₦airaland Forum

What are my rights, as relate child custody in Nigeria? Thanks

Except you want illegal advice please explain yourself better.

uokocha70:
Except you want illegal advice please explain yourself better.

Lol@illegal advice. Una no go kee me with laff today.

aisha2, someone needs your advice here

Ok, tanx.
I'v bn wt my fiance for over 3years nw, nw am pregnant, d issue he raised ws dt he's nt ready dt we shldnt kip it, I decided 2kip it wtout hm knowin, now he knws n he's makin me undastnd dt, he'l go wt the child nd doesn't want to have anytn 2do wt me, cos it seems he jst realised dt I hv som bad attitudes (insult him when angry).
Pls I realy nid d advice on wat to do b4 d child is born, n he coms claimin ownership, I dnt want 2b at double loss , tnx.

The child belongs to two of you, you will have custody of the child till he/she becomes an adult : dats if you can prove beyond reasonable that you have d capacity to care for the baby( d law favors women more in this stage)

uokocha70:
Except you want illegal advice please explain yourself better.

Abeg I no fit laff again! Nairalanders oo!

Dammyoni18:
Ok, tanx.
I'v bn wt my fiance for over 3years nw, nw am pregnant, d issue he raised ws dt he's nt ready dt we shldnt kip it, I decided 2kip it wtout hm knowin, now he knws n he's makin me undastnd dt, he'l go wt the child nd doesn't want to have anytn 2do wt me, cos it seems he jst realised dt I hv som bad attitudes (insult him when angry).
Pls I realy nid d advice on wat to do b4 d child is born, n he coms claimin ownership, I dnt want 2b at double loss , tnx.

Now we can talk. The law as someone said earlier favours women at this stage. However you must show your ability to take care of the child. You must also appear stable, so your tantrums need to stop. Let me believe it is due to your pregnancy though.
However knowing that Nigeria is a banana republic where justice either does not exist or is bought by the rich, it better you settle your issues with your guy so that he will stop thinking of taking the baby away from you. Even if he still doesn't want to marry you. I have seen this before, once the man is very rich, he will buy his way into the custody of the child.

Wait oo, you mean you guys arent married and he is claiming ownership. Just tell him he isnt the father.

uokocha70:
Now we can talk. The law as someone said earlier favours women at this stage. However you must show your ability to take care of the child. You must also appear stable, so your tantrums need to stop. Let me believe it is due to your pregnancy though.
However knowing that Nigeria is a banana republic where justice either does not exist or is bought by the rich, it better you settle your issues with your guy so that he will stop thinking of taking the baby away from you. Even if he still doesn't want to marry you. I have seen this before, once the man is very rich, he will buy his way into the custody of the child.

thank you, am stil waitin to see if an agreemnt cn b reached, bt am also preparin my mind 4d worse, dts y am here.

egopersonified:
Wait oo, you mean you guys arent married and he is claiming ownership. Just tell him he isnt the father.

I'm nt sure I cn do dt, n it wl definitly complicate tinz, thnx.

whe we say no sex before marriage they will say we are old school but we all know that you won't be here posting this if you had insisted that he did at least a court wedding (which is less than 15k) before getting intimate. That would have given you a lot more legal advantage. A lot of guys these days are irresponsible. They want to enjoy their choice but do away with the consequence.

However, as it is, i will suggest that you get your family involved and see how it can be amicably resolved so as not to jeopardise the normal growth of the child.

I will first advice you to get counseling. What you are doing is called emotional abuse and I wouldnt advice any sane man to put up with that.
You need to look within and discover what makes you resort to insults rather than dialogue when you are upset. Is it a pattern? Did you grow up watching your mother do same? Did you grow up in a home or compound where insults and fights are the only means of settling quarrels? Its very important you get help for yourself, your baby and future relationships. Adults dont throw tantrums and insults when upset, they sit, talk, stay calm and listen to the other party talk too. Insults never make you " win" a fight it just alienates sane people from your life.

