₦airaland Forum

mosicola:
if nah you wetin you go do. Chochocho

nairalanda1:
Being faithful to one's vows means a man not buying car for side chick or even having side chick or woman buying car for her toyboy or even having a toyboy.

You have never been married, and you probably are not religious, so....

Kobojunkieee:
Basically, you are insisting that the wife is to blame for her husband committing adultery and also giving away funds that should have gone to better their married life to another woman, right? (If this isn't gaslighting, what then is?) This is the value system that you live by and also impose on women who make themselves wives to men, right? 🥱🥱

This proves that my original statement to you was on point. You clearly hate these submissive women.

Bigchris01:
You are only focused on what the man did wrong without thinking what could prompt the man to do what he did, no reasonable explanation from you all what you were doing is to explain marital vow being broken, do you know that the woman character and treatment melted on the man can actually push the man to go outside? Once he finds comfort from a side chick he do be ready to spend his last dime on her, this is where most women get it wrong, keep your religious beliefs to yourself we are talking about real life, I’ve been married since 10yrs ago and I have 3kids I put my wife first over any side chicks, you know why? Because my wife is my peace of mind she treats me well and i reciprocates the kindness but some women usually don’t think there’s a need to give a man peace they lament over everything and fight daily such action can push a man away. Stop focusing on the man action and look the other way round what could’ve caused it, one thing I notice in this Nairaland because there’s no pictures most of you always look down on people😂😂😂

cococandy:
Still struggling to understand why Nigerian women act like leaving terrible men is rocket science. I mean I get it but at the same time I don’t.

Caaz:
Some biles you ve got stored there......mind sharing your story?

Namaster:
That is the difference between an ASSET and a LIABILITY.

A wife is a standing LONG-TERM LIABILITY by every measure. A wife is a constant DRAIN on your resources. Even a "good wife". You'll support her. You'll support her family. You'll entertain her. You'll "upgrade" her.

And the sex is NEVER guaranteed.
In fact, the more you do the above, the LOWER the frequency and quality of the sex.

Wives NEVER want to let their husband think they deserve sex because of ALL their husbands have done.

Meanwhile, the GF on the other hand needs LITTLE maintenance. And pleasure flows from her.

If a side chick dies on Friday, the man would take his family to the wedding ceremony of a third cousin without missing a beat.

By the following Friday, another Side Chick would have taken her place.

Plus, this woman phrased it as "suffering with 2 kids" like it's not the man that drives them around. She made it sound like the man NEVER takes them anywhere.

Finally, she didn't "think much of it" because the car is likely over 15 years old with more than 5 years on Nigerian road. It's OLD and DOWNTRODDEN.

In fact, I can GUARANTEE that the current market value of the car is LESS than what the man has spent on his wife this year.

ExudeLoveToAll:
Go and work and get empowered, if you do you won't see little things as a biggie. Imagine someone like Tennie complaining Mr eazy gave a woman a very old car that has been used by him for years

Get yourself empowered and be a useful member of the society, be valuable so you don't go begging for an old car you should be able to afford. The value you create for yourself is same value people place on you

Namaster:
That is the difference between an ASSET and a LIABILITY.

A wife is a standing LONG-TERM LIABILITY by every measure. A wife is a constant DRAIN on your resources. Even a "good wife". You'll support her. You'll support her family. You'll entertain her. You'll "upgrade" her.

And the sex is NEVER guaranteed.
In fact, the more you do the above, the LOWER the frequency and quality of the sex.

Wives NEVER want to let their husband think they deserve sex because of ALL their husbands have done.

Meanwhile, the GF on the other hand needs LITTLE maintenance. And pleasure flows from her.

If a side chick dies on Friday, the man would take his family to the wedding ceremony of a third cousin without missing a beat.

By the following Friday, another Side Chick would have taken her place.

Plus, this woman phrased it as "suffering with 2 kids" like it's not the man that drives them around. She made it sound like the man NEVER takes them anywhere.

Finally, she didn't "think much of it" because the car is likely over 15 years old with more than 5 years on Nigerian road. It's OLD and DOWNTRODDEN.

In fact, I can GUARANTEE that the current market value of the car is LESS than what the man has spent on his wife this year.

viyon02:
Your husband is never a stupid man. Pay attention to what he has been complaining about in your character or action. May be you have been taking his warnings for granted thinking afterall you ara already married to him and he can't send you away just like that. My dear wife, you will lose big term. Just go back and pretend nothing happen, make him happy, start doing what will make him happy, you know those things he love you doing don't pretend you don't know, he must have complained times without number. See you at the other side of happy home.

