₦airaland Forum

saintruky:
I'm quite impressed with your sense of reasoning. Irrespective of his batching, you still respond calmly to him. Goes to show your parents did a fabulous job raising you and your siblings. If you have a sister who's single, I'm interested.

Saying your sister is 31, is not enough reason for her to leap into the hands of a man in the name of time running out for her.

Said man has been advised to upgrade his trade, he turned a dead ear, meaning he doesn't listen and has no plan for his life other than hiding on becoming a pastor which won't materialize... Let your sister shine her eyes, devils na full church dey disguise as Angels....

I have outgrown online bangs and I know most of these keyboard warrior are kids. In my opinion she's open to talk to people, u can send a mail...

Trojan8:
Only gold diggers would read your story and try to use your sister's age as a basis for her to marry such a man.

IF she tries this nonsense that she's about to do, I can bet you that she would regret it.

Both of them are on different wavelength and that's a major problem. Add that the man doesn't seem to know how to make decisions for himself.

Terrible combo.

As her brother, I'll advice that you do EVERYTHING legal within your capacity to make sure she doesn't make such a mistake. It's your duty.


Cc Gentlesoul2021

Thank you for your input. We're doing our very best to dissociate her from the brother..

grandstar:
The fact he wants to be a pastor or working in a Church is a red flag. Trust me, many of them are hypocrites.

Lol. Big time hypocrites...

KingOfAmebo:
Your excuse on behalf of your younger sister of 31 is the reason most ladies of her age are still single and why many men are scared of settling down with her type, Don't worry, when you all don't want that man to marry your "Independent and well educated" sister you all will join her in mountain of fire praying and fasting for her to see "any man" to marry her....

The fact that you all think that your educated and ambitious sister cannot decide for herself shows how manipulative your family is...

We'll not join in any mountain of fire session but we're only analysing what she's getting herself into. Personally if this young man is a graduate with no job, I'll be behind him the most. But a most uneducated and has no skills going on, this raises serious question but human being are hypocritical animal to think we're doing the most on our side...

tonididdy:
That union was birth to fail.
Stop your sister now!

A big full stop.

blesdman:
is that not the reason she studied so much to be financially independent? Though the man is not ambitious and that will be a big problem if they get married. If a man is in a phase of growth with ambition and clear plan, it is understandable. But with no ambition and clear moves , it is a red flag

A big red flag...

Gentlesoul2021:
Thank you for this...

My pleasure... I like your deep CLARITY of thought while looking out for the BEST conditions for your younger sister. However, she has to take the final decisions.

Just to add, if you, your younger sister and her potential spouse can listen every Saturday online from anywhere in the world via the mobile app or offline to the fantastic program "Relationship 360" on the Victoria Island, Lagos-based NigeriaInfo 99.3 fm every Saturday from 7 am to 9am with the popular legal practitioner and relationship expert, Olumide Omosebi, they'll both learn a lot about compatibility and even stay away from those who ALWAYS claim in the Churches that "God spoke to them to marry a specific brother or sister in the Church regardless of compatibility." That's pure hocus pocus that has led to a lot of failed marriages among the Christians who have over 70% divorce rates based off of statistics from the Nigerian marriage ecosystem as related by Olumide (who just turned 50 last month). I wish your sister the best as she navigates her way through this turning point in her life as a 31-year-old... NEVER settling for LESS in life.

Moneyyman:
The most important thing is his MENTALITY. From your talk about him refusing to upgrade his craft, you can already tell that he might have issues with your sister seeking higher levels.

Please, man, Gentlesoul2021, I beg you:

1. Protect your sister at alllllll costs. Not only because he supports your family but mostly because she is tour sister and you have to protect her from pain. Even if it means when never marries, it is better.

2. You must vet and verify the guy's mentality and how he thinks! He must show that he's not lazy and dependent on her money. That he is NOT THREATENED BY HER PROGRESS. Please confirm this over and over and over and over.

3. If he wants to do ministry, you just clarify what exactly he wants to do and how he wants to do it. You must make sure he explains everything so your sister knows what she's getting into. Not that a few years after marriage he will say he is called to a rural place (nothing bad against it) and he wants her to resign and join him.

4. Please check his MENTALITY. I AM BEGGING YOU. PLEASEEEE. I don't want her story to be that of another woman destroyed by a weak man hiding under religion. I'm not saying he is, but please verify his mentality. Please.


5. Check his mentality and thought process. Please.

Thank you so much brother. We're doing our very possible best for my sister. I'll also show her this thread.

