₦airaland Forum

Nicoddemus:
Peace at the detriment of another life. Saw you repeating that the girl is 12 meaning you somehow want to use that very girl consenting to your wife's witchcraft. But if you guys go ahead with that plans let your children never go without punishment for your action

A 12 years old girl should do house chor s, ain't nothing bad in that, let her do it , though I don't support that he changes her school....

Seunomobo:
➜Honestly, I think you should listen to your wife without questioning her motives, as a wife who's had a similar experience, I can relate.
My husband's niece lives with us, and I treat her like a helper. I've noticed that people who criticize wives in similar situations are often single or haven't had to deal with relatives staying with them and before having my husband's niece live with us, I was one of those quick to judge. But now, I see things differently. I use her help a lot, and my priority will always be my children. Let's be real, family dynamics can be complicated, and it's natural to prioritize our own blood relatives. Nobody will prioritize you like your parents do. We're all guilty of using people to some extent, and it's evident in our society.
By the way, nobody should quote me preaching the holy gospel to me, it will not change my stance, everyone is a user and it's evident in our society of today ...

UNBEWEAVABLE! 😩😩😩😩😩

Point of correction. Logically the girl is 10 years and the son 9 years. They can both help in house chores. This is how spoil brat that is unable to do anything for himself dey start. You have to putyourfoot firmly on the ground and fight for that brilliant girl or you take care of her from afar.

Seunomobo:
➜A 12 years old girl should do house chor s, ain't nothing bad in that, let her do it , though I don't support that he changes her school....

An 11-year-old boy shouldn't equally do house chores, abi?

SensualMan1:
In 10 years time this ur wicked wife will accuse u of sleeping with ur relative. Mark it somewhere.
Your wicked wife is also likely to witch hunt this little girl now and in the future.
Mr man! U married a very heartless and wicked woman.
Kindly send the poor lad back to her parents. U cannot send a girl to a private school where her intellect and morals has been built and established, only to withdraw her and enrol her in a public school where she will mingle with the dregs of the society and loose herself and morals.
Your wife is a wicked woman.

As much as your submission is not entirely false, it is callous for you to label pupils in public schools as dregs of the society. I rest my case.

Don't withdraw the child to a gov. School or send her back the village. That girl could be the next president of Nigeria.
Instead, to keep her away from your seemingly jealous wife, send her to boarding school since they are already in grade 5. Get an adult help for your wife, everybody will be well settled with this approach.
Don't mind those calling your wife wicked....we all are humans

Send her to boarding school straight.

Women....... No wonder some men won't carry their partner along with plans etc

Trymeee:
Women....... No wonder some men won't carry their partner along with plans etc

Stop telling these fantastical stories, abeg! Like attracts like... meaning the husband is no better than the wife in all of this. 🙄🙄🙄🙄

U for just dey train the girls from far

Israel5:
Please (even though I know my appeal with fall on deaf ears too numerous to count in this forum), approach this issue with logic and without prejudice to the people involved.

My wife and I are duly blessed with a son who is in his basic 5 now. Also, we decided to get the daughter of one of my cousin to stay with us. She is one of 7 children. So I wanted to help raise a CHIMAMANDA.

As my rule, every child of same age under my room attends the same school and calls us Dad & Mum. The school part didn't quite seat well with my wife, who had a different opinion, but I prevailed anyway. Because na me dey pay school fees.

The girl is a year older than my son, but due to the level of education at the village before she came over, we made her be in the same class as my son. She met my son in primary 2. Now they are both in basic 5.

A shocker happened: This girl keeps coming up in the class, while my son keeps running away from the top. We've tried extra lessons, even tried changing schools. Now it looks as if the girl is better suited for school than my boy. She reads, spells and memorizes things too marvellous. I bought a dictionary cos of that.

I even buy gifts for her (for coming top) more than I do for my boy, to make him sit up, but my pikin nor send me o. Guy use cry & Woman power make me buy am bicycle. 😁

I would think he's being a spoilt boy, who believes daddy & mommy is there, I don't really know. But I am hopeful.

