₦airaland Forum

Dogalmighty17:
I know this is painful and very hurtful. However, you need to realise that now is the time to show strength for yourself and your children. Any woman who can abandon kids as young as you have, should not be a mother in the first place. It doesn't matter what happened between both of you, the children do not have to suffer for it.

Take your mind off her, don't call her, don't text her. Embrace the pain and hurt. Let it wash over you. It will soon pass. Pick up yourself and move on with your life. You can get a maid or a family member to help you with your kids. On no condition whatsoever should you take her back when she returns. Because she will. Just hold your peace.

You see those motivational quote you just dropped for the op,truth's e nor go ever dey easy for him no matter how hard he tries.... 4kids nor be moimoi.
Hes now a decorated single father.

OP, if you guys had trained the 14 years old well, he can prep them for school and also his/herself.

If you belong to a church, you can make arrangements for after school till you return. If your family isn't available to assist in the interim, liaise with them to get someone from your extended family who's grown and will be a caretaker than hiring a nanny who'll be a stranger.

Esthered:
➜ OP, if you guys had trained the 14 years old well, he can prep them for school and also his/herself.
➜ If you belong to a church, you can make arrangements for after school till you return.
➜ If your family isn't available to assist in the interim, liaise with them to get someone from your extended family who'll grown and will be a caretaker than hiring a nanny who'll be a stranger.

no child deserves to be made to parent his/her siblings. That cruel treatment is why many children go on to cut off from family members later on in life. 🥱🥱🥱

2. Many children, boys and girls alike, are sexually assaulted by people in your churches and mosques. Stop leaving your children with strangers. 🥱🥱🥱

3. A caretaker who will be paid for or someone whose life will be treated like trash, only for them to, in turn, abuse the children in return?🥱🥱

Kobojunkie:
no child deserves to be made to parent his/her siblings. That cruel treatment is why many children go on to cut off from family members later on in life. 🥱🥱🥱

2. Many children, boys and girls alike, are sexually assaulted by people in your churches and mosques. Stop leaving your children with strangers. 🥱🥱🥱

3. A caretaker who will be paid for or someone whose life will be treated like trash, only for them to, in turn, abuse the children in return?🥱🥱

What solution are you proposing in the interim?

Esthered:
➜What solution are you proposing in the interim?

Interim? Why an interim? Also, what do single mothers do when abandoned by their husbands or baby fathers? Why do you feel the children's lives need to be shaken up—upheaved— because of this? Why can't parent units just continue without necessarily transferring devastation to the children? 🥱🥱

Caaz:
You see those motivational quote you just dropped for the op,truth's e nor go ever dey easy for him no matter how hard he tries.... 4kids nor be moimoi.
Hes now a decorated single father.

Hmmmmnnnn... Nawa oh

ope2711:
Please house I need your help, the wife that I've married for over 14 years now just left me today with 4 children. We didn't have any issue before until 31st of December, 2025 when I discovered a photocopy of Nigeria passport in her bag and fighting started when I asked her what was going on. We've been dragging this since that day but today she confessed that she's already done with me and I should not worry about her anymore. She left my house this morning o. Today is the most saddest day of my life. Pls pray for me and my children.

Congratulations.
It's better than she ended your existence.
Change your location with your family and enjoy your life. You will be very fine.

Caaz:
Kobo be calming down....muyico Oya drink cold water
Kobo came with brutality this 2026 lolxxxx

i dont understand what he saying! mom and dad, both late, in heaven now!

oldguyman:
I am very sure you are fully aware of her move you just ignored the signs. As a Africa man, you should always be a man. I will advise to look for another woman and marry, latest in 3 months time if you have the resources. Your greatest mistake is not marrying fast because she will surely come back. Marry another woman and forget about her. I am very sure someone somewhere is lying to her.

