₦airaland Forum

Nobody should stress that guy, if he is not enough then leave him alone simple

You never mentioned anything about how your sister feel about this man. Secondly, why is your sister struggling to get men, isnt she presentable?

Gentlesoul2021:
Good day N'Lander

I need genuine opinions on a relationship dilemma.

My younger sister is 31 years old. She's highly educated with a master's degree, works with an NGO as a Programme Coordinator and Mental Health Counselor, and is also a skilled fashion designer with equipment worth over ₦2 million. She's hardworking, focused, and has consistently supported our family. Her job has taken her across different states, exposing her to diverse experiences and opportunities. Above all, she's deeply committed to her Christian faith.

She recently met a fellow church brother who has expressed serious interest in marrying her. However, he left school after Primary Six and works as a traditional window louvre fabricator. While there's absolutely nothing wrong with learning a trade, he has had opportunities to upgrade his skills to modern aluminium fabrication but hasn't pursued them. Instead, he seems more interested in becoming a pastor or working in a church, though he currently has no clear or realistic path to achieving that.

Another concern is the family dynamic. My mother and the young man's mother serve in the same church unit. On several occasions, whenever he goes out for a job, his mother would call him back or redirect him for other errands, and she would even mention these things to my mother. This has given us the impression that she relies heavily on him, raising concerns about the level of responsibility he already carries within his family and how that might affect his future marriage.

My mother strongly opposes the relationship, believing the gap in education, career progression, ambition, life direction, and even family expectations is too significant. I understand her concerns and tend to agree, but it also raises an important question.

Can love alone sustain a marriage when there's such a wide difference in education, ambition, exposure, career growth, and family responsibilities? Or should long-term compatibility, shared vision, emotional maturity, and the ability to build a stable future together carry more weight than love?

I'd genuinely appreciate respectful and honest opinions from both married and unmarried people. Please keep the discussion civil and objective—this isn't about looking down on anyone because of their educational background or occupation, but about understanding what truly makes a marriage work in the long run.

TheStoriesOfMan:
Hope say all your sisters are PhD holders?

Cos my cousins are PhD holders. One of them has 3 PhDs from reputable schools in china, America and UK.

If your sisters na good girls, PM me on a dead thread.

Na only one of my sister remain for marriage dem don rush them finish, she dey work for UK health sector, if you mean wetin you dey talk follow up with a email contact.

Nairaland deh weak me baje, see one 'Eyes Of Cane Seller' professor (read in Yoruba) have even drawn a conclusion on the guy level of education...

E be things abeg.

The most important thing is his MENTALITY. From your talk about him refusing to upgrade his craft, you can already tell that he might have issues with your sister seeking higher levels.

Please, man, Gentlesoul2021, I beg you:

1. Protect your sister at alllllll costs. Not only because she supports your family but mostly because she is your sister and you have to protect her from pain. Even if it means that she never marries, it is better.

2. You must vet and verify the guy's mentality and how he thinks! He must show that he's not lazy and dependent on her money. That he is NOT THREATENED BY HER PROGRESS. Please confirm this over and over and over and over.

3. If he wants to do ministry, you just clarify what exactly he wants to do and how he wants to do it. You must make sure he explains everything so your sister knows what she's getting into. Not that a few years after marriage he will say he is called to a rural place (nothing bad against it) and he wants her to resign and join him.

4. Please check his MENTALITY. I AM BEGGING YOU. PLEASEEEE. I don't want her story to be that of another woman destroyed by a weak man hiding under religion. I'm not saying he is, but please verify his mentality. Please.


5. Check his mentality and thought process. Please.

Gentlesoul2021:
Are u saying just because time is not on her side and with the aforementioned, my sister should goto where she will be footing the bill 100%...

I co-ask: as Sonnobax, foot which bill? Has the man begged your sister money before?

Has he begged you or your mum money before?

Is he hungry? Quit this demeaning attitude. Okay, so your sister won't contribute anything except being Mrs. Lagbaja right?

Kenechukwu, clap 👏 for yourself.

