₦airaland Forum

Get a second wife. Or have a child.
You wouldn't have a dull moment any more.


You are seeing each other 24/7. Go and find more work and go away.

The primary problem in the union is an issue of two incomplete people who had the expectations of becoming complete by the other party once they'd become married, whereas the reality is that each of you should strive to be complete in your individual selves while the union will be a vessel for complementing each other - couples are meant to complement each other, not complete each other.

And you, in particular, knowing the type of personality trait you have, frankness is one of the personality traits you ought to have sought in a woman to marry.

All that said, at this juncture, strive to conquer yourself without trying to conquer her and love her without hating yourself. E go better.

Chijeep

She's not your girlfriend. Stop expecting girlfriend behaviour.

Secondly, you dated online and it was amazing. Then you moved in together and reality showed. No shi, Sherlock . "Objects appear brighter and more visible in the mirror", that's what car side mirror says. In other words, both of you were acting and pretending to achieve a goal and now reality don enter.

Thirdly, this woman has been in pain for 2 months and is losing her appetite, Bro take her arse to the hospital asap because that's how (God forbid) dem dey diagnose cancer. Any pain that lasts that long is serious, ignore her be a Head of the House and drag her to save her life.

Fourthly, you want her to browse online and find topics to discuss. Is her name "Netflix-Tencent-AmazonTV but you can call her HBO for short?" . Bros, why can't you do that?

You kinda rushed into things but this is so fixable.

Whatever you want her to do, you have to model it first. That's what Biblical love is: unselfish.

Stop expecting her to entertain you, entertain her instead. You want to talk about something, start the conversation. You want her to open up to you, open up first. You want her to be more appreciative of your meals and show it with happiness, be appreciative of her efforts to keep the house clean (or whatever she does) and show it with happiness. She will unconsciously mirror you. That's Leadership and that's what you signed up for. This is Biblical and psychological, heck Justin Timberlake sang a song about it.

And love her, see her as the best thing in your life. See what happens then.

It's even Biblical and psychological, it's called the Pygmalion Effect: when you see the best in someone, they subconsciously start wanting to be the best because of you. And conversely, when you see the worst in someone, they tell themselves "she/he never sees my good, so why bother".

Give her room to find herself and give yourself room to find yourself. And marriage counseling is good, you're solving the problem before it gets worse.

Oya go and drink one can of Maltina and chill, your marriage will be wonderful.

Sigh 😕...
Thanks so much

Onegai:
Chijeep

She's not your girlfriend. Stop expecting girlfriend behaviour.

Secondly, you dated online and it was amazing. Then you moved in together and reality showed. No shi, Sherlock . "Objects appear brighter and more visible in the mirror", that's what car side mirror says. In other words, both of you were acting and pretending to achieve a goal and now reality don enter.

Thirdly, this woman has been in pain for 2 months and is losing her appetite, Bro take her arse to the hospital asap because that's how (God forbid) dem dey diagnose cancer. Any pain that lasts that long is serious, ignore her be a Head of the House and drag her to save her life.

Fourthly, you want her to browse online and find topics to discuss. Is her name "Netflix-Tencent-AmazonTV but you can call her HBO for short?" . Bros, why can't you do that?

You kinda rushed into things but this is so fixable.

Whatever you want her to do, you have to model it first. That's what Biblical love is: unselfish.

Stop expecting her to entertain you, entertain her instead. You want to talk about something, start the conversation. You want her to open up to you, open up first. You want her to be more appreciative of your meals and show it with happiness, be appreciative of her efforts to keep the house clean (or whatever she does) and show it with happiness. She will unconsciously mirror you. That's Leadership and that's what you signed up for. This is Biblical and psychological, heck Justin Timberlake sang a song about it.

And love her, see her as the best thing in your life. See what happens then.

It's even Biblical and psychological, it's called the Pygmalion Effect: when you see the best in someone, they subconsciously start wanting to be the best because of you. And conversely, when you see the worst in someone, they tell themselves "she/he never sees my good, so why bother".

Give her room to find herself and give yourself room to find yourself. And marriage counseling is good, you're solving the problem before it gets worse.

