₦airaland Forum

The Genesis of the whole separation is here
https://www.nairaland.com/8617961/slap-marriage-ended-what-should

So it was a few days to our 2nd year anniversary when I returned her to her parents on her request after destroying our marriage wall photo!

This was exactly feb 2025 last year.

August 2025 last year I had an outing with she and the kids at a popular eatery, she looked perfectly normal, no sign of anything infact she looked malnourished.

May 2026 and she's at least 3/4 months pregnant .

It's important to note, my diary is still on her head, she has pressure her father into returning it infact I received an alert to that effect from her father but I returned it, She has threatened me with pregnancy from another man before I'll do the needful but I insisted there must be same gathering as at when I came to pay her dowry and her family is yet to get back to me on that.
We are legally married by the state registry, it's not even up to a year, she's pregnant and we are not even legally or traditionally divorced.

I'm not angry but I feel stupid because before our separation it was repeated request to go to her mom's for days weeks and one time almost a month, almost like she wanted me to give up on her, one time she was planning to change my daughter's school to one close to her mom's almost like saying, "I want to live at my mom's permanently" ...so I feel angry that she may have already being in contact with another man hence she started to act weird and was so easy for her to be stubborn about returning home


... My purpose of this write up is just one ideology because I feel like a winner already lately. Life has being so different and easy for me. In marriage, I was never happy, I walked around with a HELP sign on my forehead the whole time, I was ashamed to ask her for assistance because when she did it would be broadcasted on CNN, resounding responsibility and a daily reminder living with you everyday. The responsibility still remain but it's different this time, xo different because the 50/50 that could have saved my sanity and possibly our marriage is exactly what we are doing now in seperation.

So my main purpose is a question of legality!...
Can I make her feel some extra heat by filing a suit in court for bigamy ? or any terms or ideas 💡


Cc: RoyalRoy, Seun

TheDepressed:
... My purpose of this write up is just one ideology because I feel like a winner already lately. Life has being so different and easy for me. In marriage, I was never happy, I walked around with a HELP sign on my forehead the whole time, I was ashamed to ask her for assistance because when she did it would be broadcasted on CNN, resounding responsibility and a daily reminder living with you everyday. The responsibility still remain but it's different this time, xo different because the 50/50 that could have saved my sanity and possibly our marriage is exactly what we are doing now in seperation.
So my main purpose is a question of legality!... Can I make her feel some extra heat by filing a suit in court for bigamy ? or any terms or ideas 💡

The father sent the dowry back to you, and you then returned it. Why? Usually, the moment the father of the bride returns the dowry, that means the marriage is over and done with; you sending it back to him makes no sense nor changes that. Na freebie you give them be that.

No to Bigamy

Yes to Adultery and you can sue the man, if you know his identity. The proof of her Adultery is growing inside her, unless you somehow hooked up with her this year and there's a chance it's yours.

I'm so sorry this happened. Divorce is hard.

Best to focus on healing yourself and I mean this, don't jump into another relationship just yet. Work on yourself, just enjoy the innocent pleasures of Life (good food, music, tv shows, outings).

Speak to a lawyer and draft a Child Support and Custody Agreement. That doesn't mean you should take the kids from her as punishment, think of what is best for the children. They're young, no Judge will grant them to you unless you can prove she's unfit and their environment is unsafe. And if she's taking care of the kids, leave them there for now.

Visit them often, provide for them, take them for holidays with you.

Forgive her. Holding onto unforgiviness is like drinking poison expecting her to die from it.

Be honest with yourself about the ways you need to improve

Kobojunkie:
The father sent the dowry back to you, and you then returned it. Why? Usually, the moment the father of the bride returns the dowry, that means the marriage is over and done with; you sending it back to him makes no sense nor changes that. Na freebie you give them be that.

Silver and Gold I may not have but my dignity is intact, as an Edoman that's a taboo.
I did not pay the dowry via opay.

Onegai:
No to Bigamy

Yes to Adultery and you can sue the man, if you know his identity. The proof of her Adultery is growing inside her, unless you somehow hooked up with her this year and there's a chance it's yours.