TONYE001:
Whoever teaches you guys these things has defrauded you all.

Funny how many of you think you sound smart, but in reality, your lines of thought are distant from facts.

A wife a liability? Just how? Your positions on husband-wife matters are strongly suggestive of childhood faulty family settings since our parents are the first to introduce the concept of marriage to us.

Now, I won't just stop at attacking you and your likes; I'll make frank efforts to educate you:

1. No, a wife is in no way a liability. In fact, the ideal husband-wife relationship isn't a business transaction where one can be labelled an asset, and the other, a liability. Ideally, a marriage is a setting in which a husband and a wife come together to work up a project - the family project. Both parties contribute according to their abilities; ideally, there is no fixed law guiding this collaboration. No law should dictate if the husband should bring A and the wife, B. This is because the union is fluid-like, it does not assume any particular conformation. Where one party is unable to bring A, the other party easily compensates. Like this, both husband and wife support each other, and do a lot of sacrifices backstage.

2. The African tradition has plastered an annoying stereotype in our heads. The African man easily thinks that the husband is the sole provider. In fact, this is not just a thing of tradition or culture; it actually reeks of ego, unhealthy ego and pride. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY HOMES THAT ARE RUN BY WOMEN?? You just have no idea! In one Nigerian study, researchers noted that female breadwinning is becoming "increasingly common" in urban settings (Akanle and Nwaobiala, 2019). In another study that sampled Nigerian primary school teachers, results showed that in over 70% of families, females/wives are the breadwinners ((Nnubia, Ibeanu, and Okechukwu, 2020). The concept of female breadwinning would have been there decades before now if not for the skewed African culture many of our parents and grandparents practice(d) (this culture NEVER MADE SENSE; essentially, it is a STUPID idea to deprive women of education and empowerment, depriving women of their rights to steps that would have ensured their independence shows how insecure our forefathers were). Just imagine how the family structure has changed since females started achieving independence, especially financial independence. Now, because they now have money, wives support their families...and in multiple instances, they RUN/SPONSOR their families.

Let me explain more. Females are more motivated, more caring (biologically), and more ambitious than men (Tao, 2014; Wicht, Miyamoto, and Lechner, 2022; Naz, Shah, and Qayum, 2020). Even among Nigerian populations, the findings are similar (Ojule, 2024). With these attributes, females are likely to be more successful than males IF ALL THINGS ARE ALLOWED EQUAL. Imagine they were allowed access to financial independence long before now? If this were the case, many families would have been liberated from poverty long before the current generation. So, partly, it's the African culture that has made poverty strongly palpable across families today.

3. How can you call the woman that births your children a liability? Why did you not have those kids with the side chick? This is callous thinking and demonstrates a heightened level of irresponsibility. With this thinking, I should feel pity for any woman you end up with. Perhaps, intending spouses should be submitting their social media handles before marriage. With a post like this, I wonder if any woman would want to settle with you (that's if you aren't married already).

4. If you fall sick or run into difficult situations, who would stand by your side? The side chick? Mabel Okungbowa is a Nigerian wife who donated a kidney to her husband. Would a side chick do this? Who is present throughout the growth of the children? A side chick?

5. A more personal example. I went back to school roughly 2 years after getting married. At the time, I and my wife were concluding our master's-degree programmes. I was working, my wife was too, but not something rewarding, just something to keep her CV busy. I resigned from my work, went back to school for a third degree - MBBS. I was in medical school for 7 whole years. In these years, my wife was my strongest support system. If not for that lady, I wouldn't be a medical doctor today. She helped me realize my dream, and in so doing, she gave up some important moves that would have skyrocketed her career. My wife did a whole lot, a whooooooollllllleeee lot. Every single day of our 11 years of marriage so far, I make sure I let wifie know how grateful I am! In my family group chat, when discussing with my parents and siblings, I ensure I let them know all my wife does. I want my people to know about her sacrifices...just in case I pass on before her. And, thankfully, my family appreciates her! Is there a side chick in this whole world and in the heavens that would have done a millionth of what my wife did? Nope! How can anyone call a wife a liability?

6. Just like I had said, when it comes to husband-wife matters, many people think they sound smart, but in truth, their positions in the matter displays ignorance and poor parental orientation....like Gehgeh (or whatever he's called). Women are doing a lot on the family front. Many are sacrificing their lives just for the family to succeed. Many would have been professors, millionaires, heads of great corporations, international figures if not for the fact that they are wives and mothers......though I do not support this (I would create a thread about this one day).

