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So I checked my wife phone 2 days back cos I saw some usual behaivour from her sending a voice note to someone arround 10pm.

So there was a particular chat were a guy sent 3 messages greening her as usual.

The 4th message was a voice note. Which goes does ?

"What I mean is I would like you and I to sleep together."

So I saw a missed call on her whatsapp from the guy. I went to normal call. I saw 1 missed call and another call that was successful.

So I could establish that both of them had a phone conversation.

When I heard the voice note. I pretended like I had not seen any thing. Later she saw me looking at her tiktok and she asked for her phone.


2 days after. I asked her why is it that she is not keeping boundaries with some of her male friends. So she asked why I said so. According to her she blocks alot of guys on her whatsapp.

Then I collected her phone from her and played the voice note.

The statement from her, "was ooo that messsage was for someone else". The guy was refering to someone else.

But the voice note I heard was directed to her not some else. According to her that he was referring to some other lady.

So I asked her, ok tell me the story behind this lady that prompts this dude to send you this voice note.

Her response: Dont worry it none of your business, you dont need to know about it.

That got me angry, Then I told her. Look in a marriage you are suppose to respect your husband and honor him. I did not accuse you of cheating, I only said you should set boundaries. if you tired of the marrriage you are free to walk away.

Her response: You are not the only man.

According to her she does not have time for cheating but my problem here is, I only asked she set boundaries and for explanations. I was extremely polite.

Infact I just think marriage is not worth it honestly. Today's women are something else.

By the way she as access to my phone and I always clearify any chat that she has concerns with cos I dont cheat on her.

Bro!

You are single and not married!

Lied to your face and still twisted the play!

If you have kids already, I will advise you do a DNA test. That lady has nothing to lose and why she threw it to your face.

skliz:
Her response: You are not the only man.

with this statement alone, if she dey under your this world cup way go start in 2days time finish na you phvck up... no let her use reverse psychology for you such women are deadly.

skliz:
So I checked my wife phone 2 days back cos I saw some usual behaivour from her sending a voice note to someone arround 10pm.
So there was a particular chat were a guy sent 3 messages greening her as usual. The 4th message was a voice note. Which goes does ? "What I mean is I would like you and I to sleep together." So I saw a missed call on her whatsapp from the guy. I went to normal call. I saw 1 missed call and another call that was successful. So I could establish that both of them had a phone conversation. When I heard the voice note. I pretended like I had not seen any thing. Later she saw me looking at her tiktok and she asked for her phone.
2 days after. I asked her why is it that she is not keeping boundaries with some of her male friends. So she asked why I said so. According to her she blocks alot of guys on her whatsapp. Then I collected her phone from her and played the voice note. The statement from her, "was ooo that messsage was for someone else". The guy was refering to someone else. But the voice note I heard was directed to her not some else. According to her that he was referring to some other lady.
So I asked her, ok tell me the story behind this lady that prompts this dude to send you this voice note. Her response: Dont worry it none of your business, you dont need to know about it. That got me angry, Then I told her. Look in a marriage you are suppose to respect your husband and honor him. I did not accuse you of cheating, I only said you should set boundaries. if you tired of the marrriage you are free to walk away. Her response: You are not the only man. According to her she does not have time for cheating but my problem here is, I only asked she set boundaries and for explanations. I was extremely polite. Infact I just think marriage is not worth it honestly. Today's women are something else.
➜ By the way she as access to my phone and I always clearify any chat that she has concerns with cos I dont cheat on her.

1. That woman is your wife and not today's women. So get that fact straight first. Second, if she tells you she has it under control, then you have nothing to do but to let it all play out as she will and you act in response. You don't force your boundaries on other people. Nor do you force people to make boundaries. You inform them of your concerns and allow them the freedom to do with the information as they see fit. Boundaries are meant for you to use in protecting yourself against the actions of others, not a means for you to control how others can or cannot live their lives.

Also, if you are already tired of the marriage yourself, you can get yourself out of it; the power to do that is yours. You asked for an explanation, and she gave you one. If you don't like it, you can also reconsider your own boundaries at that point, too.

2. If you have access to her phone, then it should reasonably follow that she should also have access to yours.

if u read well u wud see she has access to mine.

She gave no explanation, rather manipulation and walked away rudely.