DMerciful:
You never mentioned anything about how your sister feel about this man. Secondly, why is your sister struggling to get men, isnt she presentable?

Life and nature happens, some girls may have it quick, while others struggles with it. Her religious life took a large share of her social interaction. Just work, church and her craft...

Metrofox:
what is a traditional window fabricator? Can you explain for people at the back please .

louvres window. An ancient type of window

Joshuaomakacha:
[b][/b]in all of this ask your sister to fast and pray if that's the man for her god will show jer

Thank you

Lastmankc:
Your sister should not marry him.This was the same advice I gave to my younger sister 10 years ago not to marry a particular jobless man.But, she refused saying that she loves him.Now,the burden is on my sister,she pays all the bills in the house and the husband has refused to work.
To cut the story short,I have been the one sponsoring two of my sister children in school now.

This is pathetic

Gentlesoul2021:
This same guy has been advised by the general pastor to upgrade to the latest aluminium window fabrication which he didn't take serious but wanting to be a pastor.

Better sit your sister down and take to her.

Despite the huge mismatch, One simple question you should ask your sister is whether she is willing to submit to such a man.
If the answer is yes. Their marriage will be heaven on earth.
Our parents were illiterate but they had good marriage. Why Most women are submissive.
What a woman need is love but what a man need is submission. If these two elements exist, these couple bcan conquer any challenge.
Deception, assumption and pretense are wrong foundation for a lasting marriage.

Truvelisback:
Dey hype your younger sister well, well. Nai make you dey downgrade your fellow man. Una no dey try at all. So, your sister is a kid that can't make her choice. Kukuma marry your sister.

I am not downgrading anybody please...

Gentlesoul2021:
Good day N'Lander

I need genuine opinions on a relationship dilemma.

My younger sister is 31 years old. She's highly educated with a master's degree, works with an NGO as a Programme Coordinator and Mental Health Counsellor, and is also a skilled fashion designer with equipment worth over ₦2 million. She's hardworking, focused, and has consistently supported our family. Her job has taken her across different states, exposing her to diverse experiences and opportunities. Above all, she's deeply committed to her Christian faith.

She recently met a fellow church brother who has expressed serious interest in marrying her. However, he left school after Primary Six and works as a traditional window louvre fabricator. While there's absolutely nothing wrong with learning a trade, he has had opportunities to upgrade his skills to modern aluminium fabrication but hasn't pursued them. Instead, he seems more interested in becoming a pastor or working in a church, though he currently has no clear or realistic path to achieving that.

Another concern is the family dynamic. My mother and the young man's mother serve in the same church unit. On several occasions, whenever he goes out for a job, his mother would call him back or redirect him for other errands, and she would even mention these things to my mother. This has given us the impression that she relies heavily on him, raising concerns about the level of responsibility he already carries within his family and how that might affect his future marriage.

My mother strongly opposes the relationship, believing the gap in education, career progression, ambition, life direction, and even family expectations is too significant. I understand her concerns and tend to agree, but it also raises an important question.

Can love alone sustain a marriage when there's such a wide difference in education, ambition, exposure, career growth, and family responsibilities? Or should long-term compatibility, shared vision, emotional maturity, and the ability to build a stable future together carry more weight than love?

I'd genuinely appreciate respectful and honest opinions from both married and unmarried people. Please keep the discussion civil and objective—this isn't about looking down on anyone because of their educational background or occupation, but about understanding what truly makes a marriage work in the long run.

I wanted to stroll pass this thread. But I will just thrown my HONEST opinion. I have seen some solid opinions down there. Howbeit, most are somewhat skewed.

First of all, I don't know your sister. And I don't know the man in question. So I will be pulling my suggestions from the lense of what you wrote up there and what I could be able to deduce.

My View on The Two of Them
--------------------------------------------
1. The brutal reality is females attain their prime very early (around 17-22 years). Notwithstanding a woman at 31, with such a solid career and achievement is still a desirable woman that any serious minded man should be grateful to have (provide she has the right character with it.)

2. Society is not fair to men. And that a man is not doing well in life doesn't necessarily mean he's not serious with life. But from what you said, (provided you are saying the truth), you said he had opportunity to upgrade himself but refused. I don't have any problem with his schooling. schooling is not as important as education. As far as he can hold his own anywhere, and invest in himself, certificate doesn't determine the worth of a man.