Dear Nigerian women, dear wives and mothers, on behalf of the many grateful husbands of yours, I say THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO. We see your works, your sacrifices, your doings. Maybe we should be speaking out more so this horrible narrative about you won't be extended to the next generation.

NB: I'm guessing that many commenters on this thread are single young guys. This post is educative, and you all are the exact targets. You all may not accept it, but I'm grateful for those that will.

Links to References (in no particular order)

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0021909619880283?utm=

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/13668803.2020.1797634

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/341758004_Gender_Differences_in_Motivation_And_Academic_Achievement_A_Study_Of_the_University_Students_of_KP_Pakistan

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0362331914000354

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/343576708_Are_Girls_More_Ambitious_Than_Boys_Vocational_Interests_Partly_Explain_Gender_Differences_in_Occupational_Aspirations

https://www.tnhjph.com/index.php/tnhj/article/view/817#:~:text=Females%20are%20more%20motivated%20to,affiliation%2C%20and%20enjoyment%20than%20mal…..the best comment so far on nairaland..thank you for the time in writing this write up,it’s so educating.God will bless our marriages and homes.

RightToReject:
I wager you and your likes took to this kind of sick mentality and exhibition all in the name of being seen and counted as being woke - wannabe woke people.

TONYE001:
Whoever teaches you guys these things has defrauded you all.

Funny how many of you think you sound smart, but in reality, your lines of thought are distant from facts.

brain54:
Irresponsible man...

Red card!

viyon02:
Your husband is never a stupid man. Pay attention to what he has been complaining about in your character or action. May be you have been taking his warnings for granted thinking afterall you ara already married to him and he can't send you away just like that. My dear wife, you will lose big term. Just go back and pretend nothing happen, make him happy, start doing what will make him happy, you know those things he love you doing don't pretend you don't know, he must have complained times without number. See you at the other side of happy home.

princeade86:
but what if it was the lady that bought the car from him?

Walexy96:
✓ How did you just conclude a woman is submissive just because of what she wrote? ...

Teymanhenry:
✓ Your comment has a lot of assumptions. You could have asked before concluding that she's submissive, whether the husband doesn't support her financially and otherwise. Most times it's the wives who send thier husbands away to the GF with Thier coconut heads

Samantha125:
Some women are just too nice and innocent... If it was me, I'd neither confront the husband, the side chick, or post it online... But I'd instead sit down and play a game of chess and by the time I say checkmate, I'd make sure that he's getting admitted into psychiatric hospital while I play the role of a concerned wife... He'd think his village people are after him...

achimendy:
Are you a daughter of jezebel?

Samantha125:
Some women are just too nice and innocent... If it was me, I'd neither confront the husband, the side chick, or post it online... But I'd instead sit down and play a game of chess and by the time I say checkmate, I'd make sure that he's getting admitted into psychiatric hospital while I play the role of a concerned wife... He'd think his village people are after him...

adeniyi65:
Guys. Not all women deserve marriage. Example is the one I just quoted.

Samantha125:
What's the duty of a man in a marriage?

seanblaise:
The duty of a man is to be the head and lead his family and not buy a car for his wife. Being a head and being a leader does not mean you have to spend your hard earned money to buy a car for your wife. If your wife wants a car, she should get a job or start a business.

TONYE001:
Whoever teaches you guys these things has defrauded you all.

Funny how many of you think you sound smart, but in reality, your lines of thought are distant from facts.

A wife a liability? Just how? Your positions on husband-wife matters are strongly suggestive of childhood faulty family settings since our parents are the first to introduce the concept of marriage to us.

Now, I won't just stop at attacking you and your likes; I'll make frank efforts to educate you:

1. No, a wife is in no way a liability. In fact, the ideal husband-wife relationship isn't a business transaction where one can be labelled an asset, and the other, a liability. Ideally, a marriage is a setting in which a husband and a wife come together to work up a project - the family project. Both parties contribute according to their abilities; ideally, there is no fixed law guiding this collaboration. No law should dictate if the husband should bring A and the wife, B. This is because the union is fluid-like, it does not assume any particular conformation. Where one party is unable to bring A, the other party easily compensates. Like this, both husband and wife support each other, and do a lot of sacrifices backstage.