Now, my major issue is my heavily pregnant wife. She wants the girl to be changed/enrolled at a different school. In her defence, she wants her to be available to help her take care of things. The kid's school close by 3pm. She suggest government school that close earlier. I see sense in what she said but I feel like I'll be unfair to this young girl.

When I tried to have a healthy debate on the idea. Na so madam start to dey talk plenty tins wey I nor fit type.
I have accepted to do her wish from September for peace.

Please, do you see another way I could avoid problems?

Is she right to have asked that I changed the girl's school just because she needs help around the house & her business?

You’re not wrong for wanting to protect the girl’s future.
Your wife is not wrong for needing help during a critical season.
But changing a child’s school just to get house help is something that needs to be carefully weighed, or it could become a deeper wound in future — for her and your family dynamic.

Balance is possible. You just need to rework the equation with all the variables on the table.

Send the girl to a boarding school, that was what my late dad did to prevent my step mom wahala.
Just tell her you are sending her back to the village.
The girl should be going to the village for holidays. Don't let her set foot in your house again, She will be happy about her going to the village. Don't let her know you are sponsoring the girl. The end will justify the means.

Klass99:
From where I stand it looks to me like your wife is jealous of that young girl and the fact that she is doing better in school than her own son/child. Her request to you is just a coy and a devious way of truncating that girl's destiny. It will be unwise of you to support your wife in such a mission.

From your narrative I think you're the one doing the heavy financial lifting in your household by paying the school fees and other bills, so don't let your wife dictate to you how the affairs of your household should be run. Don't let her dictate to you either because naturally you ought to lead as the head of your household while she follows.

Can you truthfully say that you don't know your wife's intentions towards that girl are not good? I think you know the truth yourself and you're just playing the ostrich and being pretentious. What you are doing and agreeing to is not fair or right, that is how complacency starts in the maltreatment of wards or helps. In fact it has already started with that singular statement you made "for peace to reign".

Why didn't she suggest that both children (her son and the girl) be withdrawn and put in the same school so both can be helping her out after school. Or is her son above running errands around the home and helping her out? Hire a maid for your wife, one that can come and go in the day time and leave that girl in the school where she is. Your wife is up to no good and you know it too.

They called her Nneka, but in our house, she was simply "the girl" — at least, that's how my mother referred to her in the early days.

She wasn’t born into our family. She came to live with us when I was barely 6, and my younger brother was just learning to walk. Nneka was 9. Her mother had died during childbirth, and her father—my dad’s cousin—had disappeared into Lagos chasing work and never returned.

Dad brought her home one rainy August evening, soaked and barefoot. She had one small bag, no shoes, and the look of someone who had already seen too much for her age. I remember watching her as she sat at the edge of the couch, eyes darting like she wasn’t sure whether she had been rescued or kidnapped.

Mum didn’t hide her disapproval.
"You brought another mouth into this house and expect me to do what with her? When our own children haven't even finished school fees?"

Dad didn’t argue much. He just said: "She’s ours now."

The early years were... tense.

Nneka ate last.
Nneka wore clothes handed down from me, a boy.
Nneka did more chores than anyone else.
Nneka was called to sweep when visitors came.
And yet, Nneka never rebelled.

Instead, she studied like her life depended on it — maybe because it did.

By the time she reached SS2, she was winning school awards, carrying first in class without fail. I remember one time when Mum muttered, “Na book go kill this girl,” as if it were an insult. But Nneka smiled. That was the first time I saw her wear pride like a crown.

When it was time for university, Dad insisted she write JAMB. She scored 284.

Mum refused to contribute to the fees.

"You want to train her while our own son is still struggling to pass WAEC?"

But Dad did it anyway. He paid her fees, sent her off to school in Benin. Four years later, she came home with a First Class in Microbiology.

