₦airaland Forum

Good day everyone

Please I needsoke reasonable advice to anyone that has been in this shoe.

Ok I met this lady in Ibadan in 2019 we lived together and eventually had a kid together .. we have been staying together in Ibadan very fine because I was doing very good .but things take a turn on me financially in 2023 as my farm was flooded abd I lost a fortune . So I had to move to osun state where I built a 4 bedroom flat. I was the first person to move and she later came with my child .. but one thing let to another ..I hit her so she had to move out back to Ibadan with her mother's sister .. her mom and siblings live in delta state .
So now she is telling me before she can come back I have to do traditional marriage but knowing fully well I don't have that fund now in this economy .. my salary is only 70k . I told her to come so I can take a loan to open a shop for to start selling things while I hustle to save money for the wedding and take cae of my child's school stuffs but she is not having it .. now she calls me everytime to send money for feeding and all that .. after I place them on 10k monthly feeding allowance .. but now I just don't know what to do again . After giving money for feeding she will still be asking for 2k -1k randomly almost everytime ..her own salary is 22k ..

Please should I just free this woman because if she is with me we can do more together like saving money and taking car if the family ..then we can go do wedding when we have money but she want me to save money for wedding . Pay school fee , send 10k monthly and sti be sending urgent 1k2k every now and then

Please what can I do abeg I don tire .. m feeling I should block her off for 2months .maybe she can think ..because I don't think I can afford the weddinf next year coz I habe other things ..I want to start a business for mysekf ..buy car and use for Uber

Confuse20:
Good day everyone

Please I needsoke reasonable advice to anyone that has been in this shoe.

Ok I met this lady in Ibadan in 2019 we lived together and eventually had a kid together .. we have been staying together in Ibadan very fine because I was doing very good .but things take a turn on me financially in 2023 as my farm was flooded abd I lost a fortune . So I had to move to osun state where I built a 4 bedroom flat. I was the first person to move and she later came with my child .. but one thing let to another ..I hit her so she had to move out back to Ibadan with her mother's sister .. her mom and siblings live in delta state .
So now she is telling me before she can come back I have to do traditional marriage but knowing fully well I don't have that fund now in this economy .. my salary is only 70k . I told her to come so I can take a loan to open a shop for to start selling things while I hustle to save money for the wedding and take cae of my child's school stuffs but she is not having it .. now she calls me everytime to send money for feeding and all that .. after I place them on 10k monthly feeding allowance .. but now I just don't know what to do again . After giving money for feeding she will still be asking for 2k -1k randomly almost everytime ..her own salary is 22k ..

Please should I just free this woman because if she is with me we can do more together like saving money and taking car if the family ..then we can go do wedding when we have money but she want me to save money for wedding . Pay school fee , send 10k monthly and sti be sending urgent 1k2k every now and then

Please what can I do abeg I don tire .. m feeling I should block her off for 2months .maybe she can think ..because I don't think I can afford the weddinf next year coz I habe other things ..I want to start a business for mysekf ..buy car and use for Uber

Hmmm... My brother, don't blame her too much. Her salary of 22k is too little and the 10k monthly allowance can not feed a child for 1 month in this present economy.

I support her on she saying you should do traditional wedding before she comes back... But, if you know you are not yet ready for marriage and the responsibilities that come with it; pls let her be in peace and be sending upkeep for your child while you work on improving your finances.

I pray fortune smiles on you and you get back on your feet financially in no time.

dawnomike:
Hmmm... My brother, don't blame her too much. Her salary of 22k is too little and the 10k monthly allowance can not feed a child for 1 month in this present economy.

I support her on she saying you should do traditional wedding before she comes back... But, if you know you are not yet ready for marriage and the responsibilities that come with it; pls let her be in peace and be sending upkeep for your child while you work on improving your finances.

I pray fortune smiles on you and you get back on your feet financially in no time.

Thanks so much .
Noted !
My worry is just the transportation of people to delta state from osun state .

She still wants to get back with you after you hit her? Well, RIP to her in advance.

Confuse20:
➜Please should I just free this woman because if she is with me we can do more together like saving money and taking car if the family ..then we can go do wedding when we have money but she want me to save money for wedding .
➜ Pay school fee , send 10k monthly and sti be sending urgent 1k2k every now and then
➜ Please what can I do abeg I don tire .. m feeling I should block her off for 2months .maybe she can think ..because I don't think I can afford the weddinf next year coz I habe other things ..I want to start a business for mysekf ..buy car and use for Uber

You assaulted the woman and she decided to put a distance between you and herself until maybe after you have paid her bride price. But you are considering breaking up with her instead?