I'm so sorry this happened. Divorce is hard.

Best to focus on healing yourself and I mean this, don't jump into another relationship just yet. Work on yourself, just enjoy the innocent pleasures of Life (good food, music, tv shows, outings).

Speak to a lawyer and draft a Child Support and Custody Agreement. That doesn't mean you should take the kids from her as punishment, think of what is best for the children. They're young, no Judge will grant them to you unless you can prove she's unfit and their environment is unsafe. And if she's taking care of the kids, leave them there for now.

Visit them often, provide for them, take them for holidays with you.

Forgive her. Holding onto unforgiviness is like drinking poison expecting her to die from it.

Be honest with yourself about the ways you need to improve

One can sue for adultery? Anyway I intend to see a lawyer but NL is my go-to first consultants

Thanks you've spoken nicely.
I am a core Edoman ... I don't hide it when I say my ancestors already struck the first blow.
The next one is going to be mine! Otherwise I have so long gotten over her but ...

TheDepressed:
➜Silver and Gold I may not have but my dignity is intact, as an Edoman that's a taboo. I did not pay the dowry via opay.

Huh? The fact that the money was returned to you is established even by you. You have only one marriage with this woman, which you entered into by way of the traditional payment of dowry, and that one marriage is also registered in the courts. That marriage ended the moment the bride price which was paid was refunded to you, irrespective of how it was refunded.

All the woman needs to do is present the proof of returned bride price -- the return payment made by her father to you -- to the courts to have the marriage registry updated on the divorce. So long as they have proof that they did in fact send you back your money, you shouldn't be able to do anything else about it.

Kobojunkie:
Huh? The fact that the money was returned to you is established even by you. You have only one marriage with this woman, which you entered into by way of the traditional payment of dowry, and that one marriage is also registered in the courts. That marriage ended the moment the bride price which was paid was refunded to you, irrespective of how it was refunded.

All the woman needs to do is present the proof of returned bride price to the courts to have the marriage registry updated on the divorce. So long as they have proof that they did in fact send you back your money, you shouldn't be able to do anything else about it.

Ok, thanks fo your contribution

After reading your story, all I can tell you is, don't put yourself in a position for her to keep torturing you mentally/emotionally.
Don't make yourself easily accessible.
Take yourself away from that situation for now.

Mariangeles:
After reading your story, all I can tell you is, don't put yourself in a position for her to keep torturing you mentally/emotionally.
Don't make yourself easily accessible.
Take yourself away from that situation for now.

I haven't set eyes on her since August last year.
I received the pregnancy information from my 5year old daughter.
I don't hate marriage but I am against marriage right now.
*A friend invited me for his wedding, I told him to his face, I won't come and you're better of investing this money than what you about to do now*
Long story short: I cannot trade what I have now with anything right now, nothing!
I have moved on from her Long Ago....I can't trade what I have now for ....

TheDepressed:
➜I haven't set eyes on her since August last year. I received the pregnancy information from my 5year old daughter. I don't hate marriage but I am against marriage right now. *A friend invited me for his wedding, I told him to his face, I won't come and you're better of investing this money than what you about to do now*
Long story short: I cannot trade what I have now with anything right now, nothing! I have moved on from her Long Ago....I can't trade what I have now for ....

She has moved on, but you haven't. You need to work on and focus on you.

Kobojunkie:
She has moved on, but you haven't. You need to work on and focus on you.

👍🏻

bro move on, you said your life is better now why dragging yourself to the mud or you obsessed with her

Pootle:
bro move on, you said your life is better now why dragging yourself to the mud or you obsessed with her

This topic isn't a moving on topic, is it?
Why can't you just be constructive around the topic question or better still keep your null_opininion to yourself

TheDepressed:
This topic isn't a moving on topic, is it?
Why can't you just be constructive around the topic question or better still keep your null_opininion to yourself

your response now shows why she left you

Na love

Pootle:
bro move on, you said your life is better now why dragging yourself to the mud or you obsessed with her

Don't sue her for anything, time will tell.

