₦airaland Forum

Good day people,

I'm an old nairalander but I just had to create this to stay annonymous.

I met a lady in 2019 in Ibadan after my youth service , we started dating ..she was actually living with her Aunty (mom sister ) in the same estate I was living ,but her mother and her biological siblings all live in delta state . She also speak fluent urhobo dialect. Fast forward to some few months later she got pregnant , please note this whole time I didn't know but she informed me when the pregnancy was obvious and her Aunty said she should go live with me since I'm responsible ..I told her to abort but she left for school . This time she is at final year in the collect of education . I was actually doing very well this time ..got a car and have a all it takes as a man . So out of pity I had to go move her loads from school into my house and took care of her and the baby . She delivered and ee have been staying together since then ..Now around 2023 my farm got flooded and I lost everything , so I had to move to ile-ife where I had built a 4 bedroom flat in order to settle down and avoid landlord issues in Ibadan ..she and my daughter later moved in with me in Ile -ife ..but I wouldn't deny I got drunk sometimes because my present situation and frustrated I had to hit her on few occasions ... So she moved out back to Ibadan to her Aunty ..Now I have been sending money to them everytime in Ibadan since 2023 December ..but I'm getting fed coz I'm lonely and it cost me alot sending money and I feel that I'm no gaining anything in return .. I cook , wash , hustle for money all by myself .she is there in Ibadan and not helping ... She is now insisting that we have to do a traditional wedding before she can come back to me and dropped drinking ..To God be the glory I have stopped the drinking attitude since last year 2024 .but I don't have the fund for traditional wedding...I told her if that is what she want then she need to take care of themselves over there in Ibadan while I hustle to save money here for the wedding ... Please am I thinking right ?

I can't afford to be sending money everytime and still expect me to save money for wedding ..without her coming here to help me .

Worried54:
Good day people,

I'm an old nairalander but I just had to create this to stay annonymous.

I met a lady in 2019 in Ibadan after my youth service , we started dating ..she was actually living with her Aunty (mom sister ) in the same estate I was living ,but her mother and her biological siblings all live in delta state . She also speak fluent urhobo dialect. Fast forward to some few months later she got pregnant , please note this whole time I didn't know but she informed me when the pregnancy was obvious and her Aunty said she should go live with me since I'm responsible ..I told her to abort but she left for school . This time she is at final year in the collect of education . I was actually doing very well this time ..got a car and have a all it takes as a man . So out of pity I had to go move her loads from school into my house and took care of her and the baby . She delivered and ee have been staying together since then ..Now around 2023 my farm got flooded and I lost everything , so I had to move to ile-ife where I had built a 4 bedroom flat in order to settle down and avoid landlord issues in Ibadan ..she and my daughter later moved in with me in Ile -ife ..but I wouldn't deny I got drunk sometimes because my present situation and frustrated I had to hit her on few occasions ... So she moved out back to Ibadan to her Aunty ..Now I have been sending money to them everytime in Ibadan since 2023 December ..but I'm getting fed coz I'm lonely and it cost me alot sending money and I feel that I'm no gaining anything in return .. I cook , wash , hustle for money all by myself .she is there in Ibadan and not helping ... She is now insisting that we have to do a traditional wedding before she can come back to me and dropped drinking ..To God be the glory I have stopped the drinking attitude since last year 2024 .but I don't have the fund for traditional wedding...I told her if that is what she want then she need to take care of themselves over there in Ibadan while I hustle to save money here for the wedding ... Please am I thinking right ?

I can't afford to be sending money everytime and still expect me to save money for wedding ..without her coming here to help me .

are you the father to the child

Do DNA first

Once you're the father of the child then I'll borrow you funds for the traditional wedding

I tink she's a sincere lady,a honest one foe that.Best bet now is to either go to ibadan and talkvto her sister with 2/4 members of yo family and settle tin/do mini introduction or you/5 members of yo fam travel to her village and do mini introduction pending wen you are financially ready.....


Lastly ,dnt forget to send NAIRALANDERS ELDERS COUNCIL invitation on yo BIG DAY with our special canopy

Firebox123:
are you the father to the child

Do DNA first

Once you're the father of the child then I'll borrow you funds for the traditional wedding

Yes she looks exactly like me ...If possible to share pic I can do that ....I can't just afford to keep giving them money and also save for wedding it's not going to be possible.