Sorry for the unsolicited advice, now to your question.
A mother normally gets custody of the Child till the child is 7 but given your emotional abusive history he can go to court or social welfare get one or two witnesses you have fought with and argue that you are not mentally stable enough to care for a child in the formative years, some judges and welfare officers could be sympathetic to his case. Personally if I were the case worker, I wouldn't push strongly for a child to be left with a verbally abusive mother. My advice is get counseling and clean up your act. You are going to be a mother, time to learn to act like one. What do you do when your child does something silly?

aisha2
Nashville
be long
TV01
subzidi
bukatyne


Attention is needed here

TEHN is involved now


https://www.nairaland.com/1995601/sos-please-hamed-djdola/

pickabeau1:
aisha2
Nashville
be long
TV01
subzidi
bukatyne
Attention is needed here
TEHN is involved now
https://www.nairaland.com/1995601/sos-please-hamed-djdola/

Have been a little Ill havent stepped out in a while.
Wanted to send Jarus a message today, decided to wait till Monday when I hope am a lot stronger.
Its definitely on my number 1 agenda. Haven't gone back there so I can keep my bp down and get stronger.
Thanks for the reminder I definitely have this in my head

aisha2:
Have been a little Ill havent stepped out in a while.
Wanted to send Jarus a message today, decided to wait till Monday when I hope am a lot stronger.
Its definitely on my number 1 agenda. Haven't gone back there so I can keep my bp down and get stronger.
Thanks for the reminder I definitely have this in my head

Well done

This is a more organised thread

There are three teams

He is in lagos already

The next steps are to get a tentative estimate for surgery

Fund raising continues

pickabeau1:
Well done
This is a more organised thread
There are three teams
He is in lagos already
The next steps are to get a tentative estimate for surgery
Fund raising continues

Please help whats the estimated cost? I cant go back to the thread as I am supposed to avoid anything that will induce worry, and honestly his case makes me panic but it is well. Actually fell a little hyper that day hence hubby and doctor said I should just concentrate on getting better first as I am no use to anyone if I am in a worse state than I currently am
What is the estimated cost, let me know how to arrange myself and who I can meet or call

aisha2:
Please help whats the estimated cost? I cant go back to the thread as I am supposed to avoid anything that will induce worry, and honestly his case makes me panic but it is well. Actually fell a little hyper that day hence hubby and doctor said I should just concentrate on getting better first as I am no use to anyone if I am in a worse state than I currently am
What is the estimated cost, let me know how to arrange myself and who I can meet or call

The team liaising with the India hospitals is working on it

I will be briefing you

No need to go there

pickabeau1:
The team liaising with the India hospitals is working on it
I will be briefing you
No need to go there

Thanks a million

aisha2:
Have been a little Ill havent stepped out in a while.
Wanted to send Jarus a message today, decided to wait till Monday when I hope am a lot stronger.
Its definitely on my number 1 agenda. Haven't gone back there so I can keep my bp down and get stronger.
Thanks for the reminder I definitely have this in my head

Get well soon dear!

[s]Why do I have a feeling it's "good" sickness?[/s]

pickabeau1:
aisha2
Nashville
be long
TV01
subzidi
bukatyne


Attention is needed here

TEHN is involved now


https://www.nairaland.com/1995601/sos-please-hamed-djdola/

Thank you for the honor

I called him on Wednesday. I will call again tomorrow and send something to his account.

Keep up the good work

bukatyne:
Thank you for the honor

I called him on Wednesday. I will call again tomorrow and send something to his account.

Keep up the good work

Thanks for heeding the call

Actually TEHN account is receiving the funds not his account any more

Thanks once again

aisha2:
I will first advice you to get counseling. What you are doing is called emotional abuse and I wouldnt advice any sane man to put up with that.
You need to look within and discover what makes you resort to insults rather than dialogue when you are upset. Is it a pattern? Did you grow up watching your mother do same? Did you grow up in a home or compound where insults and fights are the only means of settling quarrels? Its very important you get help for yourself, your baby and future relationships. Adults dont throw tantrums and insults when upset, they sit, talk, stay calm and listen to the other party talk too. Insults never make you " win" a fight it just alienates sane people from your life.

Sorry for the unsolicited advice, now to your question.
A mother normally gets custody of the Child till the child is 7 but given your emotional abusive history he can go to court or social welfare get one or two witnesses you have fought with and argue that you are not mentally stable enough to care for a child in the formative years, some judges and welfare officers could be sympathetic to his case. Personally if I were the case worker, I wouldn't push strongly for a child to be left with a verbally abusive mother. My advice is get counseling and clean up your act. You are going to be a mother, time to learn to act like one. What do you do when your child does something silly?

