₦airaland Forum

Hello house, i need your candid opinion on this pls. My siblings only call or chat me when they need money. I'm always the one that call and check up on them. Though anytime i do, they respond fine. But they have never called to say hello or asked how I'm doing, or open a conversation with me, even if we dont talk for years. But when they need money, they call.

I don't quite see any problem with this but maybe I'm talking from personal experience and I'll add context to buttress. I'm the last born in a family of 4 boys and 1 girl. My siblings hardly call to check up, it has been a norm even while I was in school and it's not a bother to me because I know there's always something that might pop up or an errand they'll need me to run so they'll reach out. I mostly do the calling especially when I'm low on finances. Also, there's a usual family meeting we have once in awhile so you get to meet everyone.

I'll say as long as it doesn't affect the relationship you all share especially with your parents, then it's not a problem. I might not talk with my brother for 2 months but all of sudden call him for help and he'll pull through for me and the same goes for me if reverse was the case

There's is tendency that if you don't give or have, they will ignore you, stop calling you and they won't pick your call...
That defines an ingrate and parasite

My relationship with my siblings works different and I don't mind one bit.

My elder sister- we could go 9 months without talking but day we talk, we fit do 4 hours for normal voice call.

My only bro- always calling to catch up, I mostly ignore his call cause dude like gisf pass woman.

My second sis - once I see her call, I know say na billing. She doesn't call for anything else and I'm fine.

My favorite kid sis- whether she wan go see her boyfriend, she go call to inform me. I wish we were closer in age, we would have been crazy siblings...



Notice one perculiarity? I don't call nobody, na even my parents dey call to greet me.


Na when them see alert nai them know say me sef dey hail them....

hatozeck:
I don't quite see any problem with this but maybe I'm talking from personal experience and I'll add context to buttress. I'm the last born in a family of 4 boys and 1 girl. My siblings hardly call to check up, it has been a norm even while I was in school and it's not a bother to me because I know there's always something that might pop up or an errand they'll need me to run so they'll reach out. I mostly do the calling especially when I'm low on finances. Also, there's a usual family meeting we have once in awhile so you get to meet everyone.

I'll say as long as it doesn't affect the relationship you all share especially with your parents, then it's not a problem. I might not talk with my brother for 2 months but all of sudden call him for help and he'll pull through for me and the same goes for me if reverse was the case

I get your point. But in my own case, I'm the first child.

2special:
There's is tendency that if you don't give or have, they will ignore you, stop calling you and they won't pick your call...
That defines an ingrate and parasite

Honestly, I've been having this feeling. That means if they know that i don't have money, they will never bother to check up!

Therock5555:
My relationship with my siblings works different and I don't mind one bit.

My elder sister- we could go 9 months without talking but day we talk, we fit do 4 hours for normal voice call.

My only bro- always calling to catch up, I mostly ignore his call cause dude like gisf pass woman.

My second sis - once I see her call, I know say na billing. She doesn't call for anything else and I'm fine.

My favorite kid sis- whether she wan go see her boyfriend, she go call to inform me. I wish we were closer in age, we would have been crazy siblings...



Notice one perculiarity? I don't call nobody, na even my parents dey call to greet me.


Na when them see alert nai them know say me sef dey hail them....

Hmm, your message was well received. In my own case, no one calls or chats, except i do the calling.

arapoa:
Honestly, I've been having this feeling. That means if they know that i don't have money, they will never bother to check up!

when next they ask, tell them you don't have and you will see their reactions.

arapoa:
Hmm, your message was well received. In my own case, no one calls or chats, except i do the calling.

I wish I was in your position man... You don't know how I wish everyone could leave me alone to just build my life even if it's for a year...


You fit dey on budget dey try manage your life and one sibling you haven't heard from in months would just pop up with one ridiculous but necessary billing, next thing you're broke all over again....

Believe me, they love you...

I mean, it's selfish, but you sir are the PLUG.

You can let them know one day and para for them... See what they gotta say...

Starboytwo:
Believe me, they love you...

I mean, it's selfish, but you sir are the PLUG.

You can let them know one day and para for them... See what they gotta say...

Why this is confusing is because, inspite of their attitude of not giving a damn about me, whenever we see physically, they hug and flock theirselves around me.

2special:
when next they ask, tell them you don't have and you will see their reactions.

I've done this before, they said nothing. They called back after a couple of weeks with same demand.

arapoa:
Hello house, i need your candid opinion on this pls. My siblings only call or chat me when they need money. I'm always the one that call and check up on them. Though anytime i do, they respond fine. But they have never called to say hello or asked how I'm doing, or open a conversation with me, even if we dont talk for years. But when they need money, they call.

You're a leader. What if your ancestors are channeling the family blessings through you? You want to go petty and AWOL?

You care too much that is why, and they can smell it.

Assured support to others does not make them stand on their feet, but make them strategise and deepen their dependency on you.

Until you put a stop to it, it wont stop. And even if they have money tomorrow, they will compose like they dont, so the first point of salvation will always be you.

They will exploit your desire to ''maintain the family'' for their selfishness.

They are mining your pocket, and have retained the moral high ground to manipulate by saying ''sebi you know we dont have, if we have, we wont be asking''.

But tell them to learn a new skills, get a job or not make stupid financial mistakes, they wont accept.

You have to understand and accept that some people wants to be in a permanent position of helplessness. Its better to get free 150k than work for 300k.

See the game for what it is and play strategically. You dont have to explain and be angry that you see their tricks, its a game of silent moves. Just do not show up anymore, and your default anthem should be ''I no get".

