₦airaland Forum

Tbe grass isn't greener on the other side.
If that preeq that's deceiving you, pressuring you to destroy your marriage, you're the one to pack the rubble.
Your ex husband and kids will be fine, You'll be the only one alone and in the dark once that feminism spirit departs you after destroying your marriage.
I wish you luck

letskeeptalking:
Maybe the problem is that you are not listening to what she's saying, or holding yourself accountable. As much as you men will like to demonize women, no sane woman will leave her marriage just because her husband snores.

If you are tired of the marriage, then leave. You are the man, you should end the marriage if your wife no longer respects you. You probably think she will never leave, but one day you will wake up and she's gone. I suggest you and go and fix your marriage, and stop playing the victim!

Good heavens, please why not give yourself these same advice that you are giving someone else, or at the very least extrapolate the principles for yourself.

Re-read your advice slowly again, then you will find out the energy behind your wordings really tells who you are, energy never lies, it's like a mirror. Please both of you guys need to work on yourself, especially you.

Patented:
Feelings are fleeting. Una two suppose go see thrapist before una finalise divorce. cos most times na 2 people dey damage the marriage.

. A man who is having affairs in the open does not need to visit a marriage counselor with the woman he is cheating on. He already played his card for her to see. It's up to her to decide if her life is worth more than continuing to play house maid and baby mama to him. He has already move on from her though. 🥱🥱🥱

letskeeptalking:
I don't agree . . I am not responsible for the state of this marriage. . . and it took me a while to realize that. But you are right on one thing, I won't learn how to solve my problems here. I'm also not trying to solve anything.

Can't people who have gone through divorce just share their experiences and stop trying to fix my marriage? If I wanted to fix it I will be in a therapist's room, not here.

Go to reddit if you want to hear stories of divorce them plenty for there well well.

You also just confirmed my suspicion. I am 70 percent certain you are a major source of the problem in your marriage.

Why do you want them to share? Why is that important to you. You think marriage is a game or tales by moon light.

Every person experience in the journey of life is different, whether is it marriage, career, children etc. Stop looking for other people's story to motivate you and focus on your own journey. What I have also noticed is many divorcees always want other women in marriage to join them in their failed divorce. It is like a kind of cult, like the feminist thing. Be very careful, they are lonely and miserable. if you really need genuine advice speak to your parent particularly your mother. She must have seen it all and will be experienced to tell you the truth with love. No shame talking to your parent, they will always love you.

I will continue to say it, most women are very selfish being, when they touch money pride sets in and they begin to see the husband from a different point of view. Pride is a destroyer, do not let those around you in Canada influence your thinking and marriage. Many of them are miserable.

Humble yourself and let the holy spirit do the rest if you still want to have a home. No situation remains forever as long as both parties want to work together. Agreement is very key, somethings wont change, however we always compromise. No one gets it all.

letskeeptalking:
✓ Wow . . this is amazing. Thank you so much for sharing, and I'm glad your marriage has been restored!
Do you think things would have changed if you, as the man, did not make the first move? What happens that when the other person sees your forgiveness, not as a grace, but as a acceptance of bad behavior?

Don't let people deceive you with their cock-and-bull stories. 😂😂😂

The long and short of that ridiculous tale that his wife cheated and the he cheated back in revenge and the suddenly, all those who must have known of his wife's cheating began to show concern and boom..wife began to change ..she suddenly stopped cheating and he too suddenly found marriage books on how to be a better husband ...reads like a very bad Bollywood script if you ask me. 🥱🥱

Face forward and pull your head out of the clouds. Do you plan to cheat in revenge or something? Are you suddenly thinking that you cheating might resolve your marriage? Don't do it! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

letskeeptalking:
We’ve already tried separation. . Twice actually! The first time, he begged, made amends and I saw efforts to change, but when we got back together, he just went back to the same behavior, but this time, blamed it on me for leaving him. So I left again. . .