Gentlesoul2021:
Are u saying just because time is not on her side and with the aforementioned, my sister should goto where she will be footing the bill 100%...

is that not the reason she studied so much to be financially independent? Though the man is not ambitious and that will be a big problem if they get married. If a man is in a phase of growth with ambition and clear plan, it is understandable. But with no ambition and clear moves , it is a red flag

Gentlesoul2021:
Good day N'Lander

I need genuine opinions on a relationship dilemma.

My younger sister is 31 years old. She's highly educated with a master's degree, works with an NGO as a Programme Coordinator and Mental Health Counselor, and is also a skilled fashion designer with equipment worth over ₦2 million. She's hardworking, focused, and has consistently supported our family. Her job has taken her across different states, exposing her to diverse experiences and opportunities. Above all, she's deeply committed to her Christian faith.

She recently met a fellow church brother who has expressed serious interest in marrying her. However, he left school after Primary Six and works as a traditional window louvre fabricator. While there's absolutely nothing wrong with learning a trade, he has had opportunities to upgrade his skills to modern aluminium fabrication but hasn't pursued them. Instead, he seems more interested in becoming a pastor or working in a church, though he currently has no clear or realistic path to achieving that.

Another concern is the family dynamic. My mother and the young man's mother serve in the same church unit. On several occasions, whenever he goes out for a job, his mother would call him back or redirect him for other errands, and she would even mention these things to my mother. This has given us the impression that she relies heavily on him, raising concerns about the level of responsibility he already carries within his family and how that might affect his future marriage.

My mother strongly opposes the relationship, believing the gap in education, career progression, ambition, life direction, and even family expectations is too significant. I understand her concerns and tend to agree, but it also raises an important question.

Can love alone sustain a marriage when there's such a wide difference in education, ambition, exposure, career growth, and family responsibilities? Or should long-term compatibility, shared vision, emotional maturity, and the ability to build a stable future together carry more weight than love?

I'd genuinely appreciate respectful and honest opinions from both married and unmarried people. Please keep the discussion civil and objective—this isn't about looking down on anyone because of their educational background or occupation, but about understanding what truly makes a marriage work in the long run.

That union was birth to fail.
Stop your sister now!

Whether your sister is 31 or 51.
She should terminate that relationship.
There is nothing like a pastor or blah blah blah!
It is frustrated people with no life path who claim to be called to ministry to live off members' contributions.

I expect a 31-year-old with a good job in an NGO to know better and also look into the family she is entering.

The first complaint she would have later is his not furthering his education because she go carry her family bukata alone, then the interference of her MIL in her husband.

Suffer head will be her first name in this Tinubu economy and in that marriage.

If, as a male son and brother, you can't advise your sister correctly and even back your mum to urge her to abort the mission due to the desperation of being 31.

Should she go ahead, when the lamentations begin, and you come back here, remember to tag us to this initial post so I remember that I advised against it, and also so I can read the lamentations as entertainment when it begins to happen.


She should be marrying up, not marrying down.

He should go find a hairdresser, Agbo hawker his level to marry biko.

Radarada
As if our opinions will make any difference.

Gentlesoul2021:
Good day N'Lander

I need genuine opinions on a relationship dilemma.

My younger sister is 31 years old. She's highly educated with a master's degree, works with an NGO as a Programme Coordinator and Mental Health Counselor, and is also a skilled fashion designer with equipment worth over ₦2 million. She's hardworking, focused, and has consistently supported our family. Her job has taken her across different states, exposing her to diverse experiences and opportunities. Above all, she's deeply committed to her Christian faith.

She recently met a fellow church brother who has expressed serious interest in marrying her. However, he left school after Primary Six and works as a traditional window louvre fabricator. While there's absolutely nothing wrong with learning a trade, he has had opportunities to upgrade his skills to modern aluminium fabrication but hasn't pursued them. Instead, he seems more interested in becoming a pastor or working in a church, though he currently has no clear or realistic path to achieving that.

