₦airaland Forum

In my former neighbourhood, there was this young man that was studying medicine in the university, a very brilliant chap and doing very well in his academics.

Though the parents were struggling financially, they made sure all his needs were met.

An opportunity came
then with the Nigerian Government giving scholarship to scholars to school in Russia and this guy was successful as he got a scholarship to study Engineering in Russia .

That was it ,he married a Russian woman and broke communication with his parents and siblings in Nigeria .

The parents were heart broken especially the mum as it made her fall ill and she never recovered from it.
She died and the son didn't come to Nigeria for final farewell.

The dad just died and still no show from him.
Just got chatting with one of his siblings and he said he is yet to fathom why he acted this way as he was well treated as a kid before he went to Russia.
What could have really made him to act this way is a million dollar question.
Life.

One thing I've learnt is, siblings can assume they all got the same good treatment, when the truth might be that some are not treated as well as some. And though some may claim someone "was well treated as a kid", they don't know how the kid felt about its treatment.

I say the above to add rationality to the actions of this "kid". It is also possible that the kid's action might be irrational, and that he truly was treated well as a kid and now just does not care about his parent's no more, or it can be that his new location has its on hardships that have caused issues for him so his thinking is bent.

If we don't walk in his shoes we'd never know his journey, basically, and any judgement might be ill informed and hasty, and is definitely a "million dollar question", and "life".

The big question is....
1...Is the guy still ALIVE?
2...Are things okay with him over there?

Caaz:
The big question is....
1...Is the guy still ALIVE?
2...Are things okay with him over there?

He is alive and doing very well over there.
His counterparts that got same scholarship do come to Nigeria and go back.

budaatum:
One thing I've learnt is, siblings can assume they all got the same good treatment, when the truth might be that some are not treated as well as some. And though some may claim someone "was well treated as a kid", they don't know how the kid felt about its treatment.

I say the above to add rationality to the actions of this "kid". It is also possible that the kid's action might be irrational, and that he truly was treated well as a kid and now just does not care about his parent's no more, or it can be that his new location has its on hardships that have caused issues for him so his thinking is bent.

If we don't walk in his shoes we'd never know his journey, basically, and any judgement might be ill informed and hasty, and is definitely a "million dollar question", and "life".

For one to completely break off from the parents and siblings just like that no matter what is absolutely absurd.

guobe:
He is alive and doing very well over there.
His counterparts that got same scholarship do come to Nigeria and go back.

Maybe hes busy investing in his russian wife's pussybank.

Caaz:
Maybe hes busy investing in his russian wife's pussybank.

The sibling I spoke with told me he thought the wife was the cause but when he spoke with him he realised she was not as he acted on his own from their chat.

guobe:
For one to completely break off from the parents and siblings just like that no matter what is absolutely absurd.

No it is not "absolutely absurd"! And you better be grateful if you have not got reason to break off from your parents and siblings, because, some might choose to break off from their siblings and family because their family is toxic, or because the breakee himself is mentally damaged and mad like those you see walking around naked and lost in some of our markets and far away from family.

budaatum:
No it is not "absolutely absurd"! And you better be grateful if you have not got reason to break off from your parents and siblings, because, some might choose to break off from their siblings and family because their family is toxic, or because the breakee himself is mentally damaged and mad like those you see walking around naked and lost in some of our markets and far away from family.

If he sees everyone in his family as toxic then he should be the problem and not the family.

guobe:
In my former neighbourhood, there was this young man that was studying medicine in the university, a very brilliant chap and doing very well in his academics. Though the parents were struggling financially, they made sure all his needs were met.
An opportunity came then with the Nigerian Government giving scholarship to scholars to school in Russia and this guy was successful as he got a scholarship to study Engineering in Russia .
That was it ,he married a Russian woman and broke communication with his parents and siblings in Nigeria . The parents were heart broken especially the mum as it made her fall ill and she never recovered from it. She died and the son didn't come to Nigeria for final farewell.
The dad just died and still no show from him. Just got chatting with one of his siblings and he said he is yet to fathom why he acted this way as he was well treated as a kid before he went to Russia. What could have really made him to act this way is a million dollar question. Life.

From your story, what is clear is that you were not an insider to this family and as such do not know the real reason behind why the man decided to go no contact with his parents after he left Nigeria. I suggest you focus your energy on finding out the truth, and stop going around telling these tales by moonlight that Nigerian airheads are notorious for.