I also did not see boundaries, all I see is manipulation

https://www.nairaland.com/8279646/give-me-honest-opinions

This was your thread in 2024.
Who ignore signs go later see wonders.

Your wife is gaslighting you.

You go soon craze for that house.

skliz:
"What I mean is I would like you and I to sleep together."

The statement from her, "was ooo that messsage was for someone else". The guy was refering to someone else.

But the voice note I heard was directed to her not some else. According to her that he was referring to some other lady.

So I asked her, ok tell me the story behind this lady that prompts this dude to send you this voice note.

Her response: Dont worry it none of your business, you dont need to know about it.

That got me angry, Then I told her. Look in a marriage you are suppose to respect your husband and honor him. I did not accuse you of cheating, I only said you should set boundaries. if you tired of the marrriage you are free to walk away.

Her response: You are not the only man.
.

lol… ur wife’s cheating is one part of the problem, The other part is that she holds the notion that you are stvpid and weak….

U know when a child sees her parents having sex and they quickly give an excuse like they are just praying… yeah!! Thats how your wife see you

Baba . Your woman nor rate you… na another person wife you marry put for house …

skliz:
➜if u read well u wud see she has access to mine. She gave no explanation, rather manipulation and walked away rudely.
➜ I also did not see boundaries, all I see is manipulation

1. That is her explanation. You may not like it, but that does not change that.

2. I think you are still lost on what boundaries are meant for.

Boundaries in relationships are the emotional, physical, and mental limits you set to protect your well-being

You don't impose them on others or demand others implement them. Rather, you implement them in your own life to protect yourself.

I pity for man way go marry or don marry this aunty way dey my up 👆.. if him no man enough she go use you mop ground.

How people expect liars to come clean to them simply because they are spouses or dating is a mystery to me till this day!
How can you be asking a fraudster to tell you the truth...

She told you the truth that you are not the only man. What other feedback do you need?

Very stupid man.

Your wife seems to have lots of male admirers despite being married. She may not be cheating on you so don't conclude yet. You should stop accusing her, because if she's innocent, such accusations will deeply provide her.

This is already cheating. An emotional affair (which is a form of cheating) is already taking place if she's communicating with the man and he's sending her such a voice note. It's only a matter of time before it becomes physical.

@LilMissFavvy so I did not accuse her of cheating, seems you did not read well. I asked her to set boundaries. She did not give explanation.

Does she have a lot of admirers, The answer is YES. Even in my compound, 1 or 2 neighbours have asked for her number which I repelled them.

So some hours ago she gave an explanation clarifying that when she went to the market. Her friend who sell jewelleries used her phone to exchange number with a tooster. So the Tooster felt he was talking to her friend.

According to her, he had sent alot of voice messages that she deleted. That message was the last one. So if I put the pieces together, on normal call he called her 2 times.

1st call was 43 secs, Second call was a missed call. Infact if she explained this to me. I would not be worried. Cos I never accused her of anything. I only said you must set boundaries. I also set boundaries with ladies. I do not go telling women I want to sleep with them.

I give her 100 percent loyalty even though I have the money to cheat. So I am also very accountable when she views my phone.

So I expect that same level of respect.

skliz:
@LilMissFavvy so I did not accuse her of cheating, seems you did not read well. I asked her to set boundaries. She did not give explanation.

Does she have a lot of admirers, The answer is YES. Even in my compound, 1 or 2 neighbours have asked for her number which I repelled them.

So some hours ago she gave an explanation clarifying that when she went to the market. Her friend who sell jewelleries used her phone to exchange number with a tooster. So the Tooster felt he was talking to her friend.

According to her, he had sent alot of voice messages that she deleted. That message was the last one. So if I put the pieces together, on normal call he called her 2 times.

1st call was 43 secs, Second call was a missed call. Infact if she explained this to me. I would not be worried. Cos I never accused her of anything. I only said you must set boundaries. I also set boundaries with ladies. I do not go telling women I want to sleep with them.

I give her 100 percent loyalty even though I have the money to cheat. So I am also very accountable when she views my phone.

So I expect that same level of respect.

You are obviously afraid of directly accusing her of adultery, even though it is obvious that she is guilty of it

Na she dey feed you?

