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Bereaved Son Share Burial Demands From Village Group, Sparks Debate - Culture (3) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum › Nairaland General › Culture › Bereaved Son Share Burial Demands From Village Group, Sparks Debate (20512 Views)

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Re: Bereaved Son Share Burial Demands From Village Group, Sparks Debate by ppogba: 7:39am On Jul 17
1bunne4lif:
Though I'm not in support of such demands, but your parents were also partakers of it during other people's burial
You are very correct.

Even the grand parents partook took.

Whether he cries louder or not, people on Nairaland cannot do anything to save him.
Re: Bereaved Son Share Burial Demands From Village Group, Sparks Debate by lezz(m): 7:47am On Jul 17
No one is really explaining that in Igbo unwritten culture, a woman is not really Gove out completely in marriage.

Even if she dies at 120 years old, you're still to tell the family sorry. That's the reason for the items and cows.
Re: Bereaved Son Share Burial Demands From Village Group, Sparks Debate by Blunt99: 7:49am On Jul 17
This same material and financial tradition is what is pushing their youth into fraud and drugs.

Everyday, at least, one of their youths must make headlines for the most bizarre thing, in foreign countries.

This is one of the reasons.
Re: Bereaved Son Share Burial Demands From Village Group, Sparks Debate by SonOfWords(m): 7:50am On Jul 17
cr7lomo:
Not just the village ...church is also involved in this extortion...not pentecostal ooo.. Catholic and Anglican... they will request for the tithe , the late person dint pay all thru their lifetime in their church. Even if u tell them the person paid tithe in another branch of the church, they wudnt accept it....the will request for levies the person dint pay , the donations the person dint donate...if u dont do it ,the church will not bury the person ...

Village and church demands gulps millions of naira ...some 5m some 7m depending on their demands ... the richer the person was, or if there is a rich member in the family , the more demands ... tgey will charge for meetings the late person failed to attend and also add the children fees that failed to attend meetings...
I experienced this first-hand.

I lost my maternal grandmother in year 2000. She was born, raised and died as an Apostolic. Very devoted to the last day, and even died as a very recognized deaconess. In her 66 years of age, she only missed church activities and obligations for about one month, which was the period she was hospitalized and was even put on life support where she was being fed through tubes.

Upon fixing her funeral date, my mother approached granny's Apostolic church province to facilitate the arrangements. The church refused to conduct the funeral, claiming granny owed dues for the period of her absence. Mumsy calmly offered to clear those dues just so they could show up to bury granny. The church was still adamant, claiming they had to meet with the church's council of elders before deciding the way forward.


Three weeks later, no feedback. Mumsy got her own church (Winners' chapel) to bury granny and the arrangements were swiftly finalized. Only for the Apostolic church entourage to show up on the day of the funeral to participate.

The reactionary madness we all displayed that day can only be best imagined in a nollywood screenshoot. Na parboiled rice water mumsy use baff the senior pastors and church leadership. I and my brothers chased the entire approaching church delegation with flaming pieces of thick firewoods.

These funeral practices are outright evil and insensitive💀!
Re: Bereaved Son Share Burial Demands From Village Group, Sparks Debate by jehoha696(m): 7:52am On Jul 17
Naw IMO state get diz issue pass,my mom died on April 1st....my maternal side tried with deir demand,maybe cuz my mom left deir very early,but my paternal side use billing CARRY US GO WHERE WE NO KNOW....imagine the youths after the billings & demand,their only contribution was digging the grave and covering it....One kindred billing us 5crates of beer,2crates of malt,20L of palmwine,4 Igbo kolanut,One big cooler of rice,..total money dey contributed and gave to us was #10,000 .... We flexed dem d nite of wake keeping & burial day......Some customs & traditions need to be scrab
Re: Bereaved Son Share Burial Demands From Village Group, Sparks Debate by GerogeI(m): 7:53am On Jul 17
onuman:
This burial expenses in Igbo land is crippling people. Mortuaries are filled to the brim with dead bodies waiting for when relatives get money to meet up with the outrageous demands of several Igbo groups.

It's time the state governors met to abolish this backward tradition of making people bleed to bury their people.
Which Burial Expense in Igboland are you talking about? The OP spoke about his village in Imo State. You have left his village Left his state and now generalising about 7 states with Igbo speaking people, Isn't that outrightly stupiid.

Maybe a few villages in his area have listed demands for burial. At least 90% of Igbo people do not have a list of demands for burial.
In Igbo worldview, a burial is not a grieving occasion, rather a celebration of accomplishments. Especially if the person is well aged. It's left to you to host the burial according to your own means, nobody gives you any list of demands in most places. At most you buy palm wine for the grave diggers.