She got a scholarship to do her MSc in South Africa. She called every week. She sent home money—even to Mum. She never acted like she remembered the unfairness.

Then life happened.

In my final year in school, Dad suffered a stroke. Mum's petty trading couldn't cover hospital bills. I had to drop out for a year. Things were dark. The fridge was sold. The car was parked for months. And I still remember the day the landlord came banging on the gate.

It was Nneka who stepped in. Quietly.

We didn’t know she had savings. We didn’t know she had a job offer abroad that she turned down just to come back home.

She moved us to a smaller apartment, got Dad the treatment he needed, and helped me finish school. My brother went to polytechnic on her bill. She bought Mum a grinding machine and still called her "Mummy" like nothing ever happened.

Today, Nneka runs her own research lab in Abuja.
She sends groceries every month.
She built a house and put it in Dad’s name.
And this December, we’re gathering to celebrate her, the daughter we almost didn’t give a chance.

I asked Mum recently, “Do you ever regret not treating Nneka better?”

She paused, sighed, and said, “Na she be the real child wey God give us. We just dey born others.”


---

Moral of the Story:

Never look down on a child because of where they come from.
Some children come into your life not because they need you, but because you’ll need them someday.

Train them well.
Love them right.
And watch what God will make of them.

Women are naturally selfish

I will advice you return the kid back to her parents and still pay her school fees.
You will regret you change her school to assist your wife at home.
She is too young for that.
Thanks.

Seunomobo:
Honestly, I think you should listen to your wife without questioning her motives, as a wife who's had a similar experience, I can relate.
My husband's niece lives with us, and I treat her like a helper. I've noticed that people who criticize wives in similar situations are often single or haven't had to deal with relatives staying with them and before having my husband's niece live with us, I was one of those quick to judge. But now, I see things differently. I use her help a lot, and my priority will always be my children. Let's be real, family dynamics can be complicated, and it's natural to prioritize our own blood relatives. Nobody will prioritize you like your parents do. We're all guilty of using people to some extent, and it's evident in our society.

By the way, nobody should quote me preaching the holy gospel to me, it will not change my stance, everyone is a user and it's evident in our society of today ...

Not true in all cases. I don't understand why you think someone else's child deserves being abused because they live with you. It is wickedness and shouldn't be called by another name.

My mood suddenly changed reading this, like why would she want you to change that girl from a place she's doing so well to another sch, when money is not the problem here, like she's jealous of the girl's good performance more than her boy, pls this isn't necessary, once you oblige to this, she will have more time to push that small girl to do unnecessary workload at that young age..indeed the heart of man is wicked! Nah the parent wey born more than they can train I dey blame, no be her fault

Seunomobo:
A 12 years old girl should do house chor s, ain't nothing bad in that, let her do it , though I don't support that he changes her school....

Did you read where anyone is against her doing chores? What we condemn is dropping her education standards because she needs her to baby sit and that is not house chores. In same vein, there is no crime in the son also doing chores. We all grew up doing chores irrespective of our gender.

Israel5:
Please (even though I know my appeal with fall on deaf ears too numerous to count in this forum), approach this issue with logic and without prejudice to the people involved.

My wife and I are duly blessed with a son who is in his basic 5 now. Also, we decided to get the daughter of one of my cousin to stay with us. She is one of 7 children. So I wanted to help raise a CHIMAMANDA.

As my rule, every child of same age under my room attends the same school and calls us Dad & Mum. The school part didn't quite seat well with my wife, who had a different opinion, but I prevailed anyway. Because na me dey pay school fees.

The girl is a year older than my son, but due to the level of education at the village before she came over, we made her be in the same class as my son. She met my son in primary 2. Now they are both in basic 5.

A shocker happened: This girl keeps coming up in the class, while my son keeps running away from the top. We've tried extra lessons, even tried changing schools. Now it looks as if the girl is better suited for school than my boy. She reads, spells and memorizes things too marvellous. I bought a dictionary cos of that.