Oya go and drink one can of Maltina and chill, your marriage will be wonderful.

Chijeep:
Sigh 😕...
Thanks so much

For real, please take her to a hospital ASAP. She's losing her appetite and is in pain for 2 whole months. My child was on admission with a 6 year old who had the same symptoms, last year. That sweet girl didn't make it once her diagnosis came in: a rare aggressive form of liver cancer.

And it's scary your wife didn't feel comfortable enough to confide in you. Please tell her she is your responsibility now and if she doesn't open up to you, does she want you to wake up beside her, lifeless??

I hate cancer, with every fibre in my body.

Chijeep:
To cut the long story short, I did my traditional marriage 3momths ago, though I met the girl online but before we even started talking about marriage, our chat always flow with fun and togetherness.
But the moment we return back to our base after the marriage this girl started behaving like introvert and a bit celibacy. Won't want to talk to me like in the aspect of gisting and barely share issues and decisions with me. Even the aspect of food she hardly find interest in eating what I'm able to provide.
I've confronted her more than 3 times and reminded her that I told you already before we go into this union that I'm not rich yet and I'm managing, and she assured me that she's also not from a rich home either and she'll be supportive. but now the girl will be acting as if I'm forcing her to eat the rubbish I provided.
I told her that she's free to quit the marriage if she's not that impressed and happy but she doesn't want to or maybe she's thinking of how people will see her.
PLEASE WHAT CAN I DO AS THIS IS AFFECTING MY EMOTIONS?, BECAUSE I'M A GUY THAT DECIDED TO LIVE AND DO MY THINGS ALONE, SO THAT I'LL BE ABLE TO HAVE MORE TIME WITH MY WIFE AND CHILDREN WHEN THE TIME COMES.

New husband in town tell me which kain rubbish food you sef dey chop wey dey make her complain.

She's not complaining that way but she feels reluctant eating them most of the time

Elect1neAtegun:
New husband in town tell me which kain rubbish food you sef dey chop wey dey make her complain.

Chijeep:
Ok, lemme shock you.
We're attending marriage class already. And the teacher advised us to be open to each other in terms of health issue but do you know that this lady didn't inform me that she's having stomach issues until I brought out d talk of this her behaviour

You have received a lot of inputs and suggestions here...try to be reasonable, pick a thing or two positive input that might work for you, initiate other fun activities aside your usual routine. Just do your thing and try to hope for the best. As for the health challenge, try to do check up. And mostly pray for your marriage. Maybe nothings really wrong but you know the usual seeking thrills and highs...Bro, point is no look for trouble when there's no wahala.

Bro, if you want to advise the young man ,do it. What does tinubu government has to do with his marriage. Is tinubu feeding him , so when tinubu wins next year, he should dissolve his marriage ,rather than look for a way to resolve his marital differences. Weldone oooh

Sonnobax15:

Na 3 months old marriage don dey experience traffic like this so

Bro,it seems you guys rushed into the marriage too early. The time you guys were supposed to use for dating and courting,una rush convert am into marriage.

Funny enough how you fell for the idea of her managing with you . Just pray that Tinubu shouldn't win his reelection . If not,na then the real Hulk Hogan spirit go take unleash for your wife body come out

Oga,get her busy with something doing.
Assist her hunt for a job,..or learn a business.
She can start baking,or frying buns,puff puff or any other edibles.
First lady mention akara and kwuli kwuli sha. ..play her that video. .
But on a more serious note,if she gets busy,all those childish attitude will leave her.
She will understand what responsibility is all about.

EmpressTitan:
Amazing the way you speak of your wife behind her back! Imagine what you may have been saying to her or your treatment of her. It may just not be about what you are able to provide... possibly your capacity to be a husband, talk more of a good husband.

over sabi nai dey worry you...somebody is telling you what he is going through in his 3months old marriage...you dey yarn okpata

Chijeep:
To cut the long story short, I did my traditional marriage 3momths ago, though I met the girl online but before we even started talking about marriage, our chat always flow with fun and togetherness.

