₦airaland Forum

Greetings all .
I'm having a serious issue in my home and I need to listen to other peoples options and advise.
Please this might be abit long, try and read to end.
Brief summary about me.
I'm 38 years old man, married for close for 6 years now but no child.
We have done everything possible, go to many hospitals and do all kinds of test no way.
I Love my wife so very much and am willing to travel that path with her as long as it takes ,even though our problem is; well, am not and have never blamed her, I believe God is God of miracles.
I have 2 girls..I have them long before I meet my wife. I was never married to their mother but we are cool.
I take care of my girls,their warfare and schooling.
2020 I relocated to the same state where my Girls and their mother stays but I never let them (My children) knew. From 2020 to 2024 I visited them just twice both occasions they thought I came from the state where I work.
I did that Just to create boundaries and to avoid creating any form of doubt in the mind of my wife.
Though it was never easy for me but I have to endure it.
That 2024 was my first girl is graduation from primary and she insist I must come which I did.
When I came back I told my wife that we will be bring her to stay with us from 2025 Sept and continue her schooling..
My reasons is because
# The area they are staying is pure ghetto and I don't want her been influenced
# Her performance in school is dropping at speed of light which I also attribute to the environment.
# Again the mother remarried and I don't really trust a stranger with my daughter considering that they are staying in one room .
# I need to bond and create memories with my girls.
This and many more are the reasons why I decided she moved in with us.
We are staying in 2 bedroom apartment and it is my wife alone for most part of the year because I work in the North, and my work took me away for 4 months and 2 months off.
The issue now is, from that 2024 I told my wife about my daughter coming it has been war ..
I deliberately gave her 1 year notice because I know her very well. Still nothing change .
Fast forward to Sept 2025 I decided to go ahead and bring her since all the discussions,pleading , explanation, begging failed.
From the moment the girl step her feet into our house my wife became coldly hostile.
She don't allow her do or touch anything in the house , she complain and throw tantrum over everything the child did , I tried all I could to make her loosen up with the child , no way. I even have to extend my traveling back for like two weeks to see if I can help her settle in.
I enroll her in school , which she (my wife) kicked against, before traveling back.
Just two days after traveling back the hell let lose .
I was in a meeting when my wife messages pop in , that she can't no longer stay with the girl..
Immediately I came out of the meeting I called her to know what the issue is,
Guess what? That she saw my girl calling her mother from another person's phone .
Well ,I am against that too. I warned my girl and even the mother against that ..
I made it clear that only my phone and my wife's phone will they communicate with .
But you know children and again my wife is making her stay and settling in very difficult.
I tried to descalate the situation and pacify my wife by pleading with her and also threatening my girl and the mother that am sending her back to her mother.
But from that day my wife won't let me have peace , every second she kept asking when the mother is coming to pick the child , every effort to calm her down fail
On the 3rd day she threatened to go hand her over to police if the mother fail to come that day and pick her .
I have to call the mother and plead with her to go talk to the girl and advise her. Because she herself want to keep a distance from my house but my wife is not letting go.
So She suggested to go pick her and stay with her over the weekend instead because that day was Friday, but I refused.
Unfortunately I was charging my phone when she got to my house they called I couldn't pick .
when I finally called back she have already gone with the girl since my wife is insisting she should go with her daughter.
Truth I was mad with her because that was not what we agreed. I have to even tell her to stay full one week with the girl since she go against our agreement.
I called my wife from after 8 to 11:59pm she was on call all through but refused to my calls, who she was on calls with I don't know .
On Monday my baby Mama return my girl as promised.
But to My greatest shock I received a call on Tuesday evening that My wife refused to give my girl food from that Monday evening , taunting her to go back to her mother that if not hunger will kill her. This continues till Wednesday evening when I finally asked the mother to go pick her up and pack her things .
Yes she attempted not giving her on two occasions in that two weeks I stayed with them before traveling but I never expected that in my absence she can do that.
The pain is unbearable for me..it cost me a lot to bring that girl and I have already have my self planned out.
For 6 years now my wife is not doing anything,
I am 100% responsible for her well-being and upkeep. Every effort to make her start work or start business failed , I have started multiple businesses for her to manage she run it down before it even started ..
But I just choose to live with it since she is my wife she is my wife .
Same woman can't allow my child in her space .
Since that night that she ignored my calls I have not talked to her on phone till date
So many people has tried to talk to me to calm down but I am not having it.
Mind u, this is not first instance. There has been occasions when talks of bringing relatives, like nephews and nieces to stay with her arises she kick against it with many excuses . I have to let go because I don't want issues in my home,but this is my daughter.
We have not talked since then because I insist that for we to talk about next way forward she will refund me the money I spent to enroll that girl in school and she will bring her back by herself this time..
Then , and only then will we will come to table to discuss with the two families about next way forward.
I don't know, Are my over reacting ?
My major anger in all this, is starving my child in my house and the rate at which she spread stories and drag my house outside ..
Even people who are not supposed to call me and talk to me about marriage and relationships were all calling and talking to me ..