Another concern is the family dynamic. My mother and the young man's mother serve in the same church unit. On several occasions, whenever he goes out for a job, his mother would call him back or redirect him for other errands, and she would even mention these things to my mother. This has given us the impression that she relies heavily on him, raising concerns about the level of responsibility he already carries within his family and how that might affect his future marriage.

My mother strongly opposes the relationship, believing the gap in education, career progression, ambition, life direction, and even family expectations is too significant. I understand her concerns and tend to agree, but it also raises an important question.

Can love alone sustain a marriage when there's such a wide difference in education, ambition, exposure, career growth, and family responsibilities? Or should long-term compatibility, shared vision, emotional maturity, and the ability to build a stable future together carry more weight than love?

I'd genuinely appreciate respectful and honest opinions from both married and unmarried people. Please keep the discussion civil and objective—this isn't about looking down on anyone because of their educational background or occupation, but about understanding what truly makes a marriage work in the long run.

Your excuse on behalf of your younger sister of 31 is the reason most ladies of her age are still single and why many men are scared of settling down with her type, Don't worry, when you all don't want that man to marry your "Independent and well educated" sister you all will join her in mountain of fire praying and fasting for her to see "any man" to marry her....

The fact that you all think that your educated and ambitious sister cannot decide for herself shows how manipulative your family is...

An aspiring pastor is a bad decision for a husband. Your sister can't swear other better guys are not talking to her but she's been blinded by churchy things. Let them marry or are you people trying to block another guy man from feeding off your sister just as your family is feeding off her?

It's only MADNESS (and DESPERATION) that'd drive a Master's Degree Holder to be UNEQUALLY YOKED with a 35+ person with ONLY Primary 6 certificate and a VAGUE forward-looking statement of becoming a Pastor.

MADNESS![/quote]Sheer madness. Failed artisan, pastor wannabe. She will 100% be the breadwinner,if she hesitate to fund the home, when fatigue sets in, beating a la carte will be her lot!
Make she remember Osinachi o.

Gentlesoul2021:
Good day N'Lander

I need genuine opinions on a relationship dilemma.

My younger sister is 31 years old. She's highly educated with a master's degree, works with an NGO as a Programme Coordinator and Mental Health Counselor, and is also a skilled fashion designer with equipment worth over ₦2 million. She's hardworking, focused, and has consistently supported our family. Her job has taken her across different states, exposing her to diverse experiences and opportunities. Above all, she's deeply committed to her Christian faith.

She recently met a fellow church brother who has expressed serious interest in marrying her. However, he left school after Primary Six and works as a traditional window louvre fabricator. While there's absolutely nothing wrong with learning a trade, he has had opportunities to upgrade his skills to modern aluminium fabrication but hasn't pursued them. Instead, he seems more interested in becoming a pastor or working in a church, though he currently has no clear or realistic path to achieving that.

Another concern is the family dynamic. My mother and the young man's mother serve in the same church unit. On several occasions, whenever he goes out for a job, his mother would call him back or redirect him for other errands, and she would even mention these things to my mother. This has given us the impression that she relies heavily on him, raising concerns about the level of responsibility he already carries within his family and how that might affect his future marriage.

My mother strongly opposes the relationship, believing the gap in education, career progression, ambition, life direction, and even family expectations is too significant. I understand her concerns and tend to agree, but it also raises an important question.

Can love alone sustain a marriage when there's such a wide difference in education, ambition, exposure, career growth, and family responsibilities? Or should long-term compatibility, shared vision, emotional maturity, and the ability to build a stable future together carry more weight than love?

I'd genuinely appreciate respectful and honest opinions from both married and unmarried people. Please keep the discussion civil and objective—this isn't about looking down on anyone because of their educational background or occupation, but about understanding what truly makes a marriage work in the long run.

The fact he wants to be a pastor or working in a Church is a red flag. Trust me, many of them are hypocrites.

Sonnobax15:

Is your mother aware your sister has already clocked 31? .

You see this life . Funny life indeed.