Move on too.

She will be back, maybe not now, but someday she definitely will.

We've seen this script play out a lot of times and it's always the same ending.

Foodqueen:
Don't sue her for anything, time will tell.

Move on too.

She will be back, maybe not now, but someday she definitely will.

We've seen this script play out a lot of times and it's always the same ending.

I already made up my mind to sue but for what is what I dunno!
But I'll activate my lawyers and I'll brief this house.
I'll not be made to look stupid, she's too tiny!

Diamond098454:
Na love

Obsession isn't love; rather, it is an unhealthy fixation on that which you never truly cared for, to begin with. It is usually a result of deeper unresolved wounds.

TheDepressed:
I already made up my mind to sue but for what is what I dunno!
But I'll activate my lawyers and I'll brief this house.
I'll not be made to look stupid, she's too tiny!

This is still your ego at play.

Your ego made you destroy your marriage but I’m surprised you still didn’t learn from the mistake. You should be wiser and experienced enough to give young and intending couples helpful advice, but no.


You had a squabble with your wife and it didn’t end there, you slapped her. I mean, you raised your hands and hit her and still claimed right.

So hitting her was not big enough an offense to end a marriage but her retaliation by breaking the wedding frame was unbearable. lol. Funny ego

You didn’t end there oo, you threatened to take her back to her father’s house, as per Odogwu that you are and she asked you to go ahead and you ACTUALLY went ahead for real??

I’m glad you guys ended that marriage because that kind of Kilimanjaro high ego is never compatible with marriage. I am also glad you don’t intend going anywhere close to marriage again. It is not for everyone.

Back to topic, please just let her go and move on.

If you must approach a court for anything, let it be for a proper divorce. The marriage has ended already.

All the best!

You are 11yrs older than your wife, yet you couldn't protect her and lead by good example, you thought she will be a desperate pick-me and allow y0u turn her into a punching bag. Immediately you $lapped her, she left as the wise girl she is, because if you $lapped her once, you would definitely do it again and again in future, Bea*ting is her deal breaker.

I hope she has evidence of the d0mestic vi0lence and her dad also has evidence of the bride price you refused to accept. You were separated for over a year, why do you still want to frustrate someone's daughter? She has moved on, find a pick-me who will allow you turn her to a punching bag, your wife has moved on.

Keep your bitter experience t0 yourself, don't spread it.

TheDepressed:
I haven't set eyes on her since August last year.
I received the pregnancy information from my 5year old daughter.
I don't hate marriage but I am against marriage right now.
*A friend invited me for his wedding, I told him to his face, I won't come and you're better of investing this money than what you about to do now*
Long story short: I cannot trade what I have now with anything right now, nothing!
I have moved on from her Long Ago....I can't trade what I have now for ....

TheDepressed:
The Genesis of the whole separation is here
https://www.nairaland.com/8617961/slap-marriage-ended-what-should

So it was a few days to our 2nd year anniversary when I returned her to her parents on her request after destroying our marriage wall photo!

This was exactly feb 2025 last year.

August 2025 last year I had an outing with she and the kids at a popular eatery, she looked perfectly normal, no sign of anything infact she looked malnourished.

May 2026 and she's at least 3/4 months pregnant .

It's important to note, my diary is still on her head, she has pressure her father into returning it infact I received an alert to that effect from her father but I returned it, She has threatened me with pregnancy from another man before I'll do the needful but I insisted there must be same gathering as at when I came to pay her dowry and her family is yet to get back to me on that.
We are legally married by the state registry, it's not even up to a year, she's pregnant and we are not even legally or traditionally divorced.

I'm not angry but I feel stupid because before our separation it was repeated request to go to her mom's for days weeks and one time almost a month, almost like she wanted me to give up on her, one time she was planning to change my daughter's school to one close to her mom's almost like saying, "I want to live at my mom's permanently" ...so I feel angry that she may have already being in contact with another man hence she started to act weird and was so easy for her to be stubborn about returning home


... My purpose of this write up is just one ideology because I feel like a winner already lately. Life has being so different and easy for me. In marriage, I was never happy, I walked around with a HELP sign on my forehead the whole time, I was ashamed to ask her for assistance because when she did it would be broadcasted on CNN, resounding responsibility and a daily reminder living with you everyday. The responsibility still remain but it's different this time, xo different because the 50/50 that could have saved my sanity and possibly our marriage is exactly what we are doing now in seperation.