She is not ready to come help me out at least get her a shop she can make money to sustain the house while I hustle for money for daughter school fee & Up keeps them I can definitely be able to save for wedding .The wedding is going to cost Notting less than 800k coz I already gotten the list and transportation to Delta state is taken much part of the Money

MaziObinnaokija:
I tink she's a sincere lady,a honest one foe that.Best bet now is to either go to ibadan and talkvto her sister with 2/4 members of yo family and settle tin/do mini introduction or you/5 members of yo fam travel to her village and do mini introduction pending wen you are financially ready.....


Lastly ,dnt forget to send NAIRALANDERS ELDERS COUNCIL invitation on yo BIG DAY with our special canopy

Thank you so much .. is it possible to travel to delta state for mini introduction? I already done small one with her Aunty in Ibadan after she gave birth .. I'm not just financially ok at the moment . And transportation to Delta state from osun state is not small ..well let me see if I can talk to her mom about this Mimi introduction that won't cost me much ...I really appreciate

This was exactly what I was thinking about


DNA 🧬 test is very important, you might be father to another mans child 🚸

Firebox123:
are you the father to the child

Do DNA first

Once you're the father of the child then I'll borrow you funds for the traditional wedding

Do whatever u can do to settle things but DNT OVER DO/ OVERSTRETCHED yourself. Let the Elder(be it ur mum,dad,uncle/bro)ones talk to her mum first.This will give her assurance/rest of mind.I too sabi dem there.

Worried54:
Thank you so much .. is it possible to travel to delta state for mini introduction? I already done small one with her Aunty in Ibadan after she gave birth .. I'm not just financially ok at the moment . And transportation to Delta state from osun state is not small ..well let me see if I can talk to her mom about this Mimi introduction that won't cost me much ...I really appreciate

“I had to hit her”

Worried54:
Good day people,

I'm an old nairalander but I just had to create this to stay annonymous.

I met a lady in 2019 in Ibadan after my youth service , we started dating ..she was actually living with her Aunty (mom sister ) in the same estate I was living ,but her mother and her biological siblings all live in delta state . She also speak fluent urhobo dialect. Fast forward to some few months later she got pregnant , please note this whole time I didn't know but she informed me when the pregnancy was obvious and her Aunty said she should go live with me since I'm responsible ..I told her to abort but she left for school . This time she is at final year in the collect of education . I was actually doing very well this time ..got a car and have a all it takes as a man . So out of pity I had to go move her loads from school into my house and took care of her and the baby . She delivered and ee have been staying together since then ..Now around 2023 my farm got flooded and I lost everything , so I had to move to ile-ife where I had built a 4 bedroom flat in order to settle down and avoid landlord issues in Ibadan ..she and my daughter later moved in with me in Ile -ife ..but I wouldn't deny I got drunk sometimes because my present situation and frustrated I had to hit her on few occasions ... So she moved out back to Ibadan to her Aunty ..Now I have been sending money to them everytime in Ibadan since 2023 December ..but I'm getting fed coz I'm lonely and it cost me alot sending money and I feel that I'm no gaining anything in return .. I cook , wash , hustle for money all by myself .she is there in Ibadan and not helping ... She is now insisting that we have to do a traditional wedding before she can come back to me and dropped drinking ..To God be the glory I have stopped the drinking attitude since last year 2024 .but I don't have the fund for traditional wedding...I told her if that is what she want then she need to take care of themselves over there in Ibadan while I hustle to save money here for the wedding ... Please am I thinking right ?

I can't afford to be sending money everytime and still expect me to save money for wedding ..without her coming here to help me .

Na konji dey worry you oga....if u the Lady is good and u love her, then go do the necessary things....Urhobo trad no cost. I married from there.

Worried54:
➜...she and my daughter later moved in with me in Ile -ife ..but I wouldn't deny I got drunk sometimes because my present situation and frustrated I had to hit her on few occasions ... So she moved out back to Ibadan to her Aunty ..
➜ Now I have been sending money to them everytime in Ibadan since 2023 December ..but I'm getting fed coz I'm lonely and it cost me alot sending money and I feel that I'm no gaining anything in return .. I cook , wash , hustle for money all by myself .she is there in Ibadan and not helping
➜ ... She is now insisting that we have to do a traditional wedding before she can come back to me and dropped drinking ..To God be the glory I have stopped the drinking attitude since last year 2024 .but I don't have the fund for traditional wedding...I told her if that is what she want then she need to take care of themselves over there in Ibadan while I hustle to save money here for the wedding ... Please am I thinking right ?
➜I can't afford to be sending money everytime and still expect me to save money for wedding ..without her coming here to help me .