A well educated man will marry a stark illiterate woman and upgrade her . But once reverse is the case, it'll look as if the whole world want to crash

Your family should be grateful to that man for at least agreeing to even settle down with someone whom menopause is already smiling at

Take the advice of an uneducated man and watch your sister suffer.

Assuming the guy is like Peller with at least O level Certificate and rich+ ambitious in his work( Peller's own is Content creation, it can be any other thing), it would have covered up for his lack of education and drive.

Even men with jobs( not necessarily high paying) still struggle to maintain homes these days coupled with differences in background/ pedigree.

Your prayers for your sister is several suitors should surface for her to pick from.....No rushing please.

The thing is, your sister is old enough to know what she wants and you people should respect that.
The most important thing is not money, as long as the guy is not lazy and irresponsible.
The qualities you should be looking for are characters that will sustain peace, tolerance, respect, understanding and support,
If you really want the best for your sister.
You don't want a rich guy that doesn't respect your sister or worse.

Only gold diggers would read your story and try to use your sister's age as a basis for her to marry such a man.

IF she tries this nonsense that she's about to do, I can bet you that she would regret it.

Both of them are on different wavelength and that's a major problem. Add that the man doesn't seem to know how to make decisions for himself.

Terrible combo.

As her brother, I'll advice that you do EVERYTHING legal within your capacity to make sure she doesn't make such a mistake. It's your duty.


Cc Gentlesoul2021

Namaster:
Your sister is 31-year old and DESPERATE.
She's been WAITING for a man to call her OWN for nearly a DECADE.

Plus, she's clearly one of those people born with a built-in NGO software—ALWAYS on the lookout for a project to FIX.

Add that to being CHURCHY and you have a HORRIBLE decision maker like your sister.

The "brother" is banking on the CHURCHINESS of your sister to perpetrate his SCHEME.

His declarations of becoming a "Pastor" is also a RUSE.
With that frame perfectly established from the get-go, he can use BIBLICAL platitudes like being the "head of the family" and "wives submitting to their husbands" to SCAM your sister.

She will make the money.
And be FORCED to let the SCAMMER decide how it's spent.

Your sister is about to learn a very HARSH lesson.
By the time she's done with her education, she'd have become a Single Mother of THREE at 40.

Unfortunately, there is NOTHING you can do.
Women love FORBIDDEN love.

Telling her she's making a TERRIBLE mistake will just HARDEN her resolve.
Plus, it's going to make it more DIFFICULT for her to approach you for HELP when the man INEVITABLY starts showing her PEPPER.

Also, logic will NOT work with her.
Let her LEARN.

It's only MADNESS (and DESPERATION) that'd drive a Master's Degree Holder to be UNEQUALLY YOKED with a 35+ person with ONLY Primary 6 certificate and a VAGUE forward-looking statement of becoming a Pastor.

MADNESS!

you're talking outta your asss

Sonnobax15:

Is your mother aware your sister has already clocked 31? .

You see this life . Funny life indeed.

A well educated man will marry a stark illiterate woman and upgrade her . But once reverse is the case, it'll look as if the whole world want to crash

Your family should be grateful to that man for at least agreeing to even settle down with someone whom menopause is already smiling at

So women in your village become perimenopausal at the age of 31? If that is the case then a platoon of gynaecologists need to visit your ancestral home in order to investigate. As a matter of urgency.

Bonapart:
you're talking outta your asss

Ignore that moniker. He talks out of his ass 9.5 out of 10 times

SoliBayNG:
So many children on nairaland these days. Back in the days, you will see mature and constructive inputs.

Brah, women are focused on achievements these days. Fulls making someone that's 31 seem like she's 60. Only boys talk like that. New studies even show that men should be as wary, as quality of sperm reduce as they get older.

Brah, the signs are there. In her circles, there are many guys that are more suitable. Just cos someone wants to get married doesn't mean they should settle for someone that lacks focus or doesnt wanna upgrade himself. As a man, I get irritated with directionless women, talkless of being a woman and carrying the weight of the home.

