₦airaland Forum

A truly enduring marriage is a complex and multifaceted bond built on a foundation that extends far beyond the physical. African tradition played a significant role in shaping the concept of marriage, viewing it as a partnership between couples aimed at enhancing their productivity in all endeavors. They believed that women were the ideal complement to men on their productive journey, and together, they could overcome life’s challenges. While sex is a powerful form of communication, it is not the sole factor that sustains a marriage and, often, it may not be the most crucial. A lasting marriage is constructed on a partnership that flourishes in the light of day, even in the mundane moments, and during life’s most demanding storms. It is woven from stronger, more resilient threads.

https://agbole..com/2025/11/successful-marriage-is-beyond-physical.html

PolyGamous:
✓ [b]A truly enduring marriage is a complex and multifaceted bond built on a foundation that extends far beyond the physical. African tradition played a significant role in shaping the concept of marriage, viewing it as a partnership between couples aimed at enhancing their productivity in all endeavor[/b]s.
✓ They believed that women were the ideal complement to men on their productive journey, and together, they could overcome life’s challenges. While sex is a powerful form of communication, it is not the sole factor that sustains a marriage and, often, it may not be the most crucial. A lasting marriage is constructed on a partnership that flourishes in the light of day, even in the mundane moments, and during life’s most demanding storms. It is woven from stronger, more resilient threads.

By your submission, even a toxic/unhappy/unfulfilling marriage, as long as both parties endure within it, is a success marriage. Am I correct? 🥱🥱🥱

2. Women, in the past, have mostly proven themselves to be great py punching bags in those endurance marriages you mentioned. But, don't we know better now to stop recruiting women for these hell-hole marriages at this point? Why must the damage done our mothers and grandmothers continue as the norm for the sake of claiming more of these successful marriages you love so? 🤔🤔


I mean, considering your definition of what a successful marriage would be, the marriage of Dominique Pelicot & Gisèle Pelicot was very successful since they were both married for almost 50 years — since 1973.

Kobojunkie:
By your submission, even a toxic/unhappy/unfulfilling marriage, as long as both parties endure within it, is a success marriage. Am I correct? 🥱🥱🥱

2. Women, in the past, have mostly proven themselves to be great py punching bags in those endurance marriages you mentioned. But, don't we know better now to stop recruiting women for these hell-hole marriages at this point? Why must the damage done our mothers and grandmothers continue as the norm for the sake of claiming more of these successful marriages you love so? 🤔🤔


I mean, considering your definition of what a successful marriage would be, the marriage of Dominique Pelicot & Gisèle Pelicot was very successful since they were both married for almost 50 years — since 1973.

How is my submission about recruiting a woman to be a punching bag in marriage?

Why will a woman marry a man that abuse her in the first place, talking against lust is talking against domestic violence, because when what you want is all physical and they fade away due to occurrences that was mentioned (parenting stress, aging, etc), partners begins to find it difficult to tolerate each other.

Endurance doesn’t mean you endure the worse, but the process of life which is not often an easy task.

PolyGamous:
➜How is my submission about recruiting a woman to be a punching bag in marriage?
➜ Why will a woman marry a man that abuse her in the first place, talking against lust is talking against domestic violence, because when what you want is all physical and they fade away due to occurrences that was mentioned (parenting stress, aging, etc), partners begins to find it difficult to tolerate each other.
➜ Endurance doesn’t mean you endure the worse, but the process of life which is not often an easy task.

This is what you wrote.

PolyGamous:
A truly enduring marriage is a complex and multifaceted bond built on a foundation that extends far beyond the physical.

2. Most of our African mothers, grandmothers, and great-grandmothers were married to abusive men who treated them like punching bags for many decades of their marriage. Those marriages were held together for as long as they were because those women literally accepted the abuse, excused much of the bullsheet, all in the same name of maintaining what Africans mostly refer to as successful marriages — the endurance marriages you speak of.

3. You never consulted your dictionary on this before, have you?

en·dur·ance
/inˈdo͝orən(t)s,enˈdo͝orən(t)s/
noun
the fact or power of enduring an unpleasant or difficult process or situation without giving way.

Kobojunkie:
This is what you wrote.
2. Most of our African mothers, grandmothers, and great-grandmothers were married to abusive men who treated them like punching bags for many decades of their marriage. Those marriages were held together for as long as they were because those women literally accepted the abuse, excused much of the bullsheet, all in the same name of maintaining what Africans mostly refer to as successful marriages — the endurance marriages you speak of.

3. You never consulted your dictionary on this before, have you?

Most in your view, the community I came from, most parents were too busy and they supported each other, the violence marriages I have seen in my life are the younger ones not that of my parents or of my grand’s.

