₦airaland Forum

By Ayaya Inuen Ayaya 10/5/2025

There was a time when love meant preparing a child for the storms of life. When discipline, chores, boundaries, and firm instructions were not signs of hatred, but expressions of deep parental care. A time when a child who fell while learning to walk was allowed to rise again, not out of neglect, but because falling was part of the process.

Today, that era seems to be slipping away, quietly replaced by a dangerous form of overindulgence dressed as affection. In many homes across cities and villages, a quiet tragedy is unfolding. Parents, in a bid to love their children more than they were loved, now shield them from every hardship, responsibility, and discomfort. They intervene too quickly, defend too blindly, and excuse too often. They carry their children's burdens long after the child should have learned to carry his own. The result? A generation that is slowly, but surely, losing its backbone.

This pattern of over-pampering though often well-intentioned has created a worrying crop of adults who are emotionally brittle, entitled, and unprepared for the rigors of real life. Children are raised in comfort but denied the character-building tests that come with chores, failure, disappointment, and consequences. When a child refuses to do housework, it is laughed off. When a teenager skips school or disrespects a teacher, the blame is passed on to the school or church. When a young adult shows no interest in work or skill acquisition, the fault is heaped on the government or the economy. Everyone is to blame except the child.

We have created children who no longer see cause and effect. They grow up with a deep sense of entitlement, believing life owes them luxury, success, and ease. But life doesn’t work that way.

And then comes the tragic moment when reality knocks hard. That once pampered child is now 30, then 35, then 40. Still living at home. Still waiting. Still asking for transport fare. Still demanding that food be served. Still blaming everyone else. Competing with aging parents for the family’s last pot of soup. And in some heartbreaking cases, resenting the very parents who once doted on them. The home once a haven becomes a tense battleground of disappointment, regret, and unspoken shame.

It is not unusual now to see elderly parents in their 70s still struggling to feed or house children who should be out building homes of their own. Mothers who once dreamed of retirement now boil water for sons who no longer believe in trying. Fathers who once commanded respect now sleep with one eye open because the son they overindulged now hurls threats or fists when things don’t go his way.

These are not fables. These are real, painful stories playing out in homes across Nigeria and beyond. Ask any teacher, any pastor, any neighborhood elder they will tell you of parents who regret not enforcing boundaries earlier. Of families where mental health is in crisis because one child was allowed to believe he is the centre of the universe. Of siblings who now avoid each other because one has become a burden the rest are tired of carrying.

Yes, the economy is hard. Yes, governments have failed in many ways. Yes, opportunities are not equal. But these factors do not justify raising a child who cannot sweep, clean, plan, cook, take initiative, apologize, or work.

The truth is hard, but it must be said: *When parents remove every obstacle from a child’s path, they also remove the child’s ability to grow strong legs.*

True love teaches. True love disciplines. True love says “no” when necessary. It allows the child to fail, to feel the sting of consequences, to sit with discomfort. Because only then does the child learn resilience, innovation, and courage. That is how adults are made.

There is still time to turn things around. For young parents: start early. Let your child face some hard truths. Don’t excuse every bad behavior. Teach them to serve, to wait, to earn. Let them see you sweat, and then let them sweat too. For parents of older children, it is not too late to draw new boundaries. Hard, yes but necessary. You are not wicked. You are saving them from future disgrace.

And for all of us whether as uncles, aunties, mentors, or neighbors let us stop celebrating laziness in the name of "soft life." Let us call entitlement what it is: a ticking time bomb. Let us return to the values that built strong families discipline, service, accountability, and love that is not afraid to correct.

Because if we do not fix it now, the day will come when too many of our homes will be filled with grown men and women, emotionally stunted, spiritually lost, and practically useless grasping for a pot of food their tired parents can barely stir. And when that unthinkable day arrives, no amount of regret will be able to undo the damage.

juriay27@gmail.com


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ETIIKO:
➜ Today, that era seems to be slipping away, quietly replaced by a dangerous form of overindulgence dressed as affection. In many homes across cities and villages, a quiet tragedy is unfolding. Parents, in a bid to love their children more than they were loved, now shield them from every hardship, responsibility, and discomfort. They intervene too quickly, defend too blindly, and excuse too often. They carry their children's burdens long after the child should have learned to carry his own. The result? A generation that is slowly, but surely, losing its backbone....

But none of what you describe the parents doing constitutes love, nor does it imply these kids are in fact shown love by their parents in all of this. Overpampering is actually a form of abuse as it strips the children of the ability to mature both mentally, emotionally, and socially. Many of the children raised in such manner grow up to become unproductive, unreliable, entitled, immature arseholes—burdens, menaces — in society. So, can it be construed as love?

But here is a more important issue we are conveniently overlooking here, the fact that the only kind of parents who would think that this damage which you describe constitutes love are damaged parents — people whose own parents failed to love them properly and show them good examples of what love is and what love isn't. While it is easy to blame today's parents for raising the kids of today, let's not forget that the damage of today started long ago during the time of even their ancestors. (Yes, their grandparents, great grandparents, etc., share in the blame of what is the current generation.)

ETIIKO:
➜There was a time when love meant preparing a child for the storms of life. When discipline, chores, boundaries, and firm instructions were not signs of hatred, but expressions of deep parental care. A time when a child who fell while learning to walk was allowed to rise again, not out of neglect, but because falling was part of the process ...

What this means is that this time you imagine existed in the past— described in your excerpt here — was also a time when children were equally raised with a damaged sense of what love is!