₦airaland Forum

Yes, I was born by mistake and I have accepted the truth. I don’t even know what/how family seems like. I grew up with my grandparent in the village all my life (Esan Edo state). i’m a student of UNIBEN, I’m about to proceed to 200L.

My mother is something I don’t want to talk about, I already talked about her in my previous thread some years ago. infact I have disowned her long time ago. Yes.

My so called father on the other hand, has been deceiving me all my life. He lives in Ogun state with his new wife and 2 children (a boy & a girl). My father only comes to see me whenever he’s invited for a wedding or burial ceremony in the village. Although I won’t lie, he has been paying my school fees, sending me money for up-keep e.t.c but my father doesn’t want me to come and know where he stays. Always giving one stupid excuses to another.

The last stupid excuse he gave me when I told him I wanted to come know his house was “nobody is always around, the children are in boarding school bla bla bla”

I feel void, lonely and empty in my life, I want to know my step siblings, I want to have a good family bond relationship with them, I always wished to have a brother and sister I can talk and laugh with.

My matriculation day, nobody came, my sick grandfather can’t travel from village to Benin wish i so much understand. My father only called me to wish me congratulations and told me to send him pictures on WhatsApp.
Seeing Everyone with their families and loved ones made me cry like a baby that day.

Infact my plan right now is to call my father and tell him my mind, since he sees me as a mistake, he shouldn’t take care of my bills anymore, he should focus on his favorite children. He should just keep staying away from me as usual. I will be fine.

I swear, I’m heart broken, i’m crying, I’m in pain, I hate my life, I’m a mistake, I should’ve been aborted.. Ooh GOD!

I need your advice pls.

In all you do remember five things:
1. You brought nothing to this world (even "loved" ones), and it is CERTAIN, you shall take nothing out of it.
2. No one owes you anything! The fact that you can even read and write is a testament to the investment your parents put into you, be grateful!
3. Killing yourself is a criminal offense, here on earth and even in heaven: do not leave this world a criminal.
4. There's a life after now, it is called eternity, and it's forever. Everything you experience here (good or bad) would pale in comparison to that life...so, live in such a way that you would be on the good side of eternity.
5. Jesus only is Lord! If you tuŕn to Him and accept him as your Lord and savior, He will give you the peace you badly need right now and heal your soul; accept Jesus today!

The sooner you children realize that whoever birthed you isn’t always your parent, the better. Your grandparents raised you. They are your mother and father.

Ehis8:
Yes, I was born by mistake and I have accepted the truth. I don’t even know what/how family seems like. I grew up with my grandparent in the village all my life (Esan Edo state). i’m a student of UNIBEN, I’m about to proceed to 200L.

My mother is something I don’t want to talk about, I already talked about her in my previous thread some years ago. infact I have disowned her long time ago. Yes.

My so called father on the other hand, has been deceiving me all my life. He lives in Ogun state with his new wife and 2 children (a boy & a girl). My father only comes to see me whenever he’s invited for a wedding or burial ceremony in the village. Although I won’t lie, he has been paying my school fees, sending me money for up-keep e.t.c but my father doesn’t want me to come and know where he stays. Always giving one stupid excuses to another.

The last stupid excuse he gave me when I told him I wanted to come know his house was “nobody is always around, the children are in boarding school bla bla bla”

I feel void, lonely and empty in my life, I want to know my step siblings, I want to have a good family bond relationship with them, I always wished to have a brother and sister I can talk and laugh with.

My matriculation day, nobody came, my sick grandfather can’t travel from village to Benin wish i so much understand. My father only called me to wish me congratulations and told me to send him pictures on WhatsApp.
Seeing Everyone with their families and loved ones made me cry like a baby that day.

Infact my plan right now is to call my father and tell him my mind, since he sees me as a mistake, he shouldn’t take care of my bills anymore, he should focus on his favorite children. He should just keep staying away from me as usual. I will be fine.