Omo mehnnnn

See, Nigeria is not a country built on Love.

We don't love ourselves in any way, we're not a community, we can be laughing with you and deceiving you, we no dey forgive, we will steal from you even when not necessary, we are not compassionate.

It is hard for most people growing up in such a society to step-parent a child.

Then add that your wife has no kids of her own, now you brought another woman's own for her. She's pouring out her sorrows and rage upon that child. And I'm sure when you two were courting, one or 2 signs were there that this would happen (there are always signs).

Don't marry anyone who has even 1% skoin skoin towards kids that aren't hers. She's never going to change.

Worse, your baby mama has remarried. Which means you can't relocate her and your daughters from an unsafe environment because you're no longer the Head of that family

(Hindsight is always 20:20, you probably didn't factor complications such as these when you chose to have 2 kids outside and not marry the Mother. Once children are involved, please stay with the mother and leave your happiness on your back pocket, don't be selfish, because someone must pay the price for your "happiness" ).

You're not overreacting, you gave your wife ample time to prepare.

You have to make a painful decision. Either pick your kids or your wife.

Your wife needs counselling, to understand her grief at her infertility and to learn how to accept your girls. Her pain is destroying everything she's touching

Your case is hard, but start praying seriously to Our Lord for wisdom and patience. And start asking God to work on you. Yes, you.

ElonEmpire:
Guess what? That she saw my girl calling her mother from another person's phone. Well ,I am against that too. I warned my girl and even the mother against that .. I made it clear that only my phone and my wife's phone will they communicate with. But you know children and again my wife is making her stay and settling in very difficult. I tried to descalate the situation and pacify my wife by pleading with her and also threatening my girl and the mother that am sending her back to her mother. But from that day my wife won't let me have peace, every second she kept asking when the mother is coming to pick the child , every effort to calm her down fail
On the 3rd day she threatened to go hand her over to police if the mother fail to come that day and pick her. I have to call the mother and plead with her to go talk to the girl and advise her. Because she herself want to keep a distance from my house but my wife is not letting go. So She suggested to go pick her and stay with her over the weekend instead because that day was Friday, but I refused. Unfortunately I was charging my phone when she got to my house they called I couldn't pick. when I finally called back she have already gone with the girl since my wife is insisting she should go with her daughter.
Truth I was mad with her because that was not what we agreed. I have to even tell her to stay full one week with the girl since she go against our agreement. I called my wife from after 8 to 11:59pm she was on call all through but refused to my calls, who she was on calls with I don't know .
On Monday my baby Mama return my girl as promised. But to My greatest shock I received a call on Tuesday evening that My wife refused to give my girl food from that Monday evening , taunting her to go back to her mother that if not hunger will kill her. This continues till Wednesday evening when I finally asked the mother to go pick her up and pack her things. Yes she attempted not giving her on two occasions in that two weeks I stayed with them before traveling but I never expected that in my absence she can do that. The pain is unbearable for me..it cost me a lot to bring that girl and I have already have my self planned out. For 6 years now my wife is not doing anything, I am 100% responsible for her well-being and upkeep. Every effort to make her start work or start business failed , I have started multiple businesses for her to manage she run it down before it even started ..
But I just choose to live with it since she is my wife she is my wife . Same woman can't allow my child in her space . Since that night that she ignored my calls I have not talked to her on phone till date. So many people has tried to talk to me to calm down but I am not having it.
Mind u, this is not first instance. There has been occasions when talks of bringing relatives, like nephews and nieces to stay with her arises she kick against it with many excuses . I have to let go because I don't want issues in my home,but this is my daughter. We have not talked since then because I insist that for we to talk about next way forward she will refund me the money I spent to enroll that girl in school and she will bring her back by herself this time..
Then , and only then will we will come to table to discuss with the two families about next way forward. I don't know, Are my over reacting? My major anger in all this, is starving my child in my house and the rate at which she spread stories and drag my house outside ..Even people who are not supposed to call me and talk to me about marriage and relationships were all calling and talking to me ..

OP, the long and short of this is that you are a terrible father to your daughters, and you are best leaving those girls with their mother, who has better reason for caring for them.