She should not start what she can finish. A man with vision and dreams that isnt well off isnt a problem. But how will a man leave what's giving him money to go run errands? He cant think? Cant tell his mom he will do it later?

What happens when they get married? He would still tell her she's trying to change him, and she saw him the way he was. Motivating him to greatness will be termed nagging.

If I was a woman, I rather get a sperm donor, focus on my career and be happy, than be married to many men these days, that aren't worthy of being called men.

Being a man isnt a title, it's about the ability to lead, command the respect of your wife, not by coercion, but by actions.
No one can follow who isn't more knowledge than them, or they struggle to respect.

This is Africa, men are still providers and supposed to lead. If he cant do that, he's still a boy.

Age is irrelevant. Better to be married to a 45 year old lady that suits your vision and gives you peace, than a 25 year old that still has her eyes outside and leaves you restless, all in the name of marrying young.

Guys on nairaland are super embarrassing. Lots of learning to do. 15 years or so ago, you wouldn't see these comments calling a 31 year old, old. Funny enough, many of these dudes at 35, haven't achieved what this lady has achieved when she was 27.

Girls, dont be afraid to have standards. Stick to it and focus on your personal growth.

There are still fantastic guys out there that age means nothing to.

Of course everyone is allowed to have standards....so why are you lamenting about the men standard of a 31yrs lady already getting old and even trying to showcase being "all knowing" in that regard?.

SoliBayNG:
So many children on nairaland these days. Back in the days, you will see mature and constructive inputs.

Brah, women are focused on achievements these days. Fulls making someone that's 31 seem like she's 60. Only boys talk like that. New studies even show that men should be as wary, as quality of sperm reduce as they get older.

Brah, the signs are there. In her circles, there are many guys that are more suitable. Just cos someone wants to get married doesn't mean they should settle for someone that lacks focus or doesnt wanna upgrade himself. As a man, I get irritated with directionless women, talkless of being a woman and carrying the weight of the home.

She should not start what she can finish. A man with vision and dreams that isnt well off isnt a problem. But how will a man leave what's giving him money to go run errands? He cant think? Cant tell his mom he will do it later?

What happens when they get married? He would still tell her she's trying to change him, and she saw him the way he was. Motivating him to greatness will be termed nagging.

If I was a woman, I rather get a sperm donor, focus on my career and be happy, than be married to many men these days, that aren't worthy of being called men.

Being a man isnt a title, it's about the ability to lead, command the respect of your wife, not by coercion, but by actions.
No one can follow who isn't more knowledge than them, or they struggle to respect.

This is Africa, men are still providers and supposed to lead. If he cant do that, he's still a boy.

Age is irrelevant. Better to be married to a 45 year old lady that suits your vision and gives you peace, than a 25 year old that still has her eyes outside and leaves you restless, all in the name of marrying young.

Guys on nairaland are super embarrassing. Lots of learning to do. 15 years or so ago, you wouldn't see these comments calling a 31 year old, old. Funny enough, many of these dudes at 35, haven't achieved what this lady has achieved when she was 27.

Girls, dont be afraid to have standards. Stick to it and focus on your personal growth.

There are still fantastic guys out there that age means nothing to.

When a mature adult writes, you will know. You have spoken with wisdom

Tflex01:
That gap in education will cause a lot of problems. Eventually.

No doubt,brother.

Namaster:
Your sister is 31-year old and DESPERATE.
She's been WAITING for a man to call her OWN for nearly a DECADE.

Plus, she's clearly one of those people born with a built-in NGO software—ALWAYS on the lookout for a project to FIX.

Add that to being CHURCHY and you have a HORRIBLE decision maker like your sister.

The "brother" is banking on the CHURCHINESS of your sister to perpetrate his SCHEME.

His declarations of becoming a "Pastor" is also a RUSE.
With that frame perfectly established from the get-go, he can use BIBLICAL platitudes like being the "head of the family" and "wives submitting to their husbands" to SCAM your sister.

She will make the money.
And be FORCED to let the SCAMMER decide how it's spent.