1. So, you physically assaulted her, and rather than report you to the police to get you locked up, she decided instead to go back to her parents? OK! 😏

2. You had a child with her, but you don't want to be responsible for the upkeep/education, etc., of the child anymore because the child's mother is no longer staying with you, where she was at risk of being physically assaulted by you? 😏

3. Does the woman work? Does she have profitable skills? I mean, how does your child take care of herself while you figure your financial situation out? Does it need to stop breathing until then(this is not to be construed as advice of any sort)? 😏

4. I would think that the primary reason you have to send money is for the child, right? 😏

So let me get this, you are alone in Ife and tired for being alone as if you don't have a partner while sending money to them for upkeep right? As you pointed out, she was with you earlier but "frustration" got the better of you and sometimes you drank and over did by hitting her and that's when she had to leave...
Now that you are asking for them to return, she just want you to do the right thing traditionally so she can come back fully. I think that is fair ...just see how you can discuss with her family and do something small ok..

Kobojunkie:
1. So, you physically assaulted her, and rather than report you to the police to get you locked up, she decided instead to go back to her parents? OK! 😏

2. You had a child with her, but you don't want to be responsible for the upkeep/education, etc., of the child anymore because the child's mother is no longer staying with you, where she was at risk of being physically assaulted by you? 😏

3. Does the woman work? Does she have profitable skills? I mean, how does your child take care of herself while you figure your financial situation out? Does it need to stop breathing until then(this is not to be construed as advice of any sort)? 😏

4. I would think that the primary reason you have to send money is for the child, right? 😏

Firstly there is Notting like assault anymore it was a mistake that I regretted and I'm out of the devastation already ..I have begged and promise not to drink anymore.

She is working in Ibadan getting 22k per month

I'm managing with Unilever as a merchandiser .
I have been sending money to her since she left my house ..sometimes she comes visiting and I do go see them too but all this I'm fed up ..I am thinking she need to choose one ..I stop sending money to her for anything so I can save money for wedding ..or she move down here under my roof to help me out ..that way we both help each other

Mryacks:
So let me get this, you are alone in Ife and tired for being alone as if you don't have a partner while sending money to them for upkeep right? As you pointed out, she was with you earlier but "frustration" got the better of you and sometimes you drank and over did by hitting her and that's when she had to leave...
Now that you are asking for them to return, she just want you to do the right thing traditionally so she can come back fully. I think that is fair ...just see how you can discuss with her family and do something small ok..

Yes you got it all right ....I will try and do what you said ...I collected the list already though . There was a time I told her if 500k can be enough for the wedding we should do small ..she told me it won't be enough ..you can see ..me that is managing the money I hustle to feed 3 of us ..

Worried54:
➜Firstly there is Notting like assault anymore it was a mistake that I regretted and I'm out of the devastation already ..I have begged and promise not to drink anymore.
➜She is working in Ibadan getting 22k per month. I'm managing with Unilever as a merchandiser . I have been sending money to her since she left my house ..sometimes she comes visiting and I do go see them too but all this I'm fed up ..I am thinking she need to choose one ..I stop sending money to her for anything so I can save money for wedding ..or she move down here under my roof to help me out ..that way we both help each other

1. We don hear! 🥱🥱🥱

2. You know what? Since the child is yours, and she has a job. Maybe she should instead send the child over to you so you can care for your own child yourself. That way, you can stop needing to send her money and save up for your wedding. And by having and caring for your child, you won't feel lonely, cook and clean for yourself alone; having your child with you every day will help you overcome some, if not all, of your other complaints. 🥱🥱🥱🥱

Worried54:
Yes you got it all right ....I will try and do what you said ...I collected the list already though . There was a time I told her if 500k can be enough for the wedding we should do small ..she told me it won't be enough ..you can see ..me that is managing the money I hustle to feed 3 of us ..

