₦airaland Forum

Being too harsh on the children. I only became my father's friend towards his death.

saasala:
He might have written without wanting to inform you.

You will know after his passing.

I have worked as a Child Protection Officer in various capacities within my CBO, where we guide caregivers and household heads on wills, inheritance, and succession planning.

While a person may not be legally required to disclose the contents of their will, I believe it is important for family members to at least know that a will or succession plan exists.

My grandfather died without a clear succession plan, and his children (my father, his brother and his sisters) had serious disagreements over his inheritance. Looking back, a properly documented plan could have prevented much of that conflict. The funny part is he told me he doesn't believe in will writing 😂

Personally, I have chosen to plan differently. I am married with a two-year-old child, and I currently have three plots of land in Lafia. I have designated each property for a member of my family, including my wife and daughter. If we are blessed with another child, I intend to provide for that child as well. Even my business will be succeeded by them with a proper plan.

They may not know exactly which property is designated to whom, but they will know that a plan exists and that everyone will be provided for.

For me, succession planning is not about expecting death. It is about responsibility, clarity, and protecting family relationships.

A good succession plan doesn't just distribute assets; it can preserve the peace and unity of the family left behind.

My dad was the best anyone can dream off.

One of the first German trained Metallurgical Engineers Nigeria ever had through the sheer help of a German who saw him in Sapele as he got his City n Guild certificate in Welding .

Returned after several years there, loved his siblings but as 2nd child, the first child/son hated him as he took all the shine. The other siblings were not too different. He with help of mum sent his
now late younger one to Australia then but that one after 2yrs of 4 yrs program returned saying he had graduated not knowing he was part of the grand scheme to elim.ate him.

He helped all, his community, brought water, light, good road etc. Put outsiders in his budget as he planned for his family carrying their heavy burdens including medical care, home issues ( buying gas for them, tuition fees etc).

Will keep friends who he intuitively knows are intimate( including evil planning) with his siblings even sharing same plate with them.... Careless for me. He had a licensed gun due to this intuitive fear, but still not enough.

I saw similar thing with a Lawyer who pretended like she was helping us dispose his land who was secretly liaising with his family( now, nephews etc) with the plan for us to get across the land documents to her since 'she has seen a big buyer'( this is after several yrs of not being lucky selling the land). Unfortunately for her, we have sadly learnt our lessons of not having a father for many yrs due to the envy of people ( especially his family). B4 she asked for the documents, I had dreamt someone wanted to steal money from us---- she let down her guards too( making her the prime suspect after the dream) by ordering me to 'better bring that documents to the village'.... Lol

TheStoriesOfMan:
Wait first, you call marrying at 35, in this Tinubu economy, LATE?

Hahahahaha

What will you say about those men who are 45 and above?

leave that guy, he is still a kid.. am almost 40, never marry, no child not even a girlfriend... He thinks it's easy to do, make e no go carry person wey go frustrate em life for marriage.

omoredia:
Not giving children priority. Now I will be like Trump. Family must always come first

trump who cheated on all his wives?

franchasng:
Your comment just made me emotional because I have a friend now, he can be considered rich and below 50yrs, and he just lost his wife to cancer, a very nice lady sighs, they have 4 kids, and I don't know how to advice him and ensure he doesnt remarry cos those kids are too lovely to suffer in the hands of Nigerian second wives coming to reap where they did not sow


He likes women, I just wished he could listen to me and keep mistresses instead of remarrying just for the sake of those his beautiful kids that are all below 12


Life, sighs

don't advise him to remarry. Advice him to find a single mother who can be close the kids. The woman who t hurt his children in as much he don't hurt her own child. Let him support the woman bit and he will enjoy his life.

TheStoriesOfMan:
Hmm. Na who dey listen to bad advice na him go suffer am.

They will never make it look like bad advice, it will always look "well meaning"

But somehow the marriage will pack up, the man will even stop listening to his family and only listening to his "friends" and the new woman.

When he's old, he'll come back because by then he's spent years regretting and has developed bad habits he cannot shake.

Birthing six children

Dying too early was a great mistake he made that I won't repeat

Tell me you're biased without telling me you're biased.

Have a good day.

tiswell:
It's rare to find a man who intentionally marries a single mother just to hate her love-child(Ren).
The seeming hate must have been grown or built in the union as a result of constant strange and unusual attitudes from the mother,like restraining the man from disciplining the love-child.
We see these things everyday.

Teymanhenry:
Does my profile says I'm female? I think I gotta check this. I'm his third son. Your response seems to show you didn't really understand the story

Yea,you have an (f) affix to your moniker.

Deeprooted:
For me it's practicing polygamy.

My fellow men, by all means possible, I will not toll that part due to the level of division in our family which became more pronounced after my Dad passed on.


Polygamy, no matter how the children claim to love themselves, deep down there's division.

I don't want my children to experience what I experienced in a polygamous family.

