₦airaland Forum

Before I got into university, I used to have game. Things changed when I arrived on campus and realized just how big the world really was. First, I noticed how short I was at 5'6 (because in secondary school we were all more or less the same height). Second, I realized I was broke and constantly struggling financially.

Those two things fed into my insecurities, and they ate away at me. In my first year, I even let go of my high school love since it was long-distance anyway. I started wearing a face mask all the time just to avoid people seeing me. The only thing I did back then was read.

By 300 level, it hit me that I should have been learning other things as a fresher, like talking to girls and maybe even building some real romantic experiences. Now I am in my final year, and honestly, I have no idea how to start a relationship or even make a move physically.

Its really embarrassing. I am not ugly, so that is not the problem. But I am still broke. I have been into tech for months but have almost nothing to show for it financially. I feel like my biggest problem is confidence, but I do not know how to overcome it.

First go and make the money and see your confidece crawlig back to you.

Transformer777:
✓ Its really embarrassing. I am not ugly, so that is not the problem.
✓ But I am still broke. I have been into tech for years but have nothing to show for it financially. I feel like my biggest problem is confidence, but I do not know how to overcome it.

1. Are you planning on a career as a gigolo or what? What does it matter whether you used to have game or are not ugly? You are embarrassed because even at this age you have yet to realize that being popular with girls cannot put food on your table unless you are a gigolo or male prostitute?

2. What has game to do with your being broke and with no skills to show after many years in tech? Where exactly are you headed? Maybe I should start by asking that.

How I wish your parents that sent you to school see this. Face your studies and excel in life, women are the easier beings to have in abundance if you are successful.

yemmit90:
How I wish your parents that sent you to school see this. Face your studies and excel in life, women are the easier beings to have in abundance if you are successful.

Academics have never been a problem for me, I do really well in school.

Maybe the reason why I posted this is to find someone that relates to this or has experienced something similar and can give me pointers on how to figure things out. Unfortunately, all the replies just make me feel more shame, as if my post (or experience) is inconsequential. Maybe I should focus on what matter, making money, right (cos that's all that matters)

Kobojunkie:
1. Are you planning on a career as a gigolo or what? What does it matter whether you used to have game or are not ugly? You are embarrassed because even at this age you have yet to realize that being popular with girls cannot put food on your table unless you are a gigolo or male prostitute?

2. What has game to do with your being broke and with no skills to show after many years in tech? Where exactly are you headed? Maybe I should start by asking that.

It's not about being popular with girls. More of communication, holding conversations (not even with girls only, I've read books and watched videos, idk what I'm doing wrong). Game in the sense: I used to know how to talk, what to say, stuff like that (and I added not being ugly cos someone might say "nobody bleeps with ugly guys" in retrospect, I probably shouldn't have added it to the post).

And tech, I should have put a more specific timeframe, I've only been in it for almost a year, idk why I put several years (I think that's what was in my post). I have the skills and I think me not being able to hold conversations and putting myself out there has led to me not making as much money from tech as I should be.

Idk man, I just posted this to rant and find someone who might've gone through this phase and figure things out (no matter how insignificant or "pointless" what I'm going thru is)

Bro, focus on your studies and build marketeable skills on the side and you will thank me later. I have never seen a rich person who is ugly. Look at Ned Nwoko with is agama lizard head, at age 69 and, able to marry a teen Regina.

Transformer777:
✓ It's not about being popular with girls. More of communication, holding conversations (not even with girls only, I've read books and watched videos, idk what I'm doing wrong). Game in the sense: I used to know how to talk, what to say, stuff like that (and I added not being ugly cos someone might say "nobody bleeps with ugly guys" in retrospect, I probably shouldn't have added it to the post).
And tech, I should have put a more specific timeframe, I've only been in it for almost a year, idk why I put several years (I think that's what was in my post). I have the skills and I think me not being able to hold conversations and putting myself out there has led to me not making as much money from tech as I should be.
✓ Idk man, I just posted this to rant and find someone who might've gone through this phase and figure things out (no matter how insignificant or "pointless" what I'm going thru is)

This is a conversation we are having right now. So, what is it really? Is it a matter of social anxiety --- low self esteem/ lack of confidence/etc.) then what you are talking of may have more to do with your mental state --- anxiety/social anxiety/depression, etc.,) and less to do with abilities.

