₦airaland Forum

Hello,

So I have a niece who has become a daughter to me. She lost both her parents in a widely published interstate public transport accident more than 10 years ago and I took her in. At the time, she was just 12 and i had just graduated. She has been living with me ever since. I saw her through secondary school and university till she got married 3 years ago to a friend of mine.

Now, this my friend was in the same fellowship with me in school and he had been of immense help to me when I was in school, even contributing a couple.of times to my school fees. One time he paid for my hostel fee in full in my final year as he had a business then. Even after graduation, we were still good and he helped me get my first job. But thank God, I later moved on from the job and doing very well for myself elsewhere now. Even though he is still more financially more stable.

Along the line, he told.me.he liked my niece and with my consent, they got married.

The problem now is that he treats my niece/daughter very badly. Loads of emotional and verbal abuse even accusing her of killing her parents and how she is useless and not up to his standard. I have interceded a couple of times, but no signs of the issue abating. He has no regard for me, and relates with me like a nobody. And covertly disrespects me.

Now, each time I want to take things up seriously with him, I'm reminded that he has been very kind to me. How he helped me over the years. That without him, I wouldnt have made it. Even to the extent of telling people that I'm ungrateful. That despite everything he did for me, I'm keeping malice with him.

I maintained that while I genuinely appreciate all he did for me. All that too has been overtaken by events. You cant be abusing my daughter and expect friendship and loyalty from me. I've been badly guilt tripped in this whole thing and sometimes I'm conflicted. Am I supposed to trade solidarity to my daughter for loyalty for a friend who doesmt regard me. We haven't spoken in months and he keeps telling people that despite all he did for me, I've decided to blank him.

Kindly advise. Nlfpmod

Worryingly:
Hello,

So I have a niece who has become a daughter to me. She lost both her parents in a widely published interstate public transport accident more than 10 years ago and I took her in. At the time, she was just 12 and i had just graduated. She has been living with me ever since. I saw her through secondary school and university till she got married 3 years ago to a friend of mine.

Now, this my friend was in the same fellowship with me in school and he had been of immense help to me when I was in school, even contributing a couple.of times to my school fees. One time he paid for my hostel fee in full in my final year as he had a business then. Even after graduation, we were still good and he helped me get my first job. But thank God, I later moved on from the job and doing very well for myself elsewhere now. Even though he is still more financially more stable.

Along the line, he told.me.he liked my niece and with my consent, they got married.

The problem now is that he treats my niece/daughter very badly. Loads of emotional and verbal abuse even accusing her of killing her parents and how she is useless and not up to his standard. I have interceded a couple of times, but no signs of the issue abating. He has no regard for me, and relates with me like a nobody. And covertly disrespects me.

Now, each time I want to take things up seriously with him, I'm reminded that he has been very kind to me. How he helped me over the years. That without him, I wouldnt have made it. Even to the extent of telling people that I'm ungrateful. That despite everything he did for me, I'm keeping malice with him.

I maintained that while I genuinely appreciate all he did for me. All that too has been overtaken by events. You cant be abusing my daughter and expect friendship and loyalty from me. I've been badly guilt tripped in this whole thing and sometimes I'm conflicted. Am I supposed to trade solidarity to my daughter for loyalty for a friend who doesmt regard me. We haven't spoken in months and he keeps telling people that despite all he did for me, I've decided to blank him.

Kindly advise

you gave your niece to your friend cos of money 💰

And some people on this thread will come out to blame tinubu for this again

Firebox123:
you gave your niece to your friend cos of money 💰

And some people on this thread will come out to blame tinubu for this again

Definitely not. And I genuinely hope you do not derail my post. Definitely, I didnt add so many parts of the encounter. I never knew he had abusive tendencies, neither did I introduce them. She married him at 26 FYI.

Now, what's your opinion on the OP

Did your niece even consent to getting married to him or you pressured her to accept him since you felt that you were in his debt for what he did to you?

I need to know if ur daughter (niece) is to naive to make life decisions er self. but again, if d abuse are exactly true still let er make er decision er self so she won’t start pointing fingers at u Leta that u influence er decision in scattering er marriage. u need to know dis 4 a fact say u no try at all cus how u hand over ur niece to a guy u no really sabi like dat baffles me oo.

Biqsahm:
I need to know if ur daughter (niece) is to naive to make life decisions er self. but again, if d abuse are exactly true still let er make er decision er self so she won’t start pointing fingers at u Leta that u influence er decision in scattering er marriage. u need to know dis 4 a fact say u no try at all cus how u hand over ur niece to a guy u no really sabi like dat baffles me oo.

can you open South Africa PayPal for me

Firebox123:
can you open South Africa PayPal for me

bro u sure say na me get dis mess Abi na Samantha get am

Biqsahm:
bro u sure say na me get dis mess Abi na Samantha get am

Samantha125

Worryingly:
Hello,

So I have a niece who has become a daughter to me. She lost both her parents in a widely published interstate public transport accident more than 10 years ago and I took her in. At the time, she was just 12 and i had just graduated. She has been living with me ever since. I saw her through secondary school and university till she got married 3 years ago to a friend of mine.