Children who go no contact with their parents do so for very reasonable reasons, and most times, things are never as you think they seem.

Possible reasons:

Fear of the Unknown: He might be genuinely afraid of spiritual interference or jealousy from people back home (village pipu )

The Pressure to Succeed: Not everyone abroad is "living the dream." He might be struggling quietly with finances or his mental health and feels he can't come home until he has "made it."

Painful Memories: There could be hurtful experiences from his childhood that make the idea of returning triggering or painful for him.

Quality of Life Differences: Once you get used to a system that works, it can be mentally difficult to prepare yourself for the stress and struggles of life back home.

Discouraging Stories: He might be reacting to scary stories he’s heard from friends—people who visited home and regretted it or faced danger.

New Family Bond: He is receiving so much love and support from his wife and her family that he no longer feels a strong void or need to reconnect with his extended family.

Kobojunkie:
From your story, what is clear is that you were not an insider to this family and as such do not know the real reason behind why the man decided to go no contact with his parents after he left Nigeria. I suggest you focus your energy on finding out the truth, and stop going around telling these tales by moonlight that Nigerian airheads are notorious for.

Children who go no contact with their parents do so for very reasonable reasons, and most times, things are never as you think they seem.

Even to parents?it does not add up.

guobe:
If he sees everyone in his family as toxic then he should be the problem and not the family.

It is very possible that he is the problem, but in that case, him being the problem is the reason for his breakaway, and would likely come under my "mentally damaged and mad like those you see walking around naked and lost in some of our markets and far away from family".

The mentally damaged do after all not see that they may be the toxic fault.

guobe:
➜Even to parents?it does not add up.

It won't add up to someone whose idea of life is riddled with fairy tales— from the content of your OP —and little of reality. 🥱🥱🥱

Yes, your parents are not gods, and you will be shocked to find that even your own parents are just as bad as those other vile people out there in the world. And yes, lots of people end up going no contact with their parents. Always seek the truth behind every tale you are told, especially by Nigerians. 🥱🥱🥱

budaatum:
It is very possible that he is the problem, but in that case, him being the problem is the reason for his breakaway, and would likely come under my "mentally damaged and mad like those you see walking around naked and lost in some of our markets and far away from family".

The mentally damaged do after all not see that they may be the toxic fault.

So true, it's been decades and he has gone AWOL.

Kobojunkie:
It won't add up to someone whose idea of life is riddled with fairy tales and little of reality. Yes, your parents are not gods nsd you will be shocked that they are just as bad as those other vile people out there in the world outside. And yes, lots of people end going up going no contact with their parents.

Your thoughts are the fairy tale here as less than 1 percent of parents have evil intentions towards the kids they brought to the world.

guobe:
➜Your thoughts are the fairy tale here as less than 1 percent of parents have evil intentions towards the kids they brought to the world.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

guobe:
Even to parents?it does not add up.

Yes it does, or at least, could add up..

I have a 90 year old friend from Uganda who's son has broken off from her for over 20 years.

The last time he called her she told me he was rambling and she felt he sounded drunk as he was known to, so she told him to call her when he was sobber, and he has not called her since.

On further talking to her - we go for coffee twice a month after I've given her driving lessons on the mobility vehicle her daughter bought for her - she told me he came home from school one day with bruises and she asked what he'd done to get beaten up so. She now regrets blaming him instead of asking what had happened first, because he never told her anything after that day when he was 14 years old. Only many years later did she hear from her daughter that he was protecting her and his other 2 younger siblings from bullies that day, and got beat up.

Now, some might not react that way, but the mother has told me at least 2 other things similar to the above that "add up" and that even she now regrets and thinks are what has blighted their relationship.

budaatum:
Yes it does, or at least, could add up..

I have a 90 year old friend from Uganda who's son has broken off from her for over 20 years.

The last time he called her she told me he was rambling and she felt he sounded drunk as he was known to, so she told him to call her when he was sobber, and he has not called her since.

On further talking to her - we go for coffee twice a month after I've given her driving lessons on the mobility vehicle her daughter bought for her - she told me he came home from school one day with bruises and she asked what he'd done to get beaten up so. She now regrets blaming him instead of asking what had happened first, because he never told her anything after that day when he was 14 years old. Only many years later did she hear from her daughter that he was protecting her and his other 2 younger siblings from bullies that day, and got beat up.

Now, some might not react that way, but the mother has told me at least 2 other things similar to the above that "add up" and that even she now regrets and thinks are what has blighted their relationship.

