggyvest account with her personal details, but she wouldn't be able to make withdrawals.

Wait ..she nor get sense to say no their request?? because I don't get why the heck you want to control her finance..??

It's her family.......u can't tell her not to care for her own folks ......if the tables turn, y'all will say she's trying to cut your pple off because she wants all you money to herself...

With time..she will naturally see the need to withdraw when she start her own family and have greater financial need.....for now she's single....that's the period her folks can enjoy her...

Nonsense post, it's her family.
If she can't tell them her salary is limited, not that she owns the bank they will never stop coming.
First ground rules when you are doing well in your family, never ever let them know your income. Secondly, she should have a budget of how much she can spare every month on anybody.

If her salary is 300k tops and have no savings , how does she go beyond her limit and still give out money and even cater for herself daily expensive over the month . Definitely, her fiancé is also supporting and I think it's beginning to take a tool on him aswell. It's a very daicey situation I never wish to find myself in it. However, the fiance has to trend carefully not to step in a way that it would upset his in-laws. If she is not ready to cut her charity to limit , Best deal is for him to cut off support for her, in the name of his major project and allow her deal with her finances alone without support . Let's see if that would bring her to her senses and then eventually set boundaries.

dopedealer:
If her salary is 300k tops and have no savings , how does she go beyond her limit and still give out money and even cater for herself daily expensive over the month . Definitely, her fiancé is also supporting and I think it's beginning to take a tool on him aswell. It's a very daicey situation I never wish to find myself in it. However, the fiance has to trend carefully not to step in a way that it would upset his in-laws. If she is not ready to cut her charity to limit , Best deal is for him to cut off support for her, in the name of his major project and allow her deal with her finances alone without support . Let's see if that would bring her to her senses and then eventually set boundaries.

I'm certain she has savings. She has a very good saving habit, and you know pretty girls privilege where randy customers dash CS reps money anyhow.

advanceDNA:
Wait ..she nor get sense to say no their request?? because I don't get why the heck you want to control her finance..??

It's her family.......u can't tell her not to care for her own folks ......if the tables turn, y'all will say she's trying to cut your pple off because she wants all you money to herself...

With time..she will naturally see the need to withdraw when she start her own family and have greater financial need.....for now she's single....that's the period her folks can enjoy her...

At the detriment of her mental health? She's begining to wear down due to these constant demands. Trust me, he also told me that sometimes she'll just start crying whenever they call her again.. Because she knows that they want to ask for something again.

remi4ever:
At the detriment of her mental health? She's begining to wear down due to these constant demands. Trust me, he also told me that sometimes she'll just start crying whenever they call her again.. Because she knows that they want to ask for something again.

are you the op

Firebox123:
are you the op

I am not.