Your wife is not the problem. You are. I imagine you think that because you have a wife, she should be in charge of caring for your children from another marriage, but what is clear is that you have known from the beginning that the woman is not interested in doing any of that for you. Yet, you dragged the poor child into the situation, after literally ignoring her for so many years — all while living in the same state? Come on now. You are 38 years of age. It is time you begin taking accountability for your own faults as a father. 🥱🥱🥱

Anyways, take the child back to the mother, and send her upkeep money to help her better care for the girls, as she has been doing long before you finally woke up to the fact that you have two kids somewhere.🥱🥱

Stop torturing your children unnecessarily. You choose the woman you are married to, and you've known quite well how she felt all along about caring for your children from your previous encounters, so no need to come here and make it seem as if it is all her fault when she is the one you chose for yourself. Take accountability for the situation you created by trying to [i]force your way[/i]on your wife, knowing fully well what her boundary regarding such things has been from the beginning of the relationship with you. 🥱🥱

What a DISASTER!

Every sentence is more CRINGY than the next.

You THREATENED to send your OWN daughter back to the Ghetto to live in a ONE room face-to-face apartment because of a CRAZY woman who DOESN'T work.

Absolute MADNESS!

You need to take an URGENT leave from work.

KICK the witch out.
And get your KIDS out of that ghetto.
Get your mother or SENSIBLE relative to come live with them in your absence.

The money you've been using to take care of the JOBLESS adult can be used to support whoever lives with them.

Do this QUICKLY.

Any man who is WILLING to marry a Single Mother of 2 is NOT a man you want RAISING your kids.

In case you MISSED it, there must be NO negotiation with the woman that STARVED your child in your own house.

She lives in a house YOU paid for and still refused to give food bought with YOUR money to your child.

Make her LEAVE!

from the two post above with different views it shows the complexity of your situation. i think your wife need counseling and i think you did not disclose certain things to your wife

ElonEmpire:
Greetings all .
I'm having a serious issue in my home and I need to listen to other peoples options and advise.
Please this might be abit long, try and read to end.
Brief summary about me.
I'm 38 years old man, married for close for 6 years now but no child.
We have done everything possible, go to many hospitals and do all kinds of test no way.
I Love my wife so very much and am willing to travel that path with her as long as it takes ,even though our problem is; well, am not and have never blamed her, I believe God is God of miracles.
I have 2 girls..I ..

Oga Ade, please man up. You are sounding like a sisi.

How can you use your money to marry and care for a liability and a jezebel you call a wife and she will not give you peace. Throw that woman out of your life.

Your children are your number 1 priority. If that liability you call a wife cannot give you peace and love your children, throw her out to the street. Do it as FAST as possible.

There are more women than men in Nigeria

You want to keep your Blood, your children in a getto, in a room "face me I slap you", when you can afford a better life and place for them because of one street liability that could not even give you a child for the past 6 years

AND don't ever leave any of your daughters with that thing you call a wife oooo. SHE CAN POISON OR KILL THEM.

ElonEmpire:
Greetings all .
Even people who are not supposed to call me and talk to me about marriage and relationships were all calling and talking to me ..

U better keep ur daughter far away…: someone that starved a child and threw her out can kill oooo…. Most women dont do well with other women's children

the hatred is something unexplainable and they expect your to love and pay for their kid if tables turn

