₦airaland Forum

letskeeptalking:
I guess my real question is: knowing what you know now, would you make the same choice again?

I’m currently on the verge of divorce after 15 years of marriage and three kids.. Even though this is my decision, I feel like I have no real choice. My husband (if I can even call him that) says he doesn’t want to lose his family, but he does absolutely nothing to show it.

A lot has happened over the years, and it’s reached a point where I genuinely believe there is no future for us as a couple.

So I feel like I have two options: divorce him and move forward as a single mother… or stay, knowing I could never love him again.

I worry about my kids and how growing up with parents in a loveless marriage might shape their future relationships and choices. But then I also wonder, would they be better off growing up with a single mother?

I’m not concerned about stigma or even about finding another partner someday. Honestly, the way I feel right now, I’m ready to remain celibate for life.

If you’ve gone through this, can you please share your experience?
Do you regret your choice?
Looking back, would you make the same decision again?

you haven't stated the reason or reasons you are going for a divorce.

Kobojunkie:
1. You have one life to live, and have been living it in the worst way possible for your mental health and that of your children. What do you think you will regret about this if you decide to choose better for yourself from now on? 🥱🥱

2. You already know that you are literally harming your children and their future by continuing to remain with them in the current state. Children learn from the example shown to them by their parents. And right now, you are showing them that holding on to a miserable life is what marriage means. Is this really what you want for them? 🥱🥱

3. Why ask this question as if remaining in your state, as you described, can ever be considered a better choice?🥱🥱

You have said it all...
Fantastic!!!...

I really like this comment.
If only she would listen to that cos in future she won't see any of those saddest to share in her regrets.

capnies:
My sister don't listen to this FEMINISTS go out ask genuine divorcees, that's how you'll know.
This is a faceless forum and filled with saddest

capnies:
My sister don't listen to this FEMINISTS go out ask genuine divorcees, that's how you'll know.
This is a faceless forum and filled with saddest

If you don't take this advice. You may not find true happiness irrespective of the choices you make.

And avoid any advice from kobojunkie. He's too one-way dimensional.

Joeadamxx:
I am a man in my late 50s who have considered the divorce route with my spouse many, many times because I just couldnt see us living together happily.
She was proud, disrespectful and I felt she was not a good housewife to me or a great mother to our children! To make matters' worse, there was infidelity on her part that made our union untenable. But, I lived through the broken marriage of my parents and had vowed that I will never allow my children live through the same experience as I did! Alas, life is cyclical, we are our past!!! To make matters worse, I am this insecured, anti-social character with no friends, my family is all I have. So, in revenge I also started cheating, and I was not even hiding it! I became a terror to my family so much so that a visitor sprained her ankle while she and my family were running to hide when I arrived home from work. I was unhappy, so was my my wife and my children. I keep telling myself I will go through with the divorce when my children are grown.
But recently, something happened, she started taking interest in watching Yoruba movies on YouTube and (well, this is what I thought, anyway) she started appreciating the Yoruba women's respectful attitude towards their husbands and elders'. Subtly, I also started reading marriage counselling literatures and realised, we were 2 differents beings from different environments who needed to understand each other, something we never truly did in the euphoria of the whirlwind romance and bed breaking sex we were having while dating. So, one day, as the husband, I called her and said I am tired of the fights and acrimony and will instead of asking her to change to suit me, I was ready to change into the best husband and father I can be for her and my children and bam!! everything started changing, our marriage is having a new lease! Now, were the children affected or probably damaged by this acrimony while it lasted? Oh, yes! But they realise we are all humans and we are working on ourselves and our relationship.
So, my humble advise is that since your husband says he does not want a divorce, work on YOURSELF and hope HE does the same and maybe, just maybe, you can start making your way back to Love!!

God bless!!

Wow . . this is amazing. Thank you so much for sharing, and I'm glad your marriage has been restored!

Do you think things would have changed if you, as the man, did not make the first move? What happens that when the other person sees your forgiveness, not as a grace, but as a acceptance of bad behavior?