And 😂, I don’t have to go back to check dictionary to use the word “endure” right, like I said, endurance in marriage does not necessarily mean you are enduring the worse, which is domestic violence! There are various differences in marriage to endure, and when life hit at a marriage, couples endure (endurance in marriage is not meant to be one sided).

And, are you trying to argue that “sex should be the pillar of marriage”?

PolyGamous:
➜Most in your view, the community I came from, most parents were too busy and they supported each other, the violence marriages I have [b]seen in my life are the younger ones not that of my parents or of my grand’s.[/b]
➜ And 😂, I don’t have to go back to check dictionary to use the word “endure” right, like I said, endurance in marriage does not necessarily mean you are enduring the worse, which is domestic violence!
➜ There are various differences in marriage to endure, and when life hit at a marriage, couples endure (endurance in marriage is not meant to be one sided).
➜ And, are you trying to argue that “sex should be the pillar of marriage”?

Oh, so the only kind of abuse against women and children is the violence that you see(not even that which you have heard of) for yourself and not that which goes on even behind closed doors? Or are those parents/wives/husbands who perpetrate those not to be considered? 🥱🥱🥱

2. Endurance, which literally means hanging on to that which is debilitating/difficult/unpleasant, is to be given a different meaning entirely where marriage is concerned? It seems we need an entirely different dictionary made for marriage, which is what I sense you are insinuating here. 🥱🥱🥱

3. Life hits a couple differently from the way life hits individuals outside of marriage? That is some amazing sheet you marriage brokers like to spew. So, marriage is an entirely different configuration of life, is what you are insinuating? 🥱🥱🥱

4. I don't recall mentioning sex in my previous response to you, and I don't even know how you came up with the idea that I am suggesting a pillar for your concept of marriage. 🥱🥱🥱

Kobojunkie:
Oh, so the only kind of abuse against women and children is the violence that you see(not even that which you have heard of) for yourself and not that which goes on even behind closed doors? Or are those parents/wives/husbands who perpetrate those not to be considered? 🥱🥱🥱

2. Endurance, which literally means hanging on to that which is debilitating/difficult/unpleasant, is to be given a different meaning entirely where marriage is concerned? It seems we need an entirely different dictionary made for marriage, which is what I sense you are insinuating here. 🥱🥱🥱

3. Life hits a couple differently from the way life hits individuals outside of marriage? That is some amazing sheet you marriage brokers like to spew. So, marriage is an entirely different configuration of life, is what you are insinuating? 🥱🥱🥱

4. I don't recall mentioning sex in my previous response to you, and I don't even know how you came up with the idea that I am suggesting a pillar for your concept of marriage. 🥱🥱🥱

If one meaning is what you can tie to endurance, it will be difficult to have a great conversation with you.

And why I said if your argument is about sex being the only pillar is because, the topic was based on that.

But, try to know that there’s always more meaning tied to a word, I don’t support domestic violence and I will not encourage anyone to endure such and cheat in a marriage. Thank you.

PolyGamous:
➜If one meaning is what you can tie to endurance, it will be difficult to have a great conversation with you.
➜And why I said if your argument is about sex being the only pillar is because, the topic was based on that.
➜ But, try to know that there’s always more meaning tied to a word, I don’t support domestic violence and I will not encourage anyone to endure such and cheat in a marriage. Thank you.

Why would it be difficult when the definitions noted clearly reveal that Endurance is related either to some hardship or difficulty, or— the typically figurative expression —enduring friendship, which does not describe most endurance marriages out there.

2. How can it be about sex when your topic literally indicates it is beyond sex, meaning sex takes a back seat as far as the subject?

3. That is an excuse people typically use to brush human ills and wickedness under the carpet. For instance, you keep insisting on domestic abuse alone as if to suggest we are to turn a blind eye to every other kind of abuse that also occurs in marriages and homes across the way. Isn't that part of why your many endurance marriages are literally nothing but toxic/abusive examples of marriages?

Kobojunkie:
Why would it be difficult when the definitions noted clearly reveal that Endurance is related either to some hardship or difficulty, or— the typically figurative expression —enduring friendship, which does not describe most endurance marriages out there.

2. How can it be about sex when your topic literally indicates it is beyond sex, meaning sex takes a back seat as far as the subject?

3. That is an excuse people typically use to brush human ills and wickedness under the carpet. For instance, you keep insisting on domestic abuse alone as if to suggest we are to turn a blind eye to every other kind of abuse that also occurs in marriages and homes across the way. Isn't that part of why your many endurance marriages are literally nothing but toxic/abusive examples of marriages?

