₦airaland Forum

wellmax:
In all your write up you did not mention what your sister wants. Does she even have any feeling for him?

Is she interested in the relationship at all?

God bless you! I had to read the story twice to see if I somehow missed this critical bit of information. Without knowing if the sister is interested in the relationship or not, it's a bloody waste of time giving any form of advise.

Church brother and low income in the same sentence
Your sister is in for a longgggg ride
Better to remain single

UkoAnnang:


Mr. Op, I may disagree with you that this story of yours is fake and nothing but a mere story to engage nairalanders comments. Here is my fact. 1. The young man has no further education and accepts a primary six (FSLC) certificate. That could not be true. No man or parent gets certified if his/her children haven't gone beyond primary six, no matter how poor the family may be. If you have said the young man has completed his secondary school, I would have believed you.



At this I declare your story void.



Thank you.

I don't want to believe that the brain you used to write this nonsense is the same brain you usually use to cross roads. If it were, my thoughts and prayers are with your beloved ones in advance.

If you need your “Highly Educated and rich 🤑 sister, just leave her to marry her choice

Or confuse her to marry their certificate or her huge money

Love 💕, happiness, oneness and is the bases of relationships

Gentlesoul2021:
Good day N'Lander

I need genuine opinions on a relationship dilemma.

My younger sister is 31 years old. She's highly educated with a master's degree, works with an NGO as a Programme Coordinator and Mental Health Counselor, and is also a skilled fashion designer with equipment worth over ₦2 million. She's hardworking, focused, and has consistently supported our family. Her job has taken her across different states, exposing her to diverse experiences and opportunities. Above all, she's deeply committed to her Christian faith.

She recently met a fellow church brother who has expressed serious interest in marrying her. However, he left school after Primary Six and works as a traditional window louvre fabricator. While there's absolutely nothing wrong with learning a trade, he has had opportunities to upgrade his skills to modern aluminium fabrication but hasn't pursued them. Instead, he seems more interested in becoming a pastor or working in a church, though he currently has no clear or realistic path to achieving that.

Another concern is the family dynamic. My mother and the young man's mother serve in the same church unit. On several occasions, whenever he goes out for a job, his mother would call him back or redirect him for other errands, and she would even mention these things to my mother. This has given us the impression that she relies heavily on him, raising concerns about the level of responsibility he already carries within his family and how that might affect his future marriage.

My mother strongly opposes the relationship, believing the gap in education, career progression, ambition, life direction, and even family expectations is too significant. I understand her concerns and tend to agree, but it also raises an important question.

Can love alone sustain a marriage when there's such a wide difference in education, ambition, exposure, career growth, and family responsibilities? Or should long-term compatibility, shared vision, emotional maturity, and the ability to build a stable future together carry more weight than love?

I'd genuinely appreciate respectful and honest opinions from both married and unmarried people. Please keep the discussion civil and objective—this isn't about looking down on anyone because of their educational background or occupation, but about understanding what truly makes a marriage work in the long run.

What a shame after all her education she’s still a religion fanatic .

UkoAnnang:


Mr. Op, I may disagree with you that this story of yours is fake and nothing but a mere story to engage nairalanders comments. Here is my fact. 1. The young man has no further education and accepts a primary six (FSLC) certificate. That could not be true. No man or parent gets certified if his/her children haven't gone beyond primary six, no matter how poor the family may be. If you have said the young man has completed his secondary school, I would have believed you.



At this I declare your story void.



Thank you.

You are TOTALLY wrong. There quite a few young men who go to do Igbo apprenticeship even before finishing primary 6, just as there are little girls sent to live with another family due to povery and their caretaker never send them to school.
This tells me you have never encountered extreme poverty.

I will 100 percent tell you NO.
I am not a fan of all these church goers turn to brother or sister now wan to turn to a pastor.

PheelzAlmighty:
Who be your sister wey we no go hear word for you 🙄
31 and unmarried suppose dey jump on any guy wey say hello 😁

no, she can't jump on any guy because she's 31.

Gentlesoul2021:
Good day N'Lander

I need genuine opinions on a relationship dilemma.

My younger sister is 31 years old. She's highly educated with a master's degree, works with an NGO as a Programme Coordinator and Mental Health Counselor, and is also a skilled fashion designer with equipment worth over ₦2 million. She's hardworking, focused, and has consistently supported our family. Her job has taken her across different states, exposing her to diverse experiences and opportunities. Above all, she's deeply committed to her Christian faith.

She recently met a fellow church brother who has expressed serious interest in marrying her. However, he left school after Primary Six and works as a traditional window louvre fabricator. While there's absolutely nothing wrong with learning a trade, he has had opportunities to upgrade his skills to modern aluminium fabrication but hasn't pursued them. Instead, he seems more interested in becoming a pastor or working in a church, though he currently has no clear or realistic path to achieving that.