I really like this comment.
If only she would listen to that cos in future she won't see any of those saddest to share in her regret.

capnies:
My sister don't listen to this FEMINISTS go out ask genuine divorcees, that's how you'll know.
This is a faceless forum and filled with saddest

I really like this comment.
If only she would listen to that cos in future she won't see any of those saddest to share in her regrets.

capnies:
My sister don't listen to this FEMINISTS go out ask genuine divorcees, that's how you'll know.
This is a faceless forum and filled with saddest

lastmessenger:
please are you a Christian?

Yes, I am.

letskeeptalking:
I guess my real question is: knowing what you know now, would you make the same choice again?

I’m currently on the verge of divorce after 15 years of marriage and three kids.. Even though this is my decision, I feel like I have no real choice. My husband (if I can even call him that) says he doesn’t want to lose his family, but he does absolutely nothing to show it.

A lot has happened over the years, and it’s reached a point where I genuinely believe there is no future for us as a couple.

So I feel like I have two options: divorce him and move forward as a single mother… or stay, knowing I could never love him again.

I worry about my kids and how growing up with parents in a loveless marriage might shape their future relationships and choices. But then I also wonder, would they be better off growing up with a single mother?

I’m not concerned about stigma or even about finding another partner someday. Honestly, the way I feel right now, I’m ready to remain celibate for life.

If you’ve gone through this, can you please share your experience?
Do you regret your choice?
Looking back, would you make the same decision again?

You should have stated what the issue is.

Note, make your marriage work oo. Outside rough o. Nothing dey outside o

I was raised in a toxic environment. I grew up in the barrack, I went to Uniport and Unilag when they were hot but I didn't allow them to influence me negatively. You can bring out gold even in mud

letskeeptalking:
Thanks, I appreciate your contribution. I know the dangers of divorce and how it impacts the kids . . but what about raising them in a toxic environment? Is that not even more harmful to them in the long run?

capnies:
My sister don't listen to this FEMINISTS go out ask genuine divorcees, that's how you'll know.
This is a faceless forum and filled with saddest

She's sounds like a feminist trying to justify her actions and there she is with a joke like kobojunkie wey never date talk more of marry taking advices

lonelydora:
You should have stated what the issue is.

Note, make your marriage work oo. Outside rough o. Nothing dey outside o

I'm not really worried about that.

Sincerely speaking,l sympathize with you n your family... Definitely,this is far from what you expected while going on this journey...
To cut to d chase:
1).You must realize that your children are being exposed to lots that might be misinterpreted as norms...
2).Your mental state is at stake n l feel this must be your first priority before any other subjects...
3).You have been living in an unhealthy marriage...
4)..On a final note,am very happy you never mentioned any form of domestic violence here... Harmonize the above suggestions n take a firm decision... Remember,you must be sincere n straight to yourself...All d best to you..

letskeeptalking:


I'm not really worried about that.

My advice is that you make your marriage work. Have a heart to heart talk with your husband. I wish you well.

lonelydora:
My advice is that you make your marriage work. Have a heart to heart talk with your husband. I wish you well.

Thank you.

What I can smell here is EGO and PRIDE...

These two factors have destroyed many homes, carriers, opportunities etc.

The environment where you guys live could have influenced the whole situation so much.

Just remember where you come from.

Stay humble, submissive and prayerful, and you will see the magic in your marriage.

capnies:
My sister don't listen to this FEMINISTS go out ask genuine divorcees, that's how you'll know.
This is a faceless forum and filled with saddest

I'm divorced since I was 26, to be honest with you, I don't wish to marry any man again. I have no regrets, not even a tiny one

Its quite unfortunate what you may be passing through, but divorce my not be the answer, its quite lonely out there. I know you have already made up your mind if otherwise i would have suggested you completely avoid some things i noticed from you which May be the issue currently in your marriage

Trustyourself:
What I can smell here is EGO and PRIDE...

These two factors have destroyed many homes, carriers, opportunities etc.

The environment where you guys live could have influenced the whole situation so much.

Just remember where you come from.

Stay humble, submissive and prayerful, and you will see the magic in your marriage.