I thought that if a lady gets pregnant without a dowry paid on her. The baby if born belongs to her.

aisha2:
I will first advice you to get counseling. What you are doing is called emotional abuse and I wouldnt advice any sane man to put up with that.
You need to look within and discover what makes you resort to insults rather than dialogue when you are upset. Is it a pattern? Did you grow up watching your mother do same? Did you grow up in a home or compound where insults and fights are the only means of settling quarrels? Its very important you get help for yourself, your baby and future relationships. Adults dont throw tantrums and insults when upset, they sit, talk, stay calm and listen to the other party talk too. Insults never make you " win" a fight it just alienates sane people from your life.

Sorry for the unsolicited advice, now to your question.
A mother normally gets custody of the Child till the child is 7 but given your emotional abusive history he can go to court or social welfare get one or two witnesses you have fought with and argue that you are not mentally stable enough to care for a child in the formative years, some judges and welfare officers could be sympathetic to his case. Personally if I were the case worker, I wouldn't push strongly for a child to be left with a verbally abusive mother. My advice is get counseling and clean up your act. You are going to be a mother, time to learn to act like one. What do you do when your child does something silly?

Thanks ma'am. As regards ur questn, I neva knew parents fight till I grew up a little, cos I neva saw my mum n dad quarel, n I grew up in our own family house wt no extended family, althg I lost my father som years earlier, am nt a product of an abusive home, non of my parents eva raised their voices at each oda, infact the first tym I witnessd such ws at a neighbors house across d street n I ws surprised. I think pickd it up in my latter years , skul stuffs n hostel life, althg I ws quiet b4 nw,n he ws d aggressive party, nw he's gentle n I'v pickd up d aggresiveness.
This is realy a big issue 4me n I realy nid hlp, cos whn I hear myslf speak at times, I knw I realy hv some issues, whn am sober I beg bt it hs bcom a continous pattern because I'l stl say d exact hurtful words I promised nt say again. Bt tinz hs bn goin wt al dt happenin until nw dt a baby is involvd, am realy tryin my best nt 2b verbally abusive, God knws I am, bcs I really feel bad after I utter dem.

aisha2:
Have been a little Ill havent stepped out in a while.
Wanted to send Jarus a message today, decided to wait till Monday when I hope am a lot stronger.
Its definitely on my number 1 agenda. Haven't gone back there so I can keep my bp down and get stronger.
Thanks for the reminder I definitely have this in my head

Pls rest well, God is your strength n wish Djjola, speedy recovery.

Dammyoni18:
Thanks ma'am. As regards ur questn, I neva knew parents fight till I grew up a little, cos I neva saw my mum n dad quarel, n I grew up in our own family house wt no extended family, althg I lost my father som years earlier, am nt a product of an abusive home, non of my parents eva raised their voices at each oda, infact the first tym I witnessd such ws at a neighbors house across d street n I ws surprised. I think pickd it up in my latter years , skul stuffs n hostel life, althg I ws quiet b4 nw,n he ws d aggressive party, nw he's gentle n I'v pickd up d aggresiveness.
This is realy a big issue 4me n I realy nid hlp, cos whn I hear myslf speak at times, I knw I realy hv some issues, whn am sober I beg bt it hs bcom a continous pattern because I'l stl say d exact hurtful words I promised nt say again. Bt tinz hs bn goin wt al dt happenin until nw dt a baby is involvd, am realy tryin my best nt 2b verbally abusive, God knws I am, bcs I really feel bad after I utter dem.

This is wonderful, gives a lot of insight, also shows you know the issue and you are ready to work on it.

I understand the world we are in seems like one where we have to fight and fight dirty even hit below the belt to get what we want, but what you should realise now is you have a partner and you need not fight him with harsh words to get what you want.