I even buy gifts for her (for coming top) more than I do for my boy, to make him sit up, but my pikin nor send me o. Guy use cry & Woman power make me buy am bicycle. 😁

I would think he's being a spoilt boy, who believes daddy & mommy is there, I don't really know. But I am hopeful.

Now, my major issue is my heavily pregnant wife. She wants the girl to be changed/enrolled at a different school. In her defence, she wants her to be available to help her take care of things. The kid's school close by 3pm. She suggest government school that close earlier. I see sense in what she said but I feel like I'll be unfair to this young girl.

When I tried to have a healthy debate on the idea. Na so madam start to dey talk plenty tins wey I nor fit type.
I have accepted to do her wish from September for peace.

Please, do you see another way I could avoid problems?

Is she right to have asked that I changed the girl's school just because she needs help around the house & her business?

Your wife want to influence you to change Destiny of that girl.
Where una dey see these kind of women marry?

If only you can think deep. If you have the resources, let that baby girl continue her education, no go close your door o. Get your wife a nanny if that is what she want.

Israel5:
Please (even though I know my appeal with fall on deaf ears too numerous to count in this forum), approach this issue with logic and without prejudice to the people involved.

My wife and I are duly blessed with a son who is in his basic 5 now. Also, we decided to get the daughter of one of my cousin to stay with us. She is one of 7 children. So I wanted to help raise a CHIMAMANDA.

As my rule, every child of same age under my room attends the same school and calls us Dad & Mum. The school part didn't quite seat well with my wife, who had a different opinion, but I prevailed anyway. Because na me dey pay school fees.

The girl is a year older than my son, but due to the level of education at the village before she came over, we made her be in the same class as my son. She met my son in primary 2. Now they are both in basic 5.

A shocker happened: This girl keeps coming up in the class, while my son keeps running away from the top. We've tried extra lessons, even tried changing schools. Now it looks as if the girl is better suited for school than my boy. She reads, spells and memorizes things too marvellous. I bought a dictionary cos of that.

I even buy gifts for her (for coming top) more than I do for my boy, to make him sit up, but my pikin nor send me o. Guy use cry & Woman power make me buy am bicycle. 😁

I would think he's being a spoilt boy, who believes daddy & mommy is there, I don't really know. But I am hopeful.

Now, my major issue is my heavily pregnant wife. She wants the girl to be changed/enrolled at a different school. In her defence, she wants her to be available to help her take care of things. The kid's school close by 3pm. She suggest government school that close earlier. I see sense in what she said but I feel like I'll be unfair to this young girl.

When I tried to have a healthy debate on the idea. Na so madam start to dey talk plenty tins wey I nor fit type.
I have accepted to do her wish from September for peace.

Please, do you see another way I could avoid problems?

Is she right to have asked that I changed the girl's school just because she needs help around the house & her business?

I will be very blunt and precise to you.

Please don't let your wife convert that little child to a slave. I wonder what assistance or help your wife would be expecting from a 7 year old child is not child labour.

Now my question to you is if that girl child was yours, your flesh and blood would you have agreed for peace to reign?

My question to your wife is of that girl child was hers would she have made all that request, especially the withdrawal from a go school to a public school?

Answer this questions with your heart and conscience and do the right thing.

As for your son, the boy is still too young for you to be worrying yourself over his performance at school. The level of education is never a yardstick for academic excellence in the future. Please stop fighting it and give him your support.

For your wife, tell her to be very careful about how she treats children, especially other people's children. So nature doesn't get angry with her.

You are a good man for paying the little girl's fees and ensuring she attends the same school with your child. Respect!
Please don't stop.

duduade:
This your wife is going to be wicked to that girl
Please to avoid stories that touch the heart... Send that girl back to the village. It will be painful.. I know you like the girl.. but your wife is wicked... She's just bidding her time...