In Anambra demands flow in not outwards. If your mother inlaw dies, you are expected to go to her funeral with a cow gift. Which if you cannot afford you simply put some money in an envelope and put a cow rope on it to signify that you are mindful that she is worth a cow gift. All the families that your dead father or mother attended their own funeral will come for his or her own funeral with equivalent gifts to what your parents gave them. These gifts accumulate to cushion the cost of the funeral. Gift given at a funeral is seen as a debt to be repaid to your own children at your own death. In olden days these gifts are enough to fund the funeral. Today people choose themselves to go to extraordinary lengths to impress onlookers and build a reputation of being wealthy. Nobody forces you to host lavish events. Nobody will condemn you to host according to your means. But you must host people to announce the passing of your loved one,
1. So that their spirit rests in peace
2. So that spirits do not take their form and continue living as him or her somewhere else.

That funeral event is like a newspaper announcement to prevent dead loved ones spiritual identity being stolen and reperpertuated as living. This is the belief behind Igbo celebration of death. A spirit of a dead person who is did not get a funeral is expected to keep reappearing.
Re: Bereaved Son Share Burial Demands From Village Group, Sparks Debate by dettolgel: 8:01am On Jul 17
ikeno:
Truth is that burial of love one in eastern part of Nigeria is expensive and I keep wondering how will people that are not financially capable cope.

We buried my late mom in 2024,and the demands that each village groups and even the church,CWO were demanding was atrocious. All this demands runs into millions of naira and this is apart from the foods and drinks you will serve them on that day and when the ceremony ends the money these groups will contribute to your family is peanut.

Thank God, we gave them what they want and everyone of them ate and drank to their fill without no complain.

All and all, anyone who wants to bury their love should do so according to their means not imposing so much demands all in the name of tradition.
Not eastern but maybe some eastern town. Right now in my village we are burying my dad's cousin he has no male child so I get to sit in in all the conversation. In my village such does not exist and both the burial rites and what to do on those days depends on what we can afford. Actually umuada, ndi ogo, will come with certain number of gifts (drink certain cartoon + palm wine, cola) goat or cow is optional. Then the family is to give them one cooler of rice or abacha or okpa and one crate of malt + one or two crate of beer dont remember the exact figure. You can add more to the minimum if you want.

I am not saying the op is wrong just that people should remember that the whole Igbo communities could have similar cultures but are not performed exactly across board.
Re: Bereaved Son Share Burial Demands From Village Group, Sparks Debate by ALLNIGERIANSMAD(m): 8:02am On Jul 17
Savageman247:
A Nigerian man has ignited conversations on social media after revealing the list of items his family was asked to provide by one of his village groups following the death of his mother.

The man, Emeka Nobis, disclosed that he and his brother recently attended meetings in their mother's village as part of the traditional burial process. According to him, they met separately with three groups: the Umunna (men of the kindred), Umuada (women of the kindred), and Alurudi (women married into the kindred).

He explained that each group presented its own set of requirements before the burial rites could proceed. Nobis shared one of the lists online, showing numerous food items and refreshments expected to be provided for members of the group.

The post quickly attracted widespread reactions, with many Nigerians questioning why grieving families should face such financial obligations while mourning the loss of a loved one.

Reflecting on the experience, Nobis revealed that his mother died at the age of 71 after a prolonged battle with cancer that had already cost the family millions of naira in medical expenses. Because of her age, he said she was classified under the highest burial category in his community, with the family also expected to provide a cow as part of the traditional rites.

Despite the demands, he said he and his brother have chosen to approach the discussions calmly while engaging community leaders in constructive conversations.

Sharing the reason behind making the experience public, Nobis wrote that he wanted to document the realities of traditional burial practices in his part of Igboland, prepare others who may one day go through a similar process, and encourage conversations about reforming customs that place heavy financial burdens on bereaved families.

"Culture can be modified. It's left to us to challenge these practices as years go by. I'm pretty sure that it definitely will happen," he wrote.

His post has since sparked a broader debate online, with many arguing that some traditional burial practices should be reviewed to reduce the financial and emotional burden on grieving families, while others maintained that cultural customs should be preserved but adapted to reflect present-day economic realities.