But then we eventually decided to come back to live together, but not be together, mainly because my oldest developed anxiety and ended up in the hospital. So now we live in different wings in the house and almost never cross paths. We have a beautiful family portrait in our living room, but have not had any family outings or even meals in years. We don’t quarell or fight, we just don’t relate with each other the way a married couple should. We only talk about the kids and shared responsibilities.

It wasn’t until I turned 40 recently that I realized that I don’t really want to live the rest of my life like this!

What did he do gangan?



Well

Nigeria as it is today is a marriage destroyer

Except you both are genuinely born again, the situation in nigeria doesn't support a blissful marriage

Marriage!One of the most complicated sh.t in life.
Today you might be the happiest couple in the universe, tomorrow you might be the fiercest enemies in world with hatred that is beyond imaginable.SMH

Kobojunkieee:
. A man who is having affairs in the open does not need to visit a marriage counselor with the woman he is cheating on. He already played his card for her to see. It's up to her to decide if her life is worth more than continuing to play house maid and baby mama to him. He has already move on from her though. 🥱🥱🥱

She made no mention of an affair. Why the assumption?

letskeeptalking:
We’ve already tried separation. . Twice actually! The first time, he begged, made amends and I saw efforts to change, but when we got back together, he just went back to the same behavior, but this time, blamed it on me for leaving him. So I left again. . .

But then we eventually decided to come back to live together, but not be together, mainly because my oldest developed anxiety and ended up in the hospital. So now we live in different wings in the house and almost never cross paths. We have a beautiful family portrait in our living room, but have not had any family outings or even meals in years. We don’t quarell or fight, we just don’t relate with each other the way a married couple should. We only talk about the kids and shared responsibilities.

It wasn’t until I turned 40 recently that I realized that I don’t really want to live the rest of my life like this!

Madam believe me when I say most married people live like this .
I almost left my marriage last December. Even till now I'm not still happy with my husband but I just told myself that since he doesn't abuse me physically, I would stay.

I asked my kids and they said I should not divorce their daddy. The oldest is 14. It's not really easy to be a single mum.

There are many ways to go around it. Detatch yourself from him. Sleep in different rooms. Discuss only important issues concerning kids. Create your happiness around your kids and external friends. The lists goes on.

If you leave, you will be lonely o. I don't know what he has been doing to you anyway but if he's not physically abusing you or cheating with abandonedment, please stay.

letskeeptalking:
Just to be clear, I do not want to rekindle anything. Even if I stayed, it will not be because I'm interested in fixing the marriage, because I am not!

^^^
Then what's the problem?

Do as you please.

letskeeptalking:
Thank you . . I'm not even going to deny that I am deeply resentful and I had to work out why during therapy . . It's why I feel I can't go on . . because the reason behind my resentment has not changed. I don't want to end up being bitter for life.

Like I mentioned earlier, I think he's fighting some really bad demons, and trying to help him was literally drowning me! I became the worst version of myself, trying to be supportive of the kind of life he wanted.

From what you have said so far. YOU ARE THE PROBLEM OF THAT MARRIAGE.

Go ahead and file for divorce, free that man from this miserable union.

As per what you should expect to happen to you after the divorce, you know it already but you are just looking for contrary validation of the opposite you hope for.

desireoge:
Madam believe me when I say most married people live like this .
I almost left my marriage last December. Even till now I'm not still happy with my husband but I just told myself that since he doesn't abuse me physically,

I asked my kids and they said I should not divorce their daddy. The oldest is 14. It's not really easy to be a single mum.

There are many ways to go around it. Detatch yourself from him. Sleep in different rooms. Discuss only important issues concerning kids. Create your happiness around your kids and external friends. The lists goes on.

If you leave, you will be lonely o. I don't know what he has been doing to you anyway but if he's not physically abusing you or cheating with abandonedment, please stay.