So my main purpose is a question of legality!...
Can I make her feel some extra heat by filing a suit in court for bigamy ? or any terms or ideas 💡


Cc: RoyalRoy, Seun

don't waste your time and money in filing any suit against her unless you want her back...let the new man keep her na small time she go repeat the circle on him.thats the best revenge.

fyneboi79:
don't waste your time and money in filing any suit against her unless you want her back...let the new man keep her na small time she go repeat the circle on him.thats the best revenge.

Even with a million dollars attached to her I would never ever take her back or watch my enemy go close to that family in name of marriage.

Even tho a background has already being set first by her mother and now secondly her, I'm worried sick for my daughters experiences while living with them "for now".

I always suspected someone came into her life but I had no proof because the sudden disappearances from her matrimonial home was odd, she wanted to frustrate me into giving up on her, she applied more frustration until what happened happened and she cemented her decision so easily that nothing or no one could make her think otherwise.

Call me a witch but like I said and I say it again,"I'll not be made to look stupid on my father's ancestral land".

The first blow has being struck without me batting a lid

The second will be mine!

Kobojunkie:
Huh? The fact that the money was returned to you is established even by you. You have only one marriage with this woman, which you entered into by way of the traditional payment of dowry, and that one marriage is also registered in the courts. That marriage ended the moment the bride price which was paid was refunded to you, irrespective of how it was refunded.

All the woman needs to do is present the proof of returned bride price -- the return payment made by her father to you -- to the courts to have the marriage registry updated on the divorce. So long as they have proof that they did in fact send you back your money, you shouldn't be able to do anything else about it.

Thanks you for speaking the raw truth
The poster has ulterior motive against this woman. This woman doesn't need this marriage any longer. Allow her to go. Remember marriage is free entry and free exit. Having paid the dowry in your account is legally binded unto you to accept it and move on. You have no right again to sue her or her new husband for bigamy or adultery.

So I would advice you move on. Focus on how to take care of your kids. Stop crying over spilled milk

TheDepressed:
The Genesis of the whole separation is here
https://www.nairaland.com/8617961/slap-marriage-ended-what-should

So it was a few days to our 2nd year anniversary when I returned her to her parents on her request after destroying our marriage wall photo!

This was exactly feb 2025 last year.

August 2025 last year I had an outing with she and the kids at a popular eatery, she looked perfectly normal, no sign of anything infact she looked malnourished.

May 2026 and she's at least 3/4 months pregnant .

It's important to note, my diary is still on her head, she has pressure her father into returning it infact I received an alert to that effect from her father but I returned it, She has threatened me with pregnancy from another man before I'll do the needful but I insisted there must be same gathering as at when I came to pay her dowry and her family is yet to get back to me on that.
We are legally married by the state registry, it's not even up to a year, she's pregnant and we are not even legally or traditionally divorced.

I'm not angry but I feel stupid because before our separation it was repeated request to go to her mom's for days weeks and one time almost a month, almost like she wanted me to give up on her, one time she was planning to change my daughter's school to one close to her mom's almost like saying, "I want to live at my mom's permanently" ...so I feel angry that she may have already being in contact with another man hence she started to act weird and was so easy for her to be stubborn about returning home


... My purpose of this write up is just one ideology because I feel like a winner already lately. Life has being so different and easy for me. In marriage, I was never happy, I walked around with a HELP sign on my forehead the whole time, I was ashamed to ask her for assistance because when she did it would be broadcasted on CNN, resounding responsibility and a daily reminder living with you everyday. The responsibility still remain but it's different this time, xo different because the 50/50 that could have saved my sanity and possibly our marriage is exactly what we are doing now in seperation.