Now, this my friend was in the same fellowship with me in school and he had been of immense help to me when I was in school, even contributing a couple.of times to my school fees. One time he paid for my hostel fee in full in my final year as he had a business then. Even after graduation, we were still good and he helped me get my first job. But thank God, I later moved on from the job and doing very well for myself elsewhere now. Even though he is still more financially more stable.

Along the line, he told.me.he liked my niece and with my consent, they got married.

The problem now is that he treats my niece/daughter very badly. Loads of emotional and verbal abuse even accusing her of killing her parents and how she is useless and not up to his standard. I have interceded a couple of times, but no signs of the issue abating. He has no regard for me, and relates with me like a nobody. And covertly disrespects me.

Now, each time I want to take things up seriously with him, I'm reminded that he has been very kind to me. How he helped me over the years. That without him, I wouldnt have made it. Even to the extent of telling people that I'm ungrateful. That despite everything he did for me, I'm keeping malice with him.

I maintained that while I genuinely appreciate all he did for me. All that too has been overtaken by events. You cant be abusing my daughter and expect friendship and loyalty from me. I've been badly guilt tripped in this whole thing and sometimes I'm conflicted. Am I supposed to trade solidarity to my daughter for loyalty for a friend who doesmt regard me. We haven't spoken in months and he keeps telling people that despite all he did for me, I've decided to blank him.

Kindly advise. Nlfpmod

My sister... Stand for your niece. Do not allow yourself to be blackmailed into accepting nonsense.

This sounds FAKE.

Otherwise why would you be WORRIED about offending someone who DISRESPECTS you, DISRESPECTS your niece and uses her like a PUNCHING BAG that works from home.

That's like having your balls SMASHED over and over again by someone with the underside of a SPIKED soccer boot and being worried whether it's POLITE to slap the offender senseless because they once bought you BIGI COLA.

It's MADNESS!

You NEED to stand up to him.
For YOURSELF.
And, more importantly, for your NIECE.

Not to DISMISS your niece's agency but women take their CUES on how to treat a man from how someone they RESPECT treats the man.

That's the whole prrmise of HYPERGAMY.

Your niece respects you and saw you taking SHIIIIIT from a nasty man and keeping MUM about it. So she feels like it's ACCEPTABLE to take SHIIIIIT from him too.

It is NOT ingratitude to stand up to a BULLY just because they did you a FAVOUR in the past.

You must realise that EVIL people can still do GOOD deeds with the objective to MANIPULATE.

This man did you favours in the past and for that you BEQUEATHED him your niece.

Now he disrespects and BADMOUTHS you with ZERO pushback from you.

And even worse, he CONSTANTLY beats up a lady you took in and raised like your OWN. Yet you still FAIL to pushback.

GET yourself a spine and DEAL with the BULLY like any other bully.

Talk to your niece and DON'T take an advisory role.
Take the role of an ENFORCER.

Make it clear to her that you want her to LEAVE the bully before she ends up in the news like one of those women MURDERED by their husbands.

LET her know you are ready to go to WAR with him for her.

If she decides to stay with him AFTER that, do like PONTIUS PILATE did and wash your hands off the matter.

Return the bride price back to your friend......And take back your Niece!!!.......Its not a do o die affia

Abi you nor allow ya friend to pay brideprice too??

O nyaka eng

Firebox123:
Samantha125

Samantha125:
O nyaka eng

can you open South Africa PayPal account tor me please

GOFRONT:
Return the bride price back to your friend......And take back your Niece!!!.......Its not a do o die affia

Abi you nor allow ya friend to pay brideprice too??

did any of your sister return back their bride price when they divorce

O tagilwe.

Firebox123:
can you open South Africa PayPal account tor me please

Namaster:
This sounds FAKE.

Otherwise why would you be WORRIED about offending someone who DISRESPECTS you, DISRESPECTS your niece and uses her like a PUNCHING BAG that works from home.

That's like having your balls SMASHED over and over again by someone with the underside of a SPIKED soccer boot and being worried whether it's POLITE to slap the offender senseless because they once bought you BIGI COLA.

It's MADNESS!

You NEED to stand up to him.
For YOURSELF.
And, more importantly, for your NIECE.

Not to DISMISS your niece's agency but women take their CUES on how to treat a man from how someone they RESPECT treats the man.

That's the whole prrmise of HYPERGAMY.