SOURCE
https://www.reportnaija.ng/2026/07/bereaved-son-sparks-debate-after.html
they know that you people have the money when you people will be showing off big boys, those people sef will be kpai aged people deliberately so they can drop list
Re: Bereaved Son Share Burial Demands From Village Group, Sparks Debate by freedomchild: 8:07am On Jul 17
SonOfWords:
Lol.

I have never understood the practice of a bereaved family having to organize lavish feasts for the visiting crowds during a funeral event. It's a nonsensical tradition that has long outlived its usefulness.

It is mostly common in the Eastern and Southern parts of Nigeria despite how educated the regions have claimed to be. And I have firmly decided that in the eventual loss of any of my parents, not a single plate of food is going to enter anybody's greedy mouth.

If heaven is going to fall, let it fall! I cannot be burying a loved one and be wasting scarce resources feeding village gluttons.
loool😆😆😆😆
Re: Bereaved Son Share Burial Demands From Village Group, Sparks Debate by cr7lomo: 8:08am On Jul 17
GerogeI:
0

Liar, Catholic Church does not collect or recognize Tithe
Did I mention only tithe ?? Dont catholic ask for donations...and don't they have dues demanded??
Re: Bereaved Son Share Burial Demands From Village Group, Sparks Debate by 3kay945(m): 8:12am On Jul 17
cr7lomo:
Not just the village ...church is also involved in this extortion...not pentecostal ooo.. Catholic and Anglican... they will request for the tithe , the late person dint pay all thru their lifetime in their church. Even if u tell them the person paid tithe in another branch of the church, they wudnt accept it....the will request for levies the person dint pay , the donations the person dint donate...if u dont do it ,the church will not bury the person ...

Village and church demands gulps millions of naira ...some 5m some 7m depending on their demands ... the richer the person was, or if there is a rich member in the family , the more demands ... tgey will charge for meetings the late person failed to attend and also add the children fees that failed to attend meetings...
Ehnn... this is seriously serious o

grin

Church for that matter.
Re: Bereaved Son Share Burial Demands From Village Group, Sparks Debate by 3kay945(m): 8:14am On Jul 17
Jamesclooney:
What happens if you don’t pay?

How do poor people like Okada men etc bury their loved ones?
It is easy bro,, they will weigh the children on scale of wealth.

Look at their cars, clothes, dreadlocks grin etc..
Re: Bereaved Son Share Burial Demands From Village Group, Sparks Debate by Reverseng: 8:15am On Jul 17
Burial party is a mockery of the dead
Let the dead bury the dead. Let the living celebrate the living.

Those who are 6ft above can be considered dead too, if they don't and refuse to think for themselves
Re: Bereaved Son Share Burial Demands From Village Group, Sparks Debate by Lanretoye(m): 8:27am On Jul 17
Una go explain tire,place where you can’t live,you can’t even be buried there…na them go still say Lagos is a slum
Re: Bereaved Son Share Burial Demands From Village Group, Sparks Debate by 3kay945(m): 8:29am On Jul 17
okezuoemmanue:
My brother, let me explain things for you....
These culture u are talking about has been in existence for centuries and there is always room for anyone who doesn't want to be identified with it currently.
Further more,
In Igbo land, there is a saying that ofu onye adighi enwe nwa ( a child isn't owned by one person).
Ikwu Nne gi has a stake in your life as it is believed that so chuba nwata, ya gbaga ikwu Nne ya and believe me, they are meant to protect you with the last drop of their bloods.
Umuaka are the supreme Court
Umu Nwanyi aluru alu are the teachers or guid.
Ndi Nze and Ozo/Chiefs or positions u held in life.
All of them have a role to play.
And anyone who is alive, it is believed that provided you didn't denounce them, you are still part of them cos you belong to them through the virtue of birth. But you have right to denounce them and by doing so, once you are gone, non of ur people is entitled to give them or inform them.
If you don't want their services, u may start it while alive and dissociate urself with them.
That's the reason some people enter Pentecostal church cos if u are in Catholics or Ang and you are gone, ur people must do the church clearance B4 the priests bury you. U must attend to the requirements of Ndi CWO, CMO, Choir, Ndi Ezinne ETC.
If u aren't in church, u take Ozoship tittle or Chieftaincy tittle, you must attend to their requirements.
Otherwise, live the lives of OFEKE so on the day of ur demise, no one will be bothered.
I have a lot but I don't have enough time to start it.
Thank you for the little time grin

