₦airaland Forum

Purpose

Purpose, as I've come to understand is what you choose for yourself.

This is not a dictionary definition or what have you. This is as simple as I can understand it

The path most of us choose/ are walking right now, isn't the path we choosed ourselves.
This path was chosen for us.

The Religion of our parents made us Christians/ Muslims, and that's why we go to church and Mosques respectively. Left to some of us, we'd love to stay at home on Sunday.

There's no Sunday. There's no Tuesday. What matters are the activities (natural or man-made) that happens inside of that day THAT CANNOT happen on any other day

Refer to my recent writeup on 'Time'
https://www.nairaland.com/8572877/theres-no-time-when-submit

The course we studied in the university was because our parents could not afford to fund the course we love to study or because our parents subtly made us aware that they wanted a "doctor, lawyer, engineer or Banker in their family"

When your mom said "I want my son to drive a big car", you subtly suspended your freewill.
You subconsciously started looking for courses that you can study and will give you money to buy a big car and also buy your mom a Big car.

That course wasn't your passion. it was your mom's passion.
So are you going to suspend your life all because you want to make your mom have a big car?

Is big car a necessity that she can't live without?
Can humans live without owning a big car? Ask yourself that.

Staying on this path that we didn't choose for ourselves for long leads to friction in our lives.

Surprisingly, after getting that big car for ourselves and for our mom, we still don't feel complete. We don't feel happy. There's still that void in us which sadly some of us begin to fill with addiction thinking it'll offer permanent escape.

No it won't. The opposite of happiness is depression. And depression is that void that addiction fills, if the root of the tree isn't known and cut off in time.

Try observe. Most of the female pornstars you see aren't acting porn necessarily because of the money. Check the news. Some even commit suicide. You'll think having male attention and cash in the bank is enough?

Some had trauma (daddy issues/ absent Father) that they haven't healed from. Their young impressionable mind then think that their absent father is their fault. So they grow up trying to get the validation of men by giving what most men would easily succumb to: Sex, mostly affordable.

The men with abandonment issues run to sex drugs so they can last long and please their girlfriend/ other women, thinking that after offering mind-blowing sex, the girl will be stimulated to come back for more, hence needing them and not abandoning them.
That's also why they're manipulative, because if a girl can't bond with them naturally, they'll force her to trauma bond with them. Consider it Stockholm syndrome.

Purpose is what you choose for you.
Not what your parent, society, friend group choosed for you.

Some men can't even date a girl that their friend group don't approve of. And they're in messy relationship asking what happened. lol. You're dating your friends' girlfriend. That's what happened.

You have to give love, to others and to yourself, and receive love, from others and from yourself, in order to be happy.
Love is one Key. Freedom is also another.

What do you want for yourself?
Is it hinged to your selfishness or your selflessness?
Can it make you free and others free?
Can it make you and others happy?

"Ask and it shall be give unto you"

Have you ever asked for what you wanted? or you've been asking what other people want for you.

Why don't they ask for what they want themself, if truly they want it?
Why are you asking for them?

Do what thou will shall be the whole of the law.
Love is the law. Love under Will (freewill)

What you're willingly doing (love), that you choosed for yourself, exercising your will (freewill)

Purpose cont'd:

One blockage to freewill that I've discovered is Shame.
Gabor Mate, in a YouTube video, called it 'attachment vs authenticity' You can't eat your cake and have it still.
To have the life you choose, you have to be shameless in standing with your choice.

Imagine these scenario: A man who lost his wife in an accident. After a while, he then chooses to remarry.
Now society, his friend and family group, especially from the late wife side, start subtly hinting at him that the reason he's remarrying is because he did not truly love his late wife. shocked
Because if he did, "for better for worse" vow and other related commitment should have been upheld. grin

Imagine a person who believes that Burial party is a mockery of the dead. How would society see such a person when they decide not to attend/ spend on the burial party of their father?
The Society we have now might label such a person a "Father Killer" especially when such a person is the first son or First daughter. They'll slowly be seen by the community as outcasts.

Those who choose not to attend church, but choose to find God within themselves and express to all his creation. How would their churchgoing family and friends see such a person?

The igbo men reading this post right now, can you marry a young lady from the OSU caste and risk your people disowning/ segregating you.
Can you risk your 'social attachments' for your choice?

Can the Christian men here confidently marry a Muslim girl that they admire and see a future with?

You only do missionary with your husband because you see doggy as a sin. It wasn't written in the bible. grin

If you really really look at the big picture, you'll find that some people have never made choices for themselves! cry

Their life has been a collection of other people's choice for them. And that's where sadness/ depression creeps in. Sadness that drugs cannot cure, same way drugs cannot cure prostitution.

They're scared that if they don't follow the choice / standard that other people set for them, they'll be cut off from society/ friend group, and they'll be alone. They lost their authenticity for the sake of their attachment.

If human happiness is hinged on freedom to make their choices and the ability to love unconditionally, then it's safe to say that those who deny other people the freedom to make their choices CANNOT be happy. Most of our parents that impressed their choices on us, their children, either subtly or directly, are not happy. Sadly enough, they did not know why. I hope they do now

It's the perfection of justice because what we deny others will be denied to us.

Here's Gabor Mate talking about Authenticity Vs Attachment


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3bynimi8HQ?si=tUcUtRVbbgLceFKF

Here's him talking about why he became a medical doctor all because he felt his mother didn't need him, so he felt that by becoming a doctor, he'll feel needed by his patients


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66cYcSak6nE?si=zhKiszlRj7PDOFap

Saying "Yes" to a demand isn't only the way one can express love towards others or themselves.

One can also say "No" lovingly.

If I had a diabetic mother, and she asks me to help her purchase sugar, I'll lovingly tell her No.
My "No" reply doesn't mean I don't love her. Infact, it signifies that I actually do love her.

Love, as I'm beginning to learn, isn't just an action word. It's an adverb. The quality at which we express our actions.

Reverseng:
Saying "Yes" to a demand isn't only the way one can express love towards others or themselves.

One can also say "No" lovingly.

If I had a diabetic mother, and she asks me to help her purchase sugar, I'll lovingly tell her No.
My "No" reply doesn't mean I don't love her. Infact, it signifies that I actually do love her.

Love, as I'm beginning to learn, isn't just an action word. It's an adverb. The quality at which we express our actions.

Well profound and insightful.

Thank you
I'm glad you found it so

BodePolScience:
Well profound and insightful.