2. Maybe you should consider finding those you are comfortable chatting with to maybe bounce ideas off of to see why you feel the way you do. Also, might not hurt to see a professional mental health counselor to figure out exactly where you are as far as your mental health.

Transformer777:
Before I got into university, I used to have game. Things changed when I arrived on campus and realized just how big the world really was. First, I noticed how short I was at 5'6 (because in secondary school we were all more or less the same height). Second, I realized I was broke and constantly struggling financially.

Those two things fed into my insecurities, and they ate away at me. In my first year, I even let go of my high school love since it was long-distance anyway. I started wearing a face mask all the time just to avoid people seeing me. The only thing I did back then was read.

By 300 level, it hit me that I should have been learning other things as a fresher, like talking to girls and maybe even building some real romantic experiences. Now I am in my final year, and honestly, I have no idea how to start a relationship or even make a move physically.

Its really embarrassing. I am not ugly, so that is not the problem. But I am still broke. I have been into tech for months but have almost nothing to show for it financially. I feel like my biggest problem is confidence, but I do not know how to overcome it.

Congrats son. You've achieved the objectives why your parents sent you to school. Perception is key. You're lucky to escape relationship wahala when you don't even know the game or it's rules. Time to work on your brokenness. Build and work in silence. When you have game and money, people mama, wives and girlfriends will wanna do you for free. Work hard as everything depends on it

Transformer777:
Before I got into university, I used to have game. Things changed when I arrived on campus and realized just how big the world really was. First, I noticed how short I was at 5'6 (because in secondary school we were all more or less the same height). Second, I realized I was broke and constantly struggling financially.

Those two things fed into my insecurities, and they ate away at me. In my first year, I even let go of my high school love since it was long-distance anyway. I started wearing a face mask all the time just to avoid people seeing me. The only thing I did back then was read.

By 300 level, it hit me that I should have been learning other things as a fresher, like talking to girls and maybe even building some real romantic experiences. Now I am in my final year, and honestly, I have no idea how to start a relationship or even make a move physically.

Its really embarrassing. I am not ugly, so that is not the problem. But I am still broke. I have been into tech for months but have almost nothing to show for it financially. I feel like my biggest problem is confidence, but I do not know how to overcome it.

Aku na esi obi ike. Get it.

Make yourself available and keep your heart open. Love tends to arrive at the right time, often when you’ve stopped obsessing over it. Find activities that get you out of the house regularly. Even if you’re studying, choose a library or a public space where you can be around people and form genuine connections.

One important thing you might be overlooking is the idea that you must date a woman before you can be part of her life. That’s not true. You don’t have to start with romance, start with kindness. Offer to help with simple, free tasks and strike up conversations with the genuine intention of getting to know her as a person, not as a potential partner. Be honest about this intention. You could, for example, provide free tutoring (or charge very little) simply to help someone understand a subject better, without expecting anything in return. This builds trust and friendship naturally.

Above all, focus on building some financial stability. Even if it’s not much, aim to keep at least ₦100,000 as your minimum balance. In Lagos, there are plenty of ways to earn this amount. If you don't know how to make 100k, create another trend so people can give you good suggestion. Once you reach that milestone, spend only what’s above your minimum, and gradually raise that baseline to ₦150,000, then ₦200,000, and so on. That’s how you build both wealth and confidence over time.

Lastly learn to build connections with ladies below your standard first before raising your standard.

Best of luck....

Your life is actually on track. You might not k know it yet but women are a big distraction. Focus on other things