ElonEmpire:
Greetings all .
I'm having a serious issue in my home and I need to listen to other peoples options and advise.
Please this might be abit long, try and read to end.
Brief summary about me.
I'm 38 years old man, married for close for 6 years now but no child.
We have done everything possible, go to many hospitals and do all kinds of test no way.
I Love my wife so very much and am willing to travel that path with her as long as it takes ,even though our problem is; well, am not and have never blamed her, I believe God is God of miracles.
I have 2 girls..I have them long before I meet my wife. I was never married to their mother but we are cool.
I take care of my girls,their warfare and schooling.
2020 I relocated to the same state where my Girls and their mother stays but I never let them (My children) knew. From 2020 to 2024 I visited them just twice both occasions they thought I came from the state where I work.
I did that Just to create boundaries and to avoid creating any form of doubt in the mind of my wife.
Though it was never easy for me but I have to endure it.
That 2024 was my first girl is graduation from primary and she insist I must come which I did.
When I came back I told my wife that we will be bring her to stay with us from 2025 Sept and continue her schooling..
My reasons is because
# The area they are staying is pure ghetto and I don't want her been influenced
# Her performance in school is dropping at speed of light which I also attribute to the environment.
# Again the mother remarried and I don't really trust a stranger with my daughter considering that they are staying in one room .
# I need to bond and create memories with my girls.
This and many more are the reasons why I decided she moved in with us.
We are staying in 2 bedroom apartment and it is my wife alone for most part of the year because I work in the North, and my work took me away for 4 months and 2 months off.
The issue now is, from that 2024 I told my wife about my daughter coming it has been war ..
I deliberately gave her 1 year notice because I know her very well. Still nothing change .
Fast forward to Sept 2025 I decided to go ahead and bring her since all the discussions,pleading , explanation, begging failed.
From the moment the girl step her feet into our house my wife became coldly hostile.
She don't allow her do or touch anything in the house , she complain and throw tantrum over everything the child did , I tried all I could to make her loosen up with the child , no way. I even have to extend my traveling back for like two weeks to see if I can help her settle in.
I enroll her in school , which she (my wife) kicked against, before traveling back.
Just two days after traveling back the hell let lose .
I was in a meeting when my wife messages pop in , that she can't no longer stay with the girl..
Immediately I came out of the meeting I called her to know what the issue is,
Guess what? That she saw my girl calling her mother from another person's phone .
Well ,I am against that too. I warned my girl and even the mother against that ..
I made it clear that only my phone and my wife's phone will they communicate with .
But you know children and again my wife is making her stay and settling in very difficult.
I tried to descalate the situation and pacify my wife by pleading with her and also threatening my girl and the mother that am sending her back to her mother.
But from that day my wife won't let me have peace , every second she kept asking when the mother is coming to pick the child , every effort to calm her down fail
On the 3rd day she threatened to go hand her over to police if the mother fail to come that day and pick her .
I have to call the mother and plead with her to go talk to the girl and advise her. Because she herself want to keep a distance from my house but my wife is not letting go.
So She suggested to go pick her and stay with her over the weekend instead because that day was Friday, but I refused.
Unfortunately I was charging my phone when she got to my house they called I couldn't pick .
when I finally called back she have already gone with the girl since my wife is insisting she should go with her daughter.
Truth I was mad with her because that was not what we agreed. I have to even tell her to stay full one week with the girl since she go against our agreement.
I called my wife from after 8 to 11:59pm she was on call all through but refused to my calls, who she was on calls with I don't know .
On Monday my baby Mama return my girl as promised.
But to My greatest shock I received a call on Tuesday evening that My wife refused to give my girl food from that Monday evening , taunting her to go back to her mother that if not hunger will kill her. This continues till Wednesday evening when I finally asked the mother to go pick her up and pack her things .
Yes she attempted not giving her on two occasions in that two weeks I stayed with them before traveling but I never expected that in my absence she can do that.
The pain is unbearable for me..it cost me a lot to bring that girl and I have already have my self planned out.
For 6 years now my wife is not doing anything,
I am 100% responsible for her well-being and upkeep. Every effort to make her start work or start business failed , I have started multiple businesses for her to manage she run it down before it even started ..
But I just choose to live with it since she is my wife she is my wife .
Same woman can't allow my child in her space .
Since that night that she ignored my calls I have not talked to her on phone till date
So many people has tried to talk to me to calm down but I am not having it.
Mind u, this is not first instance. There has been occasions when talks of bringing relatives, like nephews and nieces to stay with her arises she kick against it with many excuses . I have to let go because I don't want issues in my home,but this is my daughter.
We have not talked since then because I insist that for we to talk about next way forward she will refund me the money I spent to enroll that girl in school and she will bring her back by herself this time..
Then , and only then will we will come to table to discuss with the two families about next way forward.
I don't know, Are my over reacting ?
My major anger in all this, is starving my child in my house and the rate at which she spread stories and drag my house outside ..
Even people who are not supposed to call me and talk to me about marriage and relationships were all calling and talking to me ..

From personal childhood experiences, stepmom only love their biological kids. Do away with that woman, keep your assets documents away from that house, your life might be on the line, use your head, don't snooze on this 📌💯🙌👌

Gotocourt:
From personal childhood experiences, stepmom only love their biological kids. Do away with that woman, keep your assets documents away from that house, your life might be on the line, use your head, don't snooze on this 📌💯🙌👌

Thanks.

advanceDNA:
U better keep ur daughter far away…: someone that starved a child and threw her out can kill oooo…. Most women dont do well with other women's children

the hatred is something unexplainable and they expect your to love and pay for their kid if tables turn

Thanks

Na your wife when never fit get her own child you make she take care of another woman child? Use your brain mr man.