But the moment we return back to our base after the marriage this girl started behaving like introvert and a bit celibacy. Won't want to talk to me like in the aspect of gisting and barely share issues and decisions with me. Even the aspect of food she hardly find interest in eating what I'm able to provide.
I've confronted her more than 3 times and reminded her that I told you already before we go into this union that I'm not rich yet and I'm managing, and she assured me that she's also not from a rich home either and she'll be supportive. but now the girl will be acting as if I'm forcing her to eat the rubbish I provided.

I told her that she's free to quit the marriage if she's not that impressed and happy but she doesn't want to or maybe she's thinking of how people will see her.

PLEASE WHAT CAN I DO AS THIS IS AFFECTING MY EMOTIONS?, BECAUSE I'M A GUY THAT DECIDED TO LIVE AND DO MY THINGS ALONE, SO THAT I'LL BE ABLE TO HAVE MORE TIME WITH MY WIFE AND CHILDREN WHEN THE TIME COMES.

my brother yawo Yawo ladies here and there, many of them see marriage as 50-50 thing ooooo no allow one small girl to kill you before your time. Talk to her in a language that she will understand if no positive change you quit

The way people marry this days de scare me. We talking someone you will be with forever and share deep intimacy and you just finding new things about. That's because you never knew her. That's the whole point of dating and courting for a while. If you do so for say several years. You will know her..no one can hold things in that long.

Chijeep:
To cut the long story short, I did my traditional marriage 3momths ago, though I met the girl online but before we even started talking about marriage, our chat always flow with fun and togetherness.

But the moment we return back to our base after the marriage this girl started behaving like introvert and a bit celibacy. Won't want to talk to me like in the aspect of gisting and barely share issues and decisions with me. Even the aspect of food she hardly find interest in eating what I'm able to provide.
I've confronted her more than 3 times and reminded her that I told you already before we go into this union that I'm not rich yet and I'm managing, and she assured me that she's also not from a rich home either and she'll be supportive. but now the girl will be acting as if I'm forcing her to eat the rubbish I provided.

I told her that she's free to quit the marriage if she's not that impressed and happy but she doesn't want to or maybe she's thinking of how people will see her.

PLEASE WHAT CAN I DO AS THIS IS AFFECTING MY EMOTIONS?, BECAUSE I'M A GUY THAT DECIDED TO LIVE AND DO MY THINGS ALONE, SO THAT I'LL BE ABLE TO HAVE MORE TIME WITH MY WIFE AND CHILDREN WHEN THE TIME COMES.

spice up the marriage , the little way you can. take her out sometimes .I didn't ask you to go and spend all your money .sometimes knack her well.e be like you dey pity her as if na your sister .

Chijeep:
To cut the long story short, I did my traditional marriage 3momths ago, though I met the girl online but before we even started talking about marriage, our chat always flow with fun and togetherness.

But the moment we return back to our base after the marriage this girl started behaving like introvert and a bit celibacy. Won't want to talk to me like in the aspect of gisting and barely share issues and decisions with me. Even the aspect of food she hardly find interest in eating what I'm able to provide.
I've confronted her more than 3 times and reminded her that I told you already before we go into this union that I'm not rich yet and I'm managing, and she assured me that she's also not from a rich home either and she'll be supportive. but now the girl will be acting as if I'm forcing her to eat the rubbish I provided.

I told her that she's free to quit the marriage if she's not that impressed and happy but she doesn't want to or maybe she's thinking of how people will see her.

PLEASE WHAT CAN I DO AS THIS IS AFFECTING MY EMOTIONS?, BECAUSE I'M A GUY THAT DECIDED TO LIVE AND DO MY THINGS ALONE, SO THAT I'LL BE ABLE TO HAVE MORE TIME WITH MY WIFE AND CHILDREN WHEN THE TIME COMES.

If what you wrote in the first 2 paragraphs is true, bro that lady has divorced you in her mind since. The truth is women always expect heaven on earth... The moment they ain't seeing the heaven on earth, na solo marriage u enter so... Only u na I'm dey marry your self so oo. I'm sorry

The information you provided isn't enough for anyone to give meaningful advice on what you should do. Also, don't let people on Nairaland—many of whom don't know the full details of your situation and may not even have experience in relationships or marriage—be the ones directing your decisions about your marriage.