My Concerns
--------------------
1. For the man. My concern is, he's facing "ministry" without improving himself (according to you). That's a dangerous combination. If someone is not able to manage his life well, the chance that he can manage God's business well, is slim. Ministry should not be a cover up against personal development. And people like this may have the tendency to use "paapaa or G.O" to leach on their partners.

2. That your sister is yet to see a stable relationship till now, is a serious alarm, especially for high value men (I don't know her story yet). How did she get so close to the mother of the man? (just a random thought).

My Verdict
-----------------
1. Your sister already feels like she's doing him a favour. That he doesn't measure up to him in anyway. It is normal. Because women are hypergamous in nature. Because of that, the home may not be built on love.

2. This man is already a red flag. Not because of education. Or "mommy pet" as you portray it. In fact, a man that is able to treat the women in his life well, has a huge tendency to treat his wife well. But that he had opportunities to improve himself, and he refused. And focusing solely on ministry.

Smartguyboy:
What a shame after all her education she’s still a religion fanatic .

While a man can do it comfortably, a woman should be sceptical about this same line to cross. It isn't a double standard. In our African cultural context, a man can marry a woman with little or no formal education because he is traditionally expected to lead, provide, and shoulder the greater responsibility for the family. However, the dynamics are different for a woman. She is generally expected to submit to her husband's leadership, and that becomes much more challenging when there is a significant gap in education, exposure, ambition, or life experience.

My point isn't that an uneducated man is less valuable as a person. It's that compatibility, shared values, and the realities of the roles both partners are expected to play matter. That's why the two situations aren't directly comparable.

BarrElChapo:
What does your sister think ? I don’t want to judge anyone but with your sisters experience, she should have a minimum expectation of the kind of man she wants to settle down with.

Is the young man in question that minimum? If yes good for her, if not it shouldn’t even be a conservation.

Apt

GloriousGbola:
This is likely click bait

I will still say No.

Not a click bait please...

Goo0dHardDick:
The man lack visions and he is indiscipline. Any man doing brother and pastor up and down must be avoided like plague.

Advice your sister to end that rubbish relationship ASAP

Thank you so much...

Goo0dHardDick:
Advice your sister to end that useless relationship ASAP.

Any so called man doing brother and pastor up and down is a very unserious man. End that useless thing

Thank you so much

victorazyvictor:
Bros! Your just funny

You should be thankful to God sef.

My brother, I know how your feeling. First, what you and your family should have done is to ask God if the union coming from him (I don't know if una believe in God sha o)

another angle. Thank you

forexprophet:
SHE SHOULD RUN OOOO......

Real 100m race

I will give this relationship a no.
1. With your sisters financial level she's going to take a higher financial responsibility of the family. Psychologically, a woman is not wired to carry the larger chunk of the financial responsibility. When they do, it comes with ego, complaints and frustration. They always see the low-income earning husband as 'very lazy'. This brings chaos the family.
2. Your sister will have a higher taste and will want to live a more quality life due to her exposure and the man may not have such taste or cannot afford it. If she pays for it, the man may see it as a show off or simply feel intimidated or insecure. It's a silent potential crisis.
3. Your sister's educational background is far higher than his. Sooner or later she will feel the man is not presentable in events where her colleagues are gathered with their well-educated spouses. He might not be able to contribute intelligently when some subjects are being discussed. This will be a big issue.
4. The educational background will always bring vast differences in their individual career progression and approach to issues which man may not be able to cope with.

Love alone don't sustain a marriage. In fact, what many people call "love" at the beginning of a relationship is often a strong feeling of attraction and emotional connection. Those feelings naturally rise and fall over the years. A marriage that lasts decades usually require commitment, friendship, sacrifice, loyalty, respect, and mutual support. I honestly will not advise your sister to proceed and I mean well for her.

“It could happen to anyone.”

Gentlesoul2021:
Not a fake story please.

Powersurge:
I wanted to stroll pass this thread. But I will just thrown my HONEST opinion. I have seen some solid opinions down there. Howbeit, most are somewhat skewed.

First of all, I don't know your sister. And I don't know the man in question. So I will be pulling my suggestions from the lense of what you wrote up there and what I could be able to deduce.

My View on The Two of Them
--------------------------------------------
1. The brutal reality is females attain their prime very early (around 17-22 years). Notwithstanding a woman at 31, with such a solid career and achievement is still a desirable woman that any serious minded man should be grateful to have (provide she has the right character with it.)

2. Society is not fair to men. And that a man is not doing well in life doesn't necessarily mean he's not serious with life. But from what you said, (provided you are saying the truth), you said he had opportunity to upgrade himself but refused. I don't have any problem with his schooling. schooling is not as important as education. As far as he can hold his own anywhere, and invest in himself, certificate doesn't determine the worth of a man.

