₦airaland Forum

Marriage to me should not be for fulfillment, though.
And yes, it's logical to marry on time if having children and being in their lives is your aim, because why have children at an old age when you won't be strong or healthy enough to be in their lives?

It's selfish to marry late and start having children; you're not doing them anything good!

A man of 50 years and a woman of similar age (1st timers) should never have children again because they won't be strong, healthy, and active enough to give these children the attention, care, love, and discipline they deserve.

Arostar2023:
That's exactly the point. To some having kids and grandkids give them happiness, to others it's burdensome. Each to his own. That's where we Africans miss it.... you must not marry simply because you are of "age" and have the means. Marry because it gives you fulfillment.

Kavod:
Read his comment, he said he is 46+ today.

"... I married at the age of 22, became a grandfather at 46+ today ..."

Your confusion stems from the fact that he didn't insert the comma after "46+". So don't read it as: "...I AM 46+ TODAY, ...", but rather read it as: "... I AM 46+, TODAY I AM VERY HAPPY...". That will solve the confusion.

Pray4meJC:
You never start life. What you wrote here is what the entire world called enjoyment. You're a walking corpse though.

Why can't you stop your prostitution, fornication and adultery lifestyle and bond with your wife alone? You're in chains young boy.

We are all heading towards the grave every single one of us. So nothing special about that.

Since you what to trash talk what about, as for bonding with your wife as early as you can, probably use that as an excuse to explain your underachievement in life. Soon you will want to realize your failed life through your children and start putting pressure on them to become the person you couldn't be

Bros enjoy your vanilla life and allow others enjoy theirs as they seem fit.

Procashtips:
Marriage to me should not be for fulfillment, though.
And yes, it's logical to marry on time if having children and being in their lives is your aim, because why have children at an old age when you won't be strong or healthy enough to be in their lives?

It's selfish to marry late and start having children; you're not doing them anything good!

A man of 50 years and a woman of similar age (1st timers) should never have children again because they won't be strong, healthy, and active enough to give these children the attention, care, love, and discipline they deserve.

I beg to differ. When you say strong, what exactly do you mean? Are they aged new parents going to be involved in manual labor or what? You are merely talking from an African perspective where one is expected to struggle to raise kids. Most people that married young, without adequate financial backup to take care of family responsibilities, hardly stays with their kids. Because they are all over the place hustling for daily bread. Like I said earlier, I would rather have my kids at 50 and have the time, knowledge and resources to take care of them. Than at 20 when I am running all over the place...

Arostar2023:
I beg to differ. When you say strong, what exactly do you mean? Are they aged new parents going to be involved in manual labor or what? You are merely talking from an African perspective where one is expected to struggle to raise kids. Most people that married young, without adequate financial backup to take care of family responsibilities, hardly stays with their kids. Because they are all over the place hustling for daily bread. Like I said earlier, I would rather have my kids at 50 and have the time, knowledge and resources to take care of them. Than at 20 when I am running all over the place...

Do you have children?
If yes, how often are you in their lives and affairs?

The above answers would tell you what you need to know.

Except you're not interested in playing with your children or participating in various activities with them both at home and outsude.

For you to say it's okay to start having children at age 50 says alot and also naive (no offense meant).

Ask any women anywhere in the world if they would prefer to start having children by that age and let us know your findings.

Got nothing to do with being African (You belittle your kind too much)

bukatyne:
@bold:

Apart from the different women in your scenario, what stops you from having that with your wife?

Well well well variety is the spice of life. When I eventually hang boot then I don't have any excuse to stray, to be frank at this moment it doesn't move me anymore. My current woman now, knows that and she is very happy I got that shit out of my system before settling down. I have friends that got married way earlier and I know that on low key they still step out once in a while, I am not judging them it is their life as long as they are fine with it, mine is to be a friend to them not a priest .

Now I am the one grooving my lady showing her the world as I saw it as a young man. I thank God for life, I have seen things and I have done things and it doesn't move me anymore.

So each to his own.

bukatyne:
I followed your story and really understand your frustration....