It's time for her to be reasonable with you too... economy is tight and you seem like you are sincere with what you want to do and spend...best wishes to you!

If she comes over to help what difference will it make. The money you are complaining of sending to her you will still spend and even more while she is living with you. This lady earns just 22k and you want her to survive on that in this economy because you want to save for the wedding.

You should be thanking her aunt because I know the woman is covering alot that is why you think what you are sending is enough in the first place. What I see here is that that lady doesn't trust you, if she did moving back wouldn't have been an issue. I think you should focus on building trust.

So she moved out because you were physically abusing her. There's no remorse whatsoever in your post and you're still here running your mouth that you're sending her money and not getting anything return. What are you supposed to gain in return for sending her money for your child? You're cooking, washing and hustling by yourself... pele o. Who else should be doing those things for you, if not you? It's obvious she was not only your punching bag when she was living with you but she was your maid. Someone you've not even married. Ladies like her have themselves to blame for laying with men like you and becoming their babymamas, smh. 6-years later and you still don't want to marry her. Based on all these, she would actually be making a grave mistake marrying you. You've not yet married her and all these.

You hit her multiple times, and she still agrees to marry you.

Kobojunkie:
1. We don hear! 🥱🥱🥱

2. You know what? Since the child is yours, and she has a job. Maybe she should instead send the child over to you so you can care for your own child yourself. That way, you can stop needing to send her money and save up for your wedding. At by having and caring for your child , you won't feel lonely, cook and clean for yourself alone; having your child with you everyday will help you overcome some if not all of your other complaints. 🥱🥱🥱🥱

My brother thank you so much .. this is what I tried to do 2 weeks ago when they came to visit me ife .. I said I need to change our daughter school closer to me but if you see the problem I encountered that day , she went straight to amotekun office that I want to take her daughter away from her ..though she is only 5 yrs old ..I said I want to take her to my mom in ilesa that way everything is free for me I will only pay school fee . I had to spend money I didn't plan for ..I left her alone and she went back so xe that day I have been having this thought to cut they off for sometimes ...that is why I came for advice here

I just think the way she is not wanting to come stay here means she doesn't love me ,though she still have sex anytime I go to Ibadan but I always tell her the economy is bad and I can't afford wedding now ,I'm 37yrs so I think I shud give her space and let her fend for the girl herself and feel what I have been going through all this while .. if am I right or wrong let me know .. I still do love her but I think she is taking advantage of the love . And she too dey listen to her people .

Worried54:
I just think the way she is not wanting to come stay here means she doesn't love me ,though she still have sex anytime I go to Ibadan but I always tell her the economy is bad and I can't afford wedding now ,I'm 37yrs so I think I shud give her space and let her fend for the girl herself and feel what I have been going through all this while .. if am I right or wrong let me know .. I still do love her but I think she is taking advantage of the love . And she too dey listen to her people .

your games keep cutting ke😂
You are not a serious person 😂😂😂😂

Worried54:
I just think the way she is not wanting to come stay here means she doesn't love me ,though she still have sex anytime I go to Ibadan but I always tell her the economy is bad and I can't afford wedding now ,I'm 37yrs so I think I shud give her space and let her fend for the girl herself and feel what I have been going through all this while .. if am I right or wrong let me know .. I still do love her but I think she is taking advantage of the love . And she too dey listen to her people .

You're a gambler? 😄

Your problem long bro. You said you own a car, is the car still available with you?

Worried54:
✓ My brother thank you so much .. this is what I tried to do 2 weeks ago when they came to visit me ife .. I said I need to change our daughter school closer to me but if you see the problem I encountered that day , she went straight to amotekun office that I want to take her daughter away from her ..though she is only 5 yrs old ..I said I want to take her to my mom in ilesa that way everything is free for me I will only pay school fee . I had to spend money I didn't plan for ..I left her alone and she went back so xe that day I have been having this thought to cut they off for sometimes ...that is why I came for advice here

Sigh! This is the reason why it is hard to get through to a whole lot of you! 🙄🙄🙄

I said you should, like your girlfriend, take custody of your own daughter and raise her yourself. However, you are telling me that handing your child over to your own mother to raise her is the same thing as that. Are you sure you care at all about that child ? You came here complaining of being lonely, cooking for yourself alone and what not. And I suggested you take the child so when you cook and clean you do not do it for yourself alone but as a father, for yourself and your child. But here you are suggesting that handing the child over to someone else is the way to go about that. Na so your own parents throw you to some other person to raise and care for you be that? 🤔

I don't even think you care much about your mother either. She don raise you finish and now the omodo(servant) has to also raise your own child for you too? 🤔

PuZZyNegro:
You're a gambler? 😄

Your problem long bro. You said you own a car, is the car still available with you?