2. It seems you think she is a drain on your finances at this point, forgetting she is taking care of your child and everything that is involved. money instead of helping at this point.

3. Tell her you would like to have full custody of the child so that you won't need to pay her any kobo ever again. That way, you can raise the child by yourself. If she would like to, maybe, visit the child every now and then, you can both work out the terms and conditions on that, too.

She’s trying to protect herself. If she’s not careful, she will soon find herself with child #2 when she comes back. Get your finances together first; wedding doesn’t have to be expensive.

Kobojunkie:
You assaulted the woman and she decided to put a distance between you and herself until maybe after you have paid her bride price. But you are considering breaking up with her instead?

2. It seems you think she is a drain on your finances at this point, forgetting she is taking care of your child and everything that is involved. money instead of helping at this point.

3. Tell her you would like to have full custody of the child so that you won't need to pay her any kobo ever again. That way, you can raise the child by yourself. If she would like to, maybe, visit the child every now and then, you can both work out the terms and conditions on that, too.

She no gree infact it was an outburst when I decided that the child goes to school around me and I take care of her . She said she carry her in her womb 9 months .. and she won't come stay with me either too ..now she keeps disturbing me for money everyday .. ..I think if I keep sending her she would feel relaxed over there and I can't afford wedding now coz things are not fine financially and this woman knows ..

Confuse20:
✓ She no gree infact it was an outburst when I decided that the child goes to school around me and I take care of her . She said she carry her in her womb 9 months .. and she won't come stay with me either too ..now she keeps disturbing me for money everyday .. ..I think if I keep sending her she would feel relaxed over there and I can't afford wedding now coz things are not fine financially and this woman knows ..

I didn't suggest that you take care of her, though. Tell her you want to break up with her and are able to take full custody of the child in the case she is not herself able to provide fully for herself and the child at this time.

The two of you are not good together; that much is clear. So, the only way is for you to either share custody with her --- the child stays with you for x days and then with her for x days -- or you can consider one of you getting full custody while the other gets visitation rights x number of days each month.

Samantha125:
She still wants to get back with you after you hit her? Well, RIP to her in advance.

Yes and it wasn't just intentional ...after all we all make mistake it's been 2 yrs .. we have been seeing after then .we have sex whenever .
I have done more good than hitting her in her life .. ok

Kobojunkie:
I didn't suggest that you take care of her, though. Tell her you want to break up with her and are able to take full custody of the child in the case she is not herself able to provide fully for herself and the child at this time.

The two of you are not good together; that much is clear. So, the only way is for you to either share custody with her --- the child stays with you for x days and then with her for x days -- or you can consider one of you getting full custody while the other gets visitation rights x number of days each month.

She is with her Aunty in Ibadan while I live in osun state

Confuse20:
➜She is with her Aunty in Ibadan while I live in osun state

This is what you posted
➜ You don't want to send her money anymore
➜ You are even ready to break up with her
➜ The child is the only thing keeping you both together

Explain to her that you are not interested in continuing the relationship with her. Additionally, explain to her that the two of you should go to the courts, where you will officially file for full custody while she gets visitation rights due to her being currently unable to fend for herself and the child at the same time. (If her situation changes in the future, she can go back and try for shared custody at that point in time. Ask her to consult a lawyer on her end in the meantime, so she understands well what you are both trying to move forward with.

Ask her to come to Nairaland to post her concerns if she doesn't understand what is going on, and I am certain there are people here who can help her with how to obtain the information she needs.

Mistake?🥱🥱🥱... She will be missed in advance.

Confuse20:
Yes and it wasn't just intentional ...after all we all make mistake it's been 2 yrs .. we have been seeing after then .we have sex whenever .
I have done more good than hitting her in her life .. ok

Samantha125:
Mistake?🥱🥱🥱... She will be missed in advance.

Don't take it personal ok .. I have helped her all her life .. if you think the next man can't do such then we would see

Now here is what I told her tonight because bills are on the table .... I let her understand it's easier for me to get wedding money if she is with me running business and making money for the house . And I'm ready to take a loan of 300k to start Raw Food business .but seems she just want me to be sending money while she stays in her Aunty house ...and of course me to work and get wedding money too at the same time .but I sent her this to let her know ..please tell me if I thought it out well

U are just sinking into poverty the more.

All of these things u have mentioned can never take u out of this bondage you found yourself now.

Someone that is earning 70k and still wants to buy a car for Uber would need about 15years to save 9million at 50k per month.

How are u going to do this? Or do u want to buy a Nigerian used for Uber...that is another wahala waiting to explode.

Your income is your major set back here. Just try and improve it,as it's among the poorest in the country. 840k per annum is never worth it at all.