I was an award winning debate champ in my day. Regional and National, and I carried that into relationships, I also had to prove my own point beyond reasonable doubt, never listened, if I listened it was to pick up the points the other party erred and to use it against him. My husband complained and complained, then one day stopped talking to me. I went nuts, I tried everything he wouldnt talk, finally he said whats the point of him talking if I would never listen. Hmmm, that was a turning point, so now when I want to talk some times I bite the corner of my tongue, I listen and I find most times I dont even need to respond as not every topic is a debate.

So now realise you are no longer in a hostel where you need to fight and quarel over non issues, sometimes bite your tongue, it wont be easy but it will get better, also practice conversations without insults, if you are upset put it in writing, a text or a mail dont send it immediately, relax and when you are calm read through and see if its something you should send to a loved one.
Make a concious effort to respect him, he wouldnt trust your motives the first few months but with time he himself will admit to you that you have changed.

Do your parents know you are pregnant? Involve family since you intend to keep the baby, they will offer you both counseling, raising a child and body changes is no joke, family is there for times like this. Good luck dear and thank you for the nice wishes

prissyluv:
I thought that if a lady gets pregnant without a dowry paid on her. The baby if born belongs to her.

That is some cultural practices but the constitution is supreme to any culture and the bottom line for the constitution is the best interest of the child. If the best interest of the child is not protected with the mom, the father can provide evidence of that and get custody

Phema:
Get well soon dear!
[s]Why do I have a feeling it's "good" sickness?[/s]

Lmao, good sickness ke? Sickness get good and bad ni?

telling him he is nt d father might be a necessary delay tactic.
then he would have to prove d paternity, even when he does confirm thru DNA. u could keep d baby while he pays child support..


but that happens overseas.

in Africa, get ur parents involved. the child would be in their custody. i am sure they would make matters tough for him

then again.. u might still like him and want him to raise the kid with u as his wife.

get his parents involved, ur parents too, his friends.
he might just be shocked to be a father, trying to escape his responsibilities.
pray he mans up in time.

Lord have mercy, what are these generations of nigerians trying to prove with all these out of wedlock child custody battles?

That marriage is obsolete?

aisha2:
This is wonderful, gives a lot of insight, also shows you know the issue and you are ready to work on it.

I understand the world we are in seems like one where we have to fight and fight dirty even hit below the belt to get what we want, but what you should realise now is you have a partner and you need not fight him with harsh words to get what you want.

I was an award winning debate champ in my day. Regional and National, and I carried that into relationships, I also had to prove my own point beyond reasonable doubt, never listened, if I listened it was to pick up the points the other party erred and to use it against him. My husband complained and complained, then one day stopped talking to me. I went nuts, I tried everything he wouldnt talk, finally he said whats the point of him talking if I would never listen. Hmmm, that was a turning point, so now when I want to talk some times I bite the corner of my tongue, I listen and I find most times I dont even need to respond as not every topic is a debate.

So now realise you are no longer in a hostel where you need to fight and quarel over non issues, sometimes bite your tongue, it wont be easy but it will get better, also practice conversations without insults, if you are upset put it in writing, a text or a mail dont send it immediately, relax and when you are calm read through and see if its something you should send to a loved one.
Make a concious effort to respect him, he wouldnt trust your motives the first few months but with time he himself will admit to you that you have changed.

Do your parents know you are pregnant? Involve family since you intend to keep the baby, they will offer you both counseling, raising a child and body changes is no joke, family is there for times like this. Good luck dear and thank you for the nice wishes

I'm realy grateful for ur advice, I'l take heed 2all.
Both families are aware n evn excited, jst dt I hv 2resolv dis issue wt my partner, I dnt wnt my child 2grow witot both parent, dt realy hurts. I'l take dis seriously cos its lyk my last hope n I dnt want 2 lose him too. Thanks, I do appreciate ur hlp. *hugs

kilokeys:
telling him he is nt d father might be a necessary delay tactic.
then he would have to prove d paternity, even when he does confirm thru DNA. u could keep d baby while he pays child support..


but that happens overseas.

in Africa, get ur parents involved. the child would be in their custody. i am sure they would make matters tough for him

then again.. u might still like him and want him to raise the kid with u as his wife.

get his parents involved, ur parents too, his friends.
he might just be shocked to be a father, trying to escape his responsibilities.
pray he mans up in time.

big bro,come and vote for me,am in group 3,i have voted for u