₦airaland Forum

If only you were natural or African we could have offered ways.

But now na flog you need

Landmaq:
Selfish wife. She had the plan to cajole him from the onset. Too bad. People can never be trusted

Selfish wife?
He should've remained single with his vasectomy nonsense, or stuck to his first wife.

He should not use his pala-pala to ruin another person's destiny.

Abeg diligently explain to her that you cannot go back! Maybe the second surgery is what will end your life.

Originally, a Vasectomy was not what God wanted for the sons and daughters of Adam and Eve.

We are just turning upside down, what was from the beginning.

Story is fake. No point having a say about a fake tale.

Justseyii:
The Dilemma
Dear Amy & T.J.,

I’m 45 years old, divorced, and a father of two. After my first marriage, I decided I was done having children and got a vasectomy.

Four years ago, I remarried. I told my wife about the vasectomy when we were dating, and she accepted it then. But now, she’s asking if I would consider reversing it so we can have a child together.

I love her deeply, but I’m conflicted. Should I go through another surgery and try to start over with kids at this stage in life? Or should I stand by my original decision?

Signed,
Dad Can’t Decide

T.J.’s Take:
This is tough. Maybe you didn’t picture yourself getting married again, let alone wanting more kids. Yet here you are, with a woman you love, facing a question that goes straight to the core of family, identity, and legacy.

But let’s not dodge the real question: Do you actually want more children?

Because if you don’t, no surgery, no pressure, no persuasion should change that. Parenthood is lifelong, exhausting, and deeply demanding. If your heart isn’t in it, saying “yes” just to please your spouse could backfire.

At the same time, if love and your wife’s longing are nudging you toward a “maybe,” then it’s worth considering — with eyes wide open.

Amy’s Take:
Here’s the thing: you already answered this once when you got the vasectomy. You said, “I’m done having kids.”

Now you’re hesitating — which tells me this isn’t about biology as much as it is about love. You don’t want to disappoint your wife.

But honesty matters more than compromise here. If you go into this resentful, or half-hearted, you’re setting yourselves — and possibly a child — up for pain.

And let’s be practical: reversal surgery doesn’t guarantee results. You may need IVF, artificial insemination, or other interventions. That means more money, more stress, and more emotional highs and lows. This is not a casual decision.

The Bigger Picture
Relationships thrive on honesty. Your wife married you knowing you’d already closed the door on children. So if she’s asking you to reopen it, she also has to be prepared for you to say no.

On the other hand, people evolve. Love can change the way we see family and legacy. Maybe hearing how deeply this matters to her makes you rethink what’s possible.

Final Word from Amy & T.J.
Before making any decisions:

Be brutally honest with yourself. Do you want kids again — yes or no?
Talk openly with your wife. She deserves clarity, not guesswork.
Acknowledge the risks. This isn’t just about surgery; it’s about years of parenting ahead.
If your answer is no, say it with love, not guilt. If your answer is yes, embrace it fully, knowing the road might be harder than expected.
What matters most is that you and your wife face this as partners — with respect, compassion, and honesty.

Because kids or no kids, the foundation of your marriage is what will carry you forward.

https://studentvillage.com.ng/forums/topic/i-had-a-vasectomy-now-my-new-wife-wants-kids-what-should-i-do/

if this cock and bull story is true, then you are the most unwise man I have ever seen.

Are you God? What's the guarantee that the kids you have already will live to see next year?

Did you create the balls you destroyed?

If she does not have any children, it was an unwise move, shagging up with a childless lady (that is still ripe)..... 😊😂😉

Vasectomy can be reversed .

Vasectomy is reversible though with reduced success rate of impregnating a woman.
But you can go for sperm aspiration. It's done in many health facilities in Nigeria

Fuckyoumod:
if this cock and bull story is true, then you are the most unwise man I have ever seen.

Are you God? What's the guarantee that the kids you have already will live to see next year?

Did you create the balls you destroyed?

You sound emotional with less knowledge of fertility issues.
Vasectomy is a healthy family planning method that shifts responsibility to man.

OnyeAghaJesus:
You sound emotional with less knowledge of fertility issues.
Vasectomy is a healthy family planning method that shifts responsibility to man.

why not cut off yours?

What are you still waiting for? Your knowledge of fertility is a waste if you don't get a vasectomy.

Haaaaa,,, unvasectomize yourself naa...

blueghost:
Life is very uncertain no one knows tomorrow. That is why even as a professional player don't despise or troll any club for you don't know how the wind will toast you.
There are better ways of birth control. I'm never in support surgery. Better to stick with pills

but pills get side effect on women nw

It can be reversed.