Let's have yours

You are deceiving urself. Even there can be more division in monogamy family. It all depends on the way the man handles the family while alive. Chief Rotimi Williams died a monogamist and the single family he left behind till today are yet to come to term on his Estate. All the children are in court including their mother. They are all sworn enemies. And so many other single families that I know like that. Resentment knows no type of family, most siblings today even in monogamy arrangement are sworn enemies.
My father married many wives but two women had children for him. He is no more alive but all the children from both women are more united than in a monogamous family. You wont even know we are not from the same parents.
The roles the man plays in any of the types of family is more important than the size and type of the family.

I can relate, having married late myself. I hope to see my kids (will work on/with them) get married before they hit 30.

Robertgreene1:
Intresting. My dad really tried for us in every ramifications. We had everything we wanted as kids. My mom spoilt us silly when we were kids. But after she sadly passed away in 2012, it wasn't that easy for my dad to train four kids in the university at once. Anyways, we are all doing well today and he's eating the fruits of his labour. But l will never give birth to more than 2 kids no matter what, cus anything can happen at any time.
In the same vein, my dad married quite late at 35, so by the time we were all in the university, he was already a retired Bank Auditor relying mostly on pensions and stoke brokerage. So l will never have kids once l cross 35. Training kids in old age no be beans at all.

Not encouraging my mothers educational pursuit. She did it anyway, under his nose to PhD level, a classic example of how YOU CANT STOP an intelligent, determined woman who is self aware.

It was an important lesson I took into marriage. Dont DARE stop your WIFE from advancing in life. It will always bounce back on you. UNLESS YOU WANT TO SETTLE DOWN WITH A FOOL.

As a man, it is your duty to expand your mentality, your horizon, your vision, your ambition to accomodate hers. Dont shrink her, you shrink yourself when you do. Allow her to grow and YOU LEAD the way. YOU YOURSELF MUST NEVER SETTLE. GROW and KEEP GROWING.

My father was a very brilliant man, but his flaw was been too temperamental. Words once spoken cannot be retrieved. In his mind, he had spoken the truth, and it ended there, but to those who heard, they often held a grudge that they didn't let go of for years despite smiling with him. I observed this since I was a child, but he never really believed people could smile at him while being bitter against him.

Samantha125:
Tell me you're biased without telling me you're biased.

Have a good day.

I'm only being objective here,my lady.



Pleasant day ahead✌️

Many, and I have been very intentional to avoid those issues!

We must learn to avoid the errors of our forebears.

Love you dad, continue to Rest in Peace

koladata:
He married four wives and died without doing will, the third wife without any child claimed the entire properties

Including his first house or house in the hometown?

You don't have a first son in that family?

This can never happen in Igboland.

The man's first house or the house in the hometown belongs to First son. We call it Isi-Obi (Homestead/Palace). That is non-negotiable.

It is not transferable to anyone else, much less a wife who will now marry another man to come and reap where he did not sow, and destroy the lineage and legacy of the late owner.

Samantha125:
This is just an advise to all the single present fathers out there... Never marry a single mother who expects you to love and accept her children from a previous relationship, relationships, or even marriage while she hates yours.

Reason I'm saying this is because my uncle made that mistake, he has two children from his two previous relationships, even though the children remained under the custody of their mothers who have long moved on and got married after parting ways with him, the two children still maintained a close relationship with their father, my uncle... His wife never liked them and would literally call some family members crying about how my uncle seems to love and have more time for his biological children than hers despite him trying his best considering how her first born was already an adult while the second born was a teenager during the time they got married.

This past Saturday we laid our grandmother to rest and the children attended the funeral service and even stayed throughout the after tears party, but my uncle's wife kept giving them a cold shoulder throughout the day... Mind you, the children are now adults fending for themselves and never meddled in their father's love life... So if you're a present loving single father, never make that mistake of settling down with a single mother who detests your children.

I quoted this to draw the attention of the OP @Deeprooted and his opinion about it.

Though i understand the agenda of the thread, as one of the previous ones i recently engaged with shared the same view as yours. But my question to you is about this quoted response.

Is the woman's divisive attitudes in this marriage because of the man is in polygamous relationship? What makes her that devilish despite the fact that she also has two children with other men?

You people will be sponsored to push a terrible agenda hiding under fictional and fallacious experience.

In reality, it is not about polygamy.

If a man cannot man two women under his roof, he surely can man one woman. This is different from men who intentionally avoided not having multiple wives, not because of posts like this.

Princeton92:
Can we take all his money away from him? Count me in, hit me up 🤙😜

I am not a criminal

Allowed pride to prevent him from hustling when fortunes turned around.
I'll work/ hustle/ earn money till I'm old enough to retire.

Unclebayo:
I’m 22 and the last time I heard from my dad was when I was 5, he is alive even in same state as my mom but only calls anytime he felt guilty (1 time in 4 years)

And that one time he calls he won’t even ask about my well being

He will be like , what level are you now( for tuition fee my mom is paying lol)

I’ve blocked him and I don’t want him anymore in my life

You have to look for any way to forgive your father so that it will be well with you my dear brother

I know it is not easy. But try to look for any means and make peace with him now that he is still alive

You need your dad blessings my dear wonderful brother

May God bless you as you do

Relying on local government civil service employment to cater for almost 8 children.