Okay, kindly highlight what a better marriage should be about, or you are totally against marriage?
And what you feel is best to measure a successful marriage, your points will be appreciated

PolyGamous:
✓ Okay, kindly highlight what a better marriage should be about, or you are totally against marriage?
✓ And what you feel is best to measure a successful marriage, your points will be appreciated

I believe a better marriage would be an non abusive marriage where both partners (not Master-slave situation) mutually respect each other, growing together with both able to individually thrive all while enjoying the the shared connection and safety that being in relationship provides them.

2. A good measure would be the mental, emotional and social intelligence of the individuals in the relationship as well as the degree to which they have been able to fulfill individual goals, dreams, etc , during the period of the marriage in additional to shared goals.🥱🥱🥱

I don't know the basis of the conversationbut why would a woman endure in a marriage that she supposed ro enjoy, to have found a partner that becomes 1 with her.
For example; If she has to endure hard times with you and step in when things aren't as rosy, okay no problem...
That shouldn't include you carrying out your frustration on her in any form that will now cause her to endure... the same stress that is gnawing at you is the same gnawing at her, why should she be forced to include the stress of your frustration... no matter the meaning of endurance,
Someone is having headache and you want her to wait till it becomes a head pounding migraine before she seeks help all because as a wife she should have the ability to endure... Haaa

PolyGamous:
If one meaning is what you can tie to endurance, it will be difficult to have a great conversation with you.

And why I said if your argument is about sex being the only pillar is because, the topic was based on that.

But, try to know that there’s always more meaning tied to a word, I don’t support domestic violence and I will not encourage anyone to endure such and cheat in a marriage. Thank you.

Then stick to a side and don't try to make excuses for a side you are not on.. There will be girls who don't want to endure anything but that doesn't mean that there are not women forced to endure rubbish, it wouldn't be a problem if the alapa stainless outweighs the abused... bit the type of rubbish women are forced to endure all in the name of marriage is alarming, most times sef the emotional and psychological parts are daunting because of our culture and system, most people do not believe what they don’t see until it's too late. When the person dies now, we'll be quick to say ah see what her desire to endure and protect her family name has caused.

marriage is a high-risk high overhead protocol with significant failure rate primarily due to the inherent irrationality of human participants and the undefined subjective metrics upon which it is often founded.

Kobojunkie:
I believe a better marriage would be an non abusive marriage where both partners (not Master-slave situation) mutually respect each other, growing together with both able to individually thrive all while enjoying the the shared connection and safety that being in relationship provides them.

2. A good measure would be the mental, emotional and social intelligence of the individuals in the relationship as well as the degree to which they have been able to fulfill individual goals, dreams, etc , during the period of the marriage in additional to shared goals.🥱🥱🥱

I think I get what happened just now, if you had read the full the article, you would have seen that all that was included to what a marriage must be built on not just sex.

Touchaheart:
I don't know the basis of the conversationbut why would a woman endure in a marriage that she supposed ro enjoy, to have found a partner that becomes 1 with her.
For example; If she has to endure hard times with you and step in when things aren't as rosy, okay no problem...
That shouldn't include you carrying out your frustration on her in any form that will now cause her to endure... the same stress that is gnawing at you is the same gnawing at her, why should she be forced to include the stress of your frustration... no matter the meaning of endurance,
Someone is having headache and you want her to wait till it becomes a head pounding migraine before she seeks help all because as a wife she should have the ability to endure... Haaa


Then stick to a side and don't try to make excuses for a side you are not on.. There will be girls who don't want to endure anything but that doesn't mean that there are not women forced to endure rubbish, it wouldn't be a problem if the alapa stainless outweighs the abused... bit the type of rubbish women are forced to endure all in the name of marriage is alarming, most times sef the emotional and psychological parts are daunting because of our culture and system, most people do not believe what they don’t see until it's too late. When the person dies now, we'll be quick to say ah see what her desire to endure and protect her family name has caused.

I did not emphasize on woman alone enduring in marriages, both the partners are entitled to enduring what life brings, which I tried to point out so well “not any form of abuse from either”. Women are vulnerable and can be tensed when going through pregnancy stages and their menstrual cycle, a man should understand and endure her at this stage, not going around because she’s not being who she used to be when not in this situations. Likewise, men can be tensed when responsibilities pile up, or maybe his job gets ethic or some other things, that could make him not to be as available as he used to be, woman should understand what’s going on and not just complain about him not caring as used to knowing fully well he’s going through situations like this. There are so many occurrence in marriages beyond the domestic violence we see and most of this little things if not endured are what leads to what we see.

I am open to be corrected, if my view about that is wrong.