Yes

Nemesis0147:
your games keep cutting ke😂
You are not a serious person 😂😂😂😂

Honestly that's just an excuse I don't want to send any money

Worried54:
Yes

What type of car is it

Worried54:
Good day people,

I'm an old nairalander but I just had to create this to stay annonymous.

I met a lady in 2019 in Ibadan after my youth service , we started dating ..she was actually living with her Aunty (mom sister ) in the same estate I was living ,but her mother and her biological siblings all live in delta state . She also speak fluent urhobo dialect. Fast forward to some few months later she got pregnant , please note this whole time I didn't know but she informed me when the pregnancy was obvious and her Aunty said she should go live with me since I'm responsible ..I told her to abort but she left for school . This time she is at final year in the collect of education . I was actually doing very well this time ..got a car and have a all it takes as a man . So out of pity I had to go move her loads from school into my house and took care of her and the baby . She delivered and ee have been staying together since then ..Now around 2023 my farm got flooded and I lost everything , so I had to move to ile-ife where I had built a 4 bedroom flat in order to settle down and avoid landlord issues in Ibadan ..she and my daughter later moved in with me in Ile -ife ..but I wouldn't deny I got drunk sometimes because my present situation and frustrated I had to hit her on few occasions ... So she moved out back to Ibadan to her Aunty ..Now I have been sending money to them everytime in Ibadan since 2023 December ..but I'm getting fed coz I'm lonely and it cost me alot sending money and I feel that I'm no gaining anything in return .. I cook , wash , hustle for money all by myself .she is there in Ibadan and not helping ... She is now insisting that we have to do a traditional wedding before she can come back to me and dropped drinking ..To God be the glory I have stopped the drinking attitude since last year 2024 .but I don't have the fund for traditional wedding...I told her if that is what she want then she need to take care of themselves over there in Ibadan while I hustle to save money here for the wedding ... Please am I thinking right ?

I can't afford to be sending money everytime and still expect me to save money for wedding ..without her coming here to help me .

Marriage in this case should be the payment of her brideprice in the presence of two or three witnesses. I don't know why people like creating problems for themselves. This woman already has a child for you. You want her back with you and it would be a good thing you pay her dowry, so you can cherish her now and treat her better than you did.
1. You already have the list. Go through it and mark out all the things you will not be able to afford. Select the ones you can afford and write the quantity you can afford.
2. How much is the bride price? If it is something you cannot afford, rule it out and write what you can afford.
3. Call your 'wife' and discuss the list with her, telling her the changes you have made. That you both will not go hungry after the marriage, let her be the one to tell her family if she so wishes or she can help by contributing to what is on the list.
4. Call the family and fix a date. Tell them you want to do something private. You don't want to shout because your religious leader has seriously warned you not to shout. That there will be consequences .
5. You can hold a parlour marriage or rent canopy and chair in her family compound. These won't cost you up to 30k.
6. Ask her how you will go about food. If she says she wants people to eat that day. Put the bill on them. Let her family cook and bring while your family cook and bring. You can budget 50k from your own side(family) invite only 3_5 people from your family. Let her family take the bill for food for themselves depending on who is coming.
7. You both should select material for your clothes and buy/ sew. You can tell people the color/s so they can buy or anybody gives you money to buy same for them, you buy.
8. Send them money for the canopy and chairs days before the event if you won't be using parlour.
9. Go there with the items and 3_5 members of your family and your food and pay their brideprice and list. Your family can help negotiate the brideprice if it is beyond you.
10. Go home with your wife and daughter.

If this won't work. Take your wife to court and marry her. It won't cost you more than 50k.

If both your wife and her famìly are insisting on big wedding which you do not have funds for. Get a lawyer and seek custody of your child.

Na Toto dey hungry this one. soppy tire u