This is the best thread on Nairaland this week.. @op thank you. I learnt alot here

jimmyolasun:
To carry family matters for head (extended families)

This was my dad.
May his loving soul rest in perfect peace.

He was a family man to the core.
Brought people from the village, housed them, fed them, trained them. But guess what, as much as he tried to show them love, na bad dem take repay am.

Very ungrateful people.
Picking on every of his words.
Using his words against him. Forgetting every good he did to them.

My prayers for them is everyone of them will get their rewards plus premium interest in full without delay here on earth before they depart this world.

Baaaami Amos. God bless you.
If I come to this world again, you will still remain my father. I will choose you over and above any other person despite your lack of education and not being affluent.

God rest your soul baaaami.

Gotocourt:
You all didn't boot her our .

Without a child, she can destroy everything and scatter family because she as nothing to lose

gigabyte13:
Marrying two wives
He did exceptional well with everybody
Everybody got what they wanted and deserves.
But human greed is insatiable
They still hate and kill him for property wey no reach anybody share....
I don kukuma leave property for dem to keeeee these over.

BUT MY FATHER WAS AN ANGEL IN HUMAN BODY....
HE DID WELL EXCEPT FOR THE TWO WIVES THING

Even if he married one, the devilish woman will still strangle him. I think it is right to see devilish women as who they are without attributing it to polygamy. The ones who married only one woman still gets ruined, some with false allegations, sabotaging, etc.

Polygamy is never the issue.

Devilish women are.

KingRabota:
My old was religiously brainwashed.
I saw the scam in it disentted, for this i was been silently disningherited
as of today Everything he worked for is slowly going to waste, while the fanatics he left behind are continuing in his legacy.

my dad was brainwashed in Church things.
Carried Deeper life on his head and they scammed him .
Imagine transferring my dad from Onitsha to Owerri since 2005 but till date, they are looking for his transfer papers.
Bastards in the house of God.
The most deadly scammers wears suits, they are mostly in Banks and Pulpits

KingRabota:
My old was religiously brainwashed.
I saw the scam in it disentted, for this i was been silently disningherited
as of today Everything he worked for is slowly going to waste, while the fanatics he left behind are continuing in his legacy.

my dad was brainwashed in Church things.
Carried Deeper life on his head and they scammed him .
Imagine transferring my dad from Onitsha to Owerri since 2005 but till date, they are looking for his transfer papers.
Bastards in the house of God.
The most deadly scammers wears suits, they are mostly in Banks and Pulpits..

Robertgreene1:
Intresting. My dad really tried for us in every ramifications. We had everything we wanted as kids. My mom spoilt us silly when we were kids. But after she sadly passed away in 2012, it wasn't that easy for my dad to train four kids in the university at once. Anyways, we are all doing well today and he's eating the fruits of his labour. But l will never give birth to more than 2 kids no matter what, cus anything can happen at any time.
In the same vein, my dad married quite late at 35, so by the time we were all in the university, he was already a retired Bank Auditor relying mostly on pensions and stoke brokerage. So l will never have kids once l cross 35. Training kids in old age no be beans at all.

U are very right. Training kids at old age is terrible.
From ur calculations,ur dad tried honestly.

YoungLionken:
Polygamy is not the problem. The problem is lack of control and organization. Even the Bible says "train up a child.." It didn't state monogamy or polygamy..

Before you argue, have you not seen brothers and/or sisters of same parents tear each other up? The high rate of divorce today (home and away), is it not from monogamous homes? The Oni of Ife was initially monogamous and he was divorced, since he embraced polygamy, have you heard about such nonsense from his women again? Check polygamous men and how quiet their women are and compare with the monogamous loudmouths online, with some of them even bragging about how they dealt with their (monogamous) men..

There's no kind of problem you would hang on polygamy that you would not find in monogamy. It simply depends on the roles of the patriarch of the house.

Men (common with our fathers) always fail to be there to emotionally connect, unite and be there for their children when it matters. They just believe providing is all there is, nothing else. That's why four out of every five children of our typical African homes HARDLY have any emotional memory of our fathers, it was more of fathers being strict almost every time. But our generation of men are gradually changing that narrative as we play more with our kids now, be there for them on their graduation days, sport tournaments, vacation, etc. A rare privilege, many of us didn't get with our fathers while under them..

Everyone will walk their paths according to their unique experience; Some children from the so called monogamous homes would immediately start fighting over properties their father left, but they never for once fought for who will take care of the man when he was around and sick. Or is it when the wayward first son starts selling the inheritance as cheap articles with nothing tangible to show after sometime? My personal experience while growing up made me realize that You can have a good mother, who is not a good wife to your father...

I give it to you.
You wrote insightful things here. For as much as I don't and can't consider polygamy as a person of faith and having seen what polygamy can do while watching close by, you shared great insights.

This thread in particular on nairaland is quite revealing. Fathers go through a lot, yet a little mistake here and there often undo their legacies.

Womanizing...This addiction really dealt with him
at a point, i started seeing the traits between 22-26 until my mother caution me that this is what affected my DAD.
Today all glory to GOD