My Concerns
--------------------
1. For the man. My concern is, he's facing "ministry" without improving himself (according to you). That's a dangerous combination. If someone is not able to manage his life well, the chance that he can manage God's business well, is slim. Ministry should not be a cover up against personal development. And people like this may have the tendency to use "paapaa or G.O" to leach on their partners.

2. That your sister is yet to see a stable relationship till now, is a serious alarm, especially for high value men (I don't know her story yet). How did she get so close to the mother of the man? (just a random thought).

My Verdict
-----------------
1. Your sister already feels like she's doing him a favour. That he doesn't measure up to him in anyway. It is normal. Because women are hypergamous in nature. Because of that, the home may not be built on love.

2. This man is already a red flag. Not because of education. Or "mommy pet" as you portray it. In fact, a man that is able to treat the women in his life well, has a huge tendency to treat his wife well. But that he had opportunities to improve himself, and he refused. And focusing solely on ministry.

Thank you for your balanced perspective. Just to clarify one point, it wasn't my sister who was close to the man's mother. It was our own mother. They served together in the same church unit, so she witnessed many things firsthand over the years.

One recurring issue was that whenever the young man did any little job and earned something, his mother would often waylay him to collect virtually all the proceeds. It wasn't hearsay; my mother saw this pattern herself. So our concerns aren't based on assumptions or his educational background, but on years of observing an unhealthy dynamic between him and his mother, coupled with his reluctance to take opportunities for personal growth.

JuanDeDios:
Better sit your sister down and take to her.

We are doing that at the best peak..

AlphaTaikun:
My pleasure... I like your deep CLARITY of thought while looking out for the BEST conditions for your younger sister. However, she has to take the final decisions.

Just to add, if you, your younger sister and her potential spouse can listen every Saturday online from anywhere in the world via the mobile app or offline to the fantastic program "Relationship 360" on the Victoria Island, Lagos-based NigeriaInfo 99.3 fm every Saturday from 7 am to 9am with the popular legal practitioner and relationship expert, Olumide Omosebi, they'll both learn a lot about compatibility and even stay away from those who ALWAYS claim in the Churches that "God spoke to them to marry a specific brother or sister in the Church regardless of compatibility." That's pure hocus pocus that has led to a lot of failed marriages among the Christians who have over 70% divorce rates based off of statistics from the Nigerian marriage ecosystem as related by Olumide (who just turned 50 last month). I wish your sister the best as she navigates her way through this turning point in her life as a 31-year-old... NEVER settling for LESS in life.

Thank you so much. I'll tune to that radio frequency to listen to the legal professional on the said topic. Thank you once again

Personally, I don't think 31yrs is that old to be desperate. She can go for more ambitious and well to do men unless she loves thos guy. Thats why I asked how your sister feels about this man.

Secondly, if the guy were to be ambitious, your sister can set him up but I'll say your sister should search further, she's not 35 yet to be desperate

Gentlesoul2021:
Life and nature happens, some girls may have it quick, while others struggles with it. Her religious life took a large share of her social interaction. Just work, church and her craft...

fitinwell:
This young man is already on the disadvantage side, except the lady in question deeply believes in his ambition.

It is not enough to say that surface love can bring them together.

Even the brother is already reading the education gap between them.

Assuming we are back in the days of 1970-1995, i could say the chance are better, but not in 2026 , this era it's not about what God is saying , it is all about Riches and Powerful.

This is apt

Gentlesoul2021:
We'll not join in any mountain of fire session but we're only analysing what she's getting herself into. Personally if this young man is a graduate with no job, I'll be behind him the most. But a most uneducated and has no skills going on, this raises serious question but human being are hypocritical animal to think we're doing the most on our side...

You told us he got a skill or is his skill not posh enough?...

See ehn, your younger sister is no longer a kid, she is old enough to decide for herself at age 31... Don't make the mistake of trying to choose a husband for her at this age of civilization...

Put yourself in her shoes or flip it and see if you will be comfortable with the outcome...

You are trying to choose a husband for a 31 year old educated adult when she is not an slowpoke or disabled...no be juju be that?...

Meanwhile, below is a post of a bricklayer that is currently Ebony State Governor, don't let your early taste for quick and visible success deprive your family from having a Governor in your family...

https://www.nairaland.com/8703414/throwback-picture-governor-nwifuru-bricklayer