She is heartbroken and now blaming herself when she is actually not the problem.
Alot of us as kids passed through worst things from our parents but still we didn't hold the grudges against them.
A kid that holds a grudge against their parents even to the grave is evil

guobe:
In my former neighbourhood, there was this young man that was studying medicine in the university, a very brilliant chap and doing very well in his academics.
Though the parents were struggling financially, they made sure all his needs were met.
An opportunity came
then with the Nigerian Government giving scholarship to scholars to school in Russia and this guy was successful as he got a scholarship to study Engineering in Russia .
That was it ,he married a Russian woman and broke communication with his parents and siblings in Nigeria .
The parents were heart broken especially the mum as it made her fall ill and she never recovered from it.
She died and the son didn't come to Nigeria for final farewell.
The dad just died and still no show from him.
Just got chatting with one of his siblings and he said he is yet to fathom why he acted this way as he was well treated as a kid before he went to Russia.
What could have really made him to act this way is a million dollar question.
Life.

People who are un grounded can change at any point in life .. that's why you must be formed well identity crisis is the number one cause of his problem .. he snapped out of who they taught he was

Came4amod:
People who are un grounded can change at any point in life .. that's why you must be formed well identity crisis is the number one cause of his problem .. he snapped out of who they taught he was

Yes he got carried away and this was very rampant for kids that went abroad in the 80s.
I know of someone that got lost too that travelled abroad in the 80s and had to be remotely controlled spiritually to Nigeria after a very long time abroad.

guobe:
She is heartbroken and now blaming herself when she is actually not the problem.
Alot of us as kids passed through worst things from our parents but still we didn't hold the grudges against them.
A kid that holds a grudge against their parents even to the grave is evil

It is your own opinion that she is actually not the problem. She blames herself for actually being the problem.

As for you "kids passed through worst things", know people react to their pain in different ways.

I, for instance, know a son who has loved his mother though she broke two of his front teeth when he was 14 because he allegedly stole ₦5, and had him thrown in jail at 16 because he wouldn't let her use the stove he scavenged to put together because she would not give him ₦15 for Nov-Dec GCE. He only stopped relating with her in his 60s like he used to because she insists her half brother, whom she does not get on with, put juju on him, despite the fact his illness has a known cause and was due to his own stupïdity. Now, every time he remembers his mother's attempt to manipulate him to hate his uncle, he sends his cousin money to buy yams for his uncle so they complain its far too much. As for his mother that he used to bake bread every week and share with, he hasn't since.

I also know a mother who slapped her daughter because the daughter directed her to her school for an event held elsewhere, which made her late for work.

The mother said, one day years after her 12 year old daughter was now a graduated woman with years of work experience, she looked at her daughter and reached to her cheek where the ring she'd worn that day had left a scar, and reminded her daughter what had happened that day and how she had slapped her in frustration. And "please forgive me" she ended, "what I did was wrong".

She said her daughter burst out in tears and hugged her, and they've related well ever since.

You will hopefully see from the above that parents can be evil too, and might just need to repent or reap what they have sown.

budaatum:
One thing I've learnt is, siblings can assume they all got the same good treatment, when the truth might be that some are not treated as well as some. And though some may claim someone "was well treated as a kid", they don't know how the kid felt about its treatment.

I say the above to add rationality to the actions of this "kid". It is also possible that the kid's action might be irrational, and that he truly was treated well as a kid and now just does not care about his parent's no more, or it can be that his new location has its on hardships that have caused issues for him so his thinking is bent.

If we don't walk in his shoes we'd never know his journey, basically, and any judgement might be ill informed and hasty, and is definitely a "million dollar question", and "life".

Both you and him are lost emphatically!!!

Farrason:
Both you and him are lost emphatically!!!

Thankfully, you are emphatically found.

Even if you don't want to talk to your parents...it is still your duty to make sure that they are taken care of just as they did their duty to you when they fed, housed and clothed you when you could not find for yourself.

The Bible does not tell us to love our parents...instead it tells us to Honour them.
Because as Parents they would have done and said things knowingly and unknowingly that are downright nasty and unfair that could make a child dislike the parent ..but duty na duty, we don't have to be friends.

Each child is different and even though they were raised in the same house by the same parent with the same treatment, their experience, understanding and interpretation of actions are not the same.


The actions that one child does not mind will be deeply offensive to another.