I couldn't see less either

You are ready to remain celibate until u leave and the next dey toto don dey scratch u or that ur ex wey don dey eye since dey fantasies about him sweet prick go show like james bond

Na so u go come give am styles wey u no fit use pasuade ur husband, knack am like u never knack for like 10yrs

Its really funny how we think life is easier outside while willing to leave our beautiful for nothing actually, na when we leave e go come be like say them use kerosine watch our eyes

We easily forget the good times and focus on our partners wrong all the times that we forgot we actually said i do to that same person.

If ur marriage is not working TRUST me the woman's fault is always almost 70% to the man, cuz when woman mind dey outside nothing in this world can convince her otherwise until she step out and learned the hard way.

But if woman mind dey for u eehh if u like make heaven dey fall, she go gum u like shewing gum, fight and fight till the end.

Anyway make ur decision and stand by it but one thing is for sure, nothing dey street oo but street sweet and na wetin dey sweet man dey kill am. If ur husband is useless omo focus on ur children and make sure they get a good life regardless instead of leaving make ursef useful!

Once u enter the airwave omo the breeze go carry loooooooooonnnngggg way to kuvuki land with or without ur knowledge!

letskeeptalking:
I guess my real question is: knowing what you know now, would you make the same choice again?

I’m currently on the verge of divorce after 15 years of marriage and three kids.. Even though this is my decision, I feel like I have no real choice. My husband (if I can even call him that) says he doesn’t want to lose his family, but he does absolutely nothing to show it.

A lot has happened over the years, and it’s reached a point where I genuinely believe there is no future for us as a couple.

So I feel like I have two options: divorce him and move forward as a single mother… or stay, knowing I could never love him again.

I worry about my kids and how growing up with parents in a loveless marriage might shape their future relationships and choices. But then I also wonder, would they be better off growing up with a single mother?

I’m not concerned about stigma or even about finding another partner someday. Honestly, the way I feel right now, I’m ready to remain celibate for life.

If you’ve gone through this, can you please share your experience?
Do you regret your choice?
Looking back, would you make the same decision again?

Why don't you try to fix your marriage?

The outside always looks greener but it is not true!

It is easier fixing a marriage than fixing he consequences of divorce on your children.

Love is not a feeling, love is a CHOICE!

I hope you are not already entertaining another man, trust me it wouldn't work. No responsible man will date a married woman!

If you need help, call me please!

I have the same problem.

She says I snore...she usual sleep in the sitting room.

She is about quiting a marriage of 10years.

I irritates her.

And she post all kind of stuff about marriage as a waste of time.

Friends and family called me to know if we have problems. I defended my family that we are okay.

But she has created many post on social media letting women know that marriage does not worth it.

Just because of snoring ooo...I am concerned about our 3 kids.

But she is just a perfect woman...somehow I'm the evil one. She even said she made a mistake marrying me.

You see women eeeen...ooh.. fear them...they are perfect to no fault. It's always the fault of the man. I told her if you want to leave, leave..stop demonize me online.

This is exactly how she has been writing articles online just because of me. The difference is, yours is 15years, mine is 10. I would have thought it's my wife.

I even thought myself...no be women married handicap and still grew old together...I loose confidence in myself.

Ovieemmanuel:
still not clear . What is the main issue? Or you just want to leave?

I think this is just for contents or fake write-up!

She is just beating around the bush with no clear direction of what is happening

letskeeptalking:
She’s always had her head in the clouds. Actually she’s a little bit like me at her age. I used have physical pain whenever my parents had any serious misunderstanding growing up, because conflict for me was unbearable. It’s probably why I found myself in this marriage to begin with and I really worry for this child of mine.

When the Counselor asked her how things were at home, she said things were great because Mum and Dad don’t fight anymore. They asked her if she knew what that meant and she said yes, that her parents were now in love again. I listened to them try to explain to her how that may not be the case, and I think she gets it. . . Or she’s trying to! But I hate to see her struggle because of my mistakes. I hate that my deepest fears of not providing a safe environment for my kids to thrive is now materializing, despite my best efforts. It’s part of why I stayed because I felt she will eventually get it, and then I don’t have to stay, and I know that she is getting there. But she has always been a dreamer so . . .