Another concern is the family dynamic. My mother and the young man's mother serve in the same church unit. On several occasions, whenever he goes out for a job, his mother would call him back or redirect him for other errands, and she would even mention these things to my mother. This has given us the impression that she relies heavily on him, raising concerns about the level of responsibility he already carries within his family and how that might affect his future marriage.

My mother strongly opposes the relationship, believing the gap in education, career progression, ambition, life direction, and even family expectations is too significant. I understand her concerns and tend to agree, but it also raises an important question.

Can love alone sustain a marriage when there's such a wide difference in education, ambition, exposure, career growth, and family responsibilities? Or should long-term compatibility, shared vision, emotional maturity, and the ability to build a stable future together carry more weight than love?

I'd genuinely appreciate respectful and honest opinions from both married and unmarried people. Please keep the discussion civil and objective—this isn't about looking down on anyone because of their educational background or occupation, but about understanding what truly makes a marriage work in the long run.

My mother strongly opposes the relationship, believing the gap in education, career progression, ambition, life direction, and even family expectations is too significant.

Kingpele:
What kind talk is this bikuno

^^^

Your sister is better off without this kind of man in her life. This type of relationship never ends well; it usually leaves the lady with a lifetime of regret. Infact, she should not entertain the idea of changing the man because it will result in unimaginable conflict in their home. The guy has no drive, no ambition and his level of reasoning will be way lower than the lady's. Before you know it, the man will most likely see the lady as a threat due to her ambitious nature. Marriage wahala don start be dat!
So, my advice is this, let her stay away from that guy before emotions steer her into a life of suffer, unhappiness and regrets.
For those who are emphasizing about her age, don't you think it's better to remain unmarried than to marry and live in misery? Too many red flags!
Moreso, it's better late than getting it wrong!

TheStoriesOfMan:
That marriage will not work.

No woman will be loyal to a man she's better than. Can't you see that?

Your sister must continue to search for a man that is better than her, be able to guide her, and be able to steer the family to greater heights.

A man who doesn't have education, skills, intelligence, foresight, will, preserverance and psyche to marry or take care of a woman will be the downfall of himself and those around him.

Enough said!

Therefore the sister should search for Doctorate holders like me who are older and most likely married, since she has an M.Sc?

Now how many of such men haven't already figured their lives and already settled down? How many would settle for a lady of that age, if they arent settled already?

It takes guts for a man who has less education to want to marry a lady that educated.

The truth is..with each passing tick of the clock, her chances of getting her desirable becomes lower. In few years, her menstrual clock will shut down and then should would become a biological liability to herself and anyone who marries her. Even her mum would gnash her teeth in regret by then.

Facts must be said, the man holds the yam and the knife at this point.

Carot:
so you are one of the people that marry graduates as wife. Ok

You think I'll bring my standards down to marry a sub?

No na.

My ancestors will be angry with me.

Let your sister run....that man will turn her into life ATM machine.....he will make her life miserable, and he will not even appreciate her for all her efforts. Then she will not only fend for the man, she will also find for his family.

She is better to go get sperm donors and raise her children herself if she cannot be 2nd wife to a reasonable man.

She should run for her dear life....poverty is a very serious disease.....

Let me add, I have a female friend that is in this situation right now, she even married a lying poor pastor, her life and that of her children is total chaos....she is close to going bunkers....she is equally struggling to walk away from the marriage and her mental health is dwindling....

Let your sis run....it doesn't end well

Dalohad:
Therefore the sister should search for Doctorate holders like me who are older and most likely married, since she has an M.Sc?

Now how many of such men haven't already figured their lives and already settled down? How many would settle for a lady of that age, if they arent settled already?

It takes guts for a man who has less education to want to marry a lady that educated.

The truth is..with each passing tick of the clock, her chances of getting her desirable becomes lower. In few years, her menstrual clock will shut down and then should would become a biological liability to herself and anyone who marries her. Even her mum would gnash her teeth in regret by then.

Facts must be said, the man holds the yam and the knife at this point.

If she cannot get married, she can get a child. I mean many ladies do that.

No be so?

Besides, even if the guy gets married to the OP's sister, will he have a say in the marriage nor take bold decisions?

No.

The inferiority complex will always creep in and he'll make hasty decisions. He'll unconsciously involve her in key decisions, and that will create ego for the lady to capitalize on.

Na why slippers dey get size.

Personally, I'll marry a graduate the bare minimum. Asides that, I'll vet her till she passes at least 90% of my requirements.

I no dey brag, I be high quality man. I no dey settle for less.

Gentlesoul2021:
Good day N'Lander

I need genuine opinions on a relationship dilemma.