Let her go bros, pick up yourself and don't bother to look for her. All you need to do is to inform her family that their daughter is no longer with you.

marry another woman with four children? What he need is someone to assist him with chores and caring for the kids

What has happened has happened. You are still favoured your kids are with you. My advise is you focus and orientate the two eldest in running the home activities so that they can inturn take care of the youger ones. This will reduce your stress while you focus on providing. After their high school, make them learn skills immediately so they can support themselves even in tertiary. You can then find love after the first two have graduated. You will be fine.

BleedGraphix:
➜What has happened has happened. You are still favoured your kids are with you. My advise is you focus and orientate the two eldest in running the home activities so that they can inturn take care of the youger ones. This will reduce your stress while you focus on providing.
➜After their high school, make them learn skills immediately so they can support themselves even in tertiary. You can then find love after the first two have graduated. You will be fine.

You want him to punish his two eldest children for what happened? Why is it that the more time passes, the more it seems Nigerians never learn anything? Those two are children and are not supposed to act as parents to anyone, including their own selves. 🥱🥱🥱

2. Children have yet to learn what they need to, but you are already looking to force them to learn skills and into adulthood even before they have recovered from the traumas of childhood. I don talk am many times... Nigerians hate their children more than they hate themselves.🥱🥱🥱

You know this from the fact that every single suggestion you have given here is not to help the children grow up less traumaticized into better people and citizens of that country, but to help OP ease the burden that is the children off of himself, their so-called parent. It is always about making life easier for the parent concerned or taking care of the parent unit... the well-being — mental, physical and emotional —of the kids is almost always an afterthought. 🥱🥱🥱

Kobojunkie:
You want him to punish his two eldest children for what happened? Why is it that the more time passes, the more it seems Nigerians never learn anything? Those two are children and are not supposed to act as parents to anyone, including their own selves. 🥱🥱🥱

2. Children have yet to learn what they need to, but you are already looking to force them to learn skills and into adulthood even before they have recovered from the traumas of childhood. I don talk am many times... Nigerians hate their children more than they hate themselves.🥱🥱🥱

You know this from the fact that every single suggestion you have given here is not to help the children grow up less traumaticized into better people and citizens of that country, but to help OP ease the burden that is the children off of himself, their so-called parent. It is always about making life easier for the parent concerned or taking care of the parent unit... the well-being — mental, physical and emotional —of the kids is almost always an afterthought. 🥱🥱🥱

Thanks but what exactly advice do you want to give me now? Pls

ope2711:
➜Thanks but what exactly advice do you want to give me now? Pls

Whatever you are going through, those children are going through so much worse than you are. Their parents are no longer together, and the last thing they need is a father who will try to make them more miserable by changing their lives and making them feel even worse than they do right now about no longer having their mother in the picture. You were once a child... so try to put yourself back in the place of that child and imagine how you would have felt then if you woke up one day and your mother was no longer there to take care of you. Let that guide you in helping your children better cope with and adjust to having you as their primary caregiver rather than their mother.

Those children do not deserve to be punished or made to suffer for what happened between their adult caregivers. They don't deserve to look back at this time in their life and be filled with sadness and regret. They are children and will never have their childhood back once it is taken from them by trauma and abuse of any kind. They don't deserve to have to spend their adulthood struggling because any one of their caregivers chose to have them suffer when they didn't have to. If you have to, get movies out there about fathers raising mentally sound children, too. Watching movies about women doing so can help you learn how to train mentally sound children, too. Books are out there that you can look up and read/listen to if you need help. 🥱🥱🥱

First thing, do all you can to not have to disrupt their life. They should get up every morning to go to school and come back home. their chores and homework, and play as they have always been able to. If there is no adult supervision to watch them when they go outside, then they can stay in the house after school until you come back and watch them go play for no matter how short a time it may be. 🥱🥱

Second, do not lie to them and do not hide the situation from them. Whatever bitterness you feel towards their mother is your personal issue with her and not for you to trauma dump on those children. Just explain how sometimes things do not work between father and mother, but that does not mean they are no longer loved by either their father or their mother. And their mother will get herself together and contact them eventually.