Those of you supporting children losing ties with their parents because of one reason or the other should prepare for old age as well, because what you sow, you will surely reap. Somebody travelled abroad and forgot his family totally. Mum and dad died, yet nothing from him. You think he will live happily ever after? Something is wrong somewhere somehow. I can confidently tell you that happiness is far from him.

They probably treated him wrong.

Most families are dysfunctional. Most families have not been to a therapist, and make effort to purge out unhealthy patterns.

It’s very difficult for a person to cut off with their biological families, and men typically do that when they create their own family.

Lots of dysfunction in families are revealed during adulthood, since the parents will take the backseat and the children will continue from there.

How the siblings will relate with each other especially with the differences in financial status, educational level, life challenges and past resentment will depend on the love they have for each other.


Since the siblings are adults with agency, they will iron out their past resentment which might lead to a permanent breakdown of the relationship.

In many cases, it is parents that are the glue to sibling relationships. Without a present parent, most siblings ain’t fan of each other.

And the more successful a sibling is, the more likely he would be the target of the others who ain’t successful, hence, a pressing need for the successful one to just cut off.

This is probably what’s going on here.

guobe:
He is alive and doing very well over there.
His counterparts that got same scholarship do come to Nigeria and go back.

That's not a way to measure people's success overseas, everyone's situation is different.
I know of a childhood friend based in Russia that had problems with his Russian wife. They had done some deals together and he ended up getting locked up in prison for 5 years.

When he got out was when he contacted all of his childhood friends for support. He couldn't even get a good job as a felon and said his passports were taken from him as part of his sentencing, so he couldn't leave Russia when we spoke. He had a Russian passport and a Nigerian passport,his Russian passport was taken from him and his Nigerian passport wouldn't take him to other European countries he wanted to try without a visa.

Someone like that is struggling with getting his life back, so its not entirely his fault that he got lost in Russia.

I

MemoriesAndMe:
That's not a way to measure people's success overseas, everyone's situation is different.
I know of a childhood friend based in Russia that had problems with his Russian wife. They had done some deals together and he ended up getting locked up in prison for 5 years.

When he got out was when he contacted all of his childhood friends for support. He couldn't even get a good job as a felon and said his passports were taken from him as part of his sentencing, so he couldn't leave Russia when we spoke. He had a Russian passport and a Nigerian passport,his Russian passport was taken from him and his Nigerian passport wouldn't take him to other European countries he wanted to try without a visa.

Someone like that is struggling with getting his life back, so its not entirely his fault that he got lost in Russia.

On this scenario, the sibling told me he is not doing badly abroad in Russia and that he is even a Doctor over there.
If he is having issues he should communicate and not cut off from his family.
It has been decades now since this occurrence

pansophist:
They probably treated him wrong.

Most families are dysfunctional. Most families have not been to a therapist, and make effort to purge out unhealthy patterns.

It’s very difficult for a person to cut off with their biological families, and men typically do that when they create their own family.

Lots of dysfunction in families are revealed during adulthood, since the parents will take the backseat and the children will continue from there.

How the siblings will relate with each other especially with the differences in financial status, educational level, life challenges and past resentment will depend on the love they have for each other.


Since the siblings are adults with agency, they will iron out their past resentment which might lead to a permanent breakdown of the relationship.

In many cases, it is parents that are the glue to sibling relationships. Without a present parent, most siblings ain’t fan of each other.

And the more successful a sibling is, the more likely he would be the target of the others who ain’t successful, hence, a pressing need for the successful one to just cut off.

This is probably what’s going on here.

Gbam!!!

guobe:
In my former neighbourhood, there was this young man that was studying medicine in the university, a very brilliant chap and doing very well in his academics.
Though the parents were struggling financially, they made sure all his needs were met.
An opportunity came
then with the Nigerian Government giving scholarship to scholars to school in Russia and this guy was successful as he got a scholarship to study Engineering in Russia .
That was it ,he married a Russian woman and broke communication with his parents and siblings in Nigeria .
The parents were heart broken especially the mum as it made her fall ill and she never recovered from it.
She died and the son didn't come to Nigeria for final farewell.
The dad just died and still no show from him.
Just got chatting with one of his siblings and he said he is yet to fathom why he acted this way as he was well treated as a kid before he went to Russia.
What could have really made him to act this way is a million dollar question.
Life.

they raised a simp

Una want make believe that Russian woman used kop nno mi on that young man.

But I won't believe cos I no say beke no da do that kind jazz