My younger sister is 31 years old. She's highly educated with a master's degree, works with an NGO as a Programme Coordinator and Mental Health Counselor, and is also a skilled fashion designer with equipment worth over ₦2 million. She's hardworking, focused, and has consistently supported our family. Her job has taken her across different states, exposing her to diverse experiences and opportunities. Above all, she's deeply committed to her Christian faith.

She recently met a fellow church brother who has expressed serious interest in marrying her. However, he left school after Primary Six and works as a traditional window louvre fabricator. While there's absolutely nothing wrong with learning a trade, he has had opportunities to upgrade his skills to modern aluminium fabrication but hasn't pursued them. Instead, he seems more interested in becoming a pastor or working in a church, though he currently has no clear or realistic path to achieving that.

Another concern is the family dynamic. My mother and the young man's mother serve in the same church unit. On several occasions, whenever he goes out for a job, his mother would call him back or redirect him for other errands, and she would even mention these things to my mother. This has given us the impression that she relies heavily on him, raising concerns about the level of responsibility he already carries within his family and how that might affect his future marriage.

My mother strongly opposes the relationship, believing the gap in education, career progression, ambition, life direction, and even family expectations is too significant. I understand her concerns and tend to agree, but it also raises an important question.

Can love alone sustain a marriage when there's such a wide difference in education, ambition, exposure, career growth, and family responsibilities? Or should long-term compatibility, shared vision, emotional maturity, and the ability to build a stable future together carry more weight than love?

I'd genuinely appreciate respectful and honest opinions from both married and unmarried people. Please keep the discussion civil and objective—this isn't about looking down on anyone because of their educational background or occupation, but about understanding what truly makes a marriage work in the long run.

Dey hype your younger sister well, well. Nai make you dey downgrade your fellow man. Una no dey try at all. So, your sister is a kid that can't make her choice. Kukuma marry your sister.

[quote author=Gentlesoul2021 post=139918879][/quote]Your sister should not marry him.This was the same advice I gave to my younger sister 10 years ago not to marry a particular jobless man.But, she refused saying that she loves him.Now,the burden is on my sister,she pays all the bills in the house and the husband has refused to work.
To cut the story short,I have been the one sponsoring two of my sister children in school now.

Cook up sh1t.

Oga, leave the matter to your sister to decide on it. If she's pleased with all those things you see as problem, let her go on marrying him.
I sense your sister has given up in marry the guy, that's why you're bringing it here and there's nothing any advise you receive here can do, because the person in question is your sister and not you.

My candid advice for you is for the family to summoned your sister to a family meeting in a light manner. Let her see the reasons why you don't want her to get married to the guy, hear her own view.
But if she insist on marrying him, only thing you can do is to wish her well....you never can tell, blessings can be there.

Your sister has better seriously assess all the aforementioned - emotions and sentiments aside if she doesn't mind going ahead and if the guy can cater for a home and is developing himself. Those things you mentioned are what would bring friction that could become really big issues that could destroy the marriage later

[b][/b]in all of this ask your sister to fast and pray if that's the man for her god will show jer

Gentlesoul2021:
Good day N'Lander

I need genuine opinions on a relationship dilemma.

My younger sister is 31 years old. She's highly educated with a master's degree, works with an NGO as a Programme Coordinator and Mental Health Counselor, and is also a skilled fashion designer with equipment worth over ₦2 million. She's hardworking, focused, and has consistently supported our family. Her job has taken her across different states, exposing her to diverse experiences and opportunities. Above all, she's deeply committed to her Christian faith.

She recently met a fellow church brother who has expressed serious interest in marrying her. However, he left school after Primary Six and works as a traditional window louvre fabricator. While there's absolutely nothing wrong with learning a trade, he has had opportunities to upgrade his skills to modern aluminium fabrication but hasn't pursued them. Instead, he seems more interested in becoming a pastor or working in a church, though he currently has no clear or realistic path to achieving that.

Another concern is the family dynamic. My mother and the young man's mother serve in the same church unit. On several occasions, whenever he goes out for a job, his mother would call him back or redirect him for other errands, and she would even mention these things to my mother. This has given us the impression that she relies heavily on him, raising concerns about the level of responsibility he already carries within his family and how that might affect his future marriage.

My mother strongly opposes the relationship, believing the gap in education, career progression, ambition, life direction, and even family expectations is too significant. I understand her concerns and tend to agree, but it also raises an important question.

Can love alone sustain a marriage when there's such a wide difference in education, ambition, exposure, career growth, and family responsibilities? Or should long-term compatibility, shared vision, emotional maturity, and the ability to build a stable future together carry more weight than love?

I'd genuinely appreciate respectful and honest opinions from both married and unmarried people. Please keep the discussion civil and objective—this isn't about looking down on anyone because of their educational background or occupation, but about understanding what truly makes a marriage work in the long run.