Confuse20:
She is with her Aunty in Ibadan while I live in osun state

You want to marry wife on credit, abi?😏

Don't worry, just go to her family, and do something, no matter how small.
That is, if you're truly serious.

You want her to come live with you, so that you can impregnate and trap/saddle her with more kids?
By then, it'll be the case of why buy the cow, when you already have the milk for free.

Confuse20:
➜Now here is what I told her tonight because bills are on the table .... I let her understand it's easier for me to get wedding money if she is with me running business and making money for the house . And I'm ready to take a loan of 300k to start Raw Food business .but seems she just want me to be sending money while she stays in her Aunty house ...and of course me to work and get wedding money too at the same time .but I sent her this to let her know ..please tell me if I thought it out well

Ogbeni, tell her you want to break up with her. Stop telling her all these stories that are beside the point. Your OP clearly shows you are not into her.

You claim you are ready to take out a loan. If the business does not work out naw, na for your mouth we go hear say na the girl fault for not turning out a genius then. Worse, you go come begin beat am again. Find your way, make she go find her own way.

Confuse20:
Now here is what I told her tonight because bills are on the table .... I let her understand it's easier for me to get wedding money if she is with me running business and making money for the house . And I'm ready to take a loan of 300k to start Raw Food business .but seems she just want me to be sending money while she stays in her Aunty house ...and of course me to work and get wedding money too at the same time .but I sent her this to let her know ..please tell me if I thought it out well

You want her to work for the money that you will use to marry her? Ahn-ahn!
You men of this generation should try and fear God naa. 🥲

Oga, hurry and do the needful abeg.

You want enjoy the full benefits of a husband on credit? Mbanu!

Mariangeles:
You want to marry wife on credit, abi?😏

Don't worry, just go to her family, and do something, no matter how small.
That is, if you're truly serious.

You want her to come live with you, so that you can impregnate and trap/saddle her with more kids?
By then, it'll be the case of why buy the cow, when you already have the milk for free.

That is what I'm planning .. I got the list already but her persistent of asking money everytime is not making money stay saved ..that's is my problem .
Because are immediate family lives in delta state .. transportation is costing a grip on me

So she should die in your hands because you've helped her all her life? Okay...😒😒😒

Confuse20:
Don't take it personal ok .. I have helped her all her life .. if you think the next man can't do such then we would see

Omo, bros...I don't even know where to start.

Firstly, you didn't start well.

(UNA SEE WHY I SAY COHABITION IS ALWAYS A BAD IDEA?!!)

Okay, let us try to sort this out.

Her family want to secure her and her future, which is why they're asking for commitment from you, aka Marriage. Not a bad thing.

But abeg, you need to get your mind right: PLEASE MAKE UP YOUR MIND TO BE COMMITTED TO HER.

Now, once you do that, you have to start thinking of her as your responsibility. So get her to start thinking of herself as your Wife, she must leave her family and cleave unto you. And you MUST cleave unto her. NO MORE BEATING.

Once you get on the same page, sit down with her. You cannot afford a proper wedding right now, but you can afford taking drinks to her family and signifying your intentions. You can afford going to the local govt office with her and marrying her legally. Which is enough in the eyes of Federal Government of Nigeria and the World. So go do those 2. Infact, that is more valid than Traditional wedding and dancing in white gown in church.

After a Court wedding, she's officially your wife. Let her move back home and sit down and both of you plan your finances carefully, abeg no more children for now. Just wait. Plus you need to win her trust and she needs to win yours back, let the marriage be stable first because kids add more chaos.

Be patient, sit her down and calmly explain this. She needs to agree with you.

Onegai:
Omo, bros...I don't even know where to start.

Firstly, you didn't start well.

(UNA SEE WHY I SAY COHABITION IS ALWAYS A BAD IDEA?!!)

Okay, let us try to sort this out.

Her family want to secure her and her future, which is why they're asking for commitment from you, aka Marriage. Not a bad thing.

But abeg, you need to get your mind right: PLEASE MAKE UP YOUR MIND TO BE COMMITTED TO HER.

Now, once you do that, you have to start thinking of her as your responsibility. So get her to start thinking of herself as your Wife, she must leave her family and cleave unto you. And you MUST cleave unto her. NO MORE BEATING.

Once you get on the same page, sit down with her. You cannot afford a proper wedding right now, but you can afford taking drinks to her family and signifying your intentions. You can afford going to the local govt office with her and marrying her legally. Which is enough in the eyes of Federal Government of Nigeria and the World. So go do those 2. Infact, that is more valid than Traditional wedding and dancing in white gown in church.