You worked hard(and kolokolo) from a young age, married very early and should have enjoyed the fruits of early marriage which includes early rest and flexing with your wife earlier.

Did you ever consider sexual counselling and therapy? It is not too late though.

Also, lead your home spiritually so she is under your spiritual leadership which amongst things will correct her over-religiousness.

We did and it was not working. In fact, she could not push out all the kids normally during child birth and it was one a medical trip in Europe a German doctor told us she was badly mutilated and that was the reason she could never have a normal child birth. It was C section all through

Procashtips:
Do you have children?
If yes, how often are you in their lives and affairs?

The above answers would tell you what you need to know.

Except you're not interested in playing with your children or participating in various activities with them both at home and outsude.

For you to say it's okay to start having children at age 50 says alot and also naive (no offense meant).

Ask any women anywhere in the world if they would prefer to start having children by that age and let us know your findings.

Got nothing to do with being African (You belittle your kind too much)

Come on, it's quite obvious that I am talking about men not women. Everyone knows about women and menopause, so that's a foregone issue. There are things in life that are situation specific, this is one of them. What works for me , may not to work for you. That's it... you can chose to make your babies, when you can't tell your left from your right. That's your choice...

Kavod:
DO YOU MEAN YOUR CHILD AT UNI OR GRANDCHILD? IF IT'S GRANDCHILD HOW DO A 24 YEAR OLD MARRIAGE PRODUCE A GRANDCHILD IN UNI WHO IS 17?

MAKE IT MATHS PLEASE

SORRY OO MAYBE ITS ERROR BECAUSE I ALSO GAVE BIRTH EARLIER THAN YOU, HAVE A DAUGHTER WHO IS IN UNI AT 15+ AND TOU SAYING YOUR LAST CHILD IS SERVING IS ENTIRELY NOT MATHING

Married 1983 and had my first daughter same year December precisely. She got married at age 24+ in 2008, had her daughter August 2008. Please do your calculations.
Is there any award for lies? I don't need all these explanation, but just to clear your misconceptions. Thank you.

Arostar2023:
Common, it's quite obvious that I am talking about men not women. Everyone knows about women and menopause, so that's a foregone issue. There are things in life that are situation specific, this is one of them. What works for me , may not to work for you. That's it... you can chose to make your babies, when you can't tell your left from your right. That's your choice...

To say those who start making babies below 30 don't know their left from their right is also very naive.

In this age where 20yrs is already out of the university and working, 25-30 is very good age range to settle down for men and 22-26 is perfect for women.

I'm 100% sure you wanting to get married at 50 won't be to a woman within the same age range based on what you said above, so tell me, when is 'okay' for women to start having children if 50 is perfect for men?

Nnamdipapa:
We did and it was not working. In fact, she could not push out all the kids normally during child birth and it was one a medical trip in Europe a German doctor told us she was badly mutilated and that was the reason she could never have a normal child birth. It was C section all through

This experience is enough to hate marriage, it wasn't because you married early, but an issue of marrying wrong.

Sometimes marriage na 50/50 o

Pharaoh4rin:
I dint know we have nairalanders that are as old as you sound here

We are.
A lot of us, if I want a real laugh to calm my nerves, I log on and read through topics on Political issues and Romance comments. The exchange of banters, I just shake head. 64 and counting, it is God's Grace

Procashtips:
To say those who start making babies below 30 don't know their left from their right is also very naive.

In this age where 20yrs is already out of the university and working, 25-30 is very good age range to settle down for men and 22-26 is perfect for women.

I'm 100% sure you wanting to get married at 50 won't be to a woman within the same age range based on what you said above, so tell me, when is 'okay' for women to start having children if 50 is perfect for men?

You have committed an error of hasty generalization. You assumed that everyone had the opportunity to go to the university at a certain age, which is not always the case in Africa. The same way most people find it difficult to believe that some people in Nigeria are barely feeding because of the removal of subsidy and the attendant economic upheavals that came with it. There is no specific time that is right for everyone for anything...we all have different nature and opportunities in life and that determines how fast we can go in life. What matters is for one to be aware and plan based on what is possible. A man can make babies as soon as he reaches puberty and for live...if he's healthy. For women that is a different story.