But quickly share the meaning of OFEKE, cool
Re: Bereaved Son Share Burial Demands From Village Group, Sparks Debate by thatigboman:
the funny thing is that i'm from imo state but burial in my village is not costly at all.
when my mum died, the only group that extorted me was the anglican church. the man checked and saw that my mum was owing only N5,000 and N2,000 for women (i didnt know that if i send my mum money, she would send it to the church). the man say no way. that i will bring N500,000:00 and my sister living in UK bring N500,000. that they are building a pastorage (what that has to do with anything is what i dont know). i ended up giving him N100,000 and ask him not to bother with my sister, that that one wount listen to him.
and that's it.
once we paid the immediate family's annual dues and were up to date (dues we were supposed to be paying annually, but people wait for person to die to pay up), we were given flag (meaning our villagers should attend). she wasnt even owing the women kobo.
eve of the burial, the youths came and dug grave, and we gave them food and drinks. the elderly men also came same day to prepare where we would sit on the day of the burial, and we gave them food and drinks. no money given. the youths that come usually donate money among themselves and share it after eating, so the bereaved family doesnt even give them money.
the day of the burial, my mum's family demanded a goat, which we gave them. and everything went smoothly.
Re: Bereaved Son Share Burial Demands From Village Group, Sparks Debate by thatigboman: 8:35am On Jul 17
Jamesclooney:
What happens if you don’t pay?

How do poor people like Okada men etc bury their loved ones?
those ones, they say they are our son and do it for free of minimal amount spent. the villagers even tax each woman to bring fufu and the village cook soup for the burial of the okada rider. but when a big man dies, the story will take a 360 turn
Re: Bereaved Son Share Burial Demands From Village Group, Sparks Debate by 3kay945(m): 8:35am On Jul 17
SonOfWords:
I experienced this first-hand.

I lost my maternal grandmother in year 2000. She was born, raised and died as an Apostolic. Very devoted to the last day, and even died as a very recognized deaconess. In her 66 years of age, she only missed church activities and obligations for about one month, which was the period she was hospitalized and was even put on life support where she was being fed through tubes.

Upon fixing her funeral date, my mother approached granny's Apostolic church province to facilitate the arrangements. The church refused to conduct the funeral, claiming granny owed dues for the period of her absence. Mumsy calmly offered to clear those dues just so they could show up to bury granny. The church was still adamant, claiming they had to meet with the church's council of elders before deciding the way forward.


Three weeks later, no feedback. Mumsy got her own church (Winners' chapel) to bury granny and the arrangements were swiftly finalized. Only for the Apostolic church entourage to show up on the day of the funeral to participate.

The reactionary madness we all displayed that day can only be best imagined in a nollywood screenshoot. Na parboiled rice water mumsy use baff the senior pastors and church leadership. I and my brothers chased the entire approaching church delegation with flaming pieces of thick firewoods.

These funeral practices are outright evil and insensitive💀!
grin grin

Well done!
Re: Bereaved Son Share Burial Demands From Village Group, Sparks Debate by thatigboman: 8:42am On Jul 17
cloud:
The question is why does this type of exploitative list affect only those that are not based in the village because I doubt if people based there can afford to go through with this type of exploitation. Or isn't culture applicable to everyone from a particular geographical area?
in my village, when villagers die, every woman is taxed to bring fufu for the burial and the village women cook food free for the family. the family may not spend up to N50,000:00 sef. but when my mum died, the church billed me N500,000:00 for nothing. i gave them N100,000:00. but they will do it free for the villagers.
Re: Bereaved Son Share Burial Demands From Village Group, Sparks Debate by thatigboman: 8:43am On Jul 17
kingthreat:
Wait so if the money is unavailable, what will now happen?
Or these wicked people don't mind if the corpse rots in mortuaries to have their way?
This is one reason I like Islam. After death, burial the next day and life goes on.
those guys are psychologists. they dont bill u much if they know u dont have.
Re: Bereaved Son Share Burial Demands From Village Group, Sparks Debate by AndikanEssien(m): 8:44am On Jul 17
SonOfWords:
Lol.

I have never understood the practice of a bereaved family having to organize lavish feasts for the visiting crowds during a funeral event. It's a nonsensical tradition that has long outlived its usefulness.

It is mostly common in the Eastern and Southern parts of Nigeria despite how educated the regions have claimed to be. And I have firmly decided that in the eventual loss of any of my parents, not a single plate of food is going to enter anybody's greedy mouth.