After a Court wedding, she's officially your wife. Let her move back home and sit down and both of you plan your finances carefully, abeg no more children for now. Just wait. Plus you need to win her trust and she needs to win yours back, let the marriage be stable first because kids add more chaos.

Be patient, sit her down and calmly explain this. She needs to agree with you.

I'm forwarding this message to her .

Thanks so much honestly I'm so happy reading this ..but let's see if she go get sense

Onegai:
Omo, bros...I don't even know where to start.

Firstly, you didn't start well.

(UNA SEE WHY I SAY COHABITION IS ALWAYS A BAD IDEA?!!)

Okay, let us try to sort this out.

Her family want to secure her and her future, which is why they're asking for commitment from you, aka Marriage. Not a bad thing.

But abeg, you need to get your mind right: PLEASE MAKE UP YOUR MIND TO BE COMMITTED TO HER.

Now, once you do that, you have to start thinking of her as your responsibility. So get her to start thinking of herself as your Wife, she must leave her family and cleave unto you. And you MUST cleave unto her. NO MORE BEATING.

Once you get on the same page, sit down with her. You cannot afford a proper wedding right now, but you can afford taking drinks to her family and signifying your intentions. You can afford going to the local govt office with her and marrying her legally. Which is enough in the eyes of Federal Government of Nigeria and the World. So go do those 2. Infact, that is more valid than Traditional wedding and dancing in white gown in church.

After a Court wedding, she's officially your wife. Let her move back home and sit down and both of you plan your finances carefully, abeg no more children for now. Just wait. Plus you need to win her trust and she needs to win yours back, let the marriage be stable first because kids add more chaos.

Be patient, sit her down and calmly explain this. She needs to agree with you.

I sent this your message to her and she concur with it .. I'm so grateful bro .. You no fall I'm a bit relieved now

Confuse20:
I sent this your message to her and she concur with it .. I'm so grateful bro .. You no fall I'm a bit relieved now

ALRIGHTTTT!!!!

That's great news. Oya, save up, buy some drinks, grab 2 Uncles and head to her house. Then few days to a week later, Local Govt for your wedding.

Congratulobia!!!👏👏

May your marriage be long, steady and beautiful in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

If the root cause of why you hit her and she left ain't sorted, no amount of cosmetic pancake can save you. It's self evident that poverty is the root cause.

Time to make an economic decision. Sit down with her and let her know it's either she's with you 100% fighting side by side as you both navigate this stage or you would fly solo.

You earn 70k and she earns 22k that's 92k no rent. With stoic discipline, you both should stabilise and ready to fly in 12 months. You can then marry your warrior queen afterwards in a deserving manner.

I love happy endings so rooting for you guys.

Chubhie:
If the root cause of why you hit her and she left ain't sorted, no amount of cosmetic pancake can save you. It's self evident that poverty is the root cause.

Time to make an economic decision. Sit down with her and let her know it's either she's with you 100% fighting side by side as you both navigate this stage or you would fly solo.

You earn 70k and she earns 22k that's 92k no rent. With stoic discipline, you both should stabilise and ready to fly in 12 months. You can then marry your warrior queen afterwards in a deserving manner.

I love happy endings so rooting for you guys.

Thank you very much and Amen .. I will send pictures here when it's done ✅

Confuse20:
Good day everyone

Please I needsoke reasonable advice to anyone that has been in this shoe.

Ok I met this lady in Ibadan in 2019 we lived together and eventually had a kid together .. we have been staying together in Ibadan very fine because I was doing very good .but things take a turn on me financially in 2023 as my farm was flooded abd I lost a fortune . So I had to move to osun state where I built a 4 bedroom flat. I was the first person to move and she later came with my child .. but one thing let to another ..I hit her so she had to move out back to Ibadan with her mother's sister .. her mom and siblings live in delta state .
So now she is telling me before she can come back I have to do traditional marriage but knowing fully well I don't have that fund now in this economy .. my salary is only 70k . I told her to come so I can take a loan to open a shop for to start selling things while I hustle to save money for the wedding and take cae of my child's school stuffs but she is not having it .. now she calls me everytime to send money for feeding and all that .. after I place them on 10k monthly feeding allowance .. but now I just don't know what to do again . After giving money for feeding she will still be asking for 2k -1k randomly almost everytime ..her own salary is 22k ..

Please should I just free this woman because if she is with me we can do more together like saving money and taking car if the family ..then we can go do wedding when we have money but she want me to save money for wedding . Pay school fee , send 10k monthly and sti be sending urgent 1k2k every now and then

Please what can I do abeg I don tire .. m feeling I should block her off for 2months .maybe she can think ..because I don't think I can afford the weddinf next year coz I habe other things ..I want to start a business for mysekf ..buy car and use for Uber

Here are some things you can do to increase your chance of she coming back.


