₦airaland Forum

Please NL permit me for errors in this my writing.

What happened is that I left home long time ago because of everyday polygamous family problems I always get from my father two wives my father married after the death of my own mother.

After four years of being living alone in my personal rented apartment I found peace and healing from all past trauma that I have experienced in my father's polygamous home then I decided to visit them once during the last ileya festival after four years.

Although, we had a very serious issues that week of moving out of their house and my father even said he’s not going to look for me hoping that’s going to scare me or something but yet I don’t care and I moved out.

For three years I did not see any family member call or message even though I didn’t change my number and I never change my WhatsApp number too.

Then suddenly I started getting calls from a long time salesman who worked with my father for some years before he graduated.

He called me and told me that he visited my Father and asked of me but he was told that I have rented an apartment somewhere and they haven’t seen me or see my call for three years and it’s very wrong for them not to call me even if I don’t call them and he told me that I should pick my father call whenever he calls.

Later on, my Dad called and we greeted each other and I also ask of everyone and he said they are fine.

We then start talking more and more until he asked when I’m coming home but I keep promising soon many times even after I started talking with his wives too i tell them same things.

Then forward to the last Ileya season, I got a call from them and everyone keep asking me to come home which shows how much they missed me.

I was thinking if I should go or not because I’m avoiding see finish cuz I never get to a good financial position and also because of some things that they might do to offend me again like they always do when I was living with them.

I talked to a friend and he said I should use the ileya opportunity to go and see them and I planned for just three days visit but after I got home I didn’t get what is expected cuz my father said I shouldn’t go back to where I came from again with some reasons.

He said what’s my achievement since I left home and all other sort of things but after a month of being with them he said i should be helping him to supervise his farm with hundreds acres of land and I was doing that and enduring the stressful work from then till now everyday.

Then I noticed that his spare parts shop is running down gradually and when I asked him he said he doesn’t have money again like before to keep it running.

But my junior brothers from my two step mothers are the one controlling the shop now which made me feel somehow cuz I know these boys about their big mouth lifestyle.

I first noticed that each of them use a mobile phone of 800k each meanwhile the whole shop is not up to a million naira.

I told my fathers closest friend about what I observed and not because I want to implicate them or something but just to let them reduce their stealings from the shop to avoid it collapsing eventually but yet they keep spending the profit and capital without restocking and without our father knowing what’s happening but some people around the shop have eyes on them but they can’t tell anyone except they discuss it among themselves.

Now I was at the shop last week to collect money for fuel and food to drive 45 minutes to the farm but my father was not at the shop and I asked one of my junior brothers if they can help me to run 2k data to my phone until when our father comes but they said no available money. I then checked the pos they use in the shop and found exactly 2k on it and I did the transaction in their presence.

Then later that day my father came and he gave me nothing cuz he said I don’t need to go to the farm again.

Then later today , I was at his shop to see him before going to farm to collect the money for the fuel and a day food which is 2k and I didn’t meet him but I met that my father old salesman who had graduated but just came to buy some goods from us and he was happy to see me and he started giving us advises on how to improve the business because he also can see that the shop is going down gradually.

He was happy to see me and he also advised that I should venture into livestock farming and I will stop getting all sorts of embarrassments and reports of coming to make transactions on the PoS machine and sending money from it. (I was very shocked and I started to feel angry at the accusations that my junior brothers had made behind me).

They had lied and accused me and also want to use me for a cover up for their crimes in case if the shop eventually goes down for what I know nothing about.

I was very mad but I held my anger till the man left and I also left the shop.

Then I called a family meeting and I intended to involve a Neighbour as witness but my two junior brothers were not present cuz one was at the shop and other one was no where to be found then my father said I should tell them what is going on even if they are not there but I’m not satisfied with that because my junior brothers who are to be asked if I had made some transfers are not present and they want me to tell them what and why I called the family meeting.

I refused to tell them and they even gave me lots of insults and negative talks that I’m not a good child and I’m disrespecting them for not telling them why I called the meeting until my brothers are present.

Then my father said if I can’t say it right now then I should not call him for the meeting again when my brothers are present.

I stood up and walked out of their and I’m getting ready to go back to my rented apartment that’s just their without anybody and the money counting for nothing.

Now I’m thinking about going now or wait till I see if they will call me to get the meeting started when my junior brothers are present.

Interesting. Good luck.

21 more characters needed.

You don't give elders the terms of engagement after they honor you with their presence for a meeting.

And you don't walk out of them either. You should have told them what happened, and they would escalate the priority of the meeting and call the absentee brothers back.

I want to believe you're at a certain age when you can have a conversation with your father, remember, you left the family for ~4 years, so don't dwell on how your step brothers who chose to not leave the family decide to spend its resources - your father is completely aware, he just doesn't mind.

Go and apologize to him, even if for nothing else, but because he's a man, and you don't disrespect a man who's your father.

Then go build your own fortune.

Hmmm thanks for the advice but because I can’t start the meeting without those boys present a problem ? Or don’t I have right to my opinion again?

Stephen0mozzy:
You don't give elders the terms of engagement after they honor you with their presence for a meeting.

And you don't walk out of them either. You should have told them what happened, and they would escalate the priority of the meeting and call the absentee brothers back.

I want to believe you're at a certain age when you can have a conversation with your father, remember, you left the family for ~4 years, so don't dwell on how your step brothers who chose to not leave the family decide to spend its resources - your father is completely aware, he just doesn't mind.

Go and apologize to him, even if for nothing else, but because he's a man, and you don't disrespect a man who's your father.

Then go build your own fortune.

Hmmm thanks for the advice but because I can’t start the meeting without those boys present a problem ? Or don’t I have right to my opinion again?

Lucasmuyiwaa:
Hmmm thanks for the advice but because I can’t start the meeting without those boys present a problem ? Or don’t I have right to my opinion again?

They also have a right to their time. You demanded for their time, but didn't respect it. See how it works?

How can you call a meeting without first making sure the boys are around first. Are u taking your dad for a joke? U suppose receive knock on your head. Go and apologize to your dad and explain the matter to everyone. When the boys come around, you will re-narrate everything in their presence

Your called your dad for a family meeting and he honoured you...you refused to state the purpose of your meeting because your two brothers were not there (which they are entitled to not come if they want to)....you no try.
You Should have stated the purpose of the meeting then your father will be the one to call for another meeting to address the issue....

Lucasmuyiwaa:
Hmmm thanks for the advice but because I can’t start the meeting without those boys present a problem ? Or don’t I have right to my opinion again?

After reading your post, what I can tell you is, your father needs you.
He needs you close. (Even if not in the same house)
How I know that is how he put aside his pride to call you first.
Don't leave him.
I can't emphasize on how much he needs you enough.

Are you his first son?
I will advise you to first have a talk with him personally about your findings.

Those stepbrothers of yours are exploiting and stealing from him, and he can hardly do anything about it.
He needs someone he can trust around him, now more than ever.

You also need to be around to take your place as the elder son, before they make you feel like an outsider.
GOD is your strength.

All the best to you.

Lucasmuyiwaa:
P➜I was very mad but I held my anger till the man left and I also left the shop. Then I called a family meeting and I intended to involve a Neighbour as witness but my two junior brothers were not present cuz one was at the shop and other one was no where to be found then my father said I should tell them what is going on even if they are not there but I’m not satisfied with that because my junior brothers who are to be asked if I had made some transfers are not present and they want me to tell them what and why I called the family meeting. I refused to tell them and they even gave me lots of insults and negative talks that I’m not a good child and I’m disrespecting them for not telling them why I called the meeting until my brothers are present.
Then my father said if I can’t say it right now then I should not call him for the meeting again when my brothers are present.
I stood up and walked out of their and I’m getting ready to go back to my rented apartment that’s just their without anybody and the money counting for nothing.
Now I’m thinking about going now or wait till I see if they will call me to get the meeting started when my junior brothers are present.

You refused to tell them the reason for the family meeting, so what did you expect to happen? I am even reading through this and wondering what exactly you are complaining about. If you want people to respect you, then you should learn to start by giving them respect. Tell them why you want this supposed family meeting so they at least have a context to move forward with.

This guy is headstrong sha