₦airaland Forum

ihedinobi2:
@mployer, what is wrong with a man being proud and insisting that he has a responsibility to clothe his children and that he has not failed at doing so? He said that this cousin has never been to see them and knows nothing about their real circumstances. Additionally, how do you know the intent of this cousin? Are you omniscient or something?

@kingmorgan, how you feel is perfectly understandable. A man feels insulted by gestures like that. They don't mean the same to him as they do to a woman.

For a woman gestures like this are at least as much for bonding as for practical need. The fact that you don't need those things is only one factor in her eyes (and the less important factor at that). Bonding between the two cousins is another factor.

I would advise that since you can afford to provide for yourself, you should probably reserve some of the best of what she sends for your kids to keep fostering the good feelings between the two families and give the rest to those who need them. And you should probably invite the cousin over to visit for a few days so that she can get more familiar with your circumstances.

kingmorgan:
Please i need sincere answers, will you be happy when your wife cousin who live very far from your family and does not know how you live in the house always want to send your child used cloths used by her own children, and you are very comfortable, but each time you tell your wife it is not a good things, she complain it is nothing, because her cousin husband got a job for her brother and is also comfortable as you. I see this a let down because i can afford to buy cloths for my daughter and will soon move to my own House after 2years in Marriage, i dont know why her cousin does this things but i feel it is not right. She can get a new cloths for my daughter i am not against that or maybe she bought a new cloths for her own kids and does not size them, then i can take that, but sending used cloths from PH to Lagos please someone should advice me on this. Please note this is not Pride but i feel you need to know the financials status of someone before giving out such things as used cloths.

Her direct sister i dont see anything bad, If she was my wife sister which i know my wife is close to her sister, i dont see anything wrong in that, she can give maybe when she come for holiday, kids can wear each other cloths as sisters, but cousins who stay very far and i have not even met only on my wedding years ago, was the first time i saw her. And buying Okirika (Used Cloths) from market i dont also see it as bad, but cloths already used by her own children, i am just so confused.

Please if you are not married or experienced dont come here and say rubbish, we are talking about family issues here single ladies or guys should keep off, when you get to your turn, you will have your own experiences to share, so please do not criticizes people with nothing on your HEAD. RESPECT YOURSELVES.

bukatyne:
Mazi Obi,

Compliments of the season

You have started reading minds again...

There is no collective way how men / women would react; a female poster above you said she will feel offended. I bet if it was the hubby's cousin, wifey 'might' have flown over the top. The bonding feeling might come because they grew up together or it is wifey's familik. Even if we did not have enough, my would not collect at all howmuch more when that we are fine... (and she is a woman)


@OP: Hopefully you and wifey resolves the issue and her cousin learns to give them to charity.

Merry Christmas and a prosperous 2015

ihedinobi2:
Merry Christmas, bukatyne How's the chicken coming? (Forget turkey, it's a waste of good money and stomach space.)

So, do you know many men that accept such gifts from their own brothers? Or that give them?

mployer:
Op, your problem is pride. You feel let down by an act that was done with good intent. If You don't like the clothes , there are some less priviledged people around that Will appreciate It.

mployer:
Op, your problem is pride. You feel let down by an act that was done with good intent. If You don't like the clothes , there are some less priviledged people around that Will appreciate It.

kingmorgan:
Please i need sincere answers, will you be happy when your wife cousin who live very far from your family and does not know how you live in the house always want to send your child used cloths used by her own children, and you are very comfortable, but each time you tell your wife it is not a good things, she complain it is nothing, because her cousin husband got a job for her brother and is also comfortable as you. I see this a let down because i can afford to buy cloths for my daughter and will soon move to my own House after 2years in Marriage, i dont know why her cousin does this things but i feel it is not right. She can get a new cloths for my daughter i am not against that or maybe she bought a new cloths for her own kids and does not size them, then i can take that, but sending used cloths from PH to Lagos please someone should advice me on this. Please note this is not Pride but i feel you need to know the financials status of someone before giving out such things as used cloths.

Her direct sister i dont see anything bad, If she was my wife sister which i know my wife is close to her sister, i dont see anything wrong in that, she can give maybe when she come for holiday, kids can wear each other cloths as sisters, but cousins who stay very far and i have not even met only on my wedding years ago, was the first time i saw her. And buying Okirika (Used Cloths) from market i dont also see it as bad, but cloths already used by her own children, i am just so confused.

Please if you are not married or experienced dont come here and say rubbish, we are talking about family issues here single ladies or guys should keep off, when you get to your turn, you will have your own experiences to share, so please do not criticizes people with nothing on your HEAD. RESPECT YOURSELVES.

Mondisweets:
My mum had a cousin who was fond of doing that too, my dad told her that when her demands become unbearable don't come and report her to me because i will ignore you.

My mum being a miss goody two shoes she kept helping her until she was even asking my mum to buy her plane tickets to go shopping and her daughter was even expecting allowance from my mum.

The day she was fed up with this woman's demands she called her and told her to grow the hell up and living like the world owes her hand-outs

If you keep treating a grown woman like a child she will keep acting like one. Its not a matter of wanting to give her stuff, but she needs to learn to have kids she can afford to take care of. Trust me the demands will keep going higher and higher as time goes by.

Some people need to be told where to get off the bus before they become a parasite.

Mondisweets:
I read this post i dont see why i should modify my post. The point im trying to put across is that it will start off of secondhand clothes, eventually her demands will start going higher. What exactly is your own?

rofemiguwa:
You read the post but you did not understand it.evina was trying to point that out.
Lemme summarise it for u. So u can understand.
Op has a wife and a kid. They are comfortable and don't need help.
Wifey has a cousin that lives far away so doesn't know op is comfortable.
So cousin keeps sending used clothes down to op wife as support.
Opp doesn't like dis, wifey doesn't see anything wrong with cousin charity.
Op is on nairaland seeking advise on how to let the cousin knw that I am capable and can buy clothes for my daughter.stoppp sending ur children's used clothes down.
Remember nobody requested for the cloth. Wifey cousin out of her churchmind is sending the cloth down as per anything to help .
This is a very insulting move to the op.
So please dearie reread now and modify ur post.cos u are talking a very different scenerio from what is going on.

At op it is very simple. Call her on the fone. 'Hello sister,tank u for the clothes, but baby has more than enough ,there is hardly room for more.we appreciate ur help but please when bay need more cloth we will tell u.she hasn't worn most of the ones u sent since. But she do need more milk, and pampers and cereal. U can sen dose down. Hehehehehehe. Don't add d last part.'
God bless you. Thank you.
U see prob solved.

Let her knw just becAuse her husband help ur bro out to get job doesn't mean she has to help u cloth ur child too.

Mondisweets:
I read this post i dont see why i should modify my post. The point im trying to put across is that it will start off of secondhand clothes, eventually her demands will start going higher. What exactly is your own?

KanwuliaJara:
It shows you LACK HUMILITY!
This is the SADDEST thing I have read all day to make me regret logging on to NL.

Not everything should be seen as a 'curse' you know?
You need to learn to be HUMBLE AND GRACIOUS!

It is the thought that matters. . . THE BLESSINGS OF SUCCESS can only be measured with HUMILITY!

Go and learn that!



*sick to my stomach. . . .PUKES*