This is dangerous, you are breading resentment, you guys are delibately sabotaging your homes. For what? Why not just leave? You want the man to take care of the children and play the fatherly role and then you leave him at old age. Why cant you address the real problem. Give him better sex, food and love and see how if he would change. Even demonic men will have a change of heart. You proving stubborn and setting boundaries will only make the man more hardened and cause resentment on your side. Honestly a lot of women dont understand the role in a home and marriage. Even born again women, you will see them praying to God, serving in church, kneeling down for pastor, yet no biblical understanding of their role and power as wifes. If a man is not beating you or cheating which other problem cant be resolved.

letskeeptalking:
Yes, I am.

please seek God's face before you take your decision. As long as your life is not on the line or under threat then i suggest you should ask God for help. There is nothing so difficult for God to do

letskeeptalking:
I guess my real question is: knowing what you know now, would you make the same choice again?

I’m currently on the verge of divorce after 15 years of marriage and three kids.. Even though this is my decision, I feel like I have no real choice. My husband (if I can even call him that) says he doesn’t want to lose his family, but he does absolutely nothing to show it.

A lot has happened over the years, and it’s reached a point where I genuinely believe there is no future for us as a couple.

So I feel like I have two options: divorce him and move forward as a single mother… or stay, knowing I could never love him again.

I worry about my kids and how growing up with parents in a loveless marriage might shape their future relationships and choices. But then I also wonder, would they be better off growing up with a single mother?

I’m not concerned about stigma or even about finding another partner someday. Honestly, the way I feel right now, I’m ready to remain celibate for life.

If you’ve gone through this, can you please share your experience?
Do you regret your choice?
Looking back, would you make the same decision again?

Too much lie about your write up, how do i know? Everything was about you. I dont even believe you was married 15 years. The love you talk about is about you. Love tskes two. For me you are a selfish person. You genuinely dont care about your kids or ur husband.

I'm not sure what is making all the men here angry!

Kobojunkieee:
Don't let people deceive you with their cock-and-bull stories. 😂😂😂

The long and short of that ridiculous tale that his wife cheated and the he cheated back in revenge and the suddenly, all those who must have known of his wife's cheating began to show concern and boom..wife began to change ..she suddenly stopped cheating and he too suddenly found marriage books on how to be a better husband ...reads like a very bad Bollywood script if you ask me. 🥱🥱

Face forward and pull your head out of the clouds. Do you plan to cheat in revenge or something? Are you suddenly thinking that you cheating might resolve your marriage? Don't do it! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

We listen . . we don't judge!!

royalfly:
Too much lie about your write up, how do i know? Everything was about you. I dont even believe you was married 15 years. The love you talk about is about you. Love tskes two. For me you are a selfish person. You genuinely dont care about your kids or ur husband.

I think every human being is selfish to a certain degree!

desireoge:
Madam believe me when I say most married people live like this .
I almost left my marriage last December. Even till now I'm not still happy with my husband but I just told myself that since he doesn't abuse me physically, I would stay.

I asked my kids and they said I should not divorce their daddy. The oldest is 14. It's not really easy to be a single mum.

There are many ways to go around it. Detatch yourself from him. Sleep in different rooms. Discuss only important issues concerning kids. Create your happiness around your kids and external friends. The lists goes on.

If you leave, you will be lonely o. I don't know what he has been doing to you anyway but if he's not physically abusing you or cheating with abandonedment, please stay.

Is this really true?

Ahhh . . nobody told me. I would have stayed single!

letskeeptalking:
Maybe the problem is that you are not listening to what she's saying, or holding yourself accountable. As much as you men will like to demonize women, no sane woman will leave her marriage just because her husband snores.

If you are tired of the marriage, then leave. You are the man, you should end the marriage if your wife no longer respects you. You probably think she will never leave, but one day you will wake up and she's gone. I suggest you and go and fix your marriage, and stop playing the victim!

You didn't read my post. Now I suspect you for being s feminist. ReD my post again. She is the one going..
Also she Complain is my snoring. I even set alarm to wake vibrate me up every 1hour.