Third, if you have a family member in the area— preferably a sister who is currently unemployed — suggest she spare you about 1- 3 months of her time during which you will pay her to help pick your children up from school and ensure they have their meals each day. During that time, she can also help teach the older kids how to make their meals on their own — simple foods like boiling rice, or making eba, and maybe running simple errands within the neighborhood (assuming they do not already know how to do that). (You can do major cooking of meals like making soup and stew for the week, over the weekend.)

Catch up on your children's school details, documents(hospital, identification, immunization records, drug allergies, etc.), while you are at it, so that in case of emergency, you know where everything is. Make out at least 1-3 hours each day to hang out with your kids at the end of your day, talking and listening to them and their daily experiences. (Make friends with your own children.) You can also watch a program together while you all hang out. Ensure to carry your youngest children because children that age need hugs and cuddles a lot, especially when things change around them that their fragile minds are having a hard time wrapping themselves around. Show interest in their lives and in their studies so they know they still have a parent present, even though one is currently not available.

Make sure to contact their mother and demand she take care of child support from her end, beginning this very month. If she tries to be some sort of deadbeat mother to her children, report her immediately to the proper courts and send a copy of the summons, if possible, to her parents' house.

---

There are lots of spaces online where Single Dads who wish to be intentional about raising their children well go to find support from other single dads.

Kobojunkie:
Whatever you are going through, those children are going through so much worse than you are. Their parents are no longer together, and the last thing they need is a father who will try to make them more miserable by changing their lives and making them feel even worse than they do right now about no longer having their mother in the picture. You were once a child... so try to put yourself back in the place of that child and imagine how you would have felt then if you woke up one day and your mother was no longer there to take care of you. Let that guide you in helping your children better cope with and adjust to having you as their primary caregiver rather than their mother.

Those children do not deserve to be punished or made to suffer for what happened between their adult caregivers. They don't deserve to look back at this time in their life and be filled with sadness and regret. They are children and will never have their childhood back once it is taken from them by trauma and abuse of any kind. They don't deserve to have to spend their adulthood struggling because any one of their caregivers chose to have them suffer when they didn't have to. If you have to, get movies out there about fathers raising mentally sound children, too. Watching movies about women doing so can help you learn how to train mentally sound children, too. Books are out there that you can look up and read/listen to if you need help. 🥱🥱🥱

First thing, do all you can to not have to disrupt their life. They should get up every morning to go to school and come back home. their chores and homework, and play as they have always been able to. If there is no adult supervision to watch them when they go outside, then they can stay in the house after school until you come back and watch them go play for no matter how short a time it may be. 🥱🥱

Second, do not lie to them and do not hide the situation from them. Whatever bitterness you feel towards their mother is your personal issue with her and not for you to trauma dump on those children. Just explain how sometimes things do not work between father and mother, but that does not mean they are no longer loved by either their father or their mother. And their mother will get herself together and contact them eventually.

Third, if you have a family member in the area— preferably a sister who is currently unemployed — suggest she spare you about 1- 3 months of her time during which you will pay her to help pick your children up from school and ensure they have their meals each day. During that time, she can also help teach the older kids how to make their meals on their own — simple foods like boiling rice, or making eba, and maybe running simple errands within the neighborhood (assuming they do not already know how to do that). (You can do major cooking of meals like making soup and stew for the week, over the weekend.)

Catch up on your children's school details, documents(hospital, identification, immunization records, drug allergies, etc.), while you are at it, so that in case of emergency, you know where everything is. Make out at least 1-3 hours each day to hang out with your kids at the end of your day, talking and listening to them and their daily experiences. (Make friends with your own children.) You can also watch a program together while you all hang out. Ensure to carry your youngest children because children that age need hugs and cuddles a lot, especially when things change around them that their fragile minds are having a hard time wrapping themselves around. Show interest in their lives and in their studies so they know they still have a parent present, even though one is currently not available.