All we ask is that partners display emotional intelligence, women during pregnancy cannot be compared to a man going through financial strains. The pregnancy stuff is hormone flares beyond her control (except she wants to aggravate but if she knows the man she married and his lack of tolerance, she would probably not push it). She can't control how she cries or easily gets overwhelmed but that is just for 9 months... and possibly some time post partum... Una agree to be pregnant, the pregnancy hormone thing is everywhere so you know what you're up against from the very beginning. A man/woman who cannot their emotions do to whatever secondary situation is not right. Financial needs will be there most times even after the kinds have gone on to their own houses, rather than endure, communicate... it won't be like endurance if you both have talked extensively, not with arguments or defensive nature, talk it out, this is what we have, let's be realistic and maximise it. Don't take them to where you can't afford but you can ensure they are better my using YouTube videos, teach them what you feel their school is lacking, buy the books because school fees will not be drowning you, make the children themselves understand, they are smarter than you think, they will sit up and bring the best results, when the school sef knows their worth to the image of their school they will not be hard on you. Communicate!! That you are the head does not mean the woman won't have nice ideas or opinions, na she dey go market, her fellow women can tell her what their husbands are doing to get by and it could be applicable to you too. Even a king has advisors. When you people are intentional about supporting each other, that word endurance will not come in. Cause even when you're struggling she will protect you with a smile and with pride. Women who are well managed submit and submit well...

PolyGamous:
I did not emphasize on woman alone enduring in marriages, both the partners are entitled to enduring what life brings, which I tried to point out so well “not any form of abuse from either”. Women are vulnerable and can be tensed when going through pregnancy stages and their menstrual cycle, a man should understand and endure her at this stage, not going around because she’s not being who she used to be when not in this situations. Likewise, men can be tensed when responsibilities pile up, or maybe his job gets ethic or some other things, that could make him not to be as available as he used to be, woman should understand what’s going on and not just complain about him not caring as used to knowing fully well he’s going through situations like this. There are so many occurrence in marriages beyond the domestic violence we see and most of this little things if not endured are what leads to what we see.

I am open to be corrected, if my view about that is wrong.

Communication is great, I don’t dispute that as it strengthens relationships not just marriages and even makes trust a big deal, but that still doesn’t erase the fact that endurance should be considered. Human being are prone failure, before getting to success in most we get into. If a woman gives up easily while a man try things would not be as easy as you laid it out, I believed you’ve watched the movie “acrimony”, the woman couldn’t endure anymore even though the man was communicating to her every move he’s taking, she was supportive in all ways, but she gave up on her endurance which is what made her push for divorce.

We don’t have to be biased, both parties deserve to be endured, not just man, being tensed too is more an hormone things, you can hardly control yourself if not well disciplined and this is applicable to both parties. The example of pregnancy was just an highlight not that it is the only thing a man should endured. Marriage is a long journey together, so much will come into the way affecting one party than the other at a particular time, whenever that happens, communication, support, and endurance is required from the party that is less affected at that moment.

Submission is not something a man should demand, it should be earned. The master and slave marriage thing has always been something I hate to believe exists.

Touchaheart:
All we ask is that partners display emotional intelligence, women during pregnancy cannot be compared to a man going through financial strains. The pregnancy stuff is hormone flares beyond her control (except she wants to aggravate but if she knows the man she married and his lack of tolerance, she would probably not push it). She can't control how she cries or easily gets overwhelmed but that is just for 9 months... and possibly some time post partum... Una agree to be pregnant, the pregnancy hormone thing is everywhere so you know what you're up against from the very beginning. A man/woman who cannot their emotions do to whatever secondary situation is not right. Financial needs will be there most times even after the kinds have gone on to their own houses, rather than endure, communicate... it won't be like endurance if you both have talked extensively, not with arguments or defensive nature, talk it out, this is what we have, let's be realistic and maximise it. Don't take them to where you can't afford but you can ensure they are better my using YouTube videos, teach them what you feel their school is lacking, buy the books because school fees will not be drowning you, make the children themselves understand, they are smarter than you think, they will sit up and bring the best results, when the school sef knows their worth to the image of their school they will not be hard on you. Communicate!! That you are the head does not mean the woman won't have nice ideas or opinions, na she dey go market, her fellow women can tell her what their husbands are doing to get by and it could be applicable to you too. Even a king has advisors. When you people are intentional about supporting each other, that word endurance will not come in. Cause even when you're struggling she will protect you with a smile and with pride. Women who are well managed submit and submit well...

PolyGamous:
✓ I think I get what happened just now, if you had read the full the article, you would have seen that all that was included to what a marriage must be built on not just sex.

I have no reason to concern myself with the issue of sex in marriage because even those who aren't married also have sex. Hope you see how or why then sex should be a decent indicator of good relations in marriage.