My children over my wife oo. Bring your girls in and kick your wife out.

sleek214:
My children over my wife oo. Bring your girls in and kick your wife out.

The man lived in the same state for 4 years, but visited them only 2 times in all of that time. That is the person you are asking to bring the girls to live with him? If he had other kids with his wife, do you think OP would have even cared to visit those girls? Children are not accessories. 🥱🥱

Helpout12345:
Oga Ade, please man up. You are sounding like a sisi.

How can you use your money to marry and care for a liability and a jezebel you call a wife and she will not give you peace. Throw that woman out of your life.

Your children are your number 1 priority. If that liability you call a wife cannot give you peace and love your children, throw her out to the street. Do it as FAST as possible.

There are more women than men in Nigeria

You want to keep your Blood, your children in a getto, in a room "face me I slap you", when you can afford a better life and place for them because of one street liability that could not even give you a child for the past 6 years

AND don't ever leave any of your daughters with that thing you call a wife oooo. SHE CAN POISON OR KILL THEM.

Dude is not a man.
He's foolishly in love.
For your information, girl child is an asset ooo. They know how to look after parents ooo. A boy child can abandon his father but a girl child won't

In everything you do as a man, make sure you end up with a compassionate woman e get why

sisqodean09:
➜In everything you do as a man, make sure you end up with a compassionate woman e get why

If you, as a man, are not yourself compassionate, is it so you can use the woman you end up with for her compassion in the manner that OP tried to use his wife? 🥱🥱

Stop thinking a woman is some tool for your personal use, in this case, to compensate for what you lack as a human being. That will almost always backfire. And the fault will always be yours for thinking it OK to use another human being instead of doing the work that you need do on yourself. 🥱🥱

Love makes a man weak, you know what to do but you're too weak to do it and no advice from here will influence your decision...

When they tell you babymama is bad, you will be fighting that you are smarter. The only people that will suffer are your children. Once you have children, you must always be available for them when they come to your house. That is what parenting is about especially when you are bringing kids from outside. You must be present.

You can’t leave the kids solely for your wife while their mother is still alive. Stay at home and be a parent to ensure your kids eat, bath and are well cared for. You chose to have a babymama of 2 whole kids who you did not think was enough for you to marry. So you went to marry your wife and share custody, your wife is not responsible for these bad decisions. So you must be present for the consequences fully. All these funny guys having children all over the place like bird. You don’t know 1 house, one problem, 2 houses 10 problems, 3houses 50 problems. You just start you never see anything yet. Once your wife give birth you will see shege. You guys never think at all, you should have stayed with that babymama. maybe you thought you have more status than her but your wife is a special person to be facing infertility and be that wicked and evil not to at the very least feed a hungry child

Enroll your kids in very good boarding school and make yourself available when they are on holiday so you can be a father to them. If the mother is still single, buy them a flat and relocate them to a better area so you can ensure they are safe. You have not 1 but 2 kids with that woman. If she is married, ask your babymama what business she can do so you help her to setup. So hopefully it can upgrade them from the ghetto to better living arrangements. But put them in boarding school and make sure you spend time with your daughter on return and apologize to her seriously with gifts for your wife’s behavior. Make time to spend time alone with them, your kids, take them out. Not with either woman.

Firstly, I take God beg you, kindly ignore whatever advice Kobo may give you on this thread.. she's always typing like it's that time of the month..
Back to your situation, it's obvious you deeply cared for your wife and at such I won't recommend breaking away like those posters above even though it made you look like a sissy
At this point, I will suggest you move those kids to your parents as it will be more harmful to them cohabiting with your married ex in a single room apartment .

Since you already put up with your wife for 6 years despite knowing all about her weaknesses, so keep carrying your cross, but don't ever ask the girl or girls to move back with her

2mch:
When they tell you babymama is bad, you will be fighting that you're smarter.

You chose to have a babymama of 2 whole kids who you did not think was enough for you to marry. So you went to marry your wife and share custody, your wife is not responsible for these bad decisions. So you must be present for the consequences fully. All these funny guys having children all over the place like bird. You don’t know 1 house, one problem, 2 houses 10 problems, 3houses 50 problems. You just start you never see anything yet. Once your wife give birth you will see shege. You guys never think at all, you should have stayed with that babymama

Thank you!

I'm so tired of seeing men repeat the same mistake then expect that their case will be different

"My happiness! My mental health! My peace of mind!". Nonsense and ingredients, selfishness, lust and infatuation masking as Love.

My mum is almost 80, she always laughs when she hears those words and says "the love go finish one day nau, we will be here to see what happens next". There's nothing she hasn't seen.