Make sure to contact their mother and demand she take care of child support from her end, beginning this very month. If she tries to be some sort of deadbeat mother to her children, report her immediately to the proper courts and send a copy of the summons, if possible, to her parents' house.

---

There are lots of spaces online where Single Dads who wish to be intentional about raising their children well go to find support from other single dads.

Thanks so much.

Bahamas95:
She left you a long time ago but you were blind to see the handwriting on the wall.

100% FACTS

APOPTOSIS:
My sister, u don't have to marry since you are already having peace as a spinster.
Do you want to gamble with your peace?
Remain in your Fathers house, it's not a crime.
If men come around seeking for your hand in marriage, please make it known to them that you are married to your Father.
As a lady, you don't have to be married in order to find peace ?🤷🏾‍♂️🤷🏾‍♂️🤷🏾‍♂️

APOPTOSIS:
🤣🤣🤣
That's marriage for you.
When they tell you only 3% of men would be happy they got married to a particular lady u wouldn't understand why.

See the way Flavour Nabania & Timaya are enjoying their freedom and peace with their kids. Those things will become alien to them the day they wife any of those ladies around dem.
From the very beginning they would be more likely never to have peace again & again.

This is an excerpt from your post to men on marriage, and it is just one out of many after you deactivated your MALIGNANTGUEST account. You give the same advice to young men everyday despite being married. When will you divorce your abacha-making-wife to join Timaya and Flavour?

Please take the back seat with your hypocrisy.

oldguyman:
Take the kids to her family and act like you don't care. Your greatest mistake is allowing her to leave without the children. You should have just tell her to go with her kids. How sure are you that you are the real father of the 4 children?

But women don’t bring anything to the table am I right?

ope2711:
This is not the issue of taking care of the children, I'm the one taking care of them before, what I'm saying is that she betrayed me.

Story Story Story. You better hear up and face the music... continue from where she stop and pray and continue to render your services at home and see what God will do if what you said is true that she betrayed you.

cococandy:
But women don’t bring anything to the table am I right?

And men don't benefit from marriage.
Marriage is a trap for men, the only thing they gain is kids. That itself is not guaranteed as the mother can turn them against him.

Now he has the kids with no mother in the picture. Hopefully he can raise them to give him their 2 kidneys if need be.

pocohantas:
This is an excerpt from your post to men on marriage, and it is just one out of many after you deactivated your MALIGNANTGUEST account. You give the same advice to young men everyday despite being married. When will you divorce your abacha-making-wife to join Timaya and Flavour?

Please take the back seat with your hypocrisy.

So he is the abacha guy?
Can never forget that moniker.

Married yet advising others not to.
Divorce the abacha making wife, and find peace
nope.
Hypocrite

APOPTOSIS:
TODAY should be your happiest day, rather.
Are you telling me you will accept her wholeheartedly if she returns?
What if her motive of coming back is to finish an unfinished business?
Do you think such an adulterated soul can be trusted again?

Brace up and be happy man, that's an opportunity many men are looking for.
You are liberated. She signed off herself which makes it sweeter than honey.
You gonna have a Happy 2026 indeed.

Figure out how to fix the kids, that's not difficult if you have resources. Money stops nonsense. Finally, make sure you conduct DNA on all living creatures around you. The moment these women start acting like this, it's a call for OKAFOR'S Law

MALIGNANTGUEST, you have started giving your deceitful advice while married to your abacha ugba making wife.

Your new moniker isn't a cover as your hypocrisy oozes.

ope2711:
Thanks so much.

Also, Raise your boys exactly as you raise your girls ...they need to learn how to do everything and grow, not to be wives and husbands but to be decent citizens. If and when they decide to be husbands or wives should be their decision to make in future, not a burden that should be planted in their heads from childhood. Children should be allowed to live as children until they are grown and mentally able to switch over themselves. 🥱

So long as you teach them what you know is true(and not the jargons society shoves down our throat that turn out to be meaningless lies) , children will not only grow healthy emotional and mentally but also intellectually(a even adopt critical reasoning skills which are precious) and start off as adults better than you expected. If any of them falls behind, do not hesitate to engage a professional mental health counselor to help them tackle emotional burdens and son on. 🥱🥱

I am not talking base on emotion but what the OP, as a man will benefit in his old age.