Be strategically greedy.

look for legitimate excuse, as a reason why you cant help. Because I promise you, if you die today, this people will live fine and may even buy a car soon, but they refuse to move forward because you have made your self their lord and personal saviour.

pansophist:
You care too much that is why, and they can smell it.

Assured support to others does not make them stand on their feet, but make them strategise and deepen their dependency on you.

Until you put a stop to it, it wont stop. And even if they have money tomorrow, they will compose like they dont, so the first point of salvation will always be you.

They will exploit your desire to ''maintain the family'' for their selfishness.

They are mining your pocket, and have retained the moral high ground to manipulate by saying ''sebi you know we dont have, if we have, we wont be asking''.

But tell them to learn a new skills, get a job or not make stupid financial mistakes, they wont accept.

You have to understand and accept that some people wants to be in a permanent position of helplessness. Its better to get free 150k than work for 300k.

See the game for what it is and play strategically. You dont have to explain and be angry that you see their tricks, its a game of silent moves. Just do not show up anymore, and your default anthem should be ''I no get".

Be strategically greedy.

look for legitimate excuse, as a reason why you cant help. Because I promise you, if you die today, this people will live fine and may even buy a car soon, but they refuse to move forward because you have made your self their lord and personal saviour.

Hmmmmmm.... i think you are talking to me.
I am currently in a mess where my 2 brothers have become a heavy burden on me to carry and over time now, i have developed this cold, i don't care attitude.
I wasn't like that before but i know if i continue on the path of carrying everyone along, sooner or later i will be down with them too and at that point, they will somehow find a way to survive while i struggle to climb up again.
And after all you have done, you will still be hit with the question - What did you do for us? Have heard this so many times from my uncles to my mum who brought them from our village to town and tried setting them up.
The truth is, many humans won't work if given the chance but wants to live a good and fancy life.
They don't want to hustle like you but wants to live like you - use your type of car, live in your type of house while not interested in the hours and time you put in to achieve that.
Infact, my immediate brother once spoke angrily that "as God don bless me, i dey wicked because instead of lifting the burden on their head, i wan make them pass through wetin i don pass through too"
He says God as blessed me so that i will become a blessing to the family by lifting the remaining.
To be frank, he has a statement and tbh, i have tried and done my best within my capacity to help and lift them but it just seems the more i do, the more they expect me to do.
I bought car for my parent .....Ohhh, maybe he can build the house since he has it.
Then i helped them roof the house ... Oh, i think he has what it takes to send me abroad.
Then struggled to gather money to send him to UAE (work visa....working on arrival)
Ohhhh .... he only sent me to a dry land and desert, why not canada, US, UK.. He has the money. Don't we know what he has done in the past?

Therock5555:
I wish I was in your position man... You don't know how I wish everyone could leave me alone to just build my life even if it's for a year...


You fit dey on budget dey try manage your life and one sibling you haven't heard from in months would just pop up with one ridiculous but necessary billing, next thing you're broke all over again....

I can relate

Chubhie:
You're a leader. What if your ancestors are channeling the family blessings through you? You want to go petty and AWOL?

Oga abeg leave that.
No ancestor is channeling the family blessing through me.
That is gaslighting.
The family get plenty ancestors to channel enough blessings through the few currently alive.. not only me.

emmaodet:
Oga abeg leave that.
No ancestor is channeling the family blessing through me.
That is gaslighting.
The family get plenty ancestors to channel enough blessings through the few currently alive.. not only me.

Hmm, i appreciate all the advises.

The issue I have observed with most of you first born children is that you like to carry the rest of your siblings and whole family on your heads like gala. Please who sent you people message? And what drives you people to want to force a close relationship and bond between the whole family?

You are not the ones that gave birth to your siblings but you want to shoulder their responsibilities. Their hands are not broken neither are their brains malfunctioning, but you want to baby sit them as adults and hold their hands through this life as if they are children.

I am not dissing you first born children but you guys need to slow your roll and stop caring so much. Your siblings are not invalids and you are not their saviour, feel free to ignore billing requests or outrightly say no it is not a good time and you can't help. They will not die!

Arapoa have you even bothered to tell your own siblings what you said about them not calling or checking up on you, unless they need money? The next time one of them calls to tax you please read them the riot act and don't give them the money, they will find a way and survive without you.

arapoa:
Hello house, i need your candid opinion on this pls. My siblings only call or chat me when they need money. I'm always the one that call and check up on them. Though anytime i do, they respond fine. But they have never called to say hello or asked how I'm doing, or open a conversation with me, even if we dont talk for years. But when they need money, they call.

This wrong behavior Frm som siblings comes Frm throwing their responsibility to.others to bear for them.
The notion of "my father or my uncle or aunty will hook me up with a good job or fix me up" they just stay laid back and dnt wnt to push themselves.

if you had not taken risk and put in the effort to hustle and grow financially, would they see a tree to always run to to pluck fruit?

Nd they do see you waking up very early jumping Frm bus to bus trying to go for job Interview occasionally or attempt one biz opportunity here and there bk then.

They kept mute. To them, they felt, you just dey waste your time making attempts.

You won't be surprised to see dt some of them even up till now dnt wnt to move their ass to help themselves get somtin doin no mata how small it is and som siblings dt have and keeping billing you may be out of greed.

If ur siblings were also on their toes been serious pushing the way you did bk then, they too might have been lucky to get a good job or a biz brktru.

Their inaction consciously or unconsciously not to hustle like you bk then is what brought them to their present situation. That is what they choose to settle for. To be at the asking and begging end.

They are still your siblings. you go vex at their request, do the small you can and dnt allow it affect ur finance so much.