Even you know that she is bedding other men

LilMissFavvy:
Your wife seems to have lots of male admirers despite being married. She may not be cheating on you so don't conclude yet. You should stop accusing her, because if she's innocent, such accusations will deeply provide her.

Una don come with una lie and cover up. Anyway you know that he does not want to face the truth so you ate telling him the lie he wishes to hear

NotOfThisWorld:
This is already cheating. An emotional affair (which is a form of cheating) is already taking place if she's communicating with the man and he's sending her such a voice note. It's only a matter of time before it becomes physical.

Why are you bending the truth? She already is cheating and maybe this guy is just a new guy trying to collect his own

skliz:
@
I give her 100 percent loyalty even though I have the money to cheat. So I am also very accountable when she views my phone.

So I expect that same level of respect.

The fact that you don't want to cheat does not mean that your wife won't ride another di..... it doesn't work that way

Sir, your woman is manipulating you and if you don't take a decisive action, she'll turn you into a monster, then she and society will still blame you.

Don't ever allow these home wreckers commenting here tell you not to worry. Your suspicions are very much correct. Besides, a woman will never admit to doing any wrong even when she's caught red-handed, she will still gaslight you by blaming it on you.

As a matter of fact, there's nothing you can do to salvage your marriage at the moment. You have to start investing less and start building towards self-reliance. Your wife wants to eat her cake and still have it in her hand. She's married but wants to be living single. She can't be indecisive.
Please assist her by helping her make the decision by throwing her to the men she'd rather be with than have a peaceful marriage.

From what I sense, you're a gentleman and you're the perfect victim in situations like this. She wouldn't have tried this nonsense with you if you were a mad man. She won't even entertain talks with other men if you're not there not to talk of flirting with them right under your nose.
FYI: She has cheated emotionally already, so physical cheating is only a matter of time.

Start investing in self-reliance.
Start behaving like you want the marriage to end by acting and living like you're a single father.
Invest only in your kids. Anything good you do for her (or her family) now is a waste, she's as good as gone and will soon start disrespecting you.

Prepare yourself because you're yet to see the worst.
She will soon start looking provoking you so you can physically attack her. Keep your emotions in check and don't listen to anybody that begs you or tells you to forgive her, if you do, she will only start covering her tracks for a little while then start cheating flagrantly since you're already aware and chose not to value your sanity and peace of mind.

Your woman wants to be on the streets. Please assist her by hurrying the process.

Again, start investing in self-reliance

Well, obviously, it's all a little bit of fun. a nice, gentle nudge to keep things interesting. No need to get all worked up.

Dtruthspeaker:
Why are you bending the truth? She already is cheating and maybe this guy is just a new guy trying to collect his own

What truth am I bending? I said above that this is already cheating/she's already cheating.

Ideally, she's supposed to block him and cut off the communication right there after the man said he wants them to have _ _ _. A married woman should not be communicating with another man and definitely not to the extent of him saying that. Married Nigerians don't seem to have any boundaries. This whole idea of being married and still entertaining members of the opposite sex will always be weird to me.

skliz:
So I checked my wife phone 2 days back cos I saw some usual behaivour from her sending a voice note to someone arround 10pm.

So there was a particular chat were a guy sent 3 messages greening her as usual.

The 4th message was a voice note. Which goes does ?

"What I mean is I would like you and I to sleep together."

So I saw a missed call on her whatsapp from the guy. I went to normal call. I saw 1 missed call and another call that was successful.

So I could establish that both of them had a phone conversation.

When I heard the voice note. I pretended like I had not seen any thing. Later she saw me looking at her tiktok and she asked for her phone.


2 days after. I asked her why is it that she is not keeping boundaries with some of her male friends. So she asked why I said so. According to her she blocks alot of guys on her whatsapp.

Then I collected her phone from her and played the voice note.

The statement from her, "was ooo that messsage was for someone else". The guy was refering to someone else.

But the voice note I heard was directed to her not some else. According to her that he was referring to some other lady.

So I asked her, ok tell me the story behind this lady that prompts this dude to send you this voice note.

Her response: Dont worry it none of your business, you dont need to know about it.

That got me angry, Then I told her. Look in a marriage you are suppose to respect your husband and honor him. I did not accuse you of cheating, I only said you should set boundaries. if you tired of the marrriage you are free to walk away.

Her response: You are not the only man.

