₦airaland Forum

The Dilemma
Dear Amy & T.J.,

I’m 45 years old, divorced, and a father of two. After my first marriage, I decided I was done having children and got a vasectomy.

Four years ago, I remarried. I told my wife about the vasectomy when we were dating, and she accepted it then. But now, she’s asking if I would consider reversing it so we can have a child together.

I love her deeply, but I’m conflicted. Should I go through another surgery and try to start over with kids at this stage in life? Or should I stand by my original decision?

Signed,
Dad Can’t Decide

T.J.’s Take:
This is tough. Maybe you didn’t picture yourself getting married again, let alone wanting more kids. Yet here you are, with a woman you love, facing a question that goes straight to the core of family, identity, and legacy.

But let’s not dodge the real question: Do you actually want more children?

Because if you don’t, no surgery, no pressure, no persuasion should change that. Parenthood is lifelong, exhausting, and deeply demanding. If your heart isn’t in it, saying “yes” just to please your spouse could backfire.

At the same time, if love and your wife’s longing are nudging you toward a “maybe,” then it’s worth considering — with eyes wide open.

Amy’s Take:
Here’s the thing: you already answered this once when you got the vasectomy. You said, “I’m done having kids.”

Now you’re hesitating — which tells me this isn’t about biology as much as it is about love. You don’t want to disappoint your wife.

But honesty matters more than compromise here. If you go into this resentful, or half-hearted, you’re setting yourselves — and possibly a child — up for pain.

And let’s be practical: reversal surgery doesn’t guarantee results. You may need IVF, artificial insemination, or other interventions. That means more money, more stress, and more emotional highs and lows. This is not a casual decision.

The Bigger Picture
Relationships thrive on honesty. Your wife married you knowing you’d already closed the door on children. So if she’s asking you to reopen it, she also has to be prepared for you to say no.

On the other hand, people evolve. Love can change the way we see family and legacy. Maybe hearing how deeply this matters to her makes you rethink what’s possible.

Final Word from Amy & T.J.
Before making any decisions:

Be brutally honest with yourself. Do you want kids again — yes or no?
Talk openly with your wife. She deserves clarity, not guesswork.
Acknowledge the risks. This isn’t just about surgery; it’s about years of parenting ahead.
If your answer is no, say it with love, not guilt. If your answer is yes, embrace it fully, knowing the road might be harder than expected.
What matters most is that you and your wife face this as partners — with respect, compassion, and honesty.

Because kids or no kids, the foundation of your marriage is what will carry you forward.

https://studentvillage.com.ng/forums/topic/i-had-a-vasectomy-now-my-new-wife-wants-kids-what-should-i-do/

"Yet here you are, with a woman you love, facing a question that goes straight to the core of family, identity, and legacy."

When I read that, I couldn't stop laughing 🤣 🤣
So vasectomy is part of the family's identity and legacy 🤣🤣🤣
Who wrote this abeg, because the son can't write something that absurd

The husband and wife shouldn't be having this discussion
They both agreed
It's unfair on the wife's part to be requesting for a child.

But the man has no choice, if vasectomy is reversible, he should give her a child. Because if is the reverse he'll force the woman to do the same as the "head".

This is a decision only you can make...

I don't understand if these are just social media questions for engagements or people are really asking these kinds of questions.

Who did you even consult before you had "your balls" removed?

Your doctor didn't explain this to you?

Life is very uncertain no one knows tomorrow. That is why even as a professional player don't despise or troll any club for you don't know how the wind will toast you.
There are better ways of birth control. I'm never in support surgery. Better to stick with pills

She should go and buy sperm now

Hmmmmmmm
💭
🤔
🧐

Untie the ropes. Vasectomies don't mean snip snip.

Why should a full blown African man go for such a family planning method? He probably did that out of anger or lack of love for the first wife!
Reversing this method is like finding a needle in a haystack!
5% success rate, that is, if he does it abroad. But in Naija, guy forget it, no hope!

They repair themselves.

Give me her number let me preach gospel to her. She will conceive like Mary

Just 1 night prayer session with me
And she will be celebrating in 9 months time

Sperm bank abeg. Make she no stress your life jare

This na fake story na, how many african men get d time and liver to do vasectomy

You gon lurn da hard way.


Go back and reverse that stuff

chatGPT story

Don't ask Nairaland members for contact details (email, phone, bbpin) or investments.

brain54:
This is a decision only you can make...

I don't understand if these are just social media questions for engagements or people are really asking these kinds of questions.

Who did you even consult before you had "your balls" removed?

Your doctor didn't explain this to you?

This is the same issue feminazis have. They jump on the bandwagon of demonizing men , swear dey don't need a man then later start looking for men who will marry them.in their old age .

The advice i always give them is what I would have given this man . Be very sure that is what you really want in life . That you are making that decision based on personal convictions . Changing mind later might be too late . So for the man "just stand by your decision. If the woman understands she will stay regardless".

Tufiakwa! Removing what makes u a man because u want to run away from ur responsibilities....

Ibuzi mkpi

Justseyii:
The Dilemma
Dear Amy & T.J.,

I’m 45 years old, divorced, and a father of two. After my first marriage, I decided I was done having children and got a vasectomy.

Four years ago, I remarried. I told my wife about the vasectomy when we were dating, and she accepted it then. But now, she’s asking if I would consider reversing it so we can have a child together.

I love her deeply, but I’m conflicted. Should I go through another surgery and try to start over with kids at this stage in life? Or should I stand by my original decision?

Honourable man. You told her when you were dating, she had no problem with it.
She is now asking you if you would reconsider. Well na u know why u dey consider to reverse your decision.
Staring over with kids at 45 is not the problem-as long as you have the means and resources-time and all other things you need to raise a proper child. Your No. 1 problem is that you are ready to sacrifice standing by your decision because according to you, you love her. However you look at it, Your decision making ability should be questioned-either your decision to do vasectomy(when you were not really sure about it) OR now your consideration for a reversal because you love your wife that initially agreed with you when you told her you are not having more kids

This practice is typically unafrican. Why take this risk in the first place as a man.

She got a way to get out of the marriage .. you told her she accpet bit now the story don change
Alaye why dis you do it in the first place ? Thats That makes family ..thats the family gan gan

I almost did it too, I changed my mind at the last minute when I learnt it's not reversible. I still shudder at the thought of what I almost did to myself.

Give her child.


It is wickedness for just using her nah.

The vasectomy is not the main issue here, but the question of having another child. Going through another surgery may be more complicated and may lead to other problems.
If you decide to have another child, there are other methods of assisted conception with your wife, without sacrificing your desire for pleasure.

Come for vasectomy reversal

See an andrologist

We can help you

You don enter one chance
Deal with it or adopt yes

Selfish wife. She had the plan to cajole him from the onset. Too bad. People can never be trusted

Am not am not the only one that doesn't know about this word 'vasectomy' 😁 🙈

It is reversible but the results are not guaranteed.

Wisewriter:
Tufiakwa! Removing what makes u a man because u want to run away from ur responsibilities....

Ibuzi mkpi

At least, mkpi can impregnate a doe.


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