Baba abeg take this advice, yr wife behavior is not peculiar to her alone na so 95% of women be no be their fault they are jealous towards other people children around their own.

Besides she is too small to help around, when she starts helping yr wife how will she read her book, if that girl na her sister pickin. Can she say such towards her....No

Bro abeg get a maid for yr wife and send the girl home, yr wife is already jealous towards her and u will not like the way she will treat her if she continues staying in yr house

Baba just know say na women na general thing

I believe this is an issue to be settled internally between you and few family members, but since you have brought it here. We go put mouth.
1. As someone has rightly asked, what was your original intention when you brought the girl over in the first place? Did you have a discussion with your wife before you brought her? If yes, did she consent? If yes, then insist on that. If no, you have to make the reason clear now and make it clear.
2. Some women might be naturally jealous to see that their children are not doing well as compared to someone they see everyday. I think you just have to make her understand that your child is growing and will catch up at his own pace, however don't give up easily, you might need to understand your son much better, get to learn how he understand things better. Research on various methods children learn and use them on him.
3. As long as you can afford it, keep the girl in school, tomorrow both yourself and your wife will reap the benefits, treat her well, teach her morals and all. Not all fathers and mothers are biological but it's duties and responsibilities that make us who we are.
4. As someone said, both your son and the young girl should equally take on duties in the house. If your wife needs a helper and the girl wasn't brought for that purpose, it's better you seek an alternative, her mom or sister can come around, or you get a nanny as the case maybe.
5. What am sure is that God will reward you in the nearest future for all you do for her and keep doing what is right.

Your wife does not want competition, but she forgot that girls and guys have different lanes in life.

Israel5:
Please (even though I know my appeal with fall on deaf ears too numerous to count in this forum), approach this issue with logic and without prejudice to the people involved.

My wife and I are duly blessed with a son who is in his basic 5 now. Also, we decided to get the daughter of one of my cousin to stay with us. She is one of 7 children. So I wanted to help raise a CHIMAMANDA.

As my rule, every child of same age under my room attends the same school and calls us Dad & Mum. The school part didn't quite seat well with my wife, who had a different opinion, but I prevailed anyway. Because na me dey pay school fees.

The girl is a year older than my son, but due to the level of education at the village before she came over, we made her be in the same class as my son. She met my son in primary 2. Now they are both in basic 5.

A shocker happened: This girl keeps coming up in the class, while my son keeps running away from the top. We've tried extra lessons, even tried changing schools. Now it looks as if the girl is better suited for school than my boy. She reads, spells and memorizes things too marvellous. I bought a dictionary cos of that.

I even buy gifts for her (for coming top) more than I do for my boy, to make him sit up, but my pikin nor send me o. Guy use cry & Woman power make me buy am bicycle. 😁

I would think he's being a spoilt boy, who believes daddy & mommy is there, I don't really know. But I am hopeful.

Now, my major issue is my heavily pregnant wife. She wants the girl to be changed/enrolled at a different school. In her defence, she wants her to be available to help her take care of things. The kid's school close by 3pm. She suggest government school that close earlier. I see sense in what she said but I feel like I'll be unfair to this young girl.

When I tried to have a healthy debate on the idea. Na so madam start to dey talk plenty tins wey I nor fit type.
I have accepted to do her wish from September for peace.

Please, do you see another way I could avoid problems?

Is she right to have asked that I changed the girl's school just because she needs help around the house & her business?

This is why I always pray to God not to let me be in a state where I will allow my child to live with someone else (either a relative or not).
If you make that child unhappy in any way because of your jealous/wicked wife, you will surely regret it!

Israel5:
Please (even though I know my appeal with fall on deaf ears too numerous to count in this forum), approach this issue with logic and without prejudice to the people involved.

My wife and I are duly blessed with a son who is in his basic 5 now. Also, we decided to get the daughter of one of my cousin to stay with us. She is one of 7 children. So I wanted to help raise a CHIMAMANDA.

