₦airaland Forum

You're not making any sense and you haven't answered my question.

What are the duties of a husband as the head of the house and the leader of his family?

seanblaise:
You will not understand because you think leadership is based on buying a car for his wife or giving her money.

Has your president ever distributed free cars or free money to you?
I believe his major job is to provide jobs or create an enabling environment for investors to provide private jobs or for entrepreneurs to thrive.

His duty is also to provide security of lives and property

If you judge your your president by these standards, what's stopping you from judging your husband by these standards?

TONYE001:
Whoever teaches you guys these things has defrauded you all.

Funny how many of you think you sound smart, but in reality, your lines of thought are distant from facts.

A wife a liability? Just how? Your positions on husband-wife matters are strongly suggestive of childhood faulty family settings since our parents are the first to introduce the concept of marriage to us.

Now, I won't just stop at attacking you and your likes; I'll make frank efforts to educate you:

1. No, a wife is in no way a liability. In fact, the ideal husband-wife relationship isn't a business transaction where one can be labelled an asset, and the other, a liability. Ideally, a marriage is a setting in which a husband and a wife come together to work up a project - the family project. Both parties contribute according to their abilities; ideally, there is no fixed law guiding this collaboration. No law should dictate if the husband should bring A and the wife, B. This is because the union is fluid-like, it does not assume any particular conformation. Where one party is unable to bring A, the other party easily compensates. Like this, both husband and wife support each other, and do a lot of sacrifices backstage.

2. The African tradition has plastered an annoying stereotype in our heads. The African man easily thinks that the husband is the sole provider. In fact, this is not just a thing of tradition or culture; it actually reeks of ego, unhealthy ego and pride. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY HOMES THAT ARE RUN BY WOMEN?? You just have no idea! In one Nigerian study, researchers noted that female breadwinning is becoming "increasingly common" in urban settings (Akanle and Nwaobiala, 2019). In another study that sampled Nigerian primary school teachers, results showed that in over 70% of families, females/wives are the breadwinners ((Nnubia, Ibeanu, and Okechukwu, 2020). The concept of female breadwinning would have been there decades before now if not for the skewed African culture many of our parents and grandparents practice(d) (this culture NEVER MADE SENSE; essentially, it is a STUPID idea to deprive women of education and empowerment, depriving women of their rights to steps that would have ensured their independence shows how insecure our forefathers were). Just imagine how the family structure has changed since females started achieving independence, especially financial independence. Now, because they now have money, wives support their families...and in multiple instances, they RUN/SPONSOR their families.

Let me explain more. Females are more motivated, more caring (biologically), and more ambitious than men (Tao, 2014; Wicht, Miyamoto, and Lechner, 2022; Naz, Shah, and Qayum, 2020). Even among Nigerian populations, the findings are similar (Ojule, 2024). With these attributes, females are likely to be more successful than males IF ALL THINGS ARE ALLOWED EQUAL. Imagine they were allowed access to financial independence long before now? If this were the case, many families would have been liberated from poverty long before the current generation. So, partly, it's the African culture that has made poverty strongly palpable across families today.

3. How can you call the woman that births your children a liability? Why did you not have those kids with the side chick? This is callous thinking and demonstrates a heightened level of irresponsibility. With this thinking, I should feel pity for any woman you end up with. Perhaps, intending spouses should be submitting their social media handles before marriage. With a post like this, I wonder if any woman would want to settle with you (that's if you aren't married already).

4. If you fall sick or run into difficult situations, who would stand by your side? The side chick? Mabel Okungbowa is a Nigerian wife who donated a kidney to her husband. Would a side chick do this? Who is present throughout the growth of the children? A side chick?

5. A more personal example. I went back to school roughly 2 years after getting married. At the time, I and my wife were concluding our master's-degree programmes. I was working, my wife was too, but not something rewarding, just something to keep her CV busy. I resigned from my work, went back to school for a third degree - MBBS. I was in medical school for 7 whole years. In these years, my wife was my strongest support system. If not for that lady, I wouldn't be a medical doctor today. She helped me realize my dream, and in so doing, she gave up some important moves that would have skyrocketed her career. My wife did a whole lot, a whooooooollllllleeee lot. Every single day of our 11 years of marriage so far, I make sure I let wifie know how grateful I am! In my family group chat, when discussing with my parents and siblings, I ensure I let them know all my wife does. I want my people to know about her sacrifices...just in case I pass on before her. And, thankfully, my family appreciates her! Is there a side chick in this whole world and in the heavens that would have done a millionth of what my wife did? Nope! How can anyone call a wife a liability?