Once kids are involved, stay with that woman. You think God will watch you hurt His most innocent human creation and let you enjoy? The Lord of mercy AND justice?

He even ignored his kids for 4 years to placate his wife and she's still not happy. Because from the get-go he made it clear she was more important than his own flesh-and-blood, now he's acting shocked that she is demanding he continues what he started.

Men, your children come first before any new woman. From the first date, tell the new babe:

"You are getting a package deal with me and my kids. I fully expect you to be pounding yam for my kids, I expect you to shop for birthday gifts for them without me asking you to, prepare to be doing homework with them and if none of this is acceptable to you, please let me know so we end things before it goes too far"

RealLordZeus:
Firstly, I take God beg you, kindly ignore whatever advice Kobo may give you on this thread.. she's always typing like it's that time of the month..
Back to your situation, it's obvious you deeply cared for your wife and at such I won't recommend breaking away like those posters above even though it made you look like a sissy
At this point, I will suggest you move those kids to your parents as it will be more harmful to them cohabiting with your married ex in a single room apartment .

Since you already put up with your wife for 6 years despite knowing all about her weaknesses, so keep carrying your cross, but don't ever ask the girl or girls to move back with her

Why should they ignore kobo's advice and take yours...?


You could have just said what you have to say and moved on. I hate nonsense.


Some of you are overzealous?

RealLordZeus:
Firstly, I take God beg you, kindly ignore whatever advice Kobo may give you on this thread.. she's always typing like it's that time of the month..
Back to your situation, it's obvious you deeply cared for your wife and at such I won't recommend breaking away like those posters above even though it made you look like a sissy
At this point, I will suggest you move those kids to your parents as it will be more harmful to them cohabiting with your married ex in a single room apartment .

Since you already put up with your wife for 6 years despite knowing all about her weaknesses, so keep carrying your cross, but don't ever ask the girl or girls to move back with her

Nah, i think i support kobo on this one(strange )but i see her angle....

1-The wife didn't birth the 2 girls.
2-She has made her stance from the beginning, even with relative etc
3-And most importantly, she has yet to have her own children
4-The girls mother is still alive

So you want to dump 2 girls on me, when their mum is alive and i'm yet to have mine, meanwhile i have told you from the beginning i dont play like that. The girls are the husbands problem, not the wife... Heck, she has her own battle, please lets forget woman bashing for a minute and judge fairly....

Are you telling me in Europe or America, the husband will just dump the children on the wife, make she dey do nanny?? Person say she no want another woman pikin for her house, you wan dey force her or victimize her...

Going forward, The man self is all to blame, and if i'm God, i will hold him responsible for whatever "anything" the wife does to the child, they are YOUR PROBLEM, not hers. Or you want to tell me she will starve her own kids she birthed? not possible...

Men, becareful.... If she is good to knack, then you better carry your cross...

2 kids. you no marry their MAMA. you come dey post for Nairaland make we help you bash your wife....

my hand no dey that one... I have 2 sisters, i love them dearly and i wont support these kain arrangements againts them... God forbid....

You are the bad person sir, inconsiderate. not your wife...

I almost couldn't finish your post because I feel so bad for your kids. Imagine seeing them twice in four years (from 2020 to 2024) because of the wicked, hateful woman you married. Are you a father at all? Are you even a man? As if they haven't suffered enough, one of them is now staying with you and the woman is abusing her and you're allowing it. You cannot put your foot down? Children should come first no matter what and you shouldn't allow anybody abuse them under any circumstances, not even the person you call your wife. In a sane country, she/both of you would be charged with child abuse. Don't be a useless father. Stand up for your kids.