As my rule, every child of same age under my room attends the same school and calls us Dad & Mum. The school part didn't quite seat well with my wife, who had a different opinion, but I prevailed anyway. Because na me dey pay school fees.

The girl is a year older than my son, but due to the level of education at the village before she came over, we made her be in the same class as my son. She met my son in primary 2. Now they are both in basic 5.

A shocker happened: This girl keeps coming up in the class, while my son keeps running away from the top. We've tried extra lessons, even tried changing schools. Now it looks as if the girl is better suited for school than my boy. She reads, spells and memorizes things too marvellous. I bought a dictionary cos of that.

I even buy gifts for her (for coming top) more than I do for my boy, to make him sit up, but my pikin nor send me o. Guy use cry & Woman power make me buy am bicycle. 😁

I would think he's being a spoilt boy, who believes daddy & mommy is there, I don't really know. But I am hopeful.

Now, my major issue is my heavily pregnant wife. She wants the girl to be changed/enrolled at a different school. In her defence, she wants her to be available to help her take care of things. The kid's school close by 3pm. She suggest government school that close earlier. I see sense in what she said but I feel like I'll be unfair to this young girl.

When I tried to have a healthy debate on the idea. Na so madam start to dey talk plenty tins wey I nor fit type.
I have accepted to do her wish from September for peace.

Please, do you see another way I could avoid problems?

Is she right to have asked that I changed the girl's school just because she needs help around the house & her business?

the quality education you give that girl today, might be the stepping stone to your children's success tomorrow. No let your wife use woman mindset braiswash u into taking that gurl to public school. Let your principle to life remain.

From wetin I code,your wife get bad mind

Samantha125:
I'm curious, how will a 6 years old child help around the house and with your wife's business?

A basic 5 kid cannot be 6 or 7 years old. That's just by the way though.

@OP, kindly note that if you treat that girl as yours, you will surely reap the reward in future. Don't treat her like a slave, as your wife is proposing.

Israel5:
Please (even though I know my appeal with fall on deaf ears too numerous to count in this forum), approach this issue with logic and without prejudice to the people involved.

My wife and I are duly blessed with a son who is in his basic 5 now. Also, we decided to get the daughter of one of my cousin to stay with us. She is one of 7 children. So I wanted to help raise a CHIMAMANDA.

As my rule, every child of same age under my room attends the same school and calls us Dad & Mum. The school part didn't quite seat well with my wife, who had a different opinion, but I prevailed anyway. Because na me dey pay school fees.

The girl is a year older than my son, but due to the level of education at the village before she came over, we made her be in the same class as my son. She met my son in primary 2. Now they are both in basic 5.

A shocker happened: This girl keeps coming up in the class, while my son keeps running away from the top. We've tried extra lessons, even tried changing schools. Now it looks as if the girl is better suited for school than my boy. She reads, spells and memorizes things too marvellous. I bought a dictionary cos of that.

I even buy gifts for her (for coming top) more than I do for my boy, to make him sit up, but my pikin nor send me o. Guy use cry & Woman power make me buy am bicycle. 😁

I would think he's being a spoilt boy, who believes daddy & mommy is there, I don't really know. But I am hopeful.

Now, my major issue is my heavily pregnant wife. She wants the girl to be changed/enrolled at a different school. In her defence, she wants her to be available to help her take care of things. The kid's school close by 3pm. She suggest government school that close earlier. I see sense in what she said but I feel like I'll be unfair to this young girl.

When I tried to have a healthy debate on the idea. Na so madam start to dey talk plenty tins wey I nor fit type.
I have accepted to do her wish from September for peace.

Please, do you see another way I could avoid problems?

Is she right to have asked that I changed the girl's school just because she needs help around the house & her business?

Your son may not be doing badly. The girl is overaged. I will advise you leave her in the same school,speak to the management to allow her go a class or two ahead. She is too young to assist madam. Changing her school to a government school will create bad blood. No start wetin you no fit finish.