So my main purpose is a question of legality!...
Can I make her feel some extra heat by filing a suit in court for bigamy ? or any terms or ideas 💡


Cc: RoyalRoy, Seun

Forgive and forget. Let it go. This need to cause more pain to what she's already feeling is not from a place of love, if you ask, even she may not admit it, she's suffered enough, she's seen, the grass is not always greener, show some compassion even if she's not worth it. Infact show compassion and mercy to people who may not show thesame to you. That way, our Father in heaven can look at you with same mercy and compassion. Now, I'm not saying you're obliged to be manipulated, just let everything go, take your kids, give them a nourished up bringing in the fear of God, you owe them that much, take charge of your own life, who knows, those kids may get a better step mom if you so wish but you have to be kind and forgiving. Do all the legal stuffs that seperate you from her because Adultery is infact the only biblical reason for divorce according to Christ Jesus.

TheDepressed:
Even with a million dollars attached to her I would never ever take her back or watch my enemy go close to that family in name of marriage.

Even tho a background has already being set first by her mother and now secondly her, I'm worried sick for my daughters experiences while living with them "for now".

I always suspected someone came into her life but I had no proof because the sudden disappearances from her matrimonial home was odd, she wanted to frustrate me into giving up on her, she applied more frustration until what happened happened and she cemented her decision so easily that nothing or no one could make her think otherwise.

Call me a witch but like I said and I say it again,"I'll not be made to look stupid on my father's ancestral land".

The first blow has being struck without me batting a lid

The second will be mine!

I understand everything you are going through because I've been there before. But I must advise you against bitterness...just face squarely the welfare of your kids,ignore reporting whatever she did to break the marriage and watch her crumble. Her aim is to make your act irrationally by her constantly frustrating you..just keep calm and watch time vindicate you. Best of luck my brother.

WantsandMore:
Forgive and forget. Let it go. This need to cause more pain to what she's already feeling is not from a place of love, if you ask, even she may not admit it, she's suffered enough, she's seen, the grass is not always greener, show some compassion even if she's not worth it. Infact show compassion and mercy to people who may not show thesame to you. That way, our Father in heaven can look at you with same mercy and compassion. Now, I'm not saying you're obliged to be manipulated, just let everything go, take your kids, give them a nourished up bringing in the fear of God, you owe them that much, take charge of your own life, who knows, those kids may get a better step mom if you so wish but you have to be kind and forgiving. Do all the legal stuffs that seperate you from her because Adultery is infact the only biblical reason for divorce according to Christ Jesus.

I was doing all this and beginning to think I was over thinking stuffs that may not have existed and boom she's pregnant not even up to a year after.

... So I wasn't stupid after all! ... It was a master plan by her grandplanner "her mom" who my ancestors wasted no time sending to the great beyond.

... They have left my mate for me and I'm sorry to brag about this openly but she must feel something, her greatest luck is am not fetish even tho I have being offered this path but I declined.

fyneboi79:
I understand everything you are going through because I've been there before. But I must advise you against bitterness...just face squarely the welfare of your kids,ignore reporting whatever she did to break the marriage and watch her crumble. Her aim is to make your act irrationally by her constantly frustrating you..just keep calm and watch time vindicate you. Best of luck my brother.

Hmmmm....

TheDepressed:
Hmmmm....

Relax,seek after your kids welfare, chase your finances never to dry up and watch everything go in your favor. Trust me..there is greater strength in silence than in battle. Goodluck

TheDepressed:
I was doing all this and beginning to think I was over thinking stuffs that may not have existed and boom she's pregnant not even up to a year after.

... So I wasn't stupid after all! ... It was a master plan by her grandplanner "her mom" who my ancestors wasted no time sending to the great beyond.

... They have left my mate for me and I'm sorry to brag about this openly but she must feel something, her greatest luck is am not fetish even tho I have being offered this path but I declined.

you really have to forgive no matter how it hurts. I know you have justification for your actions but just let it go, you yourself cannot boast of saying you have not hurt anyone or offended anyone too.