Sit her down and ask her what the problem is. Don't sound harsh, be very calm and friendly in your conversation with her.
Also, have it at the back of your mind that whatever she is going to tell you, you won't get angry either at the moment of the discussion or latter.
You might not be the problem. It may been that she has some issues she does not know how to present it to you.
In all, be prayerful. Be a good example in this aspect as the head of the home. God will bless your union and every efforts of the devil to scatter it, God will raise standard against it in Jesus name.
Be strong. Marriage requires strength, wisdom and patience

Reality of marriage has just set in for both of you and your eyes are cleared now to see that relationship and wedding are nothing compared to the marriage itself. You can try long distance marriage for awhile, that may actually bring the spark you are hoping for.

Chijeep:
To cut the long story short, I did my traditional marriage 3momths ago, though I met the girl online but before we even started talking about marriage, our chat always flow with fun and togetherness.

But the moment we return back to our base after the marriage this girl started behaving like introvert and a bit celibacy. Won't want to talk to me like in the aspect of gisting and barely share issues and decisions with me. Even the aspect of food she hardly find interest in eating what I'm able to provide.
I've confronted her more than 3 times and reminded her that I told you already before we go into this union that I'm not rich yet and I'm managing, and she assured me that she's also not from a rich home either and she'll be supportive. but now the girl will be acting as if I'm forcing her to eat the rubbish I provided.

I told her that she's free to quit the marriage if she's not that impressed and happy but she doesn't want to or maybe she's thinking of how people will see her.

PLEASE WHAT CAN I DO AS THIS IS AFFECTING MY EMOTIONS?, BECAUSE I'M A GUY THAT DECIDED TO LIVE AND DO MY THINGS ALONE, SO THAT I'LL BE ABLE TO HAVE MORE TIME WITH MY WIFE AND CHILDREN WHEN THE TIME COMES.

When a grown up mature guy, is not observant enough to understand the real character of lady he is going out with, they will sell fake product for him as original.

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE is very important for every human being to develop, with that, only few people will be able to disappoint you going forward.

Chijeep:
To cut the long story short, I did my traditional marriage 3momths ago, though I met the girl online but before we even started talking about marriage, our chat always flow with fun and togetherness.

But the moment we return back to our base after the marriage this girl started behaving like introvert and a bit celibacy. Won't want to talk to me like in the aspect of gisting and barely share issues and decisions with me. Even the aspect of food she hardly find interest in eating what I'm able to provide.
I've confronted her more than 3 times and reminded her that I told you already before we go into this union that I'm not rich yet and I'm managing, and she assured me that she's also not from a rich home either and she'll be supportive. but now the girl will be acting as if I'm forcing her to eat the rubbish I provided.

I told her that she's free to quit the marriage if she's not that impressed and happy but she doesn't want to or maybe she's thinking of how people will see her.

PLEASE WHAT CAN I DO AS THIS IS AFFECTING MY EMOTIONS?, BECAUSE I'M A GUY THAT DECIDED TO LIVE AND DO MY THINGS ALONE, SO THAT I'LL BE ABLE TO HAVE MORE TIME WITH MY WIFE AND CHILDREN WHEN THE TIME COMES.

Is like I know this your wife ooo. Is her name oluchi? Because someone of that nature told me something like this. Some of her brothers are Muslims right?

Chijeep:
To cut the long story short, I did my traditional marriage 3momths ago, though I met the girl online but before we even started talking about marriage, our chat always flow with fun and togetherness.

But the moment we return back to our base after the marriage this girl started behaving like introvert and a bit celibacy. Won't want to talk to me like in the aspect of gisting and barely share issues and decisions with me. Even the aspect of food she hardly find interest in eating what I'm able to provide.
I've confronted her more than 3 times and reminded her that I told you already before we go into this union that I'm not rich yet and I'm managing, and she assured me that she's also not from a rich home either and she'll be supportive. but now the girl will be acting as if I'm forcing her to eat the rubbish I provided.