According to her she does not have time for cheating but my problem here is, I only asked she set boundaries and for explanations. I was extremely polite.

Infact I just think marriage is not worth it honestly. Today's women are something else.

By the way she as access to my phone and I always clearify any chat that she has concerns with cos I dont cheat on her.

I won't judge until I hear her side of story. Secondly, I think you should think back. What could make her behaving the way you think she is behaving? Is there anything you were supposed to do or stopped doing that prompted her to behave such way? Etc.

.
In a relationship between a man and a woman, one partner must be the cheat, and the other one will be the faithful one.

For the marriage or relationship to last, you the man must be the cheat. Just don't rub it on her face.

Even if you don't cheat, she somehow has to know at the back of her mind that other women want you. And the better the value of these (maybe imaginary) women are on the dating scale, the better behaved your woman would be.
And no, you don't have to blow the trumpet for her to know.

She will not value you if she doesn't see or suspect other women around you. She'll start thinking maybe she didn't pick the best. And that's how resentment enters.

This is what's currently happening to you and that's why she quickly told you, you're not the only man.

Lastly, the more emotional you act towards her relationship with that man, the more she'll think he's better than you, and the more she'll want to go to that one who she thinks is better. Hypergamy.

But It's when she's finally out of that marriage that reality will dawn on her, that nothing dey outside anymore for her.

As for what you can do in this situation, nothing. You've lost.
.

@CorrectionFLuid
So even though you have a point. You are not completely right. Firstly I have alot of beautiful female friends and she knows. So the question of, if I am desired by women is not even questionable.

The only reason why she checks my phone is to ensure I am not cheating. I dont even have the time for cheating. Cos I am super engaged in so many activities.

As for her cheating with that man. Based on the investigation I did. Nothing proves that she is cheating.

The man sent her messages and she did not reply to any. The man called her 2 times. She only picked 1 call which lasted for only 43 seconds.

if a woman is cheating there should be several long calls.

So there is no evidence to suggest that she is cheating.

Infact her explanation of telling the guy he was speaking to the wrong lady adds up on the 43 seconds call.

Mind you, I checked her phone with out giving any prior notice for her to prepare a response.

The only evidence is not setting clear boundaries. That man should be blocked on the spot simple.

Dtruthspeaker:
You are obviously afraid of directly accusing her of adultery, even though it is obvious that she is guilty of it

Na she dey feed you?

Even you know that she is bedding other men

Well I am not. I did not see a clear evidence that she was cheating. I only saw clear evidence of not setting boundaries. From my observation I also see lack of respect.

skliz:
Well I am not. I did not see a clear evidence that she was cheating. I only saw clear evidence of not setting boundaries. From my observation I also see lack of respect.

Now you are looking for a confession or your catching her in the act. Your moving post to this already proves you know that she is cheating

I don't know why a married woman go dey talk with another man and keeping it secret, like wetin you dey hide if nor be bad thing,I mean if you nor wan keep your body for only your man,then you have no business with marriage,cos the day you say I do,Dem nor point gun for your head,na personal choice,and you say I do to staying faithful to your man,am not married but I know this is the way it's suppose to be,thank you

Johnfaithsexy:
I don't know why a married woman go dey talk with another man and keeping it secret, like wetin you dey hide if nor be bad thing,I mean if you nor wan keep your body for only your man,then you have no business with marriage,cos the day you say I do,Dem nor point gun for your head,na personal choice,and you say I do to staying faithful to your man,am not married but I know this is the way it's suppose to be,thank you

Edo girl?

Johnfaithsexy:
I don't know why a married woman go dey talk with another man and keeping it secret, like wetin you dey hide if nor be bad thing,I mean if you nor wan keep your body for only your man,then you have no business with marriage,cos the day you say I do,Dem nor point gun for your head,na personal choice,and you say I do to staying faithful to your man,am not married but I know this is the way it's suppose to be,thank you

You are spot on. Honestly

Dtruthspeaker:
Now you are looking for a confession or your catching her in the act. Your moving post to this already proves you know that she is cheating

Bro, I am not scared of knowing the truth. There are lot of beautiful women out there. By the way Marriage is not even compulsory.

Recieving a message does not proof she slept with the person. She did not even have any long conversation with the person. Max calling time was 43 seconds.

The other calls were missed calls.