ElonEmpire:
Greetings all .
I'm having a serious issue in my home and I need to listen to other peoples options and advise.
Please this might be abit long, try and read to end.
Brief summary about me.
I'm 38 years old man, married for close for 6 years now but no child.
We have done everything possible, go to many hospitals and do all kinds of test no way.
I Love my wife so very much and am willing to travel that path with her as long as it takes ,even though our problem is; well, am not and have never blamed her, I believe God is God of miracles.
I have 2 girls..I have them long before I meet my wife. I was never married to their mother but we are cool.
I take care of my girls,their warfare and schooling.
2020 I relocated to the same state where my Girls and their mother stays but I never let them (My children) knew. From 2020 to 2024 I visited them just twice both occasions they thought I came from the state where I work.
I did that Just to create boundaries and to avoid creating any form of doubt in the mind of my wife.
Though it was never easy for me but I have to endure it.
That 2024 was my first girl is graduation from primary and she insist I must come which I did.
When I came back I told my wife that we will be bring her to stay with us from 2025 Sept and continue her schooling..
My reasons is because
# The area they are staying is pure ghetto and I don't want her been influenced
# Her performance in school is dropping at speed of light which I also attribute to the environment.
# Again the mother remarried and I don't really trust a stranger with my daughter considering that they are staying in one room .
# I need to bond and create memories with my girls.
This and many more are the reasons why I decided she moved in with us.
We are staying in 2 bedroom apartment and it is my wife alone for most part of the year because I work in the North, and my work took me away for 4 months and 2 months off.
The issue now is, from that 2024 I told my wife about my daughter coming it has been war ..
I deliberately gave her 1 year notice because I know her very well. Still nothing change .
Fast forward to Sept 2025 I decided to go ahead and bring her since all the discussions,pleading , explanation, begging failed.
From the moment the girl step her feet into our house my wife became coldly hostile.
She don't allow her do or touch anything in the house , she complain and throw tantrum over everything the child did , I tried all I could to make her loosen up with the child , no way. I even have to extend my traveling back for like two weeks to see if I can help her settle in.
I enroll her in school , which she (my wife) kicked against, before traveling back.
Just two days after traveling back the hell let lose .
I was in a meeting when my wife messages pop in , that she can't no longer stay with the girl..
Immediately I came out of the meeting I called her to know what the issue is,
Guess what? That she saw my girl calling her mother from another person's phone .
Well ,I am against that too. I warned my girl and even the mother against that ..
I made it clear that only my phone and my wife's phone will they communicate with .
But you know children and again my wife is making her stay and settling in very difficult.
I tried to descalate the situation and pacify my wife by pleading with her and also threatening my girl and the mother that am sending her back to her mother.
But from that day my wife won't let me have peace , every second she kept asking when the mother is coming to pick the child , every effort to calm her down fail
On the 3rd day she threatened to go hand her over to police if the mother fail to come that day and pick her .
I have to call the mother and plead with her to go talk to the girl and advise her. Because she herself want to keep a distance from my house but my wife is not letting go.
So She suggested to go pick her and stay with her over the weekend instead because that day was Friday, but I refused.
Unfortunately I was charging my phone when she got to my house they called I couldn't pick .
when I finally called back she have already gone with the girl since my wife is insisting she should go with her daughter.
Truth I was mad with her because that was not what we agreed. I have to even tell her to stay full one week with the girl since she go against our agreement.
I called my wife from after 8 to 11:59pm she was on call all through but refused to my calls, who she was on calls with I don't know .
On Monday my baby Mama return my girl as promised.
But to My greatest shock I received a call on Tuesday evening that My wife refused to give my girl food from that Monday evening , taunting her to go back to her mother that if not hunger will kill her. This continues till Wednesday evening when I finally asked the mother to go pick her up and pack her things .
Yes she attempted not giving her on two occasions in that two weeks I stayed with them before traveling but I never expected that in my absence she can do that.
The pain is unbearable for me..it cost me a lot to bring that girl and I have already have my self planned out.
For 6 years now my wife is not doing anything,
I am 100% responsible for her well-being and upkeep. Every effort to make her start work or start business failed , I have started multiple businesses for her to manage she run it down before it even started ..
But I just choose to live with it since she is my wife she is my wife .
Same woman can't allow my child in her space .
Since that night that she ignored my calls I have not talked to her on phone till date
So many people has tried to talk to me to calm down but I am not having it.
Mind u, this is not first instance. There has been occasions when talks of bringing relatives, like nephews and nieces to stay with her arises she kick against it with many excuses . I have to let go because I don't want issues in my home,but this is my daughter.
We have not talked since then because I insist that for we to talk about next way forward she will refund me the money I spent to enroll that girl in school and she will bring her back by herself this time..
Then , and only then will we will come to table to discuss with the two families about next way forward.
I don't know, Are my over reacting ?
My major anger in all this, is starving my child in my house and the rate at which she spread stories and drag my house outside ..
Even people who are not supposed to call me and talk to me about marriage and relationships were all calling and talking to me ..

A dog you feed must be loyal to you.
Going by your story your children are more important that your wife.
Divorce the liability and have peace of mind

OP. You need to enroll that child in a boarding facility. That way the interaction between your wife and her is reduced. If it aligns, your months off should be when she is around..by the time she gets to uni she will be away from your wife. One more thing. You need to blow your wife's mind away.. hear me out. I mean you need to reset her mind with mind blowing sex one that when you speak she will have to listen. Also take charge of your house as the man.