I told her that she's free to quit the marriage if she's not that impressed and happy but she doesn't want to or maybe she's thinking of how people will see her.

PLEASE WHAT CAN I DO AS THIS IS AFFECTING MY EMOTIONS?, BECAUSE I'M A GUY THAT DECIDED TO LIVE AND DO MY THINGS ALONE, SO THAT I'LL BE ABLE TO HAVE MORE TIME WITH MY WIFE AND CHILDREN WHEN THE TIME COMES.

Do you have close friends that you regularly interact with? Most likely no.

Fo out and build a few close friends.

Does she have a job/business? Encourage and support her to start one.

Yes. You need to be alone as you said but both of you should be productive to kill the boredom you are experiencing and have something exciting when you come together.

Sonnobax15:

Na 3 months old marriage don dey experience traffic like this so

Bro,it seems you guys rushed into the marriage too early. The time you guys were supposed to use for dating and courting,una rush convert am into marriage.

Funny enough how you fell for the idea of her managing with you . Just pray that Tinubu shouldn't win his reelection . If not,na then the real Hulk Hogan spirit go take unleash for your wife body come out

Plus I don't even like the way he talks about himself.

Abi e no know how to express himself without first yabbing himself
.. SMH

Maga.

Oga cool down ok everything canna be fine ok cheers

Sonnobax15:

Na 3 months old marriage don dey experience traffic like this so

Bro,it seems you guys rushed into the marriage too early. The time you guys were supposed to use for dating and courting,una rush convert am into marriage.

Funny enough how you fell for the idea of her managing with you . Just pray that Tinubu shouldn't win his reelection . If not,na then the real Hulk Hogan spirit go take unleash for your wife body come out

If your prick no dey stand you go still blame Tinubu.

The good thing is that Obi will never ever be president of Nigeria

My guy most marriages is always like that.
Soome couple think they married the wrong person or Some couple find their perfect match after getting married, its actually a mirage. it's a logic satin use to destroy most marriages these days.
I guess your wife just found a new friend or one of her ex or admirer is whispering things into her eyes.
Calm down, go with the flow and with time she will come back to her sense.
My advice, don't report her to anyone.
I'm talking from experience.

Chijeep:
I'm not but I'm not just welcoming her behaviour. She's a good girl. She doesn't complain about anything but the flow isn't just there. What of when we start having kids?

You have not or did not think then act like a man.....
When they say take charge, it also meant you and yourself.
You are married, that means locked.
Drop the self pity me and guide that union to the skies.
Yu dont need us to guide you.

Chijeep:
To cut the long story short, I did my traditional marriage 3momths ago, though I met the girl online but before we even started talking about marriage, our chat always flow with fun and togetherness.

But the moment we return back to our base after the marriage this girl started behaving like introvert and a bit celibacy. Won't want to talk to me like in the aspect of gisting and barely share issues and decisions with me. Even the aspect of food she hardly find interest in eating what I'm able to provide.
I've confronted her more than 3 times and reminded her that I told you already before we go into this union that I'm not rich yet and I'm managing, and she assured me that she's also not from a rich home either and she'll be supportive. but now the girl will be acting as if I'm forcing her to eat the rubbish I provided.

I told her that she's free to quit the marriage if she's not that impressed and happy but she doesn't want to or maybe she's thinking of how people will see her.

PLEASE WHAT CAN I DO AS THIS IS AFFECTING MY EMOTIONS?, BECAUSE I'M A GUY THAT DECIDED TO LIVE AND DO MY THINGS ALONE, SO THAT I'LL BE ABLE TO HAVE MORE TIME WITH MY WIFE AND CHILDREN WHEN THE TIME COMES.

