₦airaland Forum

Shared by Deborah Ocheido

Another thing that made me know I married well happened immediately I landed in Canada

So a few days after I landed, my husband took me to the bank so I could open my own bank account.

When we got there, per usual I was asked to put in the four digit pin I wanted to use for my debit card.
My husband was standing beside me and as I was putting it in, he looked away.

I looked at him sharply wandering what that was about. I found it weird.

When we we got home, I asked him why he did that. “Why don’t you want to know my pin”? But I know your own” I asked him.

He said “you’re your own person. You know my pin because I told you” if you want me to know your own, tell me”

I told him but honestly I did not understand fully what he was trying to do till a few months into marriage.

That’s when I understood that my husband did not want me to become consumed. Even God gives mankind free will. And this is what my husband was modeling.

Because many times , Marriage consumes women. And sometimes, some Christian men wield this as a weapon mercilessly. And I know this because I used to be in a relationship where it was all about him.

His vision. His plans. His calling. What God wanted to do with him. And it was now like “What about me? God does not want to use me for anything?”

You become consumed in the man that you lose your sense of self. Your dreams, your thoughts, your ideas out the window.

You hear people saying that your husband’s purpose becomes your purpose when you marry him.

So you won’t stand before the throne of God on your own to give account of the life He gave you? And mind you your husband will not be there to help you explain.

He wanted me to be his wife but still feel like my own person. First he led by example by letting me know all his pins and then allowing me share mine. Which I gladly did

My husband did not insist I change my name on socials because that’s the name people have known. And he said “let’s not confuse anybody. You’re my Wife and you carry my name where it matters most”

It was in all these subtle ways that he helped me be me and that’s why God has helped me to still have a voice and be useful to my generation.

And for that, I bless God for him everyday.

The Bible says that “two shall become one”

But the Bible also says that “each one stood before God to give account”

Not two standing before God o. Each person will stand before God by themselves. And that tells you that even in the two, God still sees each one.

Selah.

PS: I am not attacking men. Resist the urge to drop that contrary comment that is in your mind. I am not attacking men. I am sharing my experience which I think can help the young girls who look up to me.

Blessings.

Source

This is actually beautiful but with needless explanations. Focus on enjoying your marriage and your husband’s money,lol.

great husband. it's necessary in case the man kpai

Why do people talk too much these days. Just keep it in your family please

U mean second account with little cash? Should we tell her?

Wahala for any man wey share with his wife

Simpson. Will learn the hard way.

I don't believe in being calculating ... But EVERYONE has to earn trust.

Even spouse of several decades can betray. Some biological siblings even some parents do.

Very wrong move. I hope the guy lives long to enjoy his small money.

saphiere:
great husband. it's necessary in case the man kpai

omooooooooooooo werrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyy

Life in this world can be hard

The poster didn't tell us if she later shared the pin with her husband

So after all the motivational talk....

Madam did you tell him your PIN?

Mlore like you know your husband's phone password but he doesn't know yours.

Women and manipulation.

An Ex of mine knew my own pin and I didn't know hers. And she used my card constantly.

Its not by that one o.

Lol this one go still cause argument for here 😄

To be honest, there’s no one size fits all in marriage. If it works for them, fine. Some couples share everything, some don’t, and none of them is automatically wrong. Trust is good, but let’s not turn personal choices into marriage standards.

That said, shouting it online is what usually triggers people. Many men won’t do it, many women won’t expect it, and life still goes on peacefully. Marriage no be competition.

We need Trump to deal with the other set of domestic bandit a.k.a Women

Pin or no pin just marry the right person.

Congratulations 👏🎉 to you guyz!
Ours mumu never do
We gat different reasoning

So has she shared her own with her husband?

He seems like a nice guy, but I can't try that move. I don't want a situation where a lady is tracking my alerts and asking, 'Baby, I saw 20 million drop, why can’t you give me 5?' or starting to make unnecessary demands. I only disclose my pin if I have more than one account—call it selective honesty.

The crazy part is that being that 'generous' doesn't even guarantee the relationship will last. A wife can still wake up and demand a divorce anytime, regardless of how much you've opened your books to her.

saphiere:
great husband. it's necessary in case the man kpai

And woman no dey kpai abi

Foolish man... whenever woman call u " real man"...just know say u are finished ...u de inside bottle

So did you eventually tell him your pin?
Because overtime it can lead to resentment if one party is open and the other is not.

When a man falls in love behold a fool is born

Bmd

why is this news

when is giving pin to your wife, something of importance

Pls is this a new thing? In the West its normal pls all you these japa journey just come stop embarrassing yourself over rubbish.

How much is in that account? Highest $3k Canadian dollar I can bet it so why hiding the pin? You both pay bills in joint ventures, you do shopping in joint ventures, you even pay car tax and insurance in joint ventures, she or he knows how many hours you are working and your hourly wages so tell me why hidden your pin again?

Pls I had gone over thhere seen it all, conquered it all and settled in my papa land only goes their to see my kids and wife and return here to my business so no big deal madam....

Two shall become one but no where in the story was it said that the woman voluntarily shared her pin with her husband.

His money, our money but your money, your money not our money.

Women and equality 😍🤡

Give women too much freedom and see your marriage collapse. I learnt the hard way

pocohantas:
So did you eventually tell him your pin?
Because overtime it can lead to resentment if one party is open and the other is not.

unlikely

for most naija women - feminism is a one way street where they reap all the benefits of autonomy and avoid the responsibilities that come with it.

Do whatever works for your home,it's very important