I suspect you are like my woman...if you wan go, please go...no need of this useless nairaland post...u will go Noni...but na ur conscience dey wire u

I really understand what you must be going through. I got married to my husband on 31/12/2010 and I left my home in may 2025. I had wanted a divorce but my husband has refused, so we're separated for now. I have alot to share with you but I don't like typing and equally don't share my personal details in a forum. Please DM me so that we can do WhatsApp call, if it's convenient for you.

letskeeptalking:
I guess my real question is: knowing what you know now, would you make the same choice again?

I’m currently on the verge of divorce after 15 years of marriage and three kids.. Even though this is my decision, I feel like I have no real choice. My husband (if I can even call him that) says he doesn’t want to lose his family, but he does absolutely nothing to show it.

A lot has happened over the years, and it’s reached a point where I genuinely believe there is no future for us as a couple.

So I feel like I have two options: divorce him and move forward as a single mother… or stay, knowing I could never love him again.

I worry about my kids and how growing up with parents in a loveless marriage might shape their future relationships and choices. But then I also wonder, would they be better off growing up with a single mother?

I’m not concerned about stigma or even about finding another partner someday. Honestly, the way I feel right now, I’m ready to remain celibate for life.

If you’ve gone through this, can you please share your experience?
Do you regret your choice?
Looking back, would you make the same decision again?

letskeeptalking:
Oh I follow my dreams, I never stopped. And I get a lot of satisfaction from my growth and everything I’ve achieved, despite his best efforts to frustrate me.

And I have PRAYED! I could easily have lost my child, but God had mercy. The more I think about it, the more I don’t believe that God wants this for me. Life is not supposed to be this complicated.

Someone told me that my children will love me more in the future when they see what I endured for their sake. But will they, really I mean they see us live seperate lives and they know it’s not right, or they will eventually. Again, what kind of example am I really setting for them?

I’ve been celibate for years now, because I’m technically married. But he has his affairs, and even though I don’t care because I stopped fulfilling that “duty” for him a long time ago, and I am no longer interested in any kind of romantic relationship with anyone, I still feel that this is unfair.

On the outside I have a great life, but I feel empty inside.

Do you mind if I DM you want to share some things with you.

letskeeptalking:
I'm not sure what is making all the men here angry!

😀😀😀😀 so they are now angry because they can see through your manipulation right??m

They have not even heard from your man, and they have seen that you are the problem.

If you can be trying to manipulate strangers on a faceless forum, I wonder what that man had gone through in your hand.

letskeeptalking:
Thanks, I appreciate your contribution. I know the dangers of divorce and how it impacts the kids . . but what about raising them in a toxic environment? Is that not even more harmful to them in the long run?

I think you've already concluded in your mind of what exactly you want to do, you are just here for validation. And I sense also, you don't believe in him (not sure even if you believe in God), you really don't have that trust again, nor faith and fate. I can see that if people aren't really saying what you want to here, you will give them more reasons to see things from your perspective. HOPE YOU SEE THAT, YOU YOURSELF AREN'T PERFECT NOR YOUR HUSBAND.


PS: I'm a married man, even though my marriage is still young, almost 5 years, but I've really learned a lot (especially from this forum), I've met some highly intellectually matured married men here and learned, and still learning from them.

truthhurts2:
I think you've already concluded in your mind of what exactly you want to do, you are just here for validation. And I sense also, you don't believe in him (not sure even if you believe in God), you really don't have that trust again, nor faith and fate. [b]I can see that if people aren't really saying what you want to here, you will give them more reasons to see things from your perspective. [/b]HOPE YOU SEE THAT, YOU YOURSELF AREN'T PERFECT NOR YOUR HUSBAND.


PS: I'm a married man, even though my marriage is still young, almost 5 years, but I've really learned a lot (especially from this forum), I've met some highly intellectually matured married men here and learned, and still learning from them.

This is why I never really wanted to get into the whole "what happened" story. I also said I'm not here for anyone to judge or convict me/him. . or for suggestions on how to fix the marriage. At the end of the day, it's between me and him, and if we wanted to fix it, we would.

If you go back to my original post, you'll see I only wanted to see if anyone who has gone through divorce would be willing to share their experience. That's all!