At the bolded: it seems your parents used to live the current life you’re living right now. Are you not seeing the pattern here?

Be sincere with yourself. You have the feeling of living completely separately from your husband because you have a relationship somewhere outside that makes you feel your current family is seriously short changing you and robbing you of a better life.

Let me tell you, that outside or whatever you see giving this feeling is nothing but a mere fantasy.

Be intentional and be ready to rekindle the love. Communicate your mind to your husband. Listen to him too. Your relationship apparently lacks communication.

hotwax:
I have the same problem.

She says I snore...she usual sleep in the sitting room.

She is about quiting a marriage of 10years.

I irritates her.

And she post all kind of stuff about marriage as a waste of time.

Friends and family called me to know if we have problems. I defended my family that we are okay.

But she has created many post on social media letting women know that marriage does not worth it.

Just because of snoring ooo...I am concerned about our 3 kids.

But she is just a perfect woman...somehow I'm the evil one. She even said she made a mistake marrying me.

You see women eeeen...ooh.. fear them...they are perfect to no fault. It's always the fault of the man. I told her if you want to leave, leave..stop demonize me online.

This is exactly how she has been writing articles online just because of me. The difference is, yours is 15years, mine is 10. I would have thought it's my wife.

I even thought myself...no be women married handicap and still grew old together...I loose confidence in myself.

Maybe the problem is that you are not listening to what she's saying, or holding yourself accountable. As much as you men will like to demonize women, no sane woman will leave her marriage just because her husband snores.

If you are tired of the marriage, then leave. You are the man, you should end the marriage if your wife no longer respects you. You probably think she will never leave, but one day you will wake up and she's gone. I suggest you and go and fix your marriage, and stop playing the victim!

letskeeptalking:
I guess my real question is: knowing what you know now, would you make the same choice again?

I’m currently on the verge of divorce after 15 years of marriage and three kids.. Even though this is my decision, I feel like I have no real choice. My husband (if I can even call him that) says he doesn’t want to lose his family, but he does absolutely nothing to show it.

A lot has happened over the years, and it’s reached a point where I genuinely believe there is no future for us as a couple.

So I feel like I have two options: divorce him and move forward as a single mother… or stay, knowing I could never love him again.

I worry about my kids and how growing up with parents in a loveless marriage might shape their future relationships and choices. But then I also wonder, would they be better off growing up with a single mother?

I’m not concerned about stigma or even about finding another partner someday. Honestly, the way I feel right now, I’m ready to remain celibate for life.

If you’ve gone through this, can you please share your experience?
Do you regret your choice?
Looking back, would you make the same decision again?

I came from a broken home, I think I can tell you what will happen to you and your kids if you eventually divorce their father and they see that you are the aggressor here.

They will never forgive you, I pleaded with my mum not to leave us, dad was not around and because of a small issue. She left us and went and married an angel who she later realised was many times worse than my dad.

They took us to our old family house, we were exposed to so many dangers and all sort of abuses by uncles and aunties that said our daddy beat them when they were living under my dad.

During those period I will be raining curses on mum. To cut the long story short, the love between us is not that deep we just relate on mutual respect.

Most children from a broken are damaged psychologically they don't see divorce as a big deal, they believe they don't need to work on their marriages that is why most of them end up with broken homes too. There is a pattern that is formed in most broken homes that makes mostly female children experience divorce too.

If you get the custody of your children, that will make it more dangerous, recent researches state that most children raised by single mothers become wayward so your children need their father.

My advice is this, since you never mention it that your husband abuses you, and you stated it that you still leave in the same house. The problem you and your husband have is lack of communication and forgiveness. Please for the sake of your kids go for counselling with your husband.

Give him a chance, you are already in your forties if you leave him now you will probably be a side chick to another married man and cause a problem for another home.

thesicilian:
I'm interested in 2 statements you made here:
1. My husband says he doesn't want to lose his family, but he does absolutely nothing to show it.

2. I feel like I have 2 options: divorce him and move forward as a single mother, or stay, knowing I could never love him again.