I swear, I’m heart broken, i’m crying, I’m in pain, I hate my life, I’m a mistake, I should’ve been aborted.. Ooh GOD!

I need your advice pls.

You want to be a pharaoh in your own life.
You see who is giving Sticks and Stones to mould your blocks and you are complaining . It is until those sticks and stones are removed, then you will know how far.
As long as he meets up with his responsibilities, I think you should let sleeping dogs lie. When he is ready he will do the needful.
Na my advice be that but ultimately the decision lies with you.

Op, I'm really sorry...

But just relax your mind........ Don't think you were born into this world by mistake......In fact, God created you for a reason..............So don't let the way people treat you to get to you,to the extent that you'll be questioning your own existence...

In all you do...

No go use emotion tell your pops not to pay your school fees again o. Except you have a Planned way to see yourself through school financially.

Because you will suffer. It's only that one I have to say.

The rest you will be fine with time!

Just continue your education and living your life. Your father is paying your school fees and sending you money for upkeep, which means he loves you and is still taking care of you from afar. If you call to tell him your mind and he stops doing those things nko? How will you survive? You better keep shut and not be an ingrate. You'll now open another thread on NL asking us to help you pay your school fees all because you've insulted your father, so zip it and leave him be. When you're done with school, have a good job and can stand on your own two feet, then you can call him and have that conversation with him, but respectfully.

brain54:
In all you do...

No go use emotion tell your pops not to pay your school fees again o. Except you have a Planned way to see yourself through school financially.

Because you will suffer. It's only that one I have to say.

The rest you will be fine with time!

Wise advice.

Honestly, if I was you, I wouldn't bother myself trying to have a relationship with my father, as long as he's sending me money for my upkeep and other essentials, I'd mind my own business and focus on elevating myself... Chances are his new wife might not even like you and he's probably trying to protect you from her... Whatever the reasons, just focus on yourself because grass is not always greener on the other side.

IT SHOWS YOU ARE VERY PRIVILEGED. HUNGER NEVER SALUTE YOU WELL.

eepeepook:
The sooner you children realize that whoever birthed you isn’t always your parent, the better. Your grandparents raised you. They are your mother and father.

This is the best advice.

To the Op: the sooner you realise this fact the better for you

Ehis8:
➜Yes, I was born by mistake and I have accepted the truth. I don’t even know what/how family seems like. I grew up with my grandparent in the village all my life (Esan Edo state). i’m a student of UNIBEN, I’m about to proceed to 200L.
My mother is something I don’t want to talk about, I already talked about her in my previous thread some years ago. infact I have disowned her long time ago. Yes.
My so called father on the other hand, has been deceiving me all my life. He lives in Ogun state with his new wife and 2 children (a boy & a girl). My father only comes to see me whenever he’s invited for a wedding or burial ceremony in the village. Although I won’t lie, he has been paying my school fees, sending me money for up-keep e.t.c but my father doesn’t want me to come and know where he stays. Always giving one stupid excuses to another. The last stupid excuse he gave me when I told him I wanted to come know his house was “nobody is always around, the children are in boarding school bla bla bla”
➜ I feel void, lonely and empty in my life, I want to know my step siblings, I want to have a good family bond relationship with them, I always wished to have a brother and sister I can talk and laugh with.
My matriculation day, nobody came, my sick grandfather can’t travel from village to Benin wish i so much understand. My father only called me to wish me congratulations and told me to send him pictures on WhatsApp.
Seeing Everyone with their families and loved ones made me cry like a baby that day.
➜ Infact my plan right now is to call my father and tell him my mind, since he sees me as a mistake, he shouldn’t take care of my bills anymore, he should focus on his favorite children. He should just keep staying away from me as usual. I will be fine.
➜ I swear, I’m heart broken, i’m crying, I’m in pain, I hate my life, I’m a mistake, I should’ve been aborted.. Ooh GOD! I need your advice pls.