Your sister is about to learn a very HARSH lesson.
By the time she's done with her education, she'd have become a Single Mother of THREE at 40.

Unfortunately, there is NOTHING you can do.
Women love FORBIDDEN love.

Telling her she's making a TERRIBLE mistake will just HARDEN her resolve.
Plus, it's going to make it more DIFFICULT for her to approach you for HELP when the man INEVITABLY starts showing her PEPPER.

Also, logic will NOT work with her.
Let her LEARN.

It's only MADNESS (and DESPERATION) that'd drive a Master's Degree Holder to be UNEQUALLY YOKED with a 35+ person with ONLY Primary 6 certificate and a VAGUE forward-looking statement of becoming a Pastor.

MADNESS!

Pls are you Kanwulia, I used to enjoy reading from her many years ago on this forum especially on the family page!
You kind of write like her

Hmmmm. Men ! TBH, I feel for your sister sha. I just hope she is looking at this with logic, not just emotionally. I opposed something like this to my younger sister before she got married. A man whom we regarded as an uncle showed interest in her and I openly disapproved because this man was about 15 to 20 years older than me , not to mention my younger sister. The man wanted to use “church parole “ and the promise of sending me to America for Masters then to lure me, but I valued and still value my siblings happiness over my personal gain.

Long story short, it didn’t work out and shortly after that, about 6 months or so, she met a very Tall,Dark, Handsome and educated dude with a very huge potential. They have been “happily” married for over 8 years now.

Bottom line is ; Sometimes the GRASS is greener on the other side. Good things come to those who wait. Let her seek the face of God fervently and also logically before taking her action, because it is better to be an Old spinster , than a sad, lonely wife or worst still, an unfortunate Divorcee. That time na him you go begin see men telling her they can’t date “an after 1,2,3” etc. Let us be wise abeg

You guys should embrace that guy for showing genuine interest in marrighig Ur 31year old sister. She is past her prime already. It will be far better that she marries the man and of cus I know that they will find a way way that works for them to live happily as a husband and wife. Than for Ur sis to end up unmarried and single her entire life without a partner and kids. The loneliness no be here. So U guys should give them the necessary support for the sake of her happiness.

Your concerns are valid and if I were in your shoes I will do same

However the decision to marry or not lies squarely on your sister, if she is cool with the whole thing, let her proceed

There are indications that she won't be a happy woman in that marriage 5 years down the line but her desperation to settle down is beclouding her sense of judgement

Do your bits, sit her down and advise her, but if she insists on going on with the marriage?

let her be

[quote author=Gentlesoul2021 post=139918879][/quote]I'm quite impressed with your sense of reasoning. Irrespective of his batching, you still respond calmly to him. Goes to show your parents did a fabulous job raising you and your siblings. If you have a sister who's single, I'm interested.

Saying your sister is 31, is not enough reason for her to leap into the hands of a man in the name of time running out for her.

Said man has been advised to upgrade his trade, he turned a dead ear, meaning he doesn't listen and has no plan for his life other than hiding on becoming a pastor which won't materialize... Let your sister shine her eyes, devils na full church dey disguise as Angels....

Tell your sister to wait for another 10 years. The last son of Dangote is not married yet

If all what you put up there is just as it is, your sister may end up dying early than she designed because all the signs are there and ignoring all those signs will be greatly punished.
Your sister can't say she can't find a good man in her class or circle aside recommendations by people of good intentions, but it's either she's been manipulated or looking for a man she can control easily. But, in any case she is not making good decision for herself, 31 yo is not too old for a woman to stick to her standard and pick what will be ok for her.

Anyhow it goes, ensure you learn from her case.

I attended a wedding of my cousin who is a Dentist and married a Lawyer (wife). After having one child, they separated. Infact, the wife ran away with the child. That is, they spent 1 and the half year in their marriage before they went their separate ways due to squabbles. Meanwhile, l am still wearing their material cloth they sold to us prior to the wedding. What do you have to say about that?

Tflex01:
That gap in education will cause a lot of problems. Eventually.