You are a very weak man and God will punish you for turning away while your blood is being abused and mistreated by a wicked woman. Why bring your daughter to suffer in constant pain and abandon her when you know your evil wife will never rest until she kills her.
See you need to stamp your authority as the head of the head and put your house in order, especially your evil wife who have proven to be stronger that you. Strictly warn your evil wife that the next time you receive such bad report from you daughter, it will be the resolution of your marriage to her. She should learn to live In peace with the girl or leave the marriage.
Once again God will punish you and your evil wife. My prayers, thoughts are with your innocent daughter who is suffering for the incompetent and SIMP behavior of her husband who doesn't know his role as a father and guardian

Namaster:
What a DISASTER!

Every sentence is more CRINGY than the next.

You THREATENED to send your OWN daughter back to the Ghetto to live in a ONE room face-to-face apartment because of a CRAZY woman who DOESN'T work.

Absolute MADNESS!

You need to take an URGENT leave from work.

KICK the witch out.
And get your KIDS out of that ghetto.
Get your mother or SENSIBLE relative to come live with them in your absence.

The money you've been using to take care of the JOBLESS adult can be used to support whoever lives with them.

Do this QUICKLY.

Any man who is WILLING to marry a Single Mother of 2 is NOT a man you want RAISING your kids.

In case you MISSED it, there must be NO negotiation with the woman that STARVED your child in your own house.

She lives in a house YOU paid for and still refused to give food bought with YOUR money to your child.

Make her LEAVE!

Your submission is very correct.

Setting aside the wicked woman's toxic demeanor towards the OP's child and paying attention to other made-known aspects of her, that woman he calls "wife" - is dangerous, even to the OP himself. I am almost sure the OP would have been more better off psychologically and financially, without that woman.

The OP should separate from that woman he calls "wife", now that there's no child that tethers them.

You sure say you wan continue with this woman like this? I dislike women that go all out on babies, it's a baby, it's a baby o! Why are you going all out on a child you're supposed to nurture like say you don peep into the future see say the child became your mortal enemy? Your wife isn't a wife brah, get rid of her while you still can, otherwise, na you go sufferram

Onegai:
Thank you!

I'm so tired of seeing men repeat the same mistake then expect that their case will be different

"My happiness! My mental health! My peace of mind!". Nonsense and ingredients, selfishness, lust and infatuation masking as Love.

My mum is almost 80, she always laughs when she hears those words and says "the love go finish one day nau, we will be here to see what happens next". There's nothing she hasn't seen.

Once kids are involved, stay with that woman. You think God will watch you hurt His most innocent human creation and let you enjoy? The Lord of mercy AND justice?

He even ignored his kids for 4 years to placate his wife and she's still not happy. Because from the get-go he made it clear she was more important than his own flesh-and-blood, now he's acting shocked that she is demanding he continues what he started.

Men, your children come first before any new woman. From the first date, tell the new babe:

"You are getting a package deal with me and my kids. I fully expect you to be pounding yam for my kids, I expect you to shop for birthday gifts for them without me asking you to, prepare to be doing homework with them and if none of this is acceptable to you, please let me know so we end things before it goes too far"

Who will marry them if they say that? Nobody. They can’t. As the parent bringing in the kid, he should be the one doing all that or hire a nanny to do it. Maintaining multiple houses where children reside require a lot of expenses. It’s very hard and rare to see new wives accommodate outside children to that extent. The man has to keep them outside where they were from the beginning. It’s not a polygamous or widow situation.

The only time such work is if he married a babymama too and she is guilted because of her own kids. I have seen a lot of this situation, it can’t work. But starving the kid is another level of wickedness. If his wife said no, he shouldn’t have brought them into the house by force. He caused it and should have thought about this before marrying someone else. If it was her kid we will not expect OP to do such. It will be an insult to him.

Oga, I guess this should have been sorted at your courtship period with your wife. Disclosing and discussing the issue would have put a lid on the matter and her feedback and reactions would have better inform you about who you're about settling with.

Having a blended family comes with great price and sacrifice from your spouse and partner and you would have afforded her the opportunity to decide if she will be cool with that instead of being thorn in your flesh in the marriage.

Going forward, I'd suggest you let the child be with the mother for now, because it's clear she doesn't want the presence of the child in the home. If you're around it would make it a bit easier to consistently monitor the child and probably help to douse the tension.
The safety of the child both physically and emotionally should be prioritized first while you seek for ways to bring your wife around to accept the situation and maintain the peace in your home.