6. Just like I had said, when it comes to husband-wife matters, many people think they sound smart, but in truth, their positions in the matter displays ignorance and poor parental orientation....like Gehgeh (or whatever he's called). Women are doing a lot on the family front. Many are sacrificing their lives just for the family to succeed. Many would have been professors, millionaires, heads of great corporations, international figures if not for the fact that they are wives and mothers......though I do not support this (I would create a thread about this one day).

Dear Nigerian women, dear wives and mothers, on behalf of the many grateful husbands of yours, I say THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO. We see your works, your sacrifices, your doings. Maybe we should be speaking out more so this horrible narrative about you won't be extended to the next generation.

NB: I'm guessing that many commenters on this thread are single young guys. This post is educative, and you all are the exact targets. You all may not accept it, but I'm grateful for those that will.

Links to References (in no particular order)

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0021909619880283?utm=

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/13668803.2020.1797634

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/341758004_Gender_Differences_in_Motivation_And_Academic_Achievement_A_Study_Of_the_University_Students_of_KP_Pakistan

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0362331914000354

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/343576708_Are_Girls_More_Ambitious_Than_Boys_Vocational_Interests_Partly_Explain_Gender_Differences_in_Occupational_Aspirations

https://www.tnhjph.com/index.php/tnhj/article/view/817#:~:text=Females%20are%20more%20motivated%20to,affiliation%2C%20and%20enjoyment%20than%20males.

Get him Sir!!!!!

Thank you for your well detailed response to him.

And may God bless your home continuously.

I never said anything about putting him down through hidden bullets...😏😏😏

And I didn't get married to be confronting my husband over side chicks...

adeniyi65:
Your comment is synonymous to a green snake under green grass. Why will you play like all his well and later do what will send your own husband to psychiatric hospital!? It's uncalled for. You can confront your husband and not putting him down through hidden bullets. He's the father of your children for crying out loud.

Kobojunkie:
Abi! Submissive wives almost always get the short end of the stick while sidechicks gets the glory of the marriage...that seems the typical story, fah! I wonder why married women would not think to switch side in the end.

you can understand why the man had a side chick.
The woman is already telling people that she and the kids are suffering.
Some women are plain evil

engrchykae:
➜you can understand why the man had a side chick.
➜ The woman is already telling people that she and the kids are suffering.
➜ Some women are plain evil

1. I do not understand why a man who swore to an exclusive contract with his wife has a side chick. Do you equally understand why a woman sworn to her husband would have a side dick?

2. She and the kids are suffering because with the man's attention no longer only on his marriage commitment, those left behind are bound to suffer.

3. The woman is evil for calling out her husband's blatant violation of a vow he made to her in marriage?

Kobojunkie:
1. I do not understand why a man who swore to an exclusive contract with his wife has a side chick. Do you equally understand why a woman sworn to her husband would have a side dick?

2. She and the kids are suffering because with the man's attention no longer only on his marriage commitment, those left behind are bound to suffer.

3. The woman is evil for calling out her husband's blatant violation of a vow he made to her in marriage?

I have seen men perish because of manipulative women.
Whatever she meant by the statement that she and the children are suffering is better left to her interpretation.
For God's sake everybody is suffering,Tinubu is the president,not the innocent man.

engrchykae:
I have seen men perish because of manipulative women.
Whatever she meant by the statement that she and the children are suffering is better left to her interpretation.
For God's sake everybody is suffering,Tinubu is the president,not the innocent man.

Stop with the manipulation tactics yourself. Admit you are wrong in your baseless assertions presented as conclusions.

AyeMoJuba:
Believe the one sided story of a woman at your own risk No woman would ever tell outsiders the truth about the issues with her husband.

An issue that justifies her husband having a side-chick, right?

Samantha125:
Some women are just too nice and innocent... If it was me, I'd neither confront the husband, the side chick, or post it online... But I'd instead sit down and play a game of chess and by the time I say checkmate, I'd make sure that he's getting admitted into psychiatric hospital while I play the role of a concerned wife... He'd think his village people are after him...

This right here is the major reason why I'm afraid of getting married

Women schemes and plans as a revenge for whatever is done to them is always far wo-rse than whatever you did to them

What happens to having a one on one talk with him, must you go that extreme


Be like i go just forget marriage first

Why would I have a one on one talk with him when he'd have not had the same one on one talk with me before stepping outside of our marriage?🤷🏿‍♀️🤷🏿‍♀️🤷🏿‍♀️

EvilMerodack:
This right here is the major reason why I'm afraid of getting married

Women schemes and plans as a revenge for whatever is done to me is always far wo-rse than whatever you did to them

What happens to having a one on one talk with him, must you go that extreme


Be like i go just forget marriage first

Kobojunkie:
You clearly hate these submissive women for you to give such advice to this one whose husband literally flaunts his disloyalty towards her! 😶😶😶😶

Hmmmmm