See, in this life, we don't get to choose our own relatives... that choice is beyond us to make. What we can do is choose to relate with them in the best way we can and to our own advantage.

The fact that your old man left you for his mother to raise while he moved on to living out his dream life elsewhere speaks volumes about his character. His not wanting you to be a part of his family even now that you are older adds to the fact that he probably perceives you as an inconvenience to his current life. As for your mother, I wish you had spent time to learn her side of the story rather than brushing her off as a despicable human being based on hearsay and the prejudice of your grandmother.

2. You chose to look down on your mother merely on the fact that she is not a whitecollar worker— even without hearing her side of the story or confirming that she is indeed an arsehole of a mother— choosing to be alone, and you wish for us to do what? Contact her and see if you can at least catch the family feelings you need from that side. Try to connect with her family and maybe your uncles and aunts from that side, if possible. You never know, you might find the solution you need for this long journey called life from that not so fortunate side of your family.

3. I would not recommend you do that at this point since you need him to continue providing for as long as he will. You are just now in school, and he seems to have already made it clear that he does not want to have you in the picture yet. However, that money wey him dey give you, you need am. So, do not mess up!

I advise you to try to reconnect with your mother and listen to her side of the story in the meantime. Work on forgiving her, and by doing so, you will at least have some of the connection, though it may not be the quality you desire. Oyinbo talk say,"If life gives you lemons, make lemonade!"

4. There is no such thing as a mistake when a man and woman choose to have sex with each other and a baby pops out 9 months later. A penis cannot accidentally fall into a vagina and then ejaculate, initiating conception, leading to the birthing of a child 9 months later. That process does not happen by mistake. You are not a mistake! Rather, you have incompetent people as your parents— there are so many such people all around you, even if you don't realize it....none of that is your fault.

brain54:
➜Pls is that part on this thread... Or am I missing something?

See OP's history!

Kobojunkie:
See OP's history!

Ok...

Samantha125:
Honestly, if I was you, I wouldn't bother myself trying to have a relationship with my father, as long as he's sending me money for my upkeep and other essentials, I'd mind my own business and focus on elevating myself... Chances are his new wife might not even like you and he's probably trying to protect you from her... Whatever the reasons, just focus on yourself because grass is not always greener on the other side.

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You made a good point. I believe he's father is a smart man.
He should be grateful he isn't abandoned.

Technically, he did abandon him emotionally and psychologically... But at least he's financially present... I'd milk him dry with flimsy excuses...

9japride:
[color=#006600][/color]

You made a good point. I believe he's father is a smart man.
He should be grateful he isn't abandoned.

Samantha125:
Technically, he did abandon him emotionally and psychologically... But at least he's financially present... I'd milk him dry with flimsy excuses...

[color=#006600][/color]

Yes, it's painful for a parent to be absent in a child's life.
That bond won't be strong. In old age the man will be wondering why his son is not always around him
Since he choose to be financially present, the guy should use the opportunity to collect money and learn various skills like programming language, content creation, copywriting, social media marketing/management, plumbing, carpentry etc.
These will help him be financially independent in future.
Some men dey fall hand seriously.

In all you do, don't tell him to stop supporting you financially.

U don't want to come online to tell sop stories for people to donate to you.

Him taking care of your bills is his right, don't deny yourself that.

U will get back at him, but for now focus on your studies.

I understand your pains. Hold yourself together and try your best to become something. Don’t let the pain ruin you. You are even lucky your father is taking care of you financially. You won’t believe the percentage that were born and thrown away. God is with you.

be like you don't like the life you are living.....At least you are not hungry...or homeless.....I have been through the two before.....
See appreciate what you have....

sound like you still very young many here are not in your shoes so wont be able to relate, i did advice take the time to do things you enjoy the most, think less on what you dont have and focus on the things you have, also know your dad may sense his new wife wont welcome you hence looking for ways to avoid you coming to visit. its no new thing that step moms are most times hostile in nigeria except in US mojo industry