My confusion is, what would you have wanted him to do to show that he really doesn't want to lose you, when you know fully well that nothing he does can ever make you love him again?

I dont think she ever loved the husband from the onset.
She was just "surviving"
Let her go so that the man will have peace

Legitbeauru:
At the bolded: it seems your parents used to live the current life you’re living right now. Are you not seeing the pattern here?

Be sincere with yourself. You have the feeling of living completely separately from your husband because you have a relationship somewhere outside that makes you feel your current family is seriously short changing you and robbing you of a better life.

Let me tell you, that outside or whatever you see giving this feeling is nothing but a mere fantasy.

Be intentional and be ready to rekindle the love. Communicate your mind to your husband. Listen to him too. Your relationship apparently lacks communication.

My parents were married for over 50 years until my dad passed. . But like every other couple, they had their issues. I saw love growing up, and that's how I know this is not it.

I mentioned before that back home I lived separately from him . . we had separate lives then too and I was 100% responsible for the kids. I still am in a way. I've always lived the life of a single woman even though I have been married. Back home he would go MONTHS without contacting me at all, or making any effort to see his kids. I had every opportunity to see other men if that's what I wanted, and he won't even know about it.

Just to be clear, I do not want to rekindle anything. Even if I stayed, it will not be because I'm interested in fixing the marriage, because I am not!

Can't you guys just trust that a woman knows what she wants, and not every woman is willing to mortgage her self respect in the name of marriage?

impeccablephili:
I came from a broken home, I think I can tell you what will happen to you and your kids if you eventually divorce their father and they see that you are the aggressor here.

They will never forgive you, I pleaded with my mum not to leave us, dad was not around and because of a small issue. She left us and went and married an angel who she later realised was many times worse than my dad.

They took us to our old family house, we were exposed to so many dangers and all sort of abuses by uncles and aunties that said our daddy beat them when they were living under my dad.

During those period I will be raining curses on mum. To cut the long story short, the love between us is not that deep we just relate on mutual respect.

Most children from a broken are damaged psychologically they don't see divorce as a big deal, they believe they don't need to work on their marriages that is why most of them end up with broken homes too. There is a pattern that is formed in most broken homes that makes mostly female children experience divorce too.

If you get the custody of your children, that will make it more dangerous, recent researches state that most children raised by single mothers become wayward so your children need their father.

My advice is this, since you never mention it that your husband abuses you, and you stated it that you still leave in the same house. The problem you and your husband have is lack of communication and forgiveness. Please for the sake of your kids go for counselling with your husband.

Give him a chance, you are already in your forties if you leave him now you will probably be a side chick to another married man and cause a problem for another home.

Do you really think I would consider divorce if I've not tried counselling?

And I know that my kids will NEVER be wayward, and even if he's present in our home, they will still be raised by a single mother!

PS: Why do people think women cannot stay single?

Kobojunkie:
1. You have one life to live, and have been living it in the worst way possible for your mental health and that of your children. What do you think you will regret about this if you decide to choose better for yourself from now on? 🥱🥱

2. You already know that you are literally harming your children and their future by continuing to remain with them in the current state. Children learn from the example shown to them by their parents. And right now, you are showing them that holding on to a miserable life is what marriage means. Is this really what you want for them? 🥱🥱

3. Why ask this question as if remaining in your state, as you described, can ever be considered a better choice?🥱🥱

The jezebels have arrived...

profmallor:
I have had narcissistic friends and worked with some narcissistic bosses in the past. It was horrible, their lack of empathy and cool demeanour makes them silent monsters. And the sad part is that they put on a show so elaborate that everyone thinks they are angels. Leaving someone of that nature requires that you really plan for it thoroughly, because he is going to come for you with everything once he knows you want to break free.

I suggest that you spend your time preparing yourself psychologically, emotionally, and financially for what might be coming. No one should stay in a relationship with a self-absorbed narcissist.

Thank you . . I think I am well equipped to face whatever he throws at me . . I expect nothing less!

I know that my kids might end up being collateral damage . . at this point he is aware that I am now immune to his antics. But I will do everything in my power to protect my girls.