Helpout12345:
😀😀😀😀 so they are now angry because they can see through your manipulation right??m

They have not even heard from your man, and they have seen that you are the problem.

If you can be trying to manipulate strangers on a faceless forum, I wonder what that man had gone through in your hand.

letskeeptalking:
I think every human being is selfish to a certain degree!

Dangerously selfish. Time will teach us all.

letskeeptalking:
We’ve already tried separation. . Twice actually! The first time, he begged, made amends and I saw efforts to change, but when we got back together, he just went back to the same behavior, but this time, blamed it on me for leaving him. So I left again. . .

But then we eventually decided to come back to live together, but not be together, mainly because my oldest developed anxiety and ended up in the hospital. So now we live in different wings in the house and almost never cross paths. We have a beautiful family portrait in our living room, but have not had any family outings or even meals in years. We don’t quarell or fight, we just don’t relate with each other the way a married couple should. We only talk about the kids and shared responsibilities.

It wasn’t until I turned 40 recently that I realized that I don’t really want to live the rest of my life like this!

I think mine is heading in this direction already. Can I talk to you privately. I want to ask some questions. Or could you be specific about the complaints you have about him. Does he cheat, is finance or was finance a great contributor at any point. Has there been physical fight? What's his own relationship with the kids. Have you been discussing your fights with others to seek advice or you both bottle them in. Is there any good thing you acknowledge about him. What do you resent him for and is your resentment from experiences in the past?

letskeeptalking:
This is why I never really wanted to get into the whole "what happened" story. I also said I'm not here for anyone to judge or convict me/him. . or for suggestions on how to fix the marriage. At the end of the day, it's between me and him, and if we wanted to fix it, we would.

If you go back to my original post, you'll see I only wanted to see if anyone who has gone through divorce would be willing to share their experience. That's all!

So, you've already made up your mind, you are just seeking for advice on how to navigate through it.


Now you're might start asking yourself what makes you so imperfect and what did you do wrong so that he can't love you at least a little.
You know, that's why he can't love you.
You will not always be loved @letskeeptalking, there will be days when others will be tired and bored with life, will have their heads in the clouds, and will hurt you.
Because people are like that, they somehow always end up hurting each other's feelings, whether through carelessness, misunderstanding, or conflicts with themselves.
If you don't love yourself, at least a little, if you don't create an armor of self-love and happiness around your heart, the feeble annoyances caused by others will become lethal and will destroy you. Walking away from your marriage is not the one and only solution to this conflict.

In this life, we'll definitely going to go through one out of the two pains life, pain of discipline or pain of regret... chose wisely

letskeeptalking:
I think we re past that . . After 15 years, I no longer feel he is capable of change. Plus I can't help but feel resentful that it took him 15 years to want to be better for our marriage! So at this point just making the change will not do, I need reparations for what I went through.

For instance, he made me lose my years of investment over his bad decisions, refusal to listen to advise and just generally irresponsible and vindictive behavior. I don't think I will get over that until I get a refund for lost funds (plus interest).

I can name a hundred instances . . I'm just exhausted from forgiving, after already losing so much!

.

Sorry for what you had to endured over the years. I'll lend my voice to implore you to look inward for a better solution, exhaustively.
For the sake of the children, please, hold on with the divorce plan for now.

letskeeptalking:
1. The issues we've had from the beginning are mainly, his lack of empathy, lack of growth (as a person, as a husband and as father), and him standing for himself alone, no one else counts! So he says he's sorry, he will do better, but he doesn't even try. The same issues we fought over 15 years ago, and things still happening till today. Of course now he doesn't even bother to try to pretend anymore . .

2. I know his behavior is not my fault. I spent years trying to be someone he would make the effort for . . I blamed myself, maybe if I did this or did that . . until i realized it wasn't me it was him. It's just who he is, and he is not capable of change. And I know that I deserve better . .

To be honest you've not said anything that tells he's faulty yet. Have you heard from him. What things do you do that he doesn't like either