Mark it today. I have seen this before. I pray she is different but from all you have said, you are married to yourself and dont understand why people here are twisting what you said or trying to downplay it like you dont know what you talking about. My advice is be prepared, like someone said which is a practical truth, for the ladies of this days, marraige na 50 50 o. I pray she realise that it takes 2 to tangle. I dont know why people here are saying do this do that.. people have done this do that and yet when she was ready to leave, she left like nothing ever existed. Just watch to ensure that she is not a manipulative person or a lier, if you notice this run forget that introvert talk. Everyone knows what they are doing. Quiet or introvert knows what good communication is in marraige. My 1 cent. I have seen it start like this before. Exactly like this. If what i know is right. This woman dont love you, she may latter do, i pray. But if stylishly or investigatively try to find out if she loves you at all that can help going forward. You may soon hear her say, she thinks she made a mistake. God bless good women and those that eork with an open heart. Bye

Chijeep:
Thanks so much. But she never deprived me of making love with her but just that she act very boring especially in communication

Don't mind those condemning you. I understand you bro.. You are just lonely but not really an introvert.. your wife on the other hand seem to be introverted.. So since you claim that she doesn't complain or deprive you of sex.. then calm your ass down and give her time to gradually settle and accept you emotionally.. don't rush things.. I wish I can counsel you via call.. don't rush your wife emotionally.. you should tease and play with her more so she can become comfortable.. probably she had a childhood trauma and just looking for one person to trust emotionally.. so be that person. Don't scold her or threaten her.. it's just still 3 months.. so give her time

Chijeep:
To cut the long story short, I did my traditional marriage 3momths ago, though I met the girl online but before we even started talking about marriage, our chat always flow with fun and togetherness.

But the moment we return back to our base after the marriage this girl started behaving like introvert and a bit celibacy. Won't want to talk to me like in the aspect of gisting and barely share issues and decisions with me. Even the aspect of food she hardly find interest in eating what I'm able to provide.
I've confronted her more than 3 times and reminded her that I told you already before we go into this union that I'm not rich yet and I'm managing, and she assured me that she's also not from a rich home either and she'll be supportive. but now the girl will be acting as if I'm forcing her to eat the rubbish I provided.

I told her that she's free to quit the marriage if she's not that impressed and happy but she doesn't want to or maybe she's thinking of how people will see her.

PLEASE WHAT CAN I DO AS THIS IS AFFECTING MY EMOTIONS?, BECAUSE I'M A GUY THAT DECIDED TO LIVE AND DO MY THINGS ALONE, SO THAT I'LL BE ABLE TO HAVE MORE TIME WITH MY WIFE AND CHILDREN WHEN THE TIME COMES.

Bro, there is no issue without way out.

If you really want to work on your marriage, both of you can try a counselling session with a counsellor or you can get some books speaking about marriage.

If couples did not spend some quality time together before marriage, they always start the married life like a stranger to each other. I feel similar earlier in my marriage, you know most religion against too much intimacy before the marriage, so there are 1000s characters you don't know about her. Yes she said she will be supportive in theory, but this is reality and it doesn't mean she not but it's not necessarily mean in terms of money.

Many foods do not ready to serve until passing through the hotness of fire, likewise every marriage, it takes process, time to bond

Chijeep:
To cut the long story short, I did my traditional marriage 3momths ago, though I met the girl online but before we even started talking about marriage, our chat always flow with fun and togetherness.

But the moment we return back to our base after the marriage this girl started behaving like introvert and a bit celibacy. Won't want to talk to me like in the aspect of gisting and barely share issues and decisions with me. Even the aspect of food she hardly find interest in eating what I'm able to provide.
I've confronted her more than 3 times and reminded her that I told you already before we go into this union that I'm not rich yet and I'm managing, and she assured me that she's also not from a rich home either and she'll be supportive. but now the girl will be acting as if I'm forcing her to eat the rubbish I provided.

I told her that she's free to quit the marriage if she's not that impressed and happy but she doesn't want to or maybe she's thinking of how people will see her.

PLEASE WHAT CAN I DO AS THIS IS AFFECTING MY EMOTIONS?, BECAUSE I'M A GUY THAT DECIDED TO LIVE AND DO MY THINGS ALONE, SO THAT I'LL BE ABLE TO HAVE MORE TIME WITH MY WIFE AND CHILDREN WHEN THE TIME COMES.

Return the bride to her family, since you contracted a customary marriage. Dissolution is return the bride and ask for the bride price. OR take another wife since nothing stops you from that speaking legally.