If heaven is going to fall, let it fall! I cannot be burying a loved one and be wasting scarce resources feeding village gluttons.
You share my exact same feelings. This practice is evil. How do you expect a grieving family to meet you greedy demands. It has never made sense to me
Re: Bereaved Son Share Burial Demands From Village Group, Sparks Debate by thatigboman: 8:53am On Jul 17
3kay945:
Thank you for the little time grin

But quickly share the meaning of OFEKE, cool
@bolded - foolish
Re: Bereaved Son Share Burial Demands From Village Group, Sparks Debate by ZombieDredd: 9:08am On Jul 17
Vanpascore:
It's not about being a bigot! Tell me why such cultural belief should not be changed?

That side of the country get as e be, even their reasonable sons and daughters know.
Na you sabi.....
since you are the one to decide someone's culture, welldone

If they come for your own, you start to hyperventilate, but here you are
Re: Bereaved Son Share Burial Demands From Village Group, Sparks Debate by ZombieDredd: 9:10am On Jul 17
cloud:
The question is why does this type of exploitative list affect only those that are not based in the village because I doubt if people based there can afford to go through with this type of exploitation. Or isn't culture applicable to everyone from a particular geographical area?
You already know it's exploitation

You already know it's directed at supposed or perceived rich folks.
Re: Bereaved Son Share Burial Demands From Village Group, Sparks Debate by yemre: 9:15am On Jul 17
Wait o, someone should educate me pls.

If one refuses to provide all these items, does it mean that the deceased would not be buried in that village?

Because I don't see the reason you are still making life more difficult for the bereaved.

Burial rites and responsibility should be at the discretion of the family and it is the announcement that carries the villagers along.

They know when, what and how they intend to bury their dead and not some extended family members or villagers coming to dictate to them how their should treat what is entirely their family affairs.
Re: Bereaved Son Share Burial Demands From Village Group, Sparks Debate by Kalulu44: 9:27am On Jul 17
Na some of una wey get their time. During my mum's burial. We did it just the way we want and ignored majority of their demands.
One of my younger brother a soldier brought his men, he said he wants to see who will disrupt the burial in the name of we didn't meet their obligations.
Burial went well and smooth and everyone was happy.
.
After 9yrs, no repercussions or anything regarding rumors that this and that will happen to us the children bcus we didn't do what they wanted.
Re: Bereaved Son Share Burial Demands From Village Group, Sparks Debate by dododawa1: 9:31am On Jul 17
Na them
Re: Bereaved Son Share Burial Demands From Village Group, Sparks Debate by SSpeter(m): 9:33am On Jul 17
oz4real83:
One greedy man will start a practice, his family will copy it, it spreads to their neighbors and the whole community. This will now be taken as "our culture"😏. Milk, Milo, rice, malt, beer and some of those things are not "traditional materials", they were brought by the white man, how "white men goods" became part of traditional lists is something that needs serious investigation💔😡
One thing you guys keep forgetting is that the person complaining his parents or grandparents might have been a strong advocate or beneficiary of the system. Now it is his turn and he is screaming
Re: Bereaved Son Share Burial Demands From Village Group, Sparks Debate by SSpeter(m): 9:34am On Jul 17
Sonnobax15:
lipsrsealed
Imagine if they could impose that kind amount of money on a dead body,you can imagine how theur marriage list and requirements will look like angry

Not that they'll even assist the children in any way angry. But be looking for ways to bill the hell out of the children.
One thing you guys keep forgetting is that the person complaining his parents or grandparents might have been a strong advocate or beneficiary of the system. Now it is his turn and he is screaming
Re: Bereaved Son Share Burial Demands From Village Group, Sparks Debate by Chucks13: 9:35am On Jul 17
When I saw the headline I know immediately............let not say the rest.

Oga cremate the body and have your peace. Those demons in the village are lie that they are frustrated and useless looking for whom to suck to death.

This is not a culture its greed.
Re: Bereaved Son Share Burial Demands From Village Group, Sparks Debate by shortgun(m): 9:35am On Jul 17
The guy just wants to trend on social media. He will still go back to his village and do the needful after the euphoria of his little moments of fame fades....

Speaking as titled man in Igbo land,
I know he's not telling the full story.
In Igbo tradition, a cow is not demanded for the burial of just anyone. It is reserved for members of specific traditional sects or families that have an established lineage of using cows in burials of their parents. Even at that its not even mandatory.....the rite can be postponed or deferred to the next generation.

Their late mother was clearly a deeply traditional woman who must have given specific instructions for her own burial when she dies and her children know.....
s
She too don chop cows provided by other people's children taya over the years grin grin

No one will even force you to do any of these things if you openly declare yourself a Christian who does not believe in these traditions or see them as idol worship, you simlify get your church people to perform the burial. We call it church burial
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