My only personal problem with what you have said about the man is his said future purpose - that is, his aim toward pastoring. That aside, evaluate that man based on his mentality and interest in your sister; if he has a healthy mentality and genuine interest in your sister, allow them to continue, provided that your sister is comfortable with his future purpose of pastoring. Nothing stops a man with a healthy mentality, definiteness of purpose, and genuine interest in the woman in his life from reaching the zenith of success, regardless of his present status.

Sonnobax15:

Is your mother aware your sister has already clocked 31? .

You see this life . Funny life indeed.

A well educated man will marry a stark illiterate woman and upgrade her . But once reverse is the case, it'll look as if the whole world want to crash

Your family should be grateful to that man for at least agreeing to even settle down with someone whom menopause is already smiling at

a very myopic view.

Let's put it to you... Would you agree to the relationship if it were your sister?

It's better to be happily single, than being in a bad marriage.

And stop shaming single women, young or old. Men have their problems too.

Sonnobax15:

Is your mother aware your sister has already clocked 31? .

You see this life . Funny life indeed.

A well educated man will marry a stark illiterate woman and upgrade her . But once reverse is the case, it'll look as if the whole world want to crash

Your family should be grateful to that man for at least agreeing to even settle down with someone whom menopause is already smiling at

What if the man doesn't want to upgrade?

Just because he's someone who doesn't want to leave his comfort zone or is simply contented the way he is.

She should be careful so she doesn't end up with someone who doesn't understand how she thinks or why she is pursuing one project or the other.

Not everyone has the drive to succeed. And if you have it, it's difficult to teach another person to.

It will lead to pain and resentment

UkoAnnang:


Mr. Op, I may disagree with you that this story of yours is fake and nothing but a mere story to engage nairalanders comments. Here is my fact. 1. The young man has no further education and accepts a primary six (FSLC) certificate. That could not be true. No man or parent gets certified if his/her children haven't gone beyond primary six, no matter how poor the family may be. If you have said the young man has completed his secondary school, I would have believed you.
Thank you.

these scenarios abound. Don't be close-minded.

Lithiumite:
I can already tell what tribe you're from with your analogy but you can only genuinly air your concerns or advise your sister the best you can but dont do anything deliberate to break the relationship.

there is no relationship yet. Brother only expressed interest.

Gentlesoul2021:
Good day N'Lander

I need genuine opinions on a relationship dilemma.

My younger sister is 31 years old. She's highly educated with a master's degree, works with an NGO as a Programme Coordinator and Mental Health Counselor, and is also a skilled fashion designer with equipment worth over ₦2 million. She's hardworking, focused, and has consistently supported our family. Her job has taken her across different states, exposing her to diverse experiences and opportunities. Above all, she's deeply committed to her Christian faith.

She recently met a fellow church brother who has expressed serious interest in marrying her. However, he left school after Primary Six and works as a traditional window louvre fabricator. While there's absolutely nothing wrong with learning a trade, he has had opportunities to upgrade his skills to modern aluminium fabrication but hasn't pursued them. Instead, he seems more interested in becoming a pastor or working in a church, though he currently has no clear or realistic path to achieving that.

Another concern is the family dynamic. My mother and the young man's mother serve in the same church unit. On several occasions, whenever he goes out for a job, his mother would call him back or redirect him for other errands, and she would even mention these things to my mother. This has given us the impression that she relies heavily on him, raising concerns about the level of responsibility he already carries within his family and how that might affect his future marriage.

My mother strongly opposes the relationship, believing the gap in education, career progression, ambition, life direction, and even family expectations is too significant. I understand her concerns and tend to agree, but it also raises an important question.

Can love alone sustain a marriage when there's such a wide difference in education, ambition, exposure, career growth, and family responsibilities? Or should long-term compatibility, shared vision, emotional maturity, and the ability to build a stable future together carry more weight than love?

I'd genuinely appreciate respectful and honest opinions from both married and unmarried people. Please keep the discussion civil and objective—this isn't about looking down on anyone because of their educational background or occupation, but about understanding what truly makes a marriage work in the long run.

what is a traditional window fabricator? Can you explain for people at the back please .

UkoAnnang:


Mr. Op, I may disagree with you that this story of yours is fake and nothing but a mere story to engage nairalanders comments. Here is my fact. 1. The young man has no further education and accepts a primary six (FSLC) certificate. That could not be true. [b]No man or parent gets certified if his/her children haven't gone beyond primary six, no matter how poor the family may be. [/b]If you have said the young man has completed his secondary school, I would have believed you.



At this I declare your story void.



Thank you.

So every adult in Nigeria has a secondary school certificate? SMH

Sonnobax15:

Is your mother aware your sister has already clocked 31? .

You see this life . Funny life indeed.

[/b]A well educated man will marry a stark illiterate woman and upgrade her . But once reverse is the case, it'll look as if the whole world want to crash[b]

Your family should be grateful to that man for at least agreeing to even settle down with someone whom menopause is already smiling at

Well said!