2. The African tradition has plastered an annoying stereotype in our heads. The African man easily thinks that the husband is the sole provider. In fact, this is not just a thing of tradition or culture; it actually reeks of ego, unhealthy ego and pride. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY HOMES THAT ARE RUN BY WOMEN?? You just have no idea! In one Nigerian study, researchers noted that female breadwinning is becoming "increasingly common" in urban settings (Akanle and Nwaobiala, 2019). In another study that sampled Nigerian primary school teachers, results showed that in over 70% of families, females/wives are the breadwinners ((Nnubia, Ibeanu, and Okechukwu, 2020). The concept of female breadwinning would have been there decades before now if not for the skewed African culture many of our parents and grandparents practice(d) (this culture NEVER MADE SENSE; essentially, it is a STUPID idea to deprive women of education and empowerment, depriving women of their rights to steps that would have ensured their independence shows how insecure our forefathers were). Just imagine how the family structure has changed since females started achieving independence, especially financial independence. Now, because they now have money, wives support their families...and in multiple instances, they RUN/SPONSOR their families.

Let me explain more. Females are more motivated, more caring (biologically), and more ambitious than men (Tao, 2014; Wicht, Miyamoto, and Lechner, 2022; Naz, Shah, and Qayum, 2020). Even among Nigerian populations, the findings are similar (Ojule, 2024). With these attributes, females are likely to be more successful than males IF ALL THINGS ARE ALLOWED EQUAL. Imagine they were allowed access to financial independence long before now? If this were the case, many families would have been liberated from poverty long before the current generation. So, partly, it's the African culture that has made poverty strongly palpable across families today.

3. How can you call the woman that births your children a liability? Why did you not have those kids with the side chick? This is callous thinking and demonstrates a heightened level of irresponsibility. With this thinking, I should feel pity for any woman you end up with. Perhaps, intending spouses should be submitting their social media handles before marriage. With a post like this, I wonder if any woman would want to settle with you (that's if you aren't married already).

4. If you fall sick or run into difficult situations, who would stand by your side? The side chick? Mabel Okungbowa is a Nigerian wife who donated a kidney to her husband. Would a side chick do this? Who is present throughout the growth of the children? A side chick?

5. A more personal example. I went back to school roughly 2 years after getting married. At the time, I and my wife were concluding our master's-degree programmes. I was working, my wife was too, but not something rewarding, just something to keep her CV busy. I resigned from my work, went back to school for a third degree - MBBS. I was in medical school for 7 whole years. In these years, my wife was my strongest support system. If not for that lady, I wouldn't be a medical doctor today. She helped me realize my dream, and in so doing, she gave up some important moves that would have skyrocketed her career. My wife did a whole lot, a whooooooollllllleeee lot. Every single day of our 11 years of marriage so far, I make sure I let wifie know how grateful I am! In my family group chat, when discussing with my parents and siblings, I ensure I let them know all my wife does. I want my people to know about her sacrifices...just in case I pass on before her. And, thankfully, my family appreciates her! Is there a side chick in this whole world and in the heavens that would have done a millionth of what my wife did? Nope! How can anyone call a wife a liability?

6. Just like I had said, when it comes to husband-wife matters, many people think they sound smart, but in truth, their positions in the matter displays ignorance and poor parental orientation....like Gehgeh (or whatever he's called). Women are doing a lot on the family front. Many are sacrificing their lives just for the family to succeed. Many would have been professors, millionaires, heads of great corporations, international figures if not for the fact that they are wives and mothers......though I do not support this (I would create a thread about this one day).

Dear Nigerian women, dear wives and mothers, on behalf of the many grateful husbands of yours, I say THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO. We see your works, your sacrifices, your doings. Maybe we should be speaking out more so this horrible narrative about you won't be extended to the next generation.

NB: I'm guessing that many commenters on this thread are single young guys. This post is educative, and you all are the exact targets. You all may not accept it, but I'm grateful for those that will.

Links to References (in no particular order)

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0021909619880283?utm=

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/13668803.2020.1797634

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/341758004_Gender_Differences_in_Motivation_And_Academic_Achievement_A_Study_Of_the_University_Students_of_KP_Pakistan

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0362331914000354

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/343576708_Are_Girls_More_Ambitious_Than_Boys_Vocational_Interests_Partly_Explain_Gender_Differences_in_Occupational_Aspirations

https://www.tnhjph.com/index.php/tnhj/article/view/817#:~:text=Females%20are%20more%20motivated%20to,affiliation%2C%20and%20enjoyment%20than%20males.

Caaz:
My prayers are with you,may God settle that which is troubling your peace of mind.

Samantha125:
What did I do?🤷🤷🤷 Didn't I say he can go ahead and do as he pleases?

Samantha125:
Be the head and lead his family how?