Double0h7:
Your great idea is to further traumatise the innocent children!? How could you be so heartless 😱

My last born has not been feeling well since her mother left house. Pls what do you think I can do?

ope2711:
My last born has not been feeling well since her mother left house. Pls what do you think I can do?

Take her to the hospital. Oga, you're a parent before now, what would you have done?

Double0h7:
Your great idea is to further traumatise the innocent children!? How could you be so heartless 😱

Thanks

I can now realize that there's nothing in this life anymore. I'm facing a very serious challenges now. May God Almighty help me.

ope2711:
I can now realize that there's nothing in this life anymore. I'm facing a very serious challenges now. May God Almighty help me.

Una say woman nor good, Yenyenyen see how you cannot cope with just common ordinary 4kids.
Social media life is different from stark reality.na now u realise say nada dey this life abii.

When we tell men to treat their wives well,una nor dey gree.
The men advicing you to go run Dna test, telling you to thank your stars that your exwife is out of your life most of them are dead...beat fathers,and they ve foray to other threads.




Pele...you go dey alright in years to come,it gets better each day.

ope2711:
I can now realize that there's nothing in this life anymore. I'm facing a very serious challenges now. May God Almighty help me.

Sorry about what you are going through. Single parenting is not easy on any party, especially if you two were managing to complement each other. Why did you wife wakeup to say she is done? Were her goals neglected while tending for the family? I will need you to answer these questions to yourself in sincerity because spousal envy is real and a leading cause of anger in many married women. Please call your wife and setup a model which allows her thrive. If you were financially abusing her, please change. For her to want to take her chance alone by getting a passport, there is a lot you have left out in this story.

There were definitely issues. She complained of them before she stopped talking. The main problem is not when a woman is nagging. Problem starts when she stops nagging (as you men call it). The people that told you to celebrate have moved on to other threads and you are crumbling under the weight in less than a month. There is a role of a woman and the role of a man. Both should work in mutual respect and harmony for the benefit of their kids.

Go and call your wife. You have a 14yo child. She is 37. Meaning she married you in her earliest 20s and has given her prime years with little to show for it. I am convinced that is the cause of her anger, since you didn't mention any form of abuse or infidelity. Fix it and things would pick up. But if she insists on going her way, let her go.

Op do a dna test on all the children first and foremost. A woman who could conceal an oversea trip will conceal a lot. Make sure you are not raising another's man children. Once you've established that they are your children, then to he'll with her. Cut her off entirely. Make sure she has no access to the children. Let the children know that their mummy abandoned them, then move on with your life. You are a man.

If its possible, don't remarry for the sake of your kids so that their stepmother will not turn them against you. That's women fir you. You'll have to be their Father and Mother now. Just imagine that she's dead.

You can be seeing other women on the side but pls don't bring them to the house. Be like Davido's Dad. A new wife will maltreat them

Now you know how it feels when women are abandoned by men to raise children by themselves. Please enjoy “single fatherhood” jare. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

I wish more women would do the same!

Kanwulia:
Now you know how it feels when women are abandoned by men to raise children by themselves. Please enjoy “single fatherhood” jare. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

I wish more women would do the same!

18days ago he said his wife leaving is not an issue, because he has been the one taking care of the children. I wonder how that is possible given he didn't know what to do when the last child was sick. His taking care = provision only.

This remains a major issue in many marriages. Men trivialise (totally disregard) the emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual labour women bring in. Some while contributing financially. If these kids were with the woman, they will mock her for being a single mother and say she cannot raise quality kids. But single fathers do not actively raise the kids. They still depend on the female community (mother, sister, another wife) around them to do the raising.