1. Look for someone she respect alot e.g her mother and leverage on her:

Beg her mother and ask her to beg your girlfriend so that she can come back to you, it will be easier for her mother to convince her to come back.


Note: If this 1st option do not work, then use option 2 below.



2. Wedding and traditional marriage is cost but Introduction is more cheaper:

Since you do not have money for wedding or traditional marriage yet, then do only introduction first, this will make her believe that you really want to marry her, why?...because evidence (introduction) dey.

So doing introduction will make her and her family to see that you are very serious, to make this work better, also promise her that after the introduction, with time you will save up money to do white wedding and traditional marriage, she will believe you, why? Because the Introduction have been done, so small evidence dey #wink

the Introduction should be relatively cheap, it may not cost more than 200k.






My final conclusion: if you finally succeed in bringing her back to yourself, pls do not beat her again, why? Because, if you do, then history will repeat itself (she may run back to her mother in delta state again for the 2nd time) and this time it will be very very hard to convince her to come back to you again. So when she do something wrong, do not beat her, just scold her or use your mouth to correct her.


Extra tips: have other source of income, why? Because, love cannot exist were there is hunger. so you need money for your marriage to work.


Hope this help.

My brother, all I will tell you is DON'T MARRY A LIABILITY FOR A WIFE.

This is 2025. It's not 1900. Wise up.

This story smells of a liability situation. Both man and woman must struggle to improve their finances in this current world. The time when a woman depends on a man solely is gone.

I can feel how heavy all this is weighing on you right now. You’ve been through so much—from building a life together, having a child, to sudden financial setbacks that flipped everything upside down. And now, on top of that, you’re trying to juggle expectations, money issues, and the pressure of a traditional marriage you just can’t afford right now.

Honestly, it’s okay to feel tired and frustrated. You’re carrying a lot, and it’s only natural to want things to slow down so you can breathe and figure out your next steps.

Here’s what I think: You both need to take a step back and have a heart-to-heart—no blaming or shouting—just real talk about where you’re at financially and emotionally. Let her know you want to build a future with her and your child, but right now, you need to focus on getting stable first. Explain clearly that the wedding is important, but it has to wait until you can afford it without going deeper into stress.

It’s also okay to set limits on money. You’re doing your best with what you have. If she keeps asking for small amounts beyond the monthly feeding money, it’s okay to say no sometimes—your own survival matters too.

If things feel overwhelming, don’t be afraid to take a little space—not to punish, but to clear your head and recharge. Just make sure she understands why you’re doing it so it doesn’t feel like you’re shutting her out completely.

And if you feel like the relationship is dragging you down more than lifting you up, it’s okay to think about what’s best for you and your child in the long run—even if that means tough decisions.

You’ve already shown you’re a hard worker and you care deeply. Just keep focusing on building that stable foundation, little by little. The rest will come when the time is right.

If you want, I can help you figure out how to talk to her calmly or even plan some ways to bring in extra income without adding too much stress. You don’t have to carry this alone.

Confuse20:
Good day everyone

Please I needsoke reasonable advice to anyone that has been in this shoe.

Ok I met this lady in Ibadan in 2019 we lived together and eventually had a kid together .. we have been staying together in Ibadan very fine because I was doing very good .but things take a turn on me financially in 2023 as my farm was flooded abd I lost a fortune . So I had to move to osun state where I built a 4 bedroom flat. I was the first person to move and she later came with my child .. but one thing let to another ..I hit her so she had to move out back to Ibadan with her mother's sister .. her mom and siblings live in delta state .
So now she is telling me before she can come back I have to do traditional marriage but knowing fully well I don't have that fund now in this economy .. my salary is only 70k . I told her to come so I can take a loan to open a shop for to start selling things while I hustle to save money for the wedding and take cae of my child's school stuffs but she is not having it .. now she calls me everytime to send money for feeding and all that .. after I place them on 10k monthly feeding allowance .. but now I just don't know what to do again . After giving money for feeding she will still be asking for 2k -1k randomly almost everytime ..her own salary is 22k ..

Please should I just free this woman because if she is with me we can do more together like saving money and taking car if the family ..then we can go do wedding when we have money but she want me to save money for wedding . Pay school fee , send 10k monthly and sti be sending urgent 1k2k every now and then

Please what can I do abeg I don tire .. m feeling I should block her off for 2months .maybe she can think ..because I don't think I can afford the weddinf next year coz I habe other things ..I want to start a business for mysekf ..buy car and use for Uber