No right thinking African man would agree to this nonsense

Wisewriter:
Tufiakwa! Removing what makes u a man because u want to run away from ur responsibilities.... Ibuzi mkpi

If you truly believe that your semen is what makes you a man—if you think what defines you as a man is your extra appendage or what comes from it when you get excited—, then you are wrapped up there in so many layers of low self-esteem. I suggest you opt for professional mental health therapy as soon as possible. Just a piece of advice! 😏

ledaman:
➜No right thinking African man would agree to this nonsense

And this is why African remains the cesspit of the world to this day... right-thinking African men are in fact the plague against Africa.

Euromillion200:
It can be reversed.

Why should he reverse it if his wife was aware from the get-go that he did not wish to have kids?

Kobojunkie:
And this is why African remains the cesspit of the world to this day... right-thinking African men are in fact the plague against Africa.

Mr Man, it has to do with choice which I knew.
But can you show me one African man that would allow such.
How are they plague to Africa?
Don't generalised your ascertion without fact and figures.
Cest fini

ledaman:
✓ Mr Man, it has to do with choice which I knew.But can you show me one African man that would allow such.
✓ How are they plague to Africa? Don't generalised your ascertion without fact and figures. Cest fini

In Africa, it is the empty barrels that speak the loudest, which is why you rarely hear those who make such choices speaking of them.

2. There are many intelligent voices in Africa. Unfortunately, their voices are drowned out regularly by the voices of the numerous plagues -- empty barrels -- the continent boasts of.

Lexusgs430:
If she does not have any children, it was an unwise move, shagging up with a childless lady (that is still ripe)..... 😊😂😉

I don't know why some peeps set themselves up for failure.

bukatyne:
I don't know why some peeps set themselves up for failure.

I wonder... She might have told him she does not want children initially, but now changed her mind......🤣😂

Make this nairaland views just paste go my site

Justseyii:
The Dilemma
Dear Amy & T.J.,

I’m 45 years old, divorced, and a father of two. After my first marriage, I decided I was done having children and got a vasectomy.

Four years ago, I remarried. I told my wife about the vasectomy when we were dating, and she accepted it then. But now, she’s asking if I would consider reversing it so we can have a child together.

I love her deeply, but I’m conflicted. Should I go through another surgery and try to start over with kids at this stage in life? Or should I stand by my original decision?

Signed,
Dad Can’t Decide

T.J.’s Take:
This is tough. Maybe you didn’t picture yourself getting married again, let alone wanting more kids. Yet here you are, with a woman you love, facing a question that goes straight to the core of family, identity, and legacy.

But let’s not dodge the real question: Do you actually want more children?

Because if you don’t, no surgery, no pressure, no persuasion should change that. Parenthood is lifelong, exhausting, and deeply demanding. If your heart isn’t in it, saying “yes” just to please your spouse could backfire.

At the same time, if love and your wife’s longing are nudging you toward a “maybe,” then it’s worth considering — with eyes wide open.

Amy’s Take:
Here’s the thing: you already answered this once when you got the vasectomy. You said, “I’m done having kids.”

Now you’re hesitating — which tells me this isn’t about biology as much as it is about love. You don’t want to disappoint your wife.

But honesty matters more than compromise here. If you go into this resentful, or half-hearted, you’re setting yourselves — and possibly a child — up for pain.

And let’s be practical: reversal surgery doesn’t guarantee results. You may need IVF, artificial insemination, or other interventions. That means more money, more stress, and more emotional highs and lows. This is not a casual decision.

The Bigger Picture
Relationships thrive on honesty. Your wife married you knowing you’d already closed the door on children. So if she’s asking you to reopen it, she also has to be prepared for you to say no.

On the other hand, people evolve. Love can change the way we see family and legacy. Maybe hearing how deeply this matters to her makes you rethink what’s possible.

Final Word from Amy & T.J.
Before making any decisions:

Be brutally honest with yourself. Do you want kids again — yes or no?
Talk openly with your wife. She deserves clarity, not guesswork.
Acknowledge the risks. This isn’t just about surgery; it’s about years of parenting ahead.
If your answer is no, say it with love, not guilt. If your answer is yes, embrace it fully, knowing the road might be harder than expected.
What matters most is that you and your wife face this as partners — with respect, compassion, and honesty.

Because kids or no kids, the foundation of your marriage is what will carry you forward.

https://studentvillage.com.ng/forums/topic/i-had-a-vasectomy-now-my-new-wife-wants-kids-what-should-i-do/