₦airaland Forum

Kobojunkie:
And when the man abandons the wife, and in most cases the children as well, the children will keep the man's name, abi? Women need to normalize giving their children's father full custody or at least accept nothing less than shared custody in the case of divorce.

Not every man out there is a deadbeat father. In situation such happens, the woman is free to switch the name if the said husband abandon her and the kids.

DAramis:
➜Not every man out there is a deadbeat father.
➜In situation such happens, the woman is free to switch the name if the said husband abandon her and the kids.

That does not change the fact that the vast majority of Nigerian men in Nigeria literally abandon the children the same moment or before they abandon the wife too. Even your Nollywood movies clearly capture this fact of life and living for married/divorced or abandoned women very clearly.

Why should she switch the name when the children are his, too? She can maybe add hers to the name, but she should never take full custody of the kids unless he is a violent/abusive father.

Na only lazy and unnecessary woman dey talk this one when we have important matters to talk about

Wait ooh!!
Should this be a question??
No, answer your parents name and remain in their house.
People with questions sha!!

eulogised:
Same here. She had made a name for herself before we got married and even though we agreed she could keep her last name due to the stress of changing names, she insisted that she wanted to add my surname to her surname. But when we started the process, it was daunting for some who holds 3 different passports and having to change name everywhere and on every publication? Too daunting. Our kids took my surname and zero issues. I would hate to go through that same process as a man with all my accomplishments.

Good decision. You can travel anywhere together as couples. I don't know how some Nigerians think women need that change of name before they can travel.

femi4:
Not enough...don't believe everything you have on social media. Especially when you have kids, marriage certificates won't answer all the questions

It won't stop anything chief.

I know what I am telling you.

Kobojunkie:
That does not change the fact that the vast majority of Nigerian men in Nigeria literally abandon the children the same moment or before they abandon the wife too. Even your Nollywood movies clearly capture this fact of life and living for married/divorced or abandoned women very clearly.

Why should she switch the name when the children are his, too? She can maybe add hers to the name, but she should never take full custody of the kids unless he is a violent father.

I understand you. As for your last paragraph, both of us know that most family men don't allow their wife to add her own surname (hyphenated/ shared surname) together with his except if she is from a very rich, influnencial and prominent family.

Anyway, to each his own.

And this is how many lose their identity and no longer have regards for their ethnicities.
Nigerians will tell you what is obtainable in Jamaica and Japan, and conclude that what we do here is not necessary because those ones out there don't do them.
Go and nationalise there.

DAramis:
➜I understand you. As for your last paragraph, both of us know that most family men don't allow their wife to add her own surname (hyphenated/ shared surname) together with his except if she is from a very rich, influnencial and prominent family.
Anyway, to each his own.

1. All the more reason why the woman should endeavor to leave the children with the man when she finally leaves him, or settle for nothing less than co-parenting if the marriage were to end.

Ladies tha ask such question are eyeing some other side boys even before signing the marriage cert.

I pity the man who allows that question to settle in their heart before marriage

This question is a red flag to any guy willing to marry. She will flirt die after your wedding

Infact, she hates your family but just needs your money or sex for now.

Thank you

You want to keep your father's name, yet you will move out of your father's house into your husband's house. You forget your father's name is your mother husband's name.
Women don't have names. Even when they don't want their husband's name, they still end up bearing their father's name and not their mother's name. Even if somehow, they go by their mother's name, it's still actually their grandfather's name.

megasoul:
➜You want to keep your father's name, yet you will move out of your father's house into your husband's house. You forget your father's name is your mother husband's name.
Women don't have names. Even when they don't want their husband's name, they still end up bearing their father's name and not their mother's name. Even if somehow, they go by their mother's name, it's still actually their grandfather's name.

Are you OK in the head at all? 🙄🙄

Your sons bear your name as well— their father's name—, and that is the name they keep even in marriage. Does that mean your sons have no names as well? 🥱🥱

Hausa women don't adopt their husband's names

pocohantas:
History should be brought back to schools because in precolonial era, women never took the names of their husbands. Names are patrilineal and only passed down by blood. It was education and religion (christianity) that brought about changing name to ones husband's name.

Kids didn't even take their father's name in ptecolonial times, it was the British that brought all this crap of surnames.

Which kind WOKENESS be this? We are Africans, after marriage , the woman is accepted into the husband family and community.She enjoys the benefits of her husband community as well.
After all, her children will be filling their mother's surname ( maiden name) in all their banking documents here in Nigeria.

SoaringLife01:
➜ Which kind WOKENESS be this? We are Africans, after marriage , the woman is accepted into the husband family and community.She enjoys the benefits of her husband community as well.
➜ After all, her children will be filling their mother's surname ( maiden name) in all their banking documents here in Nigeria.

But when the man is done, the man can easily send the woman and the children back to her own father's house, abi? Nonsense and eegridient

2. Mother's maiden name can be the same as her surname, as there are places where a woman's children bear her father's name until or after the father of the children has paid her bride price.

See how confusing many of your traditions in Nigeria really are?