Your niece respects you and saw you taking SHIIIIIT from a nasty man and keeping MUM about it. So she feels like it's ACCEPTABLE to take SHIIIIIT from him too.

It is NOT ingratitude to stand up to a BULLY just because they did you a FAVOUR in the past.

You must realise that EVIL people can still do GOOD deeds with the objective to MANIPULATE.

This man did you favours in the past and for that you BEQUEATHED him your niece.

Now he disrespects and BADMOUTHS you with ZERO pushback from you.

And even worse, he CONSTANTLY beats up a lady you took in and raised like your OWN. Yet you still FAIL to pushback.

GET yourself a spine and DEAL with the BULLY like any other bully.

Talk to your niece and DON'T take an advisory role.
Take the role of an ENFORCER.

Make it clear to her that you want her to LEAVE the bully before she ends up in the news like one of those women MURDERED by their husbands.

LET her know you are ready to go to WAR with him for her.

If she decides to stay with him AFTER that, do like PONTIUS PILATE did and wash your hands off the matter.

In fairness, theres no physical abuse. Only verbal and emotional.

What do you mean by he keeps telling people that despite all ge did for you? Why aren't YOU telling people he's abusing your daughter? So because he helped you when you were in school, he should kill your daughter? You also helped him by allowing him to marry your daughter. You better speak up and get the law involved before he kills her.

Worryingly:
In fairness, theres no physical abuse. Only verbal and emotional.

Verbal and emotional abuse are still abuse and could be worse than physical abuse. What if she ends up committing suicide? That would be no different from him killing her himself. You're enabling the man's abuse if you don't find a means to intervene and help her.

Worryingly:
➜Along the line, he told.me.he liked my niece and with my consent, they got married.
The problem now is that he treats my niece/daughter very badly. Loads of emotional and verbal abuse even accusing her of killing her parents and how she is useless and not up to his standard. I have interceded a couple of times, but no signs of the issue abating. He has no regard for me, and relates with me like a nobody. And covertly disrespects me.
Now, each time I want to take things up seriously with him, I'm reminded that he has been very kind to me. How he helped me over the years. That without him, I wouldnt have made it. Even to the extent of telling people that I'm ungrateful. That despite everything he did for me, I'm keeping malice with him.
➜ I maintained that while I genuinely appreciate all he did for me. All that too has been overtaken by events.
➜ You cant be abusing my daughter and expect friendship and loyalty from me. I've been badly guilt tripped in this whole thing and sometimes I'm conflicted. Am I supposed to trade solidarity to my daughter for loyalty for a friend who doesmt regard me. We haven't spoken in months and he keeps telling people that despite all he did for me, I've decided to blank him. Kindly advise.

OP, did you sell the girl to your friend in return for all the good things and supposed kindness he showed you all those years? If not, why does it matter the gaslighting the manipuative arsehole you call your friend is using against you all while he continues to berate and abuse this girl you consider your daughter? 🙄🙄🙄

2. You genuinely appreciate him while he continues ruining your daughter's life in the way he does? Are you OK in the head at all? You should be telling him to go f-ck himself!

3. Your friend is using past niceness to gaslight you into becoming an accomplice to his abuse and possible violation of your own niece(your daughter). You had better stop this nonsense pity-party you are having and call that girl back home to you already. I don't know how you raised her, but her self-esteem may have been beaten up by all of this she has been enduring, and it is up to you to be strong on her behalf so she can finally escape that monster of a man you call your friend.

Worryingly:
➜In fairness, theres no physical abuse. Only verbal and emotional.

Nonsense talk! 😑😑😑😑

Consider the effects his own abuse—gaslighting— has had so far on you. Na small thing e be? Take the girl back home and let your manipulative friend go f-ck himself.

Samantha125:
O tagilwe.

Ngifuna ukukukhipha isihogo kunondindwa wakho

O bolela ditsiabadimu feela.

Firebox123:
Ngifuna ukukukhipha isihogo kunondindwa wakho

Oga, ask the lady what she wants. She is not a kid. If she wants to leave, support her to do so. If she wants to stay, let her know you are there for her if she needs you and leave husband and wife matter.

Samantha125:
O bolela ditsiabadimu feela.

Ngifuna ukulala nawe

I don't know what you're talking about because I'm not a Zulu.

Firebox123:
Ngifuna ukulala nawe

Samantha125:
I don't know what you're talking about because I'm not a Zulu.

which tribe are you from in south Africa

Remember that I'm a Nigerian pretending to be a South African? So I know nothing about SA.

Firebox123:
which tribe are you from in south Africa

Samantha125:
Remember that I'm a Nigerian pretending to be a South African? So I know nothing about SA.

talk nau

I'm a Nigerian.

Firebox123:
talk nau