I am not an expert at women's reproductive biology, I am a man, and I am talking about men here.

Arostar2023:
You have committed an error of hasty generalization. You assumed that everyone had the opportunity to go to the university at a certain age, which is not always the case in Africa. The same way most people find it difficult to believe that some people in Nigeria are barely feeding because of the removal of subsidy and the attendant economic upheavals that came with it. There is no specific time that is right for everyone for anything...we all have different nature and opportunities in life and that determines how fast we can go in life. What matters is for one to be aware and plan based on what is possible. A man can make babies as soon as he reaches puberty and for live...if he's healthy. For women that is a different story.

I am not an expert at women's reproductive biology, I am a man, and I am talking about men here.

People finish school earlier now than during Gen x and millennial. It's a known fact, you can verify this.

That I used 20yrs should not make you throw away the point I was making.

You are a man but you won't make babies with a man, so I ask, will you be getting married to your age range or who do you intend making babies with at 50?

Procashtips:
People finish school earlier now than during Gen x and millennial. It's a known fact, you can verify this.

That I used 20yrs should not make you throw away the point I was making.

You are a man but you won't make babies with a man, so I ask, will you be getting married to your age range or who do you intend making babies with at 50?

Like I said, I am speaking as a man. And it's a man's world...men can easily pick and marry much younger women that are still fertile. If my goal is to make babies, I won't risk marrying a 50 year old lady, for obvious reasons.

Procashtips:
This experience is enough to hate marriage, it wasn't because you married early, but an issue of marrying wrong.

Sometimes marriage na 50/50 o

You are more wiser and able to make better decisions when older compared to early adulthood just coming off of teenaghood.

Ishilove:
None whatsoever. Female circumcision is the female equivalent of erectile dysfunction.

My brother, this your matter pass my experience level. The only thing I can suggest is go online to research how to stimulate a circumcised woman. As for the other aspects of her character, I want to believe you can use her overzealous spiritual as a tool of correction. Since she is in love with the things of God to the point of extremism, get someone in the church who she will listen to to counsel her on the need to sit up and take care of her family

I don't believe in religion anymore unfortunately and a part of my annoyance with her is her extreme religiosity. I have not set foot in a church the past two years and I don't think I would accept counseling from any pastor. I was more religious when we married though.We have been to professional therapist but in the end nothing seems to change.
I have made provisions for backup already and come to accept the fact that life happens and we cannot win all the time.

bukatyne:
I followed your story and really understand your frustration....

You worked hard(and kolokolo) from a young age, married very early and should have enjoyed the fruits of early marriage which includes early rest and flexing with your wife earlier.

Did you ever consider sexual counselling and therapy? It is not too late though.

Also, lead your home spiritually so she is under your spiritual leadership which amongst things will correct her over-religiousness.

You don't know her, nothing will change her religious views. You see, I have no problem with her being religious if she is working hard and making the right plans to solve issues instead of relying on miracle 100% while she does nothing about her situation.

Like her, i was brainwashed with religion since childhood but was able to see the light and made a 180 degree turn.

Therapy has not helped, she cried bitterly and promised to change when I brought up divorce yet, I don't see any change. Marriage, my dear, is a very complicated proposition, the first early years are filled with bliss and you got to live out the rest in situations akin to bondage.

bukatyne:
Sorry, I found this very very very funny 😁

Don't mind the guy, I am trying to uncomplicate my life and the dude wants me to get into bondage the more.

The first marriage should not have happened in hindsight, I should have delayed, get myself a professional lady to give me a child while we live separately under tight legal agreements.

isio1:
We are.
A lot of us, if I want a real laugh to calm my nerves, I log on and read through topics on Political issues and Romance comments. The exchange of banters, I just shake head. 64 and counting, it is God's Grace

64? Wow! I would like to be 64 now lemme see how it feels then return to my real age.

Anyways, if I tell you that reasons for being is the same as mine, you wouldn't believe me.

I come here to catch fun, ahsweh. The banters, the fight (between yoruba & igbo), the jokes, illogical talks, the careless talks. Lol

Nigerians funny die,

isio1:
We are.
A lot of us, if I want a real laugh to calm my nerves, I log on and read through topics on Political issues and Romance comments. The exchange of banters, I just shake head. 64 and counting, it is God's Grace

It's a good thing you don't interact much here because people now use the supposed anonymity of social media as an avenue to be disrespectful. Imagine people young enough to be your grandchildren exchanging words with you and dragging you. Nah, that won't do.

True, I guess you also lacked good counsel around you. Believe me, I know people that married early that are doing well today.

Nnamdipapa:
You are more wiser and able to make better decisions when older compared to early adulthood just coming off of teenaghood.

Ishilove:
It's a good thing you don't interact much here because people now use the supposed anonymity of social media as an avenue to be disrespectful. Imagine people young enough to be your grandchildren exchanging words with you and dragging you. Nah, that won't do.

Thanks
I'm always cautious with my comments, because going by the comments, responses and banters, I just chuckle and move on. It is really bad out there.

Procashtips:
This experience is enough to hate marriage, it wasn't because you married early, but an issue of marrying wrong.

Sometimes marriage na 50/50 o

If you say a guy married the “wrong” woman because of her condition, then who’s supposed to be the “right” guy for her?

Acidosis:
If you say a guy married the “wrong” woman because of her condition, then who’s supposed to be the “right” guy for her?

He wrote other things, not just her medical conditions.

Read his other comments.

Procashtips:
He wrote other things, not just her medical conditions.

Read his other comments.

Oh okay. I'll do that.


Writing this to meet the new Nairaland's 40-word rule.

isio1:
We are.
A lot of us, if I want a real laugh to calm my nerves, I log on and read through topics on Political issues and Romance comments. The exchange of banters, I just shake head. 64 and counting, it is God's Grace

Respect sir.

I've often been lampooned and ridiculed here since 2016 for being 40 years old. Even till today, it hasn't stopped. Lol.

Once again, respect my good sir. 🙏🙌

joseph1832:
Respect sir.

I've often been lampooned and ridiculed here since 2016 for being 40 years old. Even till today, it hasn't stopped. Lol.

Once again, respect my good sir. 🙏🙌

So you are 49yrs old now?

Let me continue from where they stopped

dettolgel:
Well well well variety is the spice of life. When I eventually hang boot then I don't have any excuse to stray, to be frank at this moment it doesn't move me anymore. My current woman now, knows that and she is very happy I got that shit out of my system before settling down. I have friends that got married way earlier and I know that on low key they still step out once in a while, I am not judging them it is their life as long as they are fine with it, mine is to be a friend to them not a priest .

Now I am the one grooving my lady showing her the world as I saw it as a young man. I thank God for life, I have seen things and I have done things and it doesn't move me anymore.

So each to his own.

@bold:

Let's talk when the excitement of this new lady wears off and you default to old habits.

Arostar2023:
Common, it's quite obvious that I am talking about men not women. Everyone knows about women and menopause, so that's a foregone issue. There are things in life that are situation specific, this is one of them. What works for me , may not to work for you. That's it... you can chose to make your babies, when you can't tell your left from your right. That's your choice...

Women and menopause have nothing to do with what the person you quoted was saying.

50+ (except there is a delay) is too old to have a child for a man. You no longer have the strength to bring them up as required.

Also, except you have an early retirement, people get busier as they grow till they retire.

Nnamdipapa:
We did and it was not working. In fact, she could not push out all the kids normally during child birth and it was one a medical trip in Europe a German doctor told us she was badly mutilated and that was the reason she could never have a normal child birth. It was C section all through

This could be the reason for her behavior. Perhaps, she is scared of you leaving him and using this as her coping mechanism. You may have to find ways to assure her you are in it together and help her get her groove back. You know, sometimes, the feeling of inadequacy kills morale greatly.

bukatyne:
@bold:

Let's talk when the excitement of this new lady wears off and you default to old habits.

Been waxing strong for years. Focusing on raising kids and that is very demanding and exhausting. I may raisd kids late in life and will never have the luxury of time to resurrect old habits