₦airaland Forum

brain54:
Disrespect and disregard entered when she started collecting money from her ex...


Obviously the op was trying to be understanding and that's why he allowed the "friendship".

And It's obvious it's not an open relationship!

DeepSight:
:
I was referring to Kobojunkie.

brain54:
People ought to have discipline and principles...


Why would anyone be collecting money from their ex when they are married.

It's insulting to the present husband/wife.

Money isn't everything!

IamAsiri:
That's not the issue here. The issue is the fact that the wife's parents are the ones collecting money and gifts from the ex.

brain54:
Disrespect and disregard entered when she started collecting money from her ex...


Obviously the op was trying to be understanding and that's why he allowed the "friendship".

And It's obvious it's not an open relationship!

brain54:
So the parents are Free from discipline...

Or what is the issue?

IamAsiri:
Who should discipline them? The daughter?

brain54:
What do you understand by discipline...?

IamAsiri:
You should be the one to explain.

Feisu:
My wife still keeps contact with her married ex. She says they parted peacefully so they are still friends.
I didn't have an issue with it.

But I recently found out he sends money and gifts to my inlaws and they are all so happy with that. Even celebrating this in my presence and saying I shouldn't be jealous or anything because their daughter knows she's married and their relationship was in the past.

This doesn't sit well with me.

I also know for a fact that my parents wouldn't accept unsolicited gifts from my ex or that of my siblings.

emmabest2000:
By not hiding it proved that they have no motive or so I think,

You don't have any right to dictate whom your in-law will associate with just because you married their daughter.

Burgerlomo:
They're irresponsible family 😎

budaatum:
➜Their motive is not in collecting from their ex-in-law. They must however have a motive for telling their current in-law since it's none of his business.
And note that not telling him is not the same as them hiding it. It's not the business of the in-law whom they collect whatever they collect just because he married their daughter, so there is no need to inform him.

Kobojunkie:
It is, or at least would have been interpreted as such by OP.

budaatum:
➜Assuming the OP is the in-law, I can't agree that he would have been able to interpret what he is not aware of if they did not tell him.

Kobojunkie:
The one sending money to an ex is not OP's wife. And he mentioned nowhere in his post that his marriage is directly impacted by all of this. Why do you see fit to compare it to a marriage directly impacted by the giving? Why are you desperate to find something wrong where OP himself has only revealed that it is his feelings that have been hurt by his in-laws, not by his wife?

emiye:
➜Issues with Inlaws have no impact on marriage ? wow, thanks for letting me know.
➜ I am only asking you if you will keep the same energy, if the wife's "feelings" was hurt that Husbands was sending money to his ex inlaws?

Kobojunkie:
... If he were to come about the news somewhere down the line or from a third party?

Kobojunkie:
I can understand her suggesting her folks keep their interactions with her ex away from her husband, but I don't understand you suggesting she speak to the ex to cool it with the gifts. Why should she need to potentially sabotage the joy of her family for her husband's sake?

Kobojunkie:
And he mentioned nowhere in his post that his marriage is directly impacted by all of this.

Feisu:
This doesn't sit well with me.

DeepSight:
:
If he' still sending money to them, chances are he is still sending money to her as well.
Therefore, by triangulation and quantum equation, Okafor is in the wardrobe already.

Kobojunkie:
You and I know that that is to be regarded on a case-by-case basis. For instance, a wife/husband who does not bother herself with her in-laws or what they think and focuses instead on the marriage would likely not be bothered by what the in-laws think or do in their space, so long as it does not encroach on the marriage space. So, as long as the marriage space remains isolated from the in-law issues, the marriage wouldn't be directly impacted.

2. Are you sure you are OK?

If the man is sending money to his ex-in-laws, do you not see in that case that it is the marital communal property that would be used in that situation, leading to a clear breach in the marriage space?

brain54:
You don't know and you are quoting my comment...?

You shouldn't have if you didn't understand the context in which I used it!

emiye:
➜Marriage space indeed ! You are churning BS in torrents. Wife still in constant talking terms with Ex that failed to marry her and in laws collecting gift in proxy and over the moon with such greek gift to the point of celebrating in the presence of son in law
➜ are not in the phantom "marriage space".

IamAsiri:
Very funny.

budaatum:
➜Yes he did mention in his post that his marriage is directly impacted by all of this. His specific words were: He wouldn't have started a thread if it sat well with him and his marriage.