₦airaland Forum

A close friend of mine (Musa) who is the last born of his family narrated a story to me in the office about what he has been passing through in the hands of his siblings.

To make you understand his story well,his elder sister was the one who used her connection to give him a job in our office.


Now let me say his story.

When his father died,he didn't have any job but all his siblings (3 girls and 1 boy) had started working.The boy is the first son.


He was asked to write a biography for his dad which he did, when his elder brother saw it,he told him to reduce the words to a certain number after contacting one of his elder sister that said she has contacted the person who was going to do the burial program and gave him (Musa) the feedback.

Lo and behold on the day when the burial program was shared to people and Musa read his biography he wrote,they changed what he wrote and painted him in a manner he wasn't.Musa a quiet guy I know at least for the times I have been working with him said his mum pleaded with him to let it go.

Not only that the burial uniform his own given to him on that day in the village where he had no way to get an alternative was different (he said it made him appear like a gangster)and he said he was dragged at the back of his shirt and humiliated as someone who is trying to bring shame to his family by someone who didn't know how the cloth arrangement was done. He wanted to react to the pulling but his cousin that was walking with him told him to forget and let them keep going(His mum also pleaded with him to let go about the cloth provision.)


When his sister who assisted him in getting the job in our office married her husband who was not working (Musa was very angry) .The husband to be always mocked Musa from day one for everything he did despite Musa using his little savings to put himself in order and also give little support to his mum(when he told his sister,she said he should take her husband to be as he is.)


The issue escalated when the sister's husband to be wouldn't stop the trolls.After the marriage,Musa called his sister to bring back the TV gift he gave to her pointing to her that since her now husband can insult him without remorse he should replace the TV.

She had to bring back the TV .
Musa said there was a day during a family issue.His sister brought police and took him,on
heading to where he would be confined, only for the husband who was alone with the police to begin to strangle him but he fought back despite being on handcuffs .Luckily for him, he survived the attack.

Now, three months ago his elder brother did traditional marriage and he wasn't informed not until the day they were to travel to the girls village. His sister who used her connection to secure him the job called and asked that he should be permitted to attend the function and was asked to rush to where a vehicle was parked waiting to convey him to the venue that they had already prepared a cloth for him.
He was asked not to go home as other relatives are waiting for only him.The sister who gave him the job with her connection told him she herself didn't know that she would go that their elder brother decided to provide a big vehicle so she decided to call and asked he was permitted to join the event.

The only brother who is doing the wedding didn't tell him that he was making a cloth for him.When they got there Musa saw that his only brother who supposed to have made him his Best man (not compulsory though like he said) had gone ahead to do things such as cloth making for Musa by giving resources to his sisters.


His mum pleaded with him to put on the cloth again but this time he had ,had enough and decided not to put on the clothed so as not to be an object of ridicule(the cloth was an incomplete set and would make him to appear like a gangster) so he decided not to wear it despite his mum's pleas.

He had to put on what he wore from the office that day and one boxer all through the journey that lasted three days.

He decided to avoid the brother all through the event and never interacted with his inlaws.

He didn't take pictures with the brother during the traditional marriage as he felt no need forcing himself on someone trying to distant himself on him.


Take note of these points.


The husband his sister got married to that he was against now beats her despite she sponsoring the marriage.

When his elder brother brought the lady home he wanted to get married the mother offered them food and they both rejected it that they ate on their way to her place.The mum was bitter and told Musa two months after his return from travel . These happened before the call they called him to leave the office and come to join them at where the vehicle was waiting for him without picking things to change with etc.According to him he doesn't think the girl his brother married loves his brother as she never called his mum all through the 10 months after she visited his mother and rejected her food . His brother seems the one who can't survive without the girl etc.

His question to me however was;was his action of absence from the picture section good considering the fact that he would have looked like a gangster if he used the clothes he was given and also for his brother not to have ever called him one day to tell him anything about him to get prepared for the journey etc?


I told him I was going to seek advice from others before telling him my mind on it as they respect me very much in the office.I don't want to give him any reply but an advice that would be sound and blunt.

@ Kobojunkie I greet you. Please I need your contribution.

IblivinProgress:
➜ His question to me however was;was his action of absence from the picture section good considering the fact that he would have looked like a gangster if he used the clothes he was given and also for his brother not to have ever called him one day to tell him anything about him to get prepared for the journey etc?
I told him I was going to seek advice from others before telling him my mind on it as they respect me very much in the office.I don't want to give him any reply but an advice that would be sound and blunt.....Please I need your contribution.

Musa seems to come from a family that is mainly toxic individuals who do not generally value his person and his opinions simply because he does not have the connections and maybe even money that he does. It is quite a shame that siblings would set themselves up as enemies to their own.

To answer your question, Musa was right in removing himself from the picture sessions. He should not have attended the marriage at all since his brother did not even see fit to inform him ahead of time about his impending nuptials— that was a dirty slap in his face. He shouldn't have attended at all. Additionally, his decision not to wear the clothing provided was also not a bad one. I am not certain why his brother felt it necessary to see to it that Musa's trauma from their father's burial was to be replayed at his own wedding.

Also, Musa's mother, always trying to get him to give in to the requests or conditions set by the others, is not helping him or his siblings in any way. Musa might need to learn to stand his ground around his siblings and also set boundaries of his own to keep them in their place. He is their sibling and not their plaything, and for that line to be made clear, he needs to be willing to deny their requests(including his mother's) from time to time.

Kobojunkie:
Musa seems to come from a family that is mainly toxic individuals who do not generally value his person and his opinions simply because he does not have the connections and maybe even money that he does. It is quite a shame that siblings would set themselves up as enemies to their own.

To answer your question, Musa was right in removing himself from the picture sessions. He should not have attended the marriage at all since his brother did not even see fit to inform him ahead of time about his impending nuptials— that was a dirty slap in his face. He shouldn't have attended at all. Additionally, his decision not to wear the clothing provided was also not a bad one. I am not certain why his brother felt it necessary to see to it that Musa's trauma from their father's burial was to be replayed at his own wedding.

Also, Musa's mother, always trying to get him to give in to the requests or conditions set by the others, is not helping him or his siblings in any way. Musa might need to learn to stand his ground around his siblings and also set boundaries of his own to keep them in their place. He is their sibling and not their plaything, and for that line to be made clear, he needs to be willing to deny their requests(including his mother's) from time to time.

Thank you very